TP Thursday 1/26

lulu1180

lulu1180

I started this selfishly although this deserves so so so much more than a throat punch.  I want to thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers yesterday.
Due to the very sensitive nature, I will put this all in a spoiler box.

Serious TWs ahead for sexual abuse

Tuesday night, I was lying in bed reading a book when my phone rings and my sister called.  I thought it a bit odd as she doesn't call me much but when she does it is almost always earlier in the evening.  I pick up and she tells me that her husband was arrested.  Then she tells me that the reason he was arrested was for molesting my 13 year old niece.  He admitted to it so there is no question about it.  This was his step daughter and as far as we are aware, he did not touch their daughter or son.  After talking to my mom later, I got more of the story.  Apparently, this has been going on for about 3 years.  She finally got the courage to tell a friend recently and that friend's father saw the message my niece sent and called the police.  My sister is completely torn and feels like it is somehow her fault or that she should have known or seen something.  My niece feels like all that is happening right now it her fault.  Everyone is telling them both that it is not their fault.  He is a very sick person and even if my niece had said something to her mom, I am sure her husband would have talked his way out of it.  He was arraigned yesterday on a 1st degree felony rape charge which carries a possible sentence of 25 years to life.  I have never been this angry at an individual and for the first time in my life, I wish death on another person.  And I don't feel the least bit bad about it.  We are all working through this together and I know that we will heal in time.  My sister has already set up counseling for her family.  But I am so angry at him for harming my amazing niece.  She is one of those kids that seems to always keep a smile on her face and try to be positive.  She truly has the most beautiful soul of anyone I have ever known and she has been through so much in her short life.  
This has definitely caused me to question my faith.  I can no longer believe that things happen for a reason; because what reason could be so wonderful that it is worth the pain and suffering that my niece has been through and will continue to go through as she heals.  I know that God gives us all free will and He did not cause my sister's husband to do this.  I don't know that I can still believe that God has a plan for all of us.  What plan can be so great that it is worth my whole family suffering right now?  
I know this will be a long road to healing but my family is sticking together right now and supporting each other as we always do through the tough times.  If you have children, give them an extra kiss and hug when you see them next and be sure to tell them you love them.  If they have a tablet or cell phone, please check it on occasion to see what they are doing and who they are talking to.  You never know, you might save a child's life like I am certain somebody saved my niece's.

ETA sorry for the double spoiler box, I don't know what happened

kiwi2628

TW for anyone who didn't want to read Lulus piece, dont read this either ******* Oh my god @lulu1180 I am so, so sorry. Your poor sister. Your poor niece. The whole family, ugh. Some people are truly broken, to their core. That man is a broken person and I am so sorry he broke your family. My little sister is a DV survivor and I know what it is like to want to physically harm someone. I can't speak much to the faith part since I am deeply agnostic, but I am so sorry this is having you question yours. I do think there is a lot of random and ugly in the world with no reason and I am so sorry it has touched your family. My thoughts are with you and your sister.

canonmom413

@lulu1180
That is so so heartbreaking! You hear stories of this happening all over the news, and you could never imagine what it feels like to know someone, let alone be that someone going through it. Hugs dear friend. Deep, emotional hugs. I have heard all too often of the process of getting these cases expedited really tough. For your families sake, I hope it doesnt take too long for the process, so that she and your sister may begin counseling and healing in their own way. 

bluejeanbabi05

@lulu1180 I don't know what to say but I am crying right now for your family. I am so sorry. I'm thinking of all of you. 

sheknows6

***TW please don't read this if you haven't read @lulu1180 's spoiler*****

@lulu1180 holy fucking shit! 

I literally cannot even imagine what you're going through, and my heart broke for you, your sister, and your niece reading through that. I am a staunch atheist for many of the reasons you mentioned, and I am so utterly angry and hurt for you and your family, but also very grateful that he is being brought before justice. Although in my mind, justice for this would not be court, he would just be gone.

My H and I took in our nephew as some of you know from my previous postings, and I totally understand how it feels to see family hurting; if someone hurt my nephew the way your niece was hurt I don't know what I'd do. Thank and bless that friend's father for calling the police, he's a true hero. I hope your sister and niece and the rest of your family can find comfort and healing in counseling, and just know that lots of people are going to be thinking about you and hoping for nothing but the best outcome for you all.

I cannot even imagine, holy shit friend. Hugs doesn't even cover it.

