That one phrase that pisses you off!!!!!

dadezbombz

We doesn't even try! We didn't expect it to happen so fast! 

APM_SLP

"I know so many people that got pregnant when they stopped trying."  UGH SHUT UP!

dadezbombz

Omg that's another one!!! F those people too!!!!

AlohaKumu

Have you tried <insert totally basic remedy--like folic acid--that you've already been trying for months and months>

dadezbombz

Omg yes that's another one.  Those are the worst

tamalahoops

"It will happen when its meant to happen. Just relax."

I have said some very ugly things in response to this....

dadezbombz

Ohhh if one more mofo tells me to relax,  I'm relaxing my foot into their ass

lilmissslp

Lately I just hate hearing "so and so is pregnant"

Regarding IF, I hate when ppl tell me "everything happens for a reason" 

Winnie81_Old

All from in laws:
"This is God's plan for you" 
"Just stop trying so hard"
"Think positive and it will happen"
"Just relax"
"Have you thought of adoption?"
"Have you thought of going to church?"
"Maybe you're not meant to have children"
"It will happen when the times right"


My husband gets the question at work from time to time: "Do you need me to do the job for you?"...blehh...makes me barf thinking about someone saying that to him. He gets so mad when someone says that.

AlohaKumu

My blood pressure is rising reading all of these. lol
I actually had one blood tech ask if I was there "to see if my husband did his job."

funkykey

OMG @Winnie81 - re the question your husband gets at work. That is disgusting! So gross and insensitive!

The comments that get to me the most are always about semen. Like when a guy is bragging about knocking his wife up on the first try, and makes some comment about how strong his swimmers are. For some reason, those kind of comments are the most obnoxious to me. 

The other ones, like: "happened so fast for us!" or "just relax" bug me, but I'm happy to refute them with a quick one liner, like: "Sounds like you're bragging." Or "There's no evidence that stress impacts infertility - actually the correlation is that infertility causes stress."

But something like: "My swimmers are so strong" makes me want to say: "Too bad your brain cells aren't." which is too much - just a little too far.

tiffanyw1783

Now that most people know we have done and are doing fertility treatments I don't get many of the "stop trying and it will happen" or just relax. I get have you thought about adoption?!?! Like it's just so easy to give up on having your own baby and it's so easy to just adopt. Not to mention that we've spent all
of our money on fertility treatments!!!!! Or people that say "I know what you're going through, it took us a while" and in reality they got pregnant in like 5-6 months without any outside help- umm no you have no clue what 9 years worth of fertility treatments is like!!!!

JuliaGoolia719

"I'm sure it will happen when you stop thinking about it"

well I'm sure I can hit you in the head with this sharp object too....lets see which one of us is right, shall we?

rainbowwishes5

When are you planning on having a baby? 

lilmissslp

ewww @Winnie81 that's disgusting and humiliating! 

kangastein

My personal favorite is pretend like you're not trying! 
To which I say, that won't work because I'd drink a bucket of coffee every day and a bottle of wine every night

liljoy-2

Only my mom and a couple of friends know my challenges. My mom is in denial and says I shouldn't be "so precisely obsessed" with all this scientific IVF because there shouldn't be "anything wrong with me" since so and so are older than me and had endo and other stuff and still got pregnant naturally!

Acquaintances who know we got married 8 months ago are always bugging me "so, no baby yet? any good news yet? " Ughhhh...ok, if you know I want babies and I'm not pregnant yet, why would you be so insensitive as to ask this kind of questions... 

txmomma16

"So and so stopped trying and went on vacation and came back KU!" 
"just don't think about it!"
"OMG, it took us forever! We tried for almost 6 months before getting KU!" 
"Oh I totally get it, my fourth child took almost 4 months to concieve!"
"Where's my baby!" (That's usually from my childless aunts...)
"Are you sure you're doing it right?"
"So, which one of you is the issue?"

Those are just the first ones that come to mind... 

LoweeeK

my hairdresser/friend recently said to me "all you need to do is go on vacation and have some drunk sex!" it's what happened to her and hers was not planned at all!! UGH!! 

lilmissslp

Today I got the "you're young, you have plenty of time". I hate that!

fresh76

All of these make my eye twitch! 

