IVF Single Mom By Choice

LoveDontCostAThing

@Prudence9 -thank you!

We saw the heartbeat today!  It was 138 and measuring 7 weeks

prudence9-2

@LoveDontCostAThing that's great!!!! Sooooo happy for you!!!!!!! What's next? When will you graduate from fertility clinic?

LoveDontCostAThing

@Prudence9 -they can keep me until 12 weeks they said because I have good insurance lol, but they told me to book an appointment with an ob/gyn now, so I just did that for 10 weeks.  My appointments will overlap.  I go back next week just for blood and the following week for blood/ ultrasound!

prudence9-2

@LoveDontCostAThing that's great that they will still monitor you until 12 weeks!

And how are you feeling? Suffering from morning sickness? Or not too bad?

Hopeful_mom

@LoveDontCostAThing yay congrats thats fantastic and exactly where the lil nugget is suppose to be!  Great ur clinic is willing to keep u to 12 thats what i thought too but mine boots u at 10 weeks.  At the time and still now I need to find a new OB as he no longer is doing deliveries, just my luck right  Hoping you're feeling a lil better but i know its hard!  Has any sickness started to creep in.  Are you feeling better back to norma from before?  Was it a bug or from being pregnant?  TMI - I was completed constipated during my pregnancy.

Prudence9 glad your numbers are going done, how long is it now?  Be prepared that you  might not get zero in another week...I think when mine was 26 I was surprised it still took a few to get to negative, very annoying for sure!!

AFM: Going in for monitoring tomorrow BUT what crazy is got a call from the genetic lab today and apparently they sent my samples out to be tested instead of batching them altogether which i believe is going to cost me more now...I'm just so confused.  Of course im now anxious to hear the results  I just don't get how there was a miscommunication on this.  Nothing ever goes easy.

prudence9-2

@Hopeful_mom I'm 3 weeks after the MUA... and about 4.5-5 weeks since no heartbeat...

thats weird that they didn't wait. But since they tested you should def ask for the results! 

Can you say that since they were suppose to wait for next cycle that they wont charge you more? It sucks that you have to pay for a misunderstanding. 

Hopeful_mom

AFM: The PGS results are being held hostage haha!!  I did pay them so I really wish they would've given my dr the results like they said they would today.  My RE and clinic were quite SHOCKED to hear that my results were even in, so it was an interesting day for all.  And they are now charging me the batching fee instead so lets pray i have a bunch more to send after this
So far my follies seem to be doing ok and growing together, praying it continues and more pop up!
Left, 12, 12, 8 and 8 // Right 8.5, 8.5,8 and 8...I should go play 8 huh!   I need to order more meds, I keep forgetting and then they're closed ugh!!

prudence9-2

@Hopeful_mom that's so crazy that they keep the results hostage!   

great progress on growth of the follies! It's great that they are so close in size!

saw on the May FET thread that you are also Jewish. So Happy Passover! 

Hopeful_mom

Prudence9 awww happy passover!!  I usually feel like the only tribe member on here  I'm usually so happy on this holiday but i'm just exhausted and annoyed!

 Still no results AND even better the lab called me this morning to let me know since it was suppose to be banking embryos they dont send the results till everything is completed altogether.  Horrified and angry I gave them a piece of my mind indeed.  Why bother calling me to tell me your error, charge me for it and now you're holding the results hostage, r u kidding me!!  RE followed up and with lots of back and forth I should be hearing something soon.  I won't bore u with the ongoing saga as ridiculous as it is.  I will say though my RE added it was the labs ERROR!  I laugh as i dont care whose error it is but the results have been done for 3 days and i'm still waiting.  Aggravated is an understatement!  I'm trying hard not to be over stressed as i'm stemming but they really dont make it easy!
I'm super tired and bloated!  Ive gained so much weight...passover only been a few days so i cant blame it all on that   Its super annoying in just a few days a put on at least 5lbs how stemming can cause this is beyond me but its super annoying!!  They say your body slows down after 40, so turning 40 and this infertility process is not going well for me!  Thats enough ranting for today 

LoveDontCostAThing

@hopeful_mom -ummm they are still trying to charge you?  You need to make them NOT!  That's sooooo wrong if they are charging you for two batches considering half the reason you banked was to test altogether.  Keep complaining until they refund you.  I am mad for you!

