Mental Health Monday 1/9

SaphireSweetie88

This is a place for anyone needing to talk about mental health issues this week.

SaphireSweetie88

Lately (the past week or so) I have been in a kind of funk when it comes to my pregnancy which is strange to me because both my DH & I were excited / over the moon when we found out. Then one day when DH asked me where I wanted to keep our u/s photos I said I don't care - throw them out if you want. DH didn't throw them out - instead he put them in our safe for now.

Anyone else experience this? Is there anything I can do or will this pass on it's own? I would love to be excited again and want to but it feels like I can't

SpongeWorthy

@SaphireSweetie88 So sorry you are in a funk.  This was me last week for sure.  I made up a chalkboard sign a few weeks ago to announce our pregnancy to family, and I had to move it to a different room because I was so sick of looking at it and I felt like it was a bad omen or something.  After my appointment last Friday and hearing the heartbeat, things feel a lot more real and I'm starting to get excited again.  I think that all the emotions (excitement, fear, stress, joy) will ebb and flow throughout pregnancy, and that's normal.  Just know that you are not alone and I hope you start to feel better soon.  Hugs!

SaphireSweetie88

@SpongeWorthy - Thanks

AnnaKaie

I'm starting to get overwhelmed. I just started my last semester in getting my masters in special education. I'm excited but I can't mess this up. I"m having to take three different praxis tests before comps. I'm working full time as a sped teacher. 

theweevee

@saphiresweetie88 you're definitely not alone!  

I'm feeling the same way but probably for different reasons.  The anxiety about how this is going to change my professional life / the feeling of the need to hide this pregnancy is just overshadowing any excitement at this point for me.  I have a doctors appointment today and at best I'm meh.

I think it will I'll pass as I get over some hurdles: telling my boss, finding out whether I will still be able to travel when work wants to send me to Europe in the spring, etc.  Or when I just accept that I can't change how other people react and accept that if my workplace is as unsupportive as I fear, that I will just have to find something new after July.  I just wish I could accept those truths faster, but man I don't want to.

SaphireSweetie88

AnnaKaie said:

I'm starting to get overwhelmed. I just started my last semester in getting my masters in special education. I'm excited but I can't mess this up. I"m having to take three different praxis tests before comps. I'm working full time as a sped teacher. 

@AnnaKaie - Wow that's a lot but YOU GOT THIS!

SaphireSweetie88

theweevee said:

@saphiresweetie88 you're definitely not alone!  

I'm feeling the same way but probably for different reasons.  The anxiety about how this is going to change my professional life / the feeling of the need to hide this pregnancy is just overshadowing any excitement at this point for me.  I have a doctors appointment today and at best I'm meh.

I think it will I'll pass as I get over some hurdles: telling my boss, finding out whether I will still be able to travel when work wants to send me to Europe in the spring, etc.  Or when I just accept that I can't change how other people react and accept that if my workplace is as unsupportive as I fear, that I will just have to find something new after July.  I just wish I could accept those truths faster, but man I don't want to.

@theweevee

I hear you on that. I am also a bit worried about work / co-workers. Some of my co-workers know already and have been awesome about not saying anything to others. HR knows but I don't think she remembers because she found out early on *TW* when I thought I might be having a mc and I was a wreck at work *TW OVER*

julybaby17-2

Good luck to everyone telling their bosses! It may go better than you think. My job has been very supportive and completely understands about doctors appointments and maternity leave. Many coworkers have even started to make guesses on gender. You'll feel better once it's out! 

I slso understand about trying to finish school. I'm trying to get my degree done early, but I'll have to double my workload. Eek! 

Poppyseed72017

I've been trying to stay positive through all my nausea and morning sickness. I suffered from depression during and after my last pregnancy and I am hoping I won't go there again. It has taken several years of therapy and medication (that I was able to finally get off of over a year ago) to get to the place I was before my BFP. There are days I want to cry at my situation because I am not my usual self and I am unable to do the things I used to, due to always being sick. I keep reminding myself that my baby is healthy and alive inside of me and that maybe next week will be better. It seems so dumb to feel this way since I know others are going through worse. I am grateful to be pregnant again and maybe soon symptoms will start to get better. 

Twinkiedoll

@AnnaKaie Wow!  That's so great that you're almost done with your masters.  Good luck with everything.  I'm sure you'll kick butt. 

@theweevee I have the same worries too.  I know that my team will be really supportive, but we're all overworked already. It's asking a lot for people to handle my workload when I'm gone.  And the bigger picture worry is whether I can (or want to) do my job at this level again after the baby is born.  I take a lot of pride in being good at my job, but being good at my job requires a huge time commitment and being available close to 24-7. 

lvcpatt84

Poppyseed72017 said:

I've been trying to stay positive through all my nausea and morning sickness. I suffered from depression during and after my last pregnancy and I am hoping I won't go there again. It has taken several years of therapy and medication (that I was able to finally get off of over a year ago) to get to the place I was before my BFP. There are days I want to cry at my situation because I am not my usual self and I am unable to do the things I used to, due to always being sick. I keep reminding myself that my baby is healthy and alive inside of me and that maybe next week will be better. It seems so dumb to feel this way since I know others are going through worse. I am grateful to be pregnant again and maybe soon symptoms will start to get better. 

It is not dumb AT ALL to feel this way. I have had very similar feelings, only mine are a bit darker. I am fairly certain this pregnancy has triggered depression for me. During my darkest of times I find myself resentful towards both this pregnancy, and my husband who gets to fo on living his life as if nothing has changed, while I'm struggling everyday just to open my eyes in the morning. I am seeing a therapist but I am reluctant to go on medication because I haven't been on any for 12 years, amd I don't want to take a chemical altering drug while pregnant. 

