We are having a quietness weekend at home this week but need to go into work tomorrow for a few hours before my hair appt. I'm so freaking frustrated with everything trump this week I could scream.
I wish I was better at finding the right words re the latest disaster from the new president. My mom and i were refugees in Germany 25 years ago. Granted our reality was very different from what Syrian refugees are going through - we were not escaping bombs - but we were escaping religious/ ethnic persecution. It was a rough and traumatizing road to settling into our new life but I will be forever grateful for the support and opportunities Germany gave us. I always dreamed of coming to the US one day, and admired it as a country built by immigrants, people like me, a country celebrating diversity. I was so happy to move here in 2011. And now... I don't know how to deal.
If anyone is familiar with the book / tv show Man in the High Castle, I feel like I've somehow ended up in the wrong alternate universe.
@mj8215 we did build this country, you and I are as much a part of this country as the next person no matter what anyone says. As a Japanese American Im aware of how easily your loyalty can be questioned because of where you're from or what you look like. If it's not "well, you're practically white" it's "but where are you FROM?" I cannot believe we are facing another racist and hateful executive order, and a wall to do what? Paid for by whom? These are all the same arguments for Japanese American internment during WW2 and against Chinese immigration in the late 1800s/early 1900s. How far have we really come?
if if you don't mind me asking and you totally don't have to answer because doxxing, did you and your mother leave Iran? I grew up in a part of LA with a big Persian community and a lot of friends are pointing out the parallels - it's heartbreaking and maddening.
Uggggh @theweevee. My mil doesn't do the planning thing but she will call me up and say the most passive aggressive stuff. I couldn't tell if she was just thoughtless or like you said it was some sort of game. So, I quit speaking to her on the phone. I text periodically. I just had to tell dh I wasn't going to put her in a position to be able to speak to me like that. He understands, thankfully.
Omg same!! I'm constantly trying, so hard mind you, to give her the benifit of the doubt but nobody can be this dumb/thoughtless?!?!?! Everything my MIL says to me is passive aggressive. To the point to where I don't even know what to say/how to respond when we are face to face. I normally don't say much at all.
@lovelee85 The thing that bugs me is DH in the past feels like I'm "so mean" but if it had been my Mom talking to me that way I would have been actually mean. When I did speak to his Mom on the phone I never really said what I wanted to, I just changed the subject. She called a couple times and said some really BSC stuff and the second time I was like "that's end of that, sorry dh."
I realize distance and her not ever having visited us makes not speaking possible, and that for most not speaking to their MIL wouldn't work though. And my hearts goes out to those ladies, because the struggle is real.
@satsumasandlemons thank you for your warm and supportive words. My family are Ukrainian Jews who came to Germany as refugees (so, as much as I love the Persian culture and community, no direct relationship there ). To me though, where we all came from and what our religion is has no bearing on the ability to feel empathy and and concern for the refugees struggling today - that's what makes the USA so beautiful and unique and what the new administration is trying to destroy. I'm only bringing up my story because current events are making me think about it more than usual, and giving me flashbacks... and, while Germany may not be on the current list of 7, I can't help but feel very unsafe in the US, for the first time since coming here. This president is so unpredictable, next thing we know he gets offended by Angela Merkel's criticism and adds Germany to his list. I'm sorry you have encountered this kind of prejudice here. The history concerning Japanese Americans being interned in camps in the 1940s is so important to tell and I'm grateful that George Takei has been such a vocal advocate. I have to admit I learned about it from his work - and I'm glad that this is something society is beginning to address. I hope this will be taught in schools here, so our children do not forget.
@mj8215 I hear you, and I stand with you and all immigrants, refugees, and races, religions, sexual orientations, genders, etc etc. I can't believe what America has become. I am so angry and have been crying on and off for two days. I don't have much productive to add right now--I have a lot of hate and anger boiling up, and that's not who/what I want to be. But I hear you, and I am so sorry and ashamed that the US government is creating those feelings. If it helps at all, I think the past two days and week have shown that far more Americans are welcoming to immigrants and refugees than not.
