Mental Health Chat (week of 12/12)

LarkSparkle

How's everyone doing this week?

No set questions, just a space to chat.

Hope it's OK that this is posted on a Tuesday I think we missed the Monday Mental Health thread this week

LarkSparkle

I posted this and then had to a morning meeting, but I'll start things off! This is also my first post in the Mental Health thread. (I hope I'm doing it right.)

This week I'm anxious about being anxious. I'm not sure exactly where the pregnancy weepies end and 'should be worried about my mental state' begins.

I lost it on Sunday, because DH bought meal replacement powder for for the days when he's in a rush or "there's no food in the house". We usually take turns being the one to plan for food. We're coming out of a long stretch where he's been stressed and I've been ill.

I don't know why but I took this so badly. Started thinking I'm some kind of giant failure, and I'll never be organised enough to feed a baby. I feel like this is more than weepy.

I've also been very angry, like deeply angry, about things and jumping all over people (mostly DH). 

It's hard to do the things on your "feel good" list when you're feeling a bit crap. I'm talking to my shrink today though, and will try to get back on track with journaling. 

plumpous

I slept all day yesterday. I was supposed to work and get ready for our flight. Pack etc. But I couldn't leave the bed all day and I felt so guilty. And I had no appetite. I just feel some days that I can never lift myself up. I leave all the dirty work for DH who has a cold and I think he must be so fed up with me and my empty apologies. 

satsumasandlemons

Hey @plumpous if it makes you feel better I didn't do a damn thing either all day Saturday. And @LarkSparkle same here on Sunday - I even posted about it looking for ways other people cope with their anxiety and anger. 
Frustratingly enough, my ob/gyn did exactly what I thought she'd do and kind of brushed it off with "just take it day by day". I honestly do not know if I'm asking for help the right way but I have an appt with another ob/gyn tomorrow to see if she's a better fit for me. 

I think i need need to get back to a therapist, too. 

SPurp13

Add me to the list of people doing nothing. I had maybe one or two days of extreme fatigue with my first pregnancy, and I don't remember any off hand with the second. Right now, I just want to lay down. I can't keep my eyes open. I'm also sick, so I'm sure that's making it worse.

Last night, I just wanted to lay on the couch so bad, I kept saying "Why don't you play with the