AFM, I don't have nausea.  I am just really tired all the time.  It is hard to get much done (house work, report cards...) I am just dragging everyday.  I didn't really have side affects from stim meds either, so I wonder if that's connected to the no nausea.  It makes me nervous on one level, but I think I should just be happy I am not feeling sick.  My boobs are tender on and off, and they are bigger.  I still have cramping/ stretching daily, but not constant.  It's been like that since transfer.

Hopeful_mom

The news is in and its not good, all 3 great quality embros are all abnormal.  One had an extra gene and the others missing one.  Heartbreaking to say the least, you need 46 and I had 45 and 47.  All girls too.  OH is angry that I keep finding out the gender and keep getting more upset but I'm upset any which way.  Being in the middle of a current cycle I really don't know how i feel anymore and what to do.  There goes my whole banking option.  I wanted more then one child and looks like having one is going to be tough enough!

I MC a normal embryo and now i can't even make one normal one WTH!

prudence9-2

@hopeful_mom oh no. I'm so sorry! I was really hoping you will get a different result. You must be heartbroken   
i hope this cycle will bring different news!! Sending internet hugs to you. 

LoveDontCostAThing

@hopeful_mom -I am so sorry to hear that news  It is heartbreaking, and nothing we say will make it okay, but we are here to listen.  The only thing you can do is push forward and I do think that you will eventually get a normal embryo.  It is actually a good thing that you are already in the middle of another cycle because you are already pushing forward.  It is ashame that they didn't test them all at the same time, like they were supposed to, because now you get bad news in the middle of another cycle.  How many cycles would they let you do back to back?

Hopeful_mom

@LoveDontCostAThing not sure how many cycles they do back to back, i'm just over it...I just feel like a pin cushion with nothing good coming from this.  I wish I Could understand why the mix up of the testing happened now.  Everything happens for a reason so why now, why have to go through the misery 2x.  Besides all the science it just makes you question your faith too.  OH doesn't get it and just kept asking what did the RE say.  Is the meds causing the issue to the eggs, should you stop stemming now, take a break...so all of that doesn't help either!

Prudence9 thanks i'm just at a loss.  Have your results come in yet?

Thanks for all the love and input, I'm still moving forward with this cycle but I'm not sure how many more cycles I have left in me.  My OH called this the million dollar baby.  I'm going to use up all my funds I had to support them in just trying to have them.  
Here's my issue with the testing, embryos divide and grow better in the uterus SO if I did a 3dt maybe i wouldve had that normal embryo again...maybe thats why i had the normal embryo last cycle.  Apparently my eggs are acting older then my age so its just making this process even more frustrating!  I feel terrible for the ladies that have been in this position.  In just coming off MC twins I feel lve been tortured enough and the hits just keep on coming.  I never thought I wouldnt be a mom and now i just dont know.
So far I maybe have 5 follies around the same and 3 much smaller so its less then last cycle but the fact that last cycle is officially not a success not sure what to hope for anymore.  I had 2 different techs do the measuring so who knows if some disappeared or not.  My Estrogen doubled which they wanted to see so hopefully it keeps doing that.

prudence9-2

@hopeful_mom this entire process is so difficult. I totally understand why you feel like maybe it is not going to happen. I have those days too. But try to remember that you did get pregnant so hopefully you will be able to get pregnant again (and carry full term!!)

 I haven't got the results yet. They won't test me until hcg is down. 

as as far as chromosomes, once a fertilization occurs all the chromoses are in place. So if there are abnormal chromoses I believe it will be on day 3 as well. 

What I'm not sure about is, not all embryos make it to day 5 when they are outside. But I don't think it means those were abnormal. I keep hearing different things. 

