Everything You didn't want to know about Pregnancy, Birth & Postpartum: STM to FTM advice - Page 2 — The Bump
August 2017 Moms

Everything You didn't want to know about Pregnancy, Birth & Postpartum: STM to FTM advice


Re: Everything You didn't want to know about Pregnancy, Birth & Postpartum: STM to FTM advice

  • @AKFarmerBecky the titty fairy :D :D :D

    @ColoradoHiker you sane, wise woman! Yes to the taking help if someone offers, yes to not bonding with your baby straight away(I would cry to DH at night that I'm the worst mother on earth and maybe the baby will never like me), yes to tossing the birth plan, yes yes yes and amen!
  • @Feliciosity I had to have 2 epidurals with DS. I decided to wait as long as I could to get an epidural. I asked for my epidural when I was 5cm. The dr was there less than 15 minutes after my request.  my first epidural didn't work and finally after an hour the dr came back to redo the epi. I was 7 cm when I had my second epi that worked. I still plan on getting an epidural this time, hopefully when I'm around 7cm. Yes, I agree that the epidural made pushing more difficult but I had a quick recovery and felt like I could get up and do cartwheels after DS was born.
    DS1: 8/2012 <3    DS2  8/2017 <3

  • We had tons of visitors the first day in the hospital and it was rough. The following day we called and told everyone no visitors, and while it made people angry it's what was best for us. Once we got home same thing happened, and it was stressful for me, and once again we kicked people out. 
    I know some moms can handle it like a champ, but dh and I needed time alone and with ds. Also and selfishly for me I didn't feel like sharing ds quite yet with others. I wanted him all to myself (I shared with dh of course lol) and I knew if we had tons of visitors they would be all over him. The time we had alone afterwards gave us a change to bond, create a schedule (sorta), and adjust to our new life. I don't regret any of it and will be doing it again this time around. Even more so to give ds a chance to bond and feel included with everything. 

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  • This is great info, keep it coming!

    Right now, nearing the end of my first trimester, there is little that I'm really dying to know about. I feel like we'll do what needs to happen when the time comes. Like, epidurals. Sounds great to me. But it's also great to read that if you can't have one, it's fine, you'll get through labor anyway. 

    I think it's really kind of galling that "lots" of family would all want to come at the same time, from out of town! Um, with a newborn, how the hell are you supposed to host guests? I'm all for visitors, but house guests? Hell no. I am down with my mother or my mother in law staying with us, but that's because they have literally offered to help. Not be in the way. I wouldn't feel the need to entertain the mothers like I would feel the need to entertain out of town house guests. Yeesh. 

    I'm also open to visitors in general though, in the hospital and after, just because I get cabin fever and bored on my own. Please come over and keep me company! lol. 

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  • what a great idea!! Thanks for posting this thread! 

    a question for STM...did you buy a fetal doppler? Is it worth it?

    I'm in between appts, my next one is in two weeks, and sometimes i get nervous if somethings wrong. And i read getting a fetal doppler would help ease your mind. The last few weeks have felt like forever! Just want to make sure baby is doing good! 
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  • I'm wondering if anyone went into labor and just didn't tell any family members until after the baby was born. If you did that, did you get any complaints from family? 

    It's what H and I decided to do a long time ago after my sister did that with her middle of the night delivery of her second. It was so much less stressful for her (and us) in our eyes.

    We recognize that my IL's are a bit of a tension convention (they're both really high strung) and it would stress us out during L&D knowing we had a peanut gallery in the waiting room chomping at the bit to get into our delivery room. 

    Depending on the time of day we might let our older sisters know as they are both great support. 

    Together: January 2002
    Married: May 2008
    Baby: August 2017

    Clearly we like to rush along at lightning speed...

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  • @Feliciosity I think that it's great that you're exploring your options. I was in your situation with my son. I basically decided that I was going to try low intervention, but gave myself permission to get an epi. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and thought that I would make it. I was mentally prepared for a long and slow labor. However, my water broke and I went into immediate hard labor. No ramping up or anything. By the time I got to the hospital my contractions were right on top of each other and I was ready for the epi. I'm so thankful that I got it. After the epi I was able to rest a little bit and had the energy to push. My CNM was able to direct me on how to push and when I tore I couldn't feel it. They were able to get me stitched up without causing me any discomfort. I recovered relatively quickly and was able to walk to the restroom after skin to skin and nursing my son. For me the epi was the right choice. No regrets here. With this baby, I plan on seeing what happens. I will try low intervention again, but because I had such a good experience, I will likely end up with the epi. 
  • My sister let everyone know when  she went to the hospital but she had told everyone way ahead of time that no one was allowed to come until the called them. So once my niece arrived they had some time with her, and called the immediate family when they were ready. No one was mad and my sister and BIL felt way more calm and relaxed. It's also when they announced her name.
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  • Any other RH Negative moms out there?