Slight AW, but I went out for a dinner date with my husband last night and the waitress noticed I was pregnant. I'm not sure if she heard me talking about the baby moving or if she actually noticed the bump and realized I was pregnant not just gloriously fat, but it made me way too happy.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@mj8215 I truly feel for you it is becoming a scary world, especially for anyone with immediate roots outside of the US or even looks "different" for that matter. I remember when learning about the holocaust being so glad I lived in a country incapable of such atrocities until I learned about the Japanese internment camps (which they skipped over in high school). Further delving into our history's dealing with minorities coupled with research like the milgram experiment and the Harvard prison study made me realize just what an illusion that was, and this was 10-15 years ago. Everything in the past week has made me so fearful for women and minorities.
My husband is half Mexican and because he looks Italian and is a professional/ successful he is often subject to hearing racist comments since people don't realize his hertiage. My beautiful little daughter looks every bit Latina as if she was 100% and not 25%. Seeing the vitriol of so many people I know and have grown up with makes me even more nervous for her and her treatment. The worst is when I get comments like 'don't worry she's not THAT kind of Mexican' (wow...) and other hurtful "assurances" that I realize just what a scary place our world is becoming and we are only a week into this new intolerance. I remember the worst thing I ever heard though was from my husband, when we found out we were having a girl he said he hoped she didn't look like him.
Anyone living in fear, I am sorry. Just know that so many loving US citizens are horrified and protesting about what is happening. This might be our temporary reality, shamefully, but I really don't think this is going to fly very long. I have never seen this kind of unity against a President my entire life. His opinions do not recognize what a vast majority of us feel. I'm so sadden and ashamed by what is happening. Please know that so many of us in America are horrified and this will not be our reality. It can't be. We won't let it be! LOVE wins.
@satsumasandlemonsI don't know if I will be able to survive this presidency. I literally burst into tears every day this week listening to the news and started getting chest pains like WTF. My husband says I need to stop listening to the news.... Burying one's head in the sand won't help anything of course. I'm from a small politically irrelevant island in the Caribbean and have lived here for 20 years, my husband is an American as is DS - I have my original birth passport and have never once felt nervous or threatened about my status until now... I was just talking to a close friend of mine this morning who is Muslim - and she is organizing fundraisers and the like - she implored me to get involved and I think she's right. I think these feelings have to find some productive way of trying to help, otherwise I just may lose my mind. Right now I feel paralyzed honestly.
@LoveLee85 thanks for posting that beautiful sentiment. It's hard to be optimistic.
@virginiaunicorn11 I feel you. It's hard not be overwhelmed and outraged.
@mj8215 thanks for sharing your story. I sometimes feel as if in the rhetoric about immigrants people forget that we are talking about real persons, each with a story that we can empathize with if we only took the time to connect and share.
@caribbeanmama One of my best friends in the entire world is from one of the Caribbean islands and her parents are trying to get citizenship here right now. I'm terrified for them and I feel helpless. I have never supported this man and he's proving my fears true. He is truly the worst thing to ever happen to this country.
@caribbeanmama I agree that burying your hand in the sand isn't going to help the actual problem, but sometimes things are truly too stressful for you to handle at a certain time and you need to walk away from it. Especially being pregnant, I don't need the added stress of watching all of this go down and surrounding myself in the negativity, so I've removed myself from it until I'm in a better place and can handle it. I've had to put me and my family and my unborn baby first. Just adding my thoughts and saying sometimes its ok to play ostrich. If you're too stressed to handle it anyways, there isn't much you can do to help, and you're only going to hurt yourself and you're family. If you think getting involved in that fundraiser might help you feel better though, go for it.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@caribbeanmama Even if you did stop watching the news, you still wouldn't be able to disconnect from it. It's all over the internet, on facebook, on the radio, and everyone's talking about it. I'm not even American and I couldn't avoid the news if I wanted to. I am so sorry for everyone who feels like they are being targeted, I never thought I'd ever see something like this in my lifetime happen in North America. There was a peaceful protest at Peace Arch border crossing today, my work colleague took a picture of it when she was driving back home. It's inspiring and gives me hope when I see people standing up to this administration. I'm glad to see protests at the airports and inspired by the lawyers who offered their services pro-bono to those who were detained. There are so many hateful, scared people out there. But I honestly believe that there are more that are good and willing to stand up when they see oppression.