I did read though that some places will do testing on day 3 embryos. But I think those tests are not as accurate and you might get false positive/negative. 

Anyway, what I'm getting to is that I really don't know what I would do if I were you. Such a difficult decision. 

Around what day do you think your next ER will take place?

Hopeful_mom

Prudence9 See you learn something new everyday.  From day one after fertilization its normal or abnormal...I thought it has to continue to divide properly first. The ones that were normal do you know if any were from day 6?  Just curious.  I dont have answers but I also dont kno anymore.  My OH still wants to stick with the testing and thats that.  I don't know if I can'g go through another cycle of disappointment.  I know no one can grantee me anything but its hard.
I can't find a place in NY but there are other locations that charge 30k for multiple IVF cycles and will refund you if you dont get to take home a baby.  I assume ER will take place next week as i'm starting cetritide tomorrow, depending on growth can be as early as wed.
You're doing this on your own which is so hard..and i feel at time i'm doing it on my own.  You had such an amazing IVF round so it proves its possible but not for me....and having low amh it never will be but how many cycles do u go through.  What is you fsh and amh again?

prudence9-2

@Hopeful_mom yes, once fertilization occurs, the embryo gets all the chromosomes from egg & sperm. So it's either missing some, having more or is normal. 

What I'm not sure about though is, the embryos that don't survive from day 3 to day 5, does it mean they were abnormal? Or were some of them potentially normal but just didn't survive outside?

I can't imagine how heartbreaking and frustrating it is to go thru all this to have all come back as abnormal. But remember that you did have at least one normal embryo... I know that nothing I can say can make you feel better.... but I hope that this cycle will end up totally different than last time.

My IVF cycle was a success. But I wonder now if (a) can I get lucky again to have the embryo implant? and (b) can I carry to full term?

I'm sorry to hear that you feel like you're on your own sometimes. But I guess as much as a guy is in there with you, it is not the same as you are the one that takes the toll and go thru this process... physically & emotionally. With all the hormones we inject daily, I think it's a miracle we can stay sane...

I must say that I was doing fine alone, but after the loss, I think I kinda lost it and maybe suffering from depression a bit. I moved here from NYC and I still don't have many friends and in the last 2 months since I got the bad news, I spend a lot of time, at home, on the sofa binge watching shows. I gained more weight than I did during the IVF... ahhh... I hope once I can be tested that they will find a reason to why it happened. 

 

prudence9-2

@hopeful_mom and as for your question, I had 2 day 6 embryos that were tested and they both came back normal. Out of the day 5 embryos that were tested, 2 came back normal out of 6.

Hopeful_mom

Prudence9 Its interesting both day 6 were normal, I guess slow and steady really does win the race.  Its so hard you just dont know what to hope for.  Here i'm not responding with as many follies as last cycle BUT so what, the cycle I had only 3 was the one that gave me the normal embryo.  I just keep praying for normal and healthy but its hard!  I keep losing faith and its upsetting and my mother doesn't like to hear that from me as well...shes praying all the time and its just not enough.
We're in the same boat I'm certainly going through a depression and i dont have time to take off to make it better...not that time off would.  AND OMG I have put on more weight from my MC through this cycle for sure!  First I was playing with 7-10lbs back and forth through 7IUI and 3 cycles of IVF.  Between the last cycle, pregnancy, MC and back to IVF I gained 15/20lb so lets add that to my misery as well!
I havent even seen any friends have o desire to, just family and celebrating the holidays.  Thats been hard enough for me!

There are so many girls that are taking the summer off traveling and then doing a transfer after.  Its so interesting to me only cause theres no way that could work for me as age isn't on my side and my brain isn't there.  At first my plan for this cycle was try and do a fresh transfer and test the rest.  Now seeing this last cycle were all abnormal has made my RE and I pause.  I have to act like last cycle didn't happen and move on.  Hopefully I will make it to ER this week with a better outcome.  The question is do I do another IVF cycle OR do I look to do a mini stem cycle and see how that does.
I keep looking at the season and when my baby will be due but I have to stop doing that as this all keeps changing.