    I'm a FTM and learned I'm RH-. What do I need to know about this? Just get the shot at 28 weeks? I think I've read it afffects baby #2+ and not really your first. They also didn't test my husband's blood, which I kind of wish they would have but better safe than sorry I guess.

    Any RH- stories?
  • @Mango517  We called our parents after DS was born.  It was late when I went into the hospital (10pm) and we didn't know how long it would be before delivery, anyway.  My mom was begging/ threatening to show up, even though she lived 3hr away, to be in the delivery room.  I was absolutely not having that, but in the end we just didn't want to tell anyone in case I was still in labor the next morning.  The end result was that both our families were just very excited and happy everyone was okay, there was no resentment or fights over it.

    A big part of it is just letting them know what your plans are- you don't want people sitting in the waiting room for hours on end.  And if they live close by, it's even better bc they can stop in when you're ready.  
    DS1: Born 11.18.15
    DS2: EDD- 09.08.17

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  • @Mango517 We told family when I was in labor. Both of our parents were there throughout the day. DS was born at 2:12am, our parents had left the hospital around 8pm the night before. We called our parents as soon as DS was born. My parents came up to the hospital around 3am and stayed for about 45ish minutes. I loved sharing that time with family. The next day we let our friends know that DS was born. We only had parents and sibling visit us in the hospital and friends came over a few days after we got home. I think you have to decide what makes you comfortable and let your family and friends know. Make sure your DH knows your wishes, as well.
    DS1: 8/2012 <3    DS2  8/2017 <3

  • Anyone want to talk about sex? After baby was here and I was cleared to hit the sheets, I couldn't do it! Physically could not do it. Still not sure if the stitches were too tight or what, but we went on like this for weeks- trying, and failing to get back at it. 

    I was was sure that was the end of my sexlife. I waited until my next follow up to mention anything and I so wish i hadn't waited. Sample size estrogen cream for a couple weeks and all was good. 

    If if something is not right- don't wait to mention it! I wish I would have called sooner. 
  • pbandjyummiespbandjyummies
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2017
    @Mango517 we let our family know after DD was born. this was completely planned, I only wanted DH and my doula during the labor. I didn't want the added pressure of having people "waiting" for me. I planned and had an unmedicated birth so I really just wanted to focus solely on getting through it. I told my family in advance that this was our plan but they still insisted, well I did what I wanted, they were a little annoyed but got over it quickly. I think I called them within 30 minutes of delivering.

    this time around I may not have the same luxury since I'll probably have to enlist the help of someone to watch over DD when I do go into labor. either way tho I'm keeping the list of contacts to a minimum before baby #2 gets here
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  • @jacksonbears I'm a FTM but I bought a doppler a week ago and it's the best thing ever. I've used it a bunch already and it is SO reassuring between appointments. Nothing better than listening to that little heartbeat. 
    H & I: Both 28
    Married: June 2015
    TTC #1: June 2016
    BFP: 11-24-16 ~ EDD 8-9-17
    IT'S A BOY!

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  • So much good info here. Very appreciated for FTM!!