Pinky917

@lulu1180 I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. I cannot even begin to imagine what you all must be going through right now, but just know that my thoughts will be with all of you.

zwink1

**TW - echoing the sentiment, don't read if you haven't read the spoiler box**

@lulu1180 I am so, so sorry for what your family is going through. What a disgusting individual. Nothing gets me more upset than attacks on children, and I completely understand where you're coming from in wanting him dead. My thoughts and sympathy go out to your sister and niece who are going to have to do so much healing from this. Thank goodness her friend's father saw her cry for help and took it to the appropriate authorities. Again, I am so sorry, and wish all of you the best during this difficult time.

jenotontx

TW****

@lulu1180 There are absolutely no words that will take the pain away that you and your family are experiencing right now. I am so deeply sorry to hear that this has happened. People who perpetuate acts like this are very sneeky and manipulative individuals. Most families NEVER see something like this coming because the abuser does everything possible to keep it a secret. So I hope if anything that you, your sister, and everyone else in your family are able to eventually recognize that HE is the only person to blame here. I will be thinking of you and your family and again I am so so sorry. 

hartmich

*TW*

@lulu1180 I know everyone is posting, but I just couldn't NOT post and only leave a love tit. I know you mentioned that this makes you question your faith (and I know exactly what you mean, and can totally relate so no judgment there) but I will still pray for you and send good thoughts to you and your family. This is a horrendous thing to have to deal with and my heart breaks for your family. I wish I had something more helpful and meaningful to say, but just know you have all of our support. 

adirat

@lulu1180 Oh my god. There are no words. I'm sending hugs and healing thoughts to all of you, especially your niece. I hope you are able to work through this mess and she gets the help she needs. With you in her corner, I'm hopeful she will. Good luck  

jess0211

***TW for anyone who hasn't read @lulu1180 spoiler box***

That is awful! This just breaks my heart. I am so, truly sorry for what your family is going through. Everyone experiences and reacts to this level of pain, anger, and sadness differently and I am so glad your sister is seeking counseling for her family. This is likely to have a profound impact on everyone, including you, and I encourage you to do some self-care as well.  Sending you much love! 

aggo

*Potential TW if you didn't read lulu's post*

@lulu1180 I am SO sorry. Your poor niece, I cannot even imagine. She at 13 is so so strong and brave, I am incredibly happy she is out of that position and incredibly sad she had to go through it all. T&P for you and your family. What an awful, disgusting man, I hope he's locked up for the rest of his life. My heart is breaking for your niece.

*****Please disregard if this is at all offensive to you, that is not my intent****I totally understand why you would be questioning your faith right now. If it helps at all and is any kind of consolation, I've always been taught that everything in life is a test and while it may not make sense now, all the tests you go through and all the hardships lead to a great victory at the end. But no child should have to go through that. I'm just so sorry.

JulesDP

*TW in spoiler box below* 

@lulu1180 I am so incredibly sorry that you and your family are going through this. I can't even begin to imagine all of the feelings that you are coping with right now.  I'm so grateful that the friend's father took action and was able to help stop this sick man from continuing to hurt your sweet niece. I hope that the counseling that your niece and her family receive will help them heal.  Hugs and so much love to you and your family. We're all here for you as you endure this horrible situation.  

LoveInDC

@lulu1180 - I am so sorry for you and your family. Sending hugs, healing thoughts, and prayers. I don't think there is anything I can say to make you feel better, so I'm just sending my support.

feeislove

@lulu1180 That is so awful. There are no words. Sending many good vibes your way.

jsnakehole

*TW*

@lulu1180 I can't imagine what your family is going through right now. I'm a survivor myself (though under very different circumstances), and your sister is doing the absolutely best thing by getting her family into counseling. The fact that your niece has a support system that includes you as her aunt will benefit her immensely. Tons of love and prayers for your family. 

heatherdubrow

@lulu1180 I'm so so sorry. I'm heartbroken for your family. I hope he fries.

shortstack930

*TW*

@lulu1180 I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through!! It is so horrible that something like this can happen to children but it is wonderful that she and your sister have such a great support system in you and your family. Hopefully together you will all be able to heal from this. My cousin's family is going through almost the exact scenario--her 13 year old daughter has been abused by her stepfather (my cousins husband)--but in their case my cousin (who I am very angry with right now) decided to stay with him.  There isn't enough court evidence against him yet and he is denying it so her solution was to give up parental rights to her daughter and stay with her husband. My aunt and uncle took in her daughter but I can't even imagine how that poor girl is feeling--after everything she went through, her mother abandoned her too. So it is so important that you are all there for each other to help your sister and niece get through this. Many hugs to you and your family!!!

kmac09

@lulu1180 I just want to echo what PPs have said. I am so sorry for what your family, and especially your sister and niece, are going through.  I hope they get the justice they deserve, even though I know it will never make up for what he did.  And I hope that your niece gets all the love and support she needs (which I am sure you and your family along with medical/psychiatric personnel will provide) to get through this as unscathed as is possible in a horrible situation like this.