OH and as for this question - What I'm not sure about though is, the embryos that don't survive from day 3 to day 5, does it mean they were abnormal? Or were some of them potentially normal but just didn't survive outside?  I actually asked my RE when she called...AND she does believe that if the embryo was truly normal is should keep growing to day 5.

She told me all my questions are valid and they still dont have all the answers.  Science has come such a long way its so frustrating that its all still so expensive and hard.  She also mentioned that day 5 testing should have less mosiac normals then a 3 day testing would.

prudence9-2

@Hopeful_mom that's a great point! the cycle that you had less was the one with the normal one! Fingers crossed this one brings good quality embryos!!!

That's what I thought (that good quality will make it to day 5...) it is interesting how both my day 6 were both good ones... 

Speaking of depression, I think there were entire weekends that I haven't even left my apt... no wonder I keep gaining weight  Today I forced myself to go out, send my taxes and get my nails done  and now going on a pointless date... I am also really unhappy here in California, my work is great, but my boss is an asshole and commute is 4 hours a day and I don't really have good friends here.... the only thing that is keeping me here is the fact that my embryos are here and I already have a good clinic and I need to finish this here... So the longer this takes, the longer I can't go back to NYC... and with my age, no way I am taking the summer off... I actually had to cancel 2 trips because of the m/c... I was suppose to go back home for 1.5 weeks in May and to a wedding in Italy for a week in July... both were suppose to be during my second trimester... but now, I have to cancel it all... which is why I'm taking a mini trip with my best friend from NYC this week...

what is a mini cycle?

Like you, I also look at the seasons and the dates... try to figure out when I will be out of work... I like starting to plan around the dates. But like you it keeps getting pushed away...

btw - check your inbox. 

LoveDontCostAThing

@hopeful_mom -I wanted to weigh in on the 3 day vs. 5 day.  I did a lot of research in the past, and while it can go either way, it seems that 5 day are generally better.  I had a long talk with my dr. about it too, and he agreed.  I said I was getting nervous to bring them all to 5 day because what if I didn't end up with any?  He basically said that if they didn't make it to 5 day then they weren't good anyway.  I don't buy the whole being in the uterus earlier is better because when you do a 3 day transfer it's too early.  Based on research, during a natural pregnancy at the time of a 3 day transfer the embryo is still traveling down the fallopian tubes.  By day 5 it is ready to begin implanting in the uterus.  Therefore, 5 day is more similar to the timeline of a natural pregnancy.  My dr. said that many women who are older do 3 day because they are worried they won't make it to 5, so I totally get that.  The thing is, when 3 day work, how do we know that they wouldn't have made it to day 5 outside of the body?  We will never know that answer.  So, in my opinion, I think that all 3 days that work would have made it to 5 as well.  But hey, that's just my two cents  

Thinking of both of you ladies!

Hopeful_mom

afm: I had a Diff tech today and she only measured 4 follies now around the same with a few smaller ones that probably won't catch up.  Normally I'd be stressed but I don't have it in me, body is gonna do what it's gonna do.  Gotta hope these few keep on growing!!

A mini stem cycle is usually taking clomid and a small dose of menupar, its a much lowers dosage of meds.  I was taking clomid doing IUIs and I responded regular...most i got one cycle was 3...but if they werent good quality could be why i never got pregnant.  its very tough!

@LoveDontCostAThing thanks for the info.  its true i drive myself nuts cause i dont know what the answer is anymore.  Having just abnormal embryos has really thrown a wrench into it all.  I know it happens to others i'm just getting frustrated that i have to keep experiencing each bad thing.

prudence9-2

@LoveDontCostAThing how are you feeling? When is the next u/s?

@Hopeful_mom hope they all keep growing together. And maybe few smaller ones join. 

The reason for doing a mini cycle is to see if the body reacts better to less meds?