    My question is this....Will your vagina go back to normal size? My biggest fear is that my husband (I'm sorry tmi) will think that I won't feel the same for him after baby. Not that he would ever tell me, but I'm just scared I'm gonna be loose down there and all that. 
  • Couple questions:
    How long of a recovery time for vaginal or csection? I plan on working again end of August. My mom said after having me she was back to work 2 weeks later. Just trying to see if this is reasonable.
    if anyone chose to formula feed from the beginning, did you get pressure from any of the hospital staff(nurses etc) to breastfeed? I know I want to formula feed completely, but then I got all of this stuff from the hospital that was pro breastfeeding and got worried I would get pressure to breastfeed.
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  • @AdvoCyndi30 awww thinking about this actually makes me emotional. I'll def have to appreciate the time I have with her as my little baby, thank you for that reminder
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  • TheMrs - for some reason, I can't tag you. What kind of doppler did you get? And when did you start using? 
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  • I had pretty limited bladder control for about a week after my labor/ cs. The hospital I went to had large blue backed super duper absorbent pads. Steal as many of them as you can. I used them on almost every surface I sat on and on the floor at the side of my bed in case I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time (I moved like molasses for a week too). Those pads saved my bed, the rocker, and the carpet more than once. I did regain control of my bladder, thank goodness, but the pads were a life saver for the first week or so.
  • @anokoch my vagina is not as tight as it once was, but it is not gaping or loose by any means lol no complaints from my ex-husband and now boyfriend. I will say for me, sex is the best it's ever been since giving birth. The difference is amazing. I can orgasm vaginally now and I never could prebaby. 
  • @jacksonbears I got my doppler online at Walmart for $40. I first heard the heart beat at 8w5d. It took some time to find it though. It's easier now at 11w5d. 
  • @jacksonbears I have the sonoline b I got on amazon. Used it last pregnancy and found heartbeat already with this one 9 weeks tomorrow. The heart rate numbers don't really work but you can hear it and time it yourself. There is a really good video on YouTube about finding the heartbeat in these early weeks that helped me this time. I think it was 40 dollars as well.
  • @jacksonbears. I did not have a fetal monitor, but a few on my last BMB did.  A couple things to keep in mind-  you may have a hard time getting a heartbeat before a certain time point, just based on their size and location in your uterus.  Also, if you know your personality is that you would get to the point where you would want to check it all.the.time. it may not be the best decision for you.  Not being able to find the heartbeat may just freak you out more than anything else.  Honestly, once you start feeling them move, that's pretty reassuring on a daily basis, even though how much movement you have is based on their size (less as they run out of room, but stronger).  TL;DR:  if you can use the Doppler without becoming obsessive about it, it can't hurt, but you'll be able to feel baby move as it gets bigger.
    DS1: Born 11.18.15
    DS2: EDD- 09.08.17

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  • Another thought I had reading about being aware of PPD.  Post partum anxiety is also a real thing.  I would wake up with hives on my chest.   So even if you don't feel sad/depressed, there is  a chance of anxiety.  I don't feel like that gets talked about and people aren't as aware.

    Regarding house guests, if they will be helpful, that's one thing, but if they need to be waited on hand and foot, hell to the no.  DH had to leave the morning after DS was born for work training  (lineman training).  The let him miss one day, but he had to leave at 5 the next morning. My mom came before he left and stayed with me at the hospital. She also brought us home and stayed for several days.   DH was gone Tuesday through Thursday, but my mom stayed till Sunday to help us.  She helped with laundry, dishes, made sure I had snacks and water while trying to breastfeed or pump. 

    MIL would come by after work and bring supper which was a huge help, but also drove me kinda nutty because she was constantly asking where things were.  

    Moral of the story, if they'll help, great, if not, get a hotel 
  • I have to come in and second the breastfeeding thing. If it is just uncomfortable, push through and it will probably get better. But if it's causing you multiple meltdowns and a lot of emotional distress, forget it. It's not worth it. A sane mommy is more important to your baby than breastmilk. 
  • NxyNxy
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Photogenic
    @Feliciosity I had an Epi with DD but it was button controlled so it was in my hands how often I got a dose. I would wait until I couldn't physically take the pitocin contractions anymore and I'd hit it. So by the time we got to pushing I wasn't so numb that I couldn't feel anything but I was numb enough that I could focus on pushing and not just the pain. Check into what types of Epis your hospital offers.

    @jacksonbears I got my doppler when I was preg with DD and I love having it. I found the heartbeat night before last in about 5 minutes and only for a few seconds before I lost it but it was definitely the heartbeat. I've lost almost all my symptoms except incredible exhaustion so being able to hear the heartbeat brings me a little peace of mind.

    @anokoch KEGELS. for real. They'll help your muscles stay strong and they'll help your bladder control later in pregnancy and recovery. It's obviously different down there but so far no complaints lol. 
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  • NxyNxy
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Photogenic
    @Kathryn0903 My SIL decided to exclusively formula feed and the hospital was very against it and went as far as to try and withhold formula from them. They were like why don't you try and breastfeed while we get the formula all set up and they'd disappear for an hour. My brother had to go and talk to one of the heads of the department about all of it because it got so bad. Just make sure your hospital knows that you plan to formula feed and be firm about it. If someone tries to guilt you I'd ask for a new nurse or doctor. 
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  • @mrsmatt1212 I'm also Rh- and was told by my doc that I need the rhogam at 28 weeks, within 72 hrs of delivery, and if I have any spotting during the pregnancy. He said it won't affect further pregnancies as long as I don't become Rh immune, which they should test for at your first blood draw. If you're Rh immune you have some antibodies that can attack the developing fetus if it has a different blood type than you. I definitely wouldn't worry about it and just follow the doctors recommendations. *TW* I had a miscarriage in October and had to get the Rhogam shot and still had the antibodies leftover when they tested my blood at my first appointment but after rerunning the test, they said nothing to worry about and the shot is to keep you healthy for further pregnancies. 

