Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Left wondering

My mind is flooded with questions as I learned today I have signs of a miscarriage. My U/S last Thursday showed just an empty gestational sac. Because my cycles are irregular the doctor said I could've still been in early pregnancy. Today, my day started out with light pinkish brown discharged that then turned red as the day progressed. The bleeding has not been heavy and not always present when I wipe but I went to the OB and the midwife took a sample during a pelvic exam and said there were some signs of clotting and potential miscarriage. I go for HCG labs tomorrow and follow up Tuesday but in the meantime I'm not only saddened by the news but with everything that I'm left wondering.

This would have been our third child and in the short month since receiving my positive test I've imagined all sorts of moments for our family of 5. I envisioned the reactions our daughters would have had to the news, myself rocking the baby in the same chair that I rocked my two girls, my husband fawning over our new bundle of joy and my girls laughing over smelly diapers. And, in between these moments of happiness I also had moments of anxiety about the pregnancy. At age 35, I wondered about the statistics we faced in potentially having a child with down syndrome, complications, twins, etc. While we planned for our third pregnancy and pondered for so long before trying whether this is what we wanted, once I got that positive pregnancy test my mind raced about logistics and finances: a bigger car, returning to daycare all over again just as our youngest will start VPK in the fall, age differences, managing it all. This anxiety made me wonder if we had made a mistake by trying for a third when are already so blessed with two healthy girls. And now that this possibility of a third child appears to be fading I feel as though I may never know what it would've been like with three children. As this is happening, I can't help but wonder what if this is a sign that it was not meant to be. The moments of anxiety I had during this pregnancy make me question again whether it's right decision to have three. And, then I'm scared if we decide not to try again will I be left wondering in my later years, what if. 

Re: Left wondering

  • I'm so sorry :( The not knowing is so hard, because you don't know if you should start celebrating or start grieving. My MC started with pink/ brown spotting when wiping at 4w3d (on Jan. 4) and continued for three days, then progressed to heavy red bleeding with clots on the 4th day. I had my HCG levels tested the day I started spotted and two days later. They went from 57 (normal but on the low range) to 46 two days later, and then the heavy bleeding began. It was so hard emotionally. (That being said, I spotted throughout my pregnancy with my son and had an episode of scary red blood later on in the pregnancy and everything turned out ok, so it's impossible to know right away whether to think the worst or if everything is ok.)

    This would have been our second baby. I too had envisions of our future with this baby already and was so excited, but also had my doubts about the timing of it ... should I have waited until our original plan to have them 2.5-3 years apart instead of 2 years? Was I ready to be pregnant already again after just weaning my first 3 months ago? I think it's natural to have those questions and to rethink them even further when you might be experiencing a loss.

    After we went through this loss, we decided to go back to our original plan and start trying again in June, rather than trying right away. But I also have my doubts about waiting ... should we be trying now if they say you're even more fertile the few months after a MC? Should we start trying right away because I'm 34 now and will have just turned 35 when our next baby is born if we wait? Or should we stick with our original plan and wait, knowing that maybe the timing just wasn't right this time and giving ourselves time to heal emotionally?

    I don't think there's any right answers to the questions you're asking, and I also don't think you should take this loss as a direct sign that you weren't supposed to have a third child. Despite all the logistics surrounding having a baby again, it sounds like this baby was very much wanted and you would have figured it all out! So don't let the loss discourage you from trying again if you really see a third child in your family and would always wonder what if. And if you decide you just don't think you can try again, that's ok too! Just don't let this loss and those fears make that decision for you.

    Sending you big hugs! Please keep us posted on your test results and I'll be crossing my fingers everything is ok.
  • @thefabfive I'm sorry you're stuck in limbo. I know from personal experience how much it just sucks. I pray it is just too early to see the baby. FX for good news!!!
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  • So sorry you don't have answers yet.  :( I knew a few days before my MC happened that it was going to take place and I just kept thinking "ok let's just this over with already!" I was mad/sad knowing it was going to happen and I just wanted it to be done with. This would have been my second baby; It's my first loss. 
    My MC started with brown spotting then turned to light pink and then in the few days leading up to it, I had bright red spotting. I didn't have any cramping until I was actually miscarrying and it was very mild. I also had that same urge to push you get when you start to go into labor. 
    Whatever choice you make, as far as trying again if you do MC, I hope you and your husband can come to a decision you'll both be at peace with. 
  • @fabfive Sorry for your loss. Let the dust settle and give yourself time to grieve before making any decisions. We are here for you!!
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*

    Me: 36 DH 35 
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 8/21/17    NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/17/17   DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
    TTC 12/2018   BFP 6/2/19   EDD 2/12/20  NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
    TTC 7/2019   BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
    TTC 8/19    IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone  BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
    IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20

    AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
  • I am so sorry that you are left in this world of limbo! It's never a pleasant place to be. I completely understand having that mix of emotions and questions running through your head. We were trying for #2 with this m/c. I am 36 and our DD just turned 5. As soon as I got that BFP my mind started whirling with questions, excitement, and fear. I don't think we ever truly get the answers we are looking for, but I do feel that the wondering "what if" can be haunting. 

    I will keep my fx that you get some positive news. Like @NYTino24 said  I hope that whatever you and your husband decide you can both be at peace with it.
    Me 36 DH 38
    Married 1/22/10
    BFP #1 3/11 m/c 7w 3d blighted ovum
    BFP #2 5/11 DD born 1/12
    BFP #3 3/16 Chemical Pregnancy
    BFP #4 12/16 m/c 7w blighted ovum
  • Thank you all for listening and for your kind words 
  • I'm so sorry!! Don't be hard on yourself. There was 1 night during my pregnancy that I lost where I got maybe 2 hours sleep. I was so hungry and dry heaving all night long. I was so scared I would have a hard pregnancy again like I did with DD that I doubted myself. I actually had the thoughts of getting it out of me. Next day I was totally fine and instantly started praying to God to not take it from me. I had been spotting all week. It was my first guilt after learning about my CP.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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