AFM... just did another hcg test... I doubt I'd be under 5 today... will know in few hours...

prudence9-2

Haven't heard from the nurse yet. But they put the results on my account online... hcg level: 30 

I'm exactly 4 weeks after procedure. I stopped all meds on March 8th... and still hcg level is not down. Ahhh. 

I think a May transfer is probably not going to happen anymore. Hopefully June... 

Hopeful_mom

Prudence9 I'm sorry I know its frustrating, I was there too and its probably going to be another week...my AF showed and it was first then that my bw finally came back negative.  hang in there...ur body is the one that runs the show...who knows when i'm going to be ready for a transfer at this point...u know its still going to happen so hold on to that!!

mini stem they try on folks for various reasons, a friend that is early 30's did it that way to.  My acupuncturist believes less meds are better, remember they're all about the herbal natural way too.  Since I dont produce many eggs its possible that a mini stem could be better.  My RE and I discussed it prior to my BFP, and then it happened so we thought we were good.  Since the IVF cycle worked you assumed and hoped the following cycle would be ok...she obviously did not think I wouldn't get one back..so its tough.  We shall see what tomorrow shall bring.

prudence9-2

@Hopeful_mom yeah I kinda knew it won't go to 0. But I was hoping it will go down at the same rate as last week. Then it would have been 18. And not 30 like it is... anyway, nothing I can do but wait. 

How is are you feeling? You should probably get the thumbs up to trigger any day now, right?

AFM... tomorrow l'm going away for few days. Hopefully my numbers will go down this week and I'll be able to start the medicated cycle as soon as I'm back!

LoveDontCostAThing

@Prudence9 -sorry it's still not down...ugh.  FX for a June transfer.  How many do you have frozen?

@hopeful_mom -I hope you get to trigger soon!

AFM, I am good.  Tired and have a UTI.  Plus, I have this crazy itchy skin/ rash.  They don't think it's hormonal, but I do.  I've read some people had it on google.  Who knows!  

Hopeful_mom

Prudence9 the levels are wonky but hopefully it will just be another week for you, 2 at the most!  I hope you're doing something fun and can just relax and take your mind off of things!

AFM: Yes you are correct my friend i should be triggering any day now!  I still have 2 good size follies on the right and left growing, I have 2 at 12.5 on the left so hoping with another day of stemming that we can get those 2 mature.  I have some other smaller ones but they wont make it in time at this point.  Since I'm not triggering tonight I have a feeling that I'm looking at a weekend ER, possible friday.  We shall see what tomorrow brings.  I hate when i feel like i'm living at the clinic but it stinks that since i'm not working I actually took a nap this afternoon as my sleep is just so off, my exhausted!!

prudence9-2

@LoveDontCostAThing oh no! UTI! Can you take something for it? 
Remind me, do you do the PIO shots? 
I have 3 frozen embryos. Hopefully next FET will be the one! 

@Hopeful_mom fingers crossed those 2 will catch up!!! 

Hopeful_mom

@LoveDontCostAThing ugh a UTI is the worst.  Its strange cause i had one and then they said i had more of a bacterial thing.  Are you done taking some of the meds.  I feel like once i stopped some of the meds i got the UTI so not sure if that has anything to do with it.  They gave you meds to take right?  

littledarlins

About the mini-IVF, that is what I am doing.  I am older, 47, so I am using this technique because there are less eggs to start with, and so they try for fewer eggs, and wait until they are really mature. I basically travel to the clinic and have an US every day to check progress.  
 If you are younger, and have lot of eggs, then it might just make it a longer process.  I did a regular cycle once before, a few years go, at 43, but only half of the eggs were able to survive the freeze, and of those that did, only a few were actually mature enough to fertilize, and I had no luck.  So I tried the mini, and I now have one happy frozen embryo, and we wait until May to do another ER.   So to end up with 1 or 2 happy embryos each cycle is the goal.  
The other thing about mini IVF (and maybe also due to age) is that Clomid is supposed to have an adverse effect on the uterus.  So in this process, you wait and do a frozen transfer a month or two later, when the uterine lining is back to normal.  

