Devastated

mel2k10

This was my 1st pregnancy, 8 weeks. Early this morning I had severe cramping and bleeding. Made several trips to the bathroom. 1 of the trips something came out, not your typical discharge. It was this dollar coin sized clump. I should've saved it but didn't have a cup. Turned out to be my fetus. I only know this bc of the ultrasound I had in the afternoon, they found absolutely nothing in my uterus. 

My parents were supposed to be hosting dinner for their friends but they must've cancelled after I called and told them. I didn't know they did that until hubby and I went to their place (we purposely didn't go back to my rents house). Both of my younger sisters are up for the holiday and they were psyched to be aunties. And my parents, I'll never forget the looks on their faces... and won't ever bc when we announced it, we recorded it. 

When we left my parents and gave my dad a hug, he held me so tight... I started balling quietly. Then he held me tighter. Hubby is being strong for me. I feel as though this miscarriage is my fault. If I wasn't on a cocktail for my epilepsy and on blood thinners, would this have happened. My mom said it was probably better this happened now. Bc clearly there was something wrong, the baby would be sick or I could've gotten hurt. 'A G*d send so the baby/myself didn't get sick or hurt. How do you get over this and move on? I can't stop crying. 

I just realized how long this was. Apologies and thank you for letting me vent. Happy holidays.  

Hopefulmommy1980

I am sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grief. 

babypi

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is nothing about this process that is easy. Take care of yourself and take as long as you need to grieve. I don't think you ever truly get over a loss, I think the pain just lets up slowly over time. At least that's been my experience. 

EverythingsBetterOutside

I'm so sorry for your loss, and it's tough especially around the holidays. I'm glad your family knows and they can be supportive... At least they'll understand when you randomly start crying.

And one very important thing: this is not your fault. Really, seriously, totally NOT YOUR FAULT. We *all* felt that way about something (was it the roller coaster I went on? The aspirin I took?). I'm pretty sure everyone here had the thought of "if only I hadn't..." at some point. You can always talk to your doctor to reevaluate your medications for the future, but even if those meds aren't the best, you need to take care of yourself and your body in order to take care of your baby. You did not cause this.

amberruka

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

Amanda1443994

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a mmc at 9w3d and a D&C 12/2 for my first pregnancy and the holidays were devastating. I know it's hard to believe now but it will get a little better with time. Yesterday was the first day I didn't have to fight back tears several times a day. You probably will never get over the loss, but the pain won't feel as strong with time. And PLEASE believe it was NOT your fault. Not even close.