First Appointment questions

babyoakes

Hi everyone!

So I had my first appointment today and it did't go as planned. My last period was 10/28, which would make me almost 9 weeks now. Then my doc calculated in that I have 35 day cycles and said that would make me almost 8 weeks instead. Then she did a quick pelvic exam and said based on my uterus size I'm about 6 weeks. She didn't listen for a heartbeat or do an ultrasound. She didn't ask me if I, as a first time mom, had any questions. I was so upset by how rushed she was that I cried on the way home because I expected much better care. The whole appointment lasted maybe 20 minutes.

I keep seeing all of you getting ultrasounds or a hearing a heartbeat and thought I'd get to today. So my questions are 1 - is it normal to not get to see/hear anything when I'm 8 (maybe) weeks along? It just seems weird to me that she didn't even check to see if the baby was in the right place and has a heartbeat - ya know, those important things?

Natsuki

I havent had my first real appointment yet. I won't until the 19th. The only reason I'm getting extra attention and ultrasounds is because we conceived via IVF and its part of the service. 

Every doctor does things differently but that fact that she never allowed you to ask questions is a huge red flag to me. I'd find a different doctor and you'll feel a lot better. 

Don't be afraid to be more assertive too! Make a list of your questions and whip that thing out to let them know you mean business! 

JCPSand2B

With my first I didn't even get in to see my midwife until about 11 or 12 weeks, they did use the Doppler at that point so I could hear the heartbeat. 8 weeks might be too early for the doppler? I didn't get an ultrasound till 20 weeks. This go around I had an ultrasound at 6 and 7 weeks but only because I went to the ER for bleeding and they couldn't get a heartbeat at 6 wks so I went to my dr for a follow up. I would say it's fairly normal not to have one this early. 

That being said, the dr should have definitely taken the time to answer any questions you might have. Be assertive and don't let the dr brush you aside. I'd say if you aren't feeling right about this dr. Maybe look for a new one (or try a midwife that works in a hospital/clinic. That's what I had the first time and she always had time to answer all my FTM questions). Good luck! 

Nxy

I also didn't have an appointment until 12.5 weeks last time. The only reason they did an ultrasound was to confirm her size. I had to ask the doctor if she could turn the machine back on and grab a picture for my husband and she was like oops sorry sometimes I forget. 
I'd definitely recommend asking what your appointments are going to be like either way (if you go back or find a new doctor). It's important to know what to expect at the first appointment and the routine at the following appointments. If you feel more comfortable just finding a new doctor do that, otherwise you really need to be your own advocate and make sure you're getting the care you need. I know it's hard as a first time mom becuase it's all really intimidating at first but if you don't stand up for your care no one else will.

dmbfan46835

Awwwww... what a shitty first appt experience. I'm sorry like PPs said, I'd find another doctor that has time for you and your questions. Being a ftm is scary and overwhelming and she should have offered you all the time you needed. I will say, it is far more common NOT to have an U/S this early. I'm always surprised by how many early ultrasounds I see but it so very often causes unneeded panic and confusion for people if they don't see what they expect. Do you know anyone else who has seen this same doc? Maybe it was an off day for her? Or she was preoccupied by a personal matter? But if this is just her style or bedside manner, I would find someone else who can better manage your expectations and care. 

cltweed

Agree with above... find a doctor/midwife you're comfortable with. Do it now before you're full term and regretting your decision to stay but feeling like you don't have an option so late in the game.

I hated my doctor with my first baby and switched with my second. He was night and day different and I credit him with my getting my VBAC. I saw a midwife in his practice with #3 and that was the most attentive care I'd received. She took her time and was calm and chill and I loved her.

This time I've switched to a homebirh type birth center and the midwives are really, really thorough and nurturing and "homey." But! They weren't doing to do any kind of US until 20 weeks unless I requested it. I did, for dating purposes. Otherwise they based my DD on when I think I ovulated (I was off by over a week so I'm glad I had the dating US) and they would only chang it based on when they heard heartbeat using the dopplar and my belly measuementnts. I'm too OCD to not have an actual date, but they're VERY hands-off/trust your body/crunchy. It is a little different than what I've been used to, even with a midwife in a doctor's office setting. 