So I am just waiting now for the next round.  and I am laughing because all my life I hated getting my period, and now, I get so excited, and think , Im still in the game!!

Hopeful_mom

@littledarlins are you doing testing on them as well? That's very exciting uve still got good quality eggs at 47!! How many mini stems are you doing?

LoveDontCostAThing

Yes, I'm on an antibiotic.  The UTI isn't bothering me much...it's this crazy, itchy skin!

Hopeful_mom

@LoveDontCostAThing did you tell your dr about the itchy skin?  You dont have a rash its just itchy?  Another girl experienced that and it sounded awful and was throughout her pregnancy.  It was her 4th pregnancy and had 2 boys previously and MC one, it was during her 4th she was itching like crazy so I then said its a girl for sure, and it was  My medical opinion haha  Hoing you'll get some relief from it soon!  Glad the UTI isn't so bad those are not cute and not good during pregnancy!

AFM: Was a lil concerned with my folliles as some measured a lil smaller then the day before.  My ES has gone up to 1495 hoping thats a good thing and i have maturing follies!  Right now it looks like 6 are in the running so really hope that at least those will pull through and be my strong golden eggs!  I took some extra gonal F a lil earlier today so hopefully that will help mature all!!  Literally just took my trigger shot yay!!  ER will be way too early friday morning!  I'm exhausted!  Still have to go back to the clinic for more bw tomorrow   

prudence9-2

@LoveDontCostAThing glad the UTI is not painful! Anything you can take to help the itchy skin?

@hopeful_mom good luck tomorrow!!!

LoveDontCostAThing

My nurse said I can take 25mg benadryl every 8 hours and use benadryl cream. It helps some, but not totally.  I get a rash and little bumps too.  The nurse/ dr. didn't think it's hormonal, but I still do because I read a thread where several women had it.  They took me off the oral progesterone pill to see if it would help, but that didn't do anything.  Not sure what to do...if I should see my primary dr. or dermatologist or just let it go.  TMI...my vagina feels kind of swollen...don't know if that's from the uti or blood flow.  Then, it felt very open so that gives me OCD.  I don't know what anything means really!!!

@hopeful_mom -congrats on trigger!  when is the ER?  How soon after ER will they have the results of the embryos??

Hopeful_mom

@LoveDontCostAThing ER is bright and early at 7:30a tomorrow morning, I need to get to bed right now!  Your itching does not sound fun!  I would go to another dr and see what they have to say.  Just dont take anything they prescribe without asking ur OB.  Funny how quickly you forget mama  First i need to get through ER and then need my embabies to make it to blast and then hopefully it'll be like 2 weeks for results.  I'm gonna be a basket case as this cycle really will determine what the next step will be!!

Prudence9 thank U!

I do have to say I'm actually happy no more shots tonight yay!!  I'm actually looking forward to hopefully sleeping tomorrow after the ER!  All this no sleep while stemming is kicking my ass!

littledarlins

@Hopeful_mom I have done one round of mini and am waiting for the next round which will be in May.  My doctor does not want to do the testing, because you have to wait until day 5 and the likelihood of declining health out side uterus is high.  He says I am more likely to have a healthy embryo if frozen on day 3, when he grades the health of the embryo.  He says the test can be misleading anyway, so not worth risking in my situation.   
Will be sending good wishes and juju for a successful morning for you, how exciting!!!!

@LoveDontCostAThing  I am surprised they are letting you take an antibiotic. And antibiotics definitely make my skin itch no matter what.  I hope you can get off of those soon.  

Hopeful_mom

littledarlins hmmm thats interesting.  u think its possible the meds from the UTI are causing the itching?  I never thought of that.
This freezing on day 3 is new to me i've never really heard of that.  UGH I would hate to think that my eggs are really normal.  You know it my head I think they are  I would love to have them retested but how do i tell my drs I really think they made a mistake on all of them and what a do over!  ugh this process is killer!!!  Will you do a transfer after this cycle?

prudence9-2

@Hopeful_mom good luck tomorrow! Will be thinking of you!