    Also, if you've never had it before, they might tell you it will be given in your lower back, but it's definitely given on your butt. Hurt to sit after getting lol. 
  • @Nxy good to know what I may be dealing with.
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  • Did any of you STMs take childbirth classes? Were they helpful? My hospital offers one and I was considering taking it. 
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  • DeansGirl14DeansGirl14
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Photogenic
    edited January 2017
    Did any of you STMs take childbirth classes? Were they helpful? My hospital offers one and I was considering taking it. 
    I plan to take the four my practitioners recommend, including baby CPR. I already have learned baby CPR but it's good to have that refresher. My friend, who happens to be a nurse, saved her own baby's life with CPR. It's so important. One of our classes includes a tour of the hospital as well. I know next to nothing about childcare except what I recall from babysitting like, 20 years ago. I can change a diaper but everything else, pretty clueless! 

    ETA: I see you asked about second time moms, sorry. Taking an educated guess, I'd think that depends on how far apart the children are. My hospital also offers classes on helping toddlers acclimate to having a sibling, which is pretty cool. Lots of options for every situation. 

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  • I think is been mentioned but it important to mention anyway. 
    Have a birth plan but be prepared to change it. Tell your partner so they  can support you but also tell them to figure out when it's time to be flexible. I wanted an all natural birth and my husband encouraged me well until I cried for my epidural. I also had a 9lb stuck in my small frame and they were ready to do a c-section. She was never I'm distress and my husband kept telling me he could see her (a lie) and I made it through the 3 hours of pushing without my epidural anymore because of him. I was ready tell them to cut me open. 

    Dads typically have no idea what to do unless you married the 1% of natural daddies. Don't be sacred or shy to ask him what to do. You can't get mad at them when they are more clueless then us. Ask them to bring you stuff, keep the water when your breastfeeding, hold the baby so you can shower. They often need to be encouraged and asked for these things. So many marriages suffer because mom's feel so alone during this time and sometimes just keeping the communication open is all that's needed.

    This most horrible part for me was the 2 days in the hospital recovering. It was notcomfortable. They were always coming to prod me or the baby. I'm so thankful I only had a few family members visit or it would have been worse. Once I got home I could relax and visitors were okay. Because of this I never visited new moms in the hospital unless it's my sil or bff one day. 
  • @mrsashworth522 good to know! Do you mean the first blood draw after birth? I had my first blood draw but didn't see anything about RH immune
  • ColoradoHikerColoradoHiker
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Photogenic
    edited January 2017
    @Kathryn0903  A lot of hospitals are becoming what is known as 'baby friendly', which I understand is an actual designation they can earn by completing certain steps, eg- no pacifiers, only rooming-in with baby (no nursery stays for healthy babies), only breast-feeding is encouraged, etc.  

    I recommend finding out more about your hospital and what their practices are.  I EP'd with DS, but my milk didn't come in for several days.  I gave DS what colostrum I did pump out, but I had to get a doctor's 'approval' for formula.  DS probably waited about 8hr between birth and when he got his first bottle. This was after asking multiple times, and even though DS had been napping for most of it, I was still upset.

    Make sure that your desire to formula feed is mentioned up front, multiple times if you have to do so.  Also (and I plan on doing this myself), I would go to Target, the grocery store, wherever- they have tiny ~5oz bottles in sets of 6 that you can buy, and which is what the hospital will have as well.  I'll bring some with me, just in case this hospital (we've moved since having DS), decides to also be slow on the formula delivery.

    ETA- We did do the childbirth class, as well as an infant care/ CPR course.  The birthing class and infant care were more beneficial to DH than me, but I babysat young children for a long time, and did lots of birthing research.  The CPR class is essential, and you can always go online again later to brush up on the details.  
    DS1: Born 11.18.15
    DS2: EDD- 09.08.17

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  • This is great thank you for creating this!
    I have many many questions.

    Im sorry if some of them were answered before i read a couple and questions started popping in my head and i didnt want to forget them by reading the other comments

    1. I was told that if youre goving vaginal birth without an epidural, and the doctor needs to extend the exit so they cut a bit of your vagina to make space, you feel the whole thing bc they dont give local anesthesia. Even feel them stiching up... is that true?