Thank you all for your supportive comments and for sharing your own stories. You are right that the outpouring of support across the country has been amazing and it has meant so much to me. If we want to try and find something positive in this terrifying situation, it's that so many people from different walks of life have been mobilized to come together and demonstrate for what's right. I sincerely hope the country can overcome this dark time and continue to be a beacon of hope for immigrants from all over the world. I understand about wanting to avoid all the negativity, I tried doing that immediately after inauguration, but the last few days just made it impossible to ignore. Maybe it's because I have PTSD from my experience as a child, but I can't stop thinking about what these people stuck / detained at the airports are going through. They all had to wait a long time and undergo much scrutiny to get their paperwork, and now it is all voided? I almost pee my pants from pure anxiety every time I return to the US from vacation and have to go through customs, and I'm employed here, a citizen of an EU country, with an Eastern European name. What the people from the 7 countries are currently going through is unbearable. Anyways I'll try to focus on the positives, all the caring people across the US who are actively voicing their dissent, and helping the situation, and will do my best to be as productive a member of this society as I can be.
I personally, firmly believe that when human rights are in danger, silence is complicity - silence is siding with the oppressor. So I applaud your refusal to bury your head, @caribbeanmama.
All- I needed these posts this weekend. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and for notes of positivity. This past week has been an emotional struggle for which I was not prepared. I thought I mourned my candidate losing the election in November and had come to a place of hope that the new administration wouldn't act on their most heinous campaign promises. God was I wrong. I never expected a full on assault on everything that is central to my political worldview- human rights, reproductive rights, the environment... all in the first week, no less. I am simply devastated and at a loss for words.
@caribbeanmama I am also struggling with the balance between being politically aware and active and maintaining my sanity. I was physically sick this weekend after spending a good portion of my day checking on muslim clients of mine to make sure that they and their family/friends were affected by the ban. In terms of action, I am trying to focus on things and causes that I can actively participate. I working with a local group of attorneys to provide pro bono legal support and am assisting friends in getting admitted to federal courts so they can help with habeas petitions. The airport in my city is not a huge hub for immigration, but it's important to have the machine in place in case a legal response is needed in the future.
All- I needed these posts this weekend. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and for notes of positivity. This past week has been an emotional struggle for which I was not prepared. I thought I mourned my candidate losing the election in November and had come to a place of hope that the new administration wouldn't act on their most heinous campaign promises. God was I wrong. I never expected a full on assault on everything that is central to my political worldview- human rights, reproductive rights, the environment... all in the first week, no less. I am simply devastated and at a loss for words.
This is how I've been feeling, too. I don't normally get too political (particularly with people I do not know), because I truly do not want to argue. I know I am not going to convince anyone of my views, and I do not want to be insulted or belittled for my own. I don't mind sharing why I have the views I have, but only if someone is genuinely interested - not to argue with anyone. Seeing all that has happened this week has been so disheartening, I've needed to see that there are others who feel as I do, so together we can mourn the horror show that is our country right now.
I personally, firmly believe that when human rights are in danger, silence is complicity - silence is siding with the oppressor. So I applaud your refusal to bury your head, @caribbeanmama.
You're absolutely correct. I think a lot of folks in North America believe human rights are guaranteed because we've always lived in a stable society where those rights have existed. However, those rights are fragile and something we have to stand up for, because all it takes is a few policy changes to erode the freedom of the press, freedom of speech, and freedom of assembly. I look at what happened in Turkey in 2016 with President Erdogan's consolidation of power and the erosion of their democratic, secular society as a recent example of this. When the rights of a few are threatened, the rights of everyone are also in danger. Keep your heads up and speak up whenever your have the chance.
I so appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts and perspectives - it is heartwarming. At my university the head of government relations and law professor is giving a workshop for faculty on how best to advocate (be effective) given our particular disciplines. I think this should be a good structured starting point for learning about our local efforts and getting involved. @oheliza44 kudos to you for your direct efforts! So inspiring!
@kerils yes it's not good to stress ourselves out - I think it's time for me to dig up old relaxation techniques. Getting the right balance is tough but so important!
just got notifications from this thread now that I'm at a desktop - so glad I came back to this thread! The whole thing is maddening and it's easy to spiral; I can't help but feel like this ugly part of our country has always been there throughout our history and just continues to show up, so I love hearing about how people are getting involved to counter that.
@mj8215 thanks for sharing. I woke up the next morning mortified that I had put you on the spot. Also, Mila Kunis, too (I love her and love that she is so vocal about this)
I personally, firmly believe that when human rights are in danger, silence is complicity - silence is siding with the oppressor. So I applaud your refusal to bury your head, @caribbeanmama.
Re: Weekend Randoms
And now... I don't know how to deal.