Good luck making the right decision for you and your baby! My biggest advice is to think about the care you're hoping for a find a doctor/mw with a reputation for that. Like, we have a doctor in our area who gives a US every appt. He has good bedside manner. People love him and flock to his practice. For me, I wanted a natural/laid back approach. I wanted someone who would trust my instincts and my body and back off on the interventions. I wanted slow and personalized prenatal care and I wanted to birth in an environment I felt supported and loved, yet still in capable hands of people who knew what to look out for and if I needed hospital/doctor assistance. I feel like I've finally found that. I hope you find your fit! 

lewliv

I'm also a FTM and will get care at a birth center. The office already told me to reserve 1hr for my first appointment, make a list of questions, and to not expect an US until 20 weeks (unless I request). 

Letsmakebabynmbr1

I'm sorry about your bad experience I think sometimes it can be hard for people who do this every day at work, all day long, to step back and remember sometimes that this isn't just normal daily routine for the patient! Not making excuses for the doctor at all, but I think that's often how this happens. I think if you are uncomfortable, you should look into finding a different provider to continue your pregnancy with. I am also nervous about whether I will like/feel comfortable with the provider given to me, since this is my first pregnancy and want to be comfortable! I can't say what is necessarily normal for each practice, but I think medical recommendations are really not to ultrasound until 8 weeks (unless concerns earlier like ectopic, miscarriage, etc), which is the earliest they would set up my first prenatal visit. I haven't had it yet. They told me to expect to see a nurse and a midwife to go through my medical history and to have a "viability ultrasound" that day. After that appointment, my next appointment would be set up with an OB provider.

Lmmtravels

@babyoakes so sorry you had a frustrating first appointment. I did as well...you are not alone! As others have said, I think docs can forget the emotional and anxious state we're in. Definitely trust your gut if you aren't comfortable with their care or bedside manner. 

My my first appointment was last week and the OB couldn't work the ultrasound machine properly, so she referred me to a hospital location of the practice for an ultrasound that would have been at least $500 out of pocket and not medically necessary, especially because I was only 6 weeks. It was super frustrating and they had DH and I going around to all these different rooms over the span of 3 hours...again, none of it even necessary. We decided to wait for a better ultrasound  and have a midwife appointment at 9 weeks.

You are not alone in feeling frustrated or discouraged by seeing others post their early ultrasounds. Remember that it is early and standard isn't until 8-12 weeks . There needs to be more continuity in maternal care across the country!

PinkPrincessPiper

I'm so sorry you had such a crumby first appointment. Like PP's have said, I would definitely find a different doctor/midwife in another practice. You should feel comfortable with your doctor, and the first appointment should have included at least a consult discussing medications that are safe, what foods to avoid, what level of activity is safe, etc. My OB also does a dating ultrasound at the first appointment to see based on size/development, and LMP, what your estimated delivery date is, and far along you are. The ultrasound also picks up the heartbeat, which can be undetectable with a simple Doppler at this point. 

Good luck, OP! 

chaser61

In my experience, it can be really difficult to pick up a heartbeat with a dopler before 12 weeks so OBs and midwives don't always try it. The birth center I go to will not even see you until 8 to 12 weeks. They will do an ultrasound before you meet your midwife so that they can be sure of your EDD. All practices are different though. Sounds like your OB is all over the place with info. I agree with others, if they do that to you and you are understandably confused, be assertive and tell them that. In fact, I would call or email (we have a patient portal) with your questions today. Get it cleared up right now so you don't have to worry about it. Remember that you are their client / customer and you (or your insurance) is paying them. Call and ask what your due date is, when you are getting an ultrasound, what can you expect from your next appointment... be honest and tell them, you felt rushed and didn't get to ask questions. If they hassle you, then you go shopping for a new OB / midwife.