"[to DH] why are you shooting blanks?!"
"you don't want to be old when you have kids! you should have them now!"

thanks auntie, thanks. 

JESSABER0414

@Winnie81 my mouth dropped open at the comment to your husband.  I would die if someone said that in my presence! Ugh...ew. 

We've been trying since getting married but we're together for 5 years, so of course people want us to have kids like yesterday.  But an aunt told me to "Talk to this cousin....you know she couldn't get pregnant either " about my much older cousin who had a son successfully with IVF. I never told this aunt I was even trying let alone infertile. 

At my grandma's funeral an uncle who lives far away was holding his 6 month old great nephew and told me" I needed to get one of those". I should have asked if he knew where they were selling them. 

LizzieJ13

"Have you tried (x)?" One, I'm under the care of a doctor and I will work with her to decide what to try and two, I have most likely thought about and researched this more than you ever have or will do I'm in no need of suggestions. 

Best thing to say: "I'm so sorry you are going through this. Would you like to talk about it?" 

kaseycoco

@lilmissslp today I got "you're not that old yet", similar to your comment but I couldn't help but say, "Gee thanks"

I've heard almost all of these but @Winnie81 that comment is the worst! Some people just have no clue.

KirstenCas

I get "at your age, you're brave" ugh.
Having recently been told I won't have a biological child of my own, the phrase "the best day of my life" in reference to a child born is making me really sad (even though I know its probably true.)

lilmissslp

@kaseycoco, it's so annoying and I want to say clearly being "young" hasn't worked in my favor and Ive been going through this for over three years and I'm not getting any younger!

Polythene Pam

"Well you're not a spring chicken anymore" (I'm 32)

KLake42

Ugh.  My best friend, decided to smoke weed (ahem, someplace it's legal I'm sure) with her husband, and they got too stoned to use birth control, just ONE TIME, and bang, she's knocked up.

She tells this story regularly, when we talk about my infertility.

But some of the best things I've heard-- "I don't usually share this with people, but let me tell you about my infertility experience, I understand what you're going through..."

J1006

Last Christmas on of my DH's cousins announced that she was pregnant. The ladies of the family then all decided to share how long it took each one to get pregnant with their children. 1 month, 3 months. The best was his aunt saying, "oh it took us forever! 9 months!"  I thought for sure I was having a nightmare. 

juliebeannn

Winnie81 said:

All from in laws:
"This is God's plan for you" 
"Just stop trying so hard"
"Think positive and it will happen"
"Just relax"
"Have you thought of adoption?"
"Have you thought of going to church?"
"Maybe you're not meant to have children"
"It will happen when the times right"


My husband gets the question at work from time to time: "Do you need me to do the job for you?"...blehh...makes me barf thinking about someone saying that to him. He gets so mad when someone says that.

That last one is awful.  Your DH has incredible restraint if he hasn't punched the guy's face in yet.  

The usual "just relax" just pisses me off to no end. 

My mother has suggested that I pray more.....

Winnie81_Old

Some of these are truly awful, I'm sorry you guys have to endure this. I know that most people don't realize how insensitive they are being (I say most, because there are unfortunately people in my life that are very passive-aggressivley intentional in their comments). This past year, I have tried a different route, and decided to educate people when they make these comments, and I honestly feel much better afterwards. For example, my husbands dad has a big bbq twice a year. Every time we go, his stepmom will either yell across the room, or ask me when she is with a group of strangers, "We are waiting for you guys to give us a grand baby!" or "Time is running out, how much longer are you going to wait?". I have spoken to her in private several times about our struggles, but she always says she doesn't remember, or was drunk and forgot. This last time, I told her in front of the group of people she was with, "you may have forgotten our last few conversations about this, but we are going through infertility issues, and have been for several years, so every time you ask me in front of a group of people what is taking so long, it is both hurtful and insensitive." She was speechless, and hopefully will not confront me again. Either way it felt good to say something in front of other people, because she will look like an asshat if she does that again, and I'm tired of being uncomfortable. I 

Also, I am glad you guys are as grossed out as I am at the comments DH gets. 