I try to think positive, but it's very hard. I begin most mornings on the floor of my bathroom dry heaving. I'm so exhausted it feels like I'm carrying an extra 200 pounds- I can barley pick myself up off the floor. 

Anyway, to get to the point: your feelings are valid and have earned merit. Just because someone send may have it "worse" does not mean you have every it great. I hope that both yours and my symptoms will soon let up, so we can enjoy our pregnancies. It's so hard to feel this way, especially when we've already get little ones that need so much of our attention and time. Hugs to you! 

theweevee

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for this thread.  It helped me today.

virginiaunicorn11

SaphireSweetie88 said:

Lately (the past week or so) I have been in a kind of funk when it comes to my pregnancy which is strange to me because both my DH & I were excited / over the moon when we found out. Then one day when DH asked me where I wanted to keep our u/s photos I said I don't care - throw them out if you want. DH didn't throw them out - instead he put them in our safe for now.

Anyone else experience this? Is there anything I can do or will this pass on it's own? I would love to be excited again and want to but it feels like I can't

Apologies, I don't know your mental health background. And obviously I am not a professional. Here's my response based on my own experience, probably worth less than $0.02:

I don't care about ultrasound photos either. Even the ones from my pregnancy with DS, who is my little love love. I am excited to have a baby, but pregnancy is hard to be excited about sometimes. This was also true for me through my DS's first 4-6 months outside the womb, actually. And no, I did not have PPD, it's just a very difficult time, and it's ok not to fart glitter when you're feeling sick, anxious, and whatever. It doesn't mean you're not excited, even if you aren't feeling excited. And however you're feeling - it's ok. 

All that said, obviously keep an eye out for depression and other mental health challenges. Have your husband and close friends and family on the lookout for specific symptoms (depression, PPD). And then...

Just observe your feelings. Don't assign value to them. It's not good or bad to feel a little Meh. You're just a little Meh this week. Honor that. Embrace it. We don't need to be in constant Happy mode.

Anyway, you probably know all that. I spent a lot of time during my first pregnancy and post-partum, worried about my worries and feelings. I have done better to let go of "should I be feeling X" and replacing it with, "Hm, guess I am feeling X. Ok." It is a relief to just let myself feel how I feel. (It's not a perfect system, but better than I used to be.)

Sending hugs. I like your posts and want you to feel nothing but confidence and control, even on the days when you don't.

greenbean-2

@Poppyseed72017 and @lvcpatt84 I know exactly how you guys feel. The daily nausea for the past 6 weeks has made my brain go to some very dark places. I've been wanting a baby for years, and I was not expecting pregnancy to be like this at all. My emotional state has gotten better over time but just this morning I was thinking about looking into therapists. Anyway, it helps me in a small way to know I'm not alone. Hugs. 

tuxielove93

@GreenBean You're definitely not alone. My nausea has finally let up, but I really wasn't sure how much longer I could take it when I was in it. It was getting really hard to deal. 

Poppyseed72017

@lvcpatt84 and @GreenBean it's so nice to know I'm not alone. I can get very dark too. I'm close to getting there. I fear if I continue with all this morning sickness and nausea for more time I will get to resenting my pregnancy and DH. It's on my mind but I have been able to push it back. I too hope we can make it through this and get the opportunity to enjoy some of our pregannacy and baby when it's born. 

Twinkiedoll

@poppyseed1017 that sounds really tough. I really hope your nausea and morning sickness gets easier soon. *internet hugs

SaphireSweetie88

virginiaunicorn11 said:

SaphireSweetie88 said:

Lately (the past week or so) I have been in a kind of funk when it comes to my pregnancy which is strange to me because both my DH & I were excited / over the moon when we found out. Then one day when DH asked me where I wanted to keep our u/s photos I said I don't care - throw them out if you want. DH didn't throw them out - instead he put them in our safe for now.

Anyone else experience this? Is there anything I can do or will this pass on it's own? I would love to be excited again and want to but it feels like I can't

Apologies, I don't know your mental health background. And obviously I am not a professional. Here's my response based on my own experience, probably worth less than $0.02:

I don't care about ultrasound photos either. Even the ones from my pregnancy with DS, who is my little love love. I am excited to have a baby, but pregnancy is hard to be excited about sometimes. This was also true for me through my DS's first 4-6 months outside the womb, actually. And no, I did not have PPD, it's just a very difficult time, and it's ok not to fart glitter when you're feeling sick, anxious, and whatever. It doesn't mean you're not excited, even if you aren't feeling excited. And however you're feeling - it's ok. 

All that said, obviously keep an eye out for depression and other mental health challenges. Have your husband and close friends and family on the lookout for specific symptoms (depression, PPD). And then...

Just observe your feelings. Don't assign value to them. It's not good or bad to feel a little Meh. You're just a little Meh this week. Honor that. Embrace it. We don't need to be in constant Happy mode.

Anyway, you probably know all that. I spent a lot of time during my first pregnancy and post-partum, worried about my worries and feelings. I have done better to let go of "should I be feeling X" and replacing it with, "Hm, guess I am feeling X. Ok." It is a relief to just let myself feel how I feel. (It's not a perfect system, but better than I used to be.)

Sending hugs. I like your posts and want you to feel nothing but confidence and control, even on the days when you don't.

@virginiaunicorn11

Thanks. I needed this today!