ColoradoHiker

With my DS, I had my first appt around 8w. My bff had a dating u/s around 8w, but that really varies among different groups.   With the group I'm at now, an u/s is pretty standard for 12w, 20w and around 32w.  

My midwives didn't do the heartbeat before the 12w appt.  They can't easily get the hb before then, and honestly, do you want the stress of them not being able to get it before then?

I'm sorry you had such a terrible first appt.  After working around medical doctors for a long time (I do research for a career), I decided to go with midwives bc they took the time with me every single visit, even if I didn't have questions.  This doesn't mean you need to go all natural for your birth or anything, my midwives were associated with the hospital I wanted to give birth in.  I would go find a new group or ob, you deserve the best care you can get.

babyoakes

Thanks everyone! This helped ease my nerves a bit. It's nice to know that I'm not overreacting. The woman I saw is actually a midwife which is why it surprised me even more that she was so rushed and not personable at all. I won't see her again. My appointments from now on are with an OB/GYN who I've read and heard nothing but good things about.

The office called today to set up an ultrasound because the midwife said my uterus is measuring 6 weeks, but based on my cycles it should be about 8 weeks. She didn't take any actual measurements. She just stuck her little pinky finger in my business - that was a weirddd feeling haha. Anyway, I'll have my first ultrasound on Wednesday. Yay! Has anyone else measured two weeks behind what they thought? Is that kinda common?

lewliv

@babyoakes How long are your cycles? Could you have ovulated late?

babyoakes

They were nonexistent for a couple years thanks to the depo shot. Then I'd get a period every other week. Then for the past three cycles it was suddenly 35 days on the dot. Bodies are so weird lol.

Kathryn0903

I didn't measure 2 weeks behind, but I measured 9 days behind. They just said I probably had a longer cycle.

chayamosko

With my first, we went to a few practices until wet found the doctor that would give us the care that we wanted! If you are not happy, find a new Dr! You are still early and you will be only doing yourself a favor! Good luck! 

mamaof2hopefully

First please don't take this harshly. If you are only 6 weeks, a lot of practices won't "waste their time" since 1 in 4 end in miscarriage. Doctors in my area will not see you until 8 weeks. I was 9w3d my first appt. and she did not try to hear the HB as she said it would be too soon.
if you do first tri screening you get an ultrasound between 11-13 weeks and again at 20 weeks. 
some doctors do ultrasound each time, some only at 20 weeks. It all depends what they prefer and what your insurance will cover. 

kissthesky32

My biggest question would be actual due date. It sounds like your doctor was all over on when it should be. It may not seem huge now, but when you get to the end and start talking about induction or scheduling a c section, etc, a week here or there can make a big difference for baby. I would call and request a dating ultrasound. And request the future appointments be with someone else. 

PP was right - a lot of practices won't even see you until 8 weeks and many don't do any type of scan but the anatomy scan at 20 weeks. That comes down to your doc's preferences, your insurance, and what you want (and how you advocate for it)

babyoakes

My first appointment was when we thought I was almost 9 weeks. I'm 8 weeks, 4 days now and we got to see Baby O. yesterday and he or she had a strong heartbeat (169)! Everything looked great! Turns out the midwife was just wrong. When she said I was only 6 weeks, I was actually 7 and a half. 

liz4382

Glad to hear this appointment was better!  I hope they took the time to go over your questions this time.  I don't think it's that uncommon not to get an ultrasound (even though it does tend to ease our minds when we get one!) but I feel there is no excuse for a doctor not to take the time to get to know you as a patient/give you the basic pregnancy run-down (what to eat, what meds you can take, etc) and answer your questions. 

babyoakes

I only saw the ultrasound tech and a random doctor for two minutes so they could calculate my due date. Won't get to meet my OB/GYN until January 30. Luckily, I have a lot of wonderful women in my life who have been happy to answer questions it helps that I have had it pretty easy so far - no sickness, hardly any cramping, no bleeding, etc. I'm okay with waiting as long as baby and I are okay:)