Polythene Pam

Yes agree on the best things- I opened up to a friend and she got quiet, then said she's never told anyone outside her family but both her girls were a result of IVF and she even used the same doctor we're using. I gave her the biggest hug. She still hasn't opened up much (don't know why etc) but to hear you aren't alone, best thing a person can say.

juliebeannn

@Winnie81 I love you called out your stepmom-in-law in front everyone. Sad that it had to get to that point but hopefully it makes her think twice before she opens her mouth next time.  Also, re: your DH's coworker.  I just can't get over this.  I would actually make an anonymous call into HR saying that you overheard a conversation that made you uncomfortable.  A convo like that is considered sexual harassment.  The jerk would get a ding on his record for saying something like that and it'll keep him from doing it again. 

AlohaKumu

@Winnie81--you definitely earned a gold star for that one! Also, an extra gold star for effective use of the word "asshat" 

Winnie81_Old

@alohakumu and @juliebeannn haha thanks guys My husband has texted him about not saying that anymore, but I haven't followed up since then. I think the coworker was trying to be a smart-ass/bust-chops type of guy, and it was/is in poor taste. His field that he works in is all male. Not justifying any of it because its disgusting, but its not something I have the energy to drag out and make an issue.

funkykey

Sometimes I think the all/mostly-male fields are worse. No one at my work has ever, ever said anything to me - like no one ever asks me if I'm going to start trying soon or anything - but my DH used to get it more, at his work, which is way more men than women.

He had this one older coworker (maybe about 60) who thought it was so funny to ask my DH if he was going to start a family soon, and it made DH crazy - he'd ask him just about every day. The coworker has known DH since he was fresh out of college, so to him, it's probably funny to see DH grow up- he thought it was hilarious when DH got married. So teasing him about starting a family maybe seemed to follow? Obviously, he had no idea that on the home front, DH's wife (me), was losing it about the inability to conceive almost every day.

Anyway, so one day, the coworker gave DH a hard time again, in a big group setting - like: "when are you going to start having kids?" And DH just said: "You ask me that every day. How do you know we haven't lost three already?" Apparently there was total silence, and then the guy apologized profusely. Hasn't mentioned it since. 

GG620

OK ladies, please give me strength. I'm literally sitting at my REs office right now, waiting. Woman next to me is talking LOUDLY to her mother/friend about wow how many women are here and that people just have too many options and that if it's the right time then it's God's plan and will just happen. No idea why she is her and I'm not trying to be insensitive but really?? Here of all places, right now? Please...Grrr sorry just venting

funkykey

@GG620 that woman is an idiot. People have different religious beliefs. I read years ago that in Isreal, the state pays/sponsors IVF. Perhaps because they take "go forth and multiply" very seriously?

https://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/parenting/2014/03/11/no-questions-about-i-v-f-in-israel/?referer=

Like, it's okay to have your own beliefs, but be respectful and curious, not judgmental in the clinic waiting room. I'd be so mad if that happened to me! It'd be really hard to say something without snapping.

GG620

@funkykey yess!! I agree that everyone is definitely entitled to their own beliefs, but to say such things in such an environment and so loudly is just disrespectful imo.  Also, that is a super interesting article, thanks for the read!

dadezbombz

Omg ladies. I posted this a few days ago and forgot to check it.  I can't believe some of these comments. Ppl really suck. 

AlohaKumu

@GG620 How incredibly insensitive of her. Seriously, some people...

I've always liked the quote that goes something like, "Religion is like a dick. It's okay to have, but don't shove it down my throat."

It reminds me of when my friend's teen daughter had cancer and was given a pamphlet saying that she could call if she had questions about her condition. When she called, it was a "counselor" who told her that she must have made God mad and done something horribly wrong to get cancer. She didn't tell her mom for months until she broke down, feeling like she did something to cause her illness.

No one has the right to judge what is best for you and your family, except the advice of a medical professional who is there to keep us safe.