    2. If you did opt to take the epidural, was it harder to push the baby out aince you dont fwel a thing down there?

    3. If you did breastfeed, i was told that you need to make your nipples "stronger" or harder and some obs advice that while in the shower to sponge your nipples to they get rough. And once you start breastfeeding you apply creams and lotions to prevent it from cracking. I guess my question is how do you get your nipples ready?

    4. We wont be able to move out of our 1bedroom apartment until the baby is about 6 months old. Some people have told me that their children never slept in their crib. (I noticed that this advice always came from people that their marriages were not stable). What will i really need? Does the bassinet accomodatr the baby for 6 months? I just feel that it is so small?

    5. If the baby cannt have blankets on his crib, how do i keep him warm? I know with pants and long sleeve onesies, but i still feel that they will be cold.

    6. How long after your baby was born did you go out with them? I was 12 when my little brother was born and my parents werent allowed to take him out for 6 months. They would sometimes take to relatives houses but that was around the corner. My baby will be about 1 month old on Thanksgiving and my hubbys family expects us at their house which is 1hr away.

    7. How do you tell people not to kiss your newborn. I know babies that had their face full of bumps bc people kept kissing their faces. I find it discusting that people cannt keep from doing that. 

    8. What pp products do you recommend including pads/adult diapers? And how long does the period las, i read about 6 weeks...

    Again sorry if some of this questions were answered i just didnt want to forget. 

  • @AKFarmerBecky what did you mean by tiddy fairy?
  • andressab by Titty Fairy I meant my boobs got bigger early on in pregnancy and bigger again when my milk came in.
  • Gosh, i am sorry glad someone created this. I have felt like nothing could be as hard as this pregnancy. I have been sick and not myself for about 4 weeks now. Last night i was taking to my husband, who i have to say has done more than i ever thought he would do to help me out, and he said in a very loving but "try to control" kind of way, that i have been moody, lazy, irritating, needy, and naggy. I have to agree i feel miserable.  Im about 8 weeks now. Does it get better? I feel like breaking down and crawling up into fetus position. Im worried that the way i have been feeling doesnt allo my baby to feel loved by me. I have been wishing for my 40 weeks to just come! So i can not be pregnant and have my baby! We decided not to have the cvs testing done bc we wouldnt terminate the pregnancy anyways, and also bc jnowing that something was wrong with my baby would make me even more stressed out. 
    Does it ever stop? I mean the sickness, the worry? The stress? Does it go away at any point of your pregnancy so you can actually enjoy being pregnant? Or is that just a dream? 
  • I'm having fun with questions today!  It's definitely a slow day at the lab.

    @andressab  I'll address the questions that I can, I had an un-medicated birth, due to not having enough time for an epidural/ DS needed to get out fast. 
    1.  No. Nonononono.  The doctors gave me a shot of lidocaine before my episiotomy.  I very slightly felt some of the stitches afterwards, but it wasn't painful.
    4.  The bassinett is really dependent upon the size of your baby, they don't stay that small forever.  I lived in a small rowhome when DS was born.  We found a small crib (no changing table attachements, etc), and kept it in our room until we moved when DS was around 6 months.  That was actually when he started sleeping through the night, after he got his own separate room and we weren't waking each other up all night.
    5.  No blankets when they are tiny, period.  During the winter, fleece pajamas and Sleep Sacks are what we used.  We also swaddled until DS was able to start rolling over by himself- after that they could roll onto their stomachs and have their face be in the mattress, and may not have the neck strength to move their face.  Other ladies also used the Merlin sleep suit when they were a bit older, which is more for helping them sleep longer but look cozy.
    6.  We took DS to my parent's house a week after he was born.  It was maybe a couple weeks before we went out to Target with him.  The important thing is to make sure anyone who has contact with the baby and holds/ feeds them has washed their hands very well.  Doctors recommend 6-8w (I think it was?), until they've had several sets of vaccinations and they're able to build antibodies up.  If you're in a well ventilated area and keep the baby in their car seat carrier (if you have one that attaches to a stroller), you'll be fine.  
    7.  Becoming a momma means advocating for your child.  Tell everyone to their faces (but gently, especially grandparents) that there is no kissing, especially before vaccinations.
    8.  It took about 6w total for me to stop bleeding.  I think I used Always overnights in the beginning, and switched to lower absorbancy/ foam type pads and then liners.  Use the mesh panties the hospitals give you, and the padsicles.  The padsicles will save your life, I promise.  
    DS1: Born 11.18.15
    DS2: EDD- 09.08.17

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