If anyone is familiar with the book / tv show Man in the High Castle, I feel like I've somehow ended up in the wrong alternate universe.
if if you don't mind me asking and you totally don't have to answer because doxxing, did you and your mother leave Iran? I grew up in a part of LA with a big Persian community and a lot of friends are pointing out the parallels - it's heartbreaking and maddening.
I realize distance and her not ever having visited us makes not speaking possible, and that for most not speaking to their MIL wouldn't work though. And my hearts goes out to those ladies, because the struggle is real.
and, while Germany may not be on the current list of 7, I can't help but feel very unsafe in the US, for the first time since coming here. This president is so unpredictable, next thing we know he gets offended by Angela Merkel's criticism and adds Germany to his list.
I'm sorry you have encountered this kind of prejudice here. The history concerning Japanese Americans being interned in camps in the 1940s is so important to tell and I'm grateful that George Takei has been such a vocal advocate. I have to admit I learned about it from his work - and I'm glad that this is something society is beginning to address. I hope this will be taught in schools here, so our children do not forget.
I have also been very inspired by the Pope's comments: https://www.catholicnews.com/services/englishnews/2016/christians-who-reject-all-refugees-are-hypocrites-pope-says.cfm
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
My husband is half Mexican and because he looks Italian and is a professional/ successful he is often subject to hearing racist comments since people don't realize his hertiage. My beautiful little daughter looks every bit Latina as if she was 100% and not 25%. Seeing the vitriol of so many people I know and have grown up with makes me even more nervous for her and her treatment. The worst is when I get comments like 'don't worry she's not THAT kind of Mexican' (wow...) and other hurtful "assurances" that I realize just what a scary place our world is becoming and we are only a week into this new intolerance. I remember the worst thing I ever heard though was from my husband, when we found out we were having a girl he said he hoped she didn't look like him.
@LoveLee85 thanks for posting that beautiful sentiment. It's hard to be optimistic.
@virginiaunicorn11 I feel you. It's hard not be overwhelmed and outraged.
@mj8215 thanks for sharing your story. I sometimes feel as if in the rhetoric about immigrants people forget that we are talking about real persons, each with a story that we can empathize with if we only took the time to connect and share.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Even if you did stop watching the news, you still wouldn't be able to disconnect from it. It's all over the internet, on facebook, on the radio, and everyone's talking about it. I'm not even American and I couldn't avoid the news if I wanted to. I am so sorry for everyone who feels like they are being targeted, I never thought I'd ever see something like this in my lifetime happen in North America. There was a peaceful protest at Peace Arch border crossing today, my work colleague took a picture of it when she was driving back home. It's inspiring and gives me hope when I see people standing up to this administration. I'm glad to see protests at the airports and inspired by the lawyers who offered their services pro-bono to those who were detained. There are so many hateful, scared people out there. But I honestly believe that there are more that are good and willing to stand up when they see oppression.
I understand about wanting to avoid all the negativity, I tried doing that immediately after inauguration, but the last few days just made it impossible to ignore. Maybe it's because I have PTSD from my experience as a child, but I can't stop thinking about what these people stuck / detained at the airports are going through. They all had to wait a long time and undergo much scrutiny to get their paperwork, and now it is all voided? I almost pee my pants from pure anxiety every time I return to the US from vacation and have to go through customs, and I'm employed here, a citizen of an EU country, with an Eastern European name. What the people from the 7 countries are currently going through is unbearable.
Anyways I'll try to focus on the positives, all the caring people across the US who are actively voicing their dissent, and helping the situation, and will do my best to be as productive a member of this society as I can be.
@caribbeanmama I am also struggling with the balance between being politically aware and active and maintaining my sanity. I was physically sick this weekend after spending a good portion of my day checking on muslim clients of mine to make sure that they and their family/friends were affected by the ban. In terms of action, I am trying to focus on things and causes that I can actively participate. I working with a local group of attorneys to provide pro bono legal support and am assisting friends in getting admitted to federal courts so they can help with habeas petitions. The airport in my city is not a huge hub for immigration, but it's important to have the machine in place in case a legal response is needed in the future.
edit: can't spell
@kerils yes it's not good to stress ourselves out - I think it's time for me to dig up old relaxation techniques. Getting the right balance is tough but so important!
@mj8215 thanks for sharing. I woke up the next morning mortified that I had put you on the spot. Also, Mila Kunis, too (I love her and love that she is so vocal about this)