ETA spoiler

lund

*TW in spoiler box*

I'm so SO very sorry that your family is going through this. My heart aches for your niece. This type of abuse is far too common, and the scum perpetrators should rot in hell. I wish I had something more helpful to say, but we're all here for you and I'm rooting so hard for your niece and your family to get through this

50Wife

 I am so sorry your family has to deal with this @lulu1180

wabash15

TW***

@lulu1180  I am heart broken for your niece and your whole family.  No child should ever have to deal with that made even worse that it came from a parental figure, someone who is supposed to keep you safe.  Thank God she found the strength to tell someone.  It is understandable to question your faith in this time. God does not make bad things happen but is there for us when they do.  I will keep your family in our prayers.  I hope he is locked away for the maximum sentence so he can never hurt another child again.

cherryblossomgirl507

@lulu1180 I am so, so sorry for what your family is going through right now. I don't wanna say too much because of the trigger warning but I will be keeping you guys in my thoughts!

lmc929

TTGP grad lurking from J17

**TW from above post**

@lulu1180 - I am heartbroken for your family. How devastating. Take all the time you need to "heal" as a family. Fortunately your niece no longer has to feel the need to carry the burden alone - she now has a whole support system to help her though this difficult time. 

beachbunnyxo123

***TW***

@lulu1180 I am so unbelievably sorry for your niece and your family. There are no words to relieve any of the pain, confusion, and emotions you all are experiencing. I know times like these can really cause so much questioning and uncertainty. I am a survivor of sexual abuse and though I would never want anyone to ever have to experience such a heinous act, over time it taught me about strength and resilience. I have been fortunate to use my story to help others in similar situations who have told me that it gave them the courage to speak up and report what was happening to them. I know that God didn't cause that to happen to me but believe that He gave me the strength to work through it and use my experience for a greater good. Your niece is so brave. Will be praying for peace and comfort for your family through this challenging time 

MJDsquared

@lulu1180 There are no words. I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. That man (if you can call him that) is scum.

littlebug2010

*TW in siggy*

@lulu1180 I am so unbelievably sorry for your niece and your family! I know you are struggling with your faith, and that is completely understandable, however, I am still going to pray for you and your family, for peace and comfort in this time of need.  

RunRestRepeat

**Lurker, siggy warning**

Oh @lulu1180, I'm so incredibly sorry. The only light I can see in this darkness is that your family is surrounding this little girl with love. I hope upon hope that you and your family can find some peace amid what this monster has done. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

tripledaggerWed95976

Lurking 
@lulu1180 I am SO incredibly sorry this heartbreaking atrocity has happened to your niece (and to your entire family).  I will never be able to understand a human being that preys on an innocent child.   Thank god your niece has a strong support system of people who love and care about her.   I truly believe anyone can overcome something like this, especially when they have love and support from those in their life and family system.  
Your niece and your family will be in my prayers.   Im so thankful that monster has been caught and is behind bars so he can never hurt your niece or another child again

Sirius37

***lurker, siggy warning***
@lulu1180 I am so, so incredibly sorry you and your family have to go through this experience. I have a 14 year old sister and I can't fathom how I would feel if I learned something similar had happened to her. I hope you and your family are able to help your incredibly brave niece find some sort of peace when all is said and done and that she never has to worry about that sick person again. I know she'll get better with the outpouring of love you all will be providing her. I'll keep you and yours in my thoughts. 

mispanda

@lulu1180 My heart hurts for your family.  I'm so very sorry that your niece had to go through that.  I hope you and your family find the strength to get through this challenging time.    

Edit: grammar is hard and always will be.

NYTino24

@lulu1180 I'm sorry and I can't imagine what a shock this is to your family. I will pray for emotional healing for all involved.
@shortstack930 I'd like to say I wish she'd come to her senses, but it sounds like she is better off without her mother.
@jsnakwhole What a terrible thing to go through. I'm sorry. 

starla

*Lurker siggy warning*
@lulu1180 I'm so sorry you and your family, especially your niece, are going through this. I can't understand how someone could do that... the only
word I can think of is a monster. I hope he gets what he deserves. Your family is very lucky to have you to support them. I will be thinking of you and sending you healing thoughts. 

Tennis11785

@lulu1180

I'm speechless. I'm so sorry your family is going through this, and you all will be in my thoughts and prayers. 

DeeVeeZee

*tw*
@lulu1180 there are no words. May he rot away.  Hugs for you all.  Good for her to finally have the courage to tell a friend!  

berg

*lurker*
@lulu1180 There are no words to truly express my sorrow.  All of my thoughts will be you and your family during this horrible time.  I'm so glad to hear that counseling has been set up and that you are all banding together.  I'm so happy that your niece spoke up and that her friend's father made that call.  I wish nothing but healing for all of you going forward.

SaphireSweetie88

*lurker*

OMG @lulu1180  I am so sorry to hear this! My heart is breaking for everyone. I was abused when I was young too so if you want to talk to someone who went through it, I am here for you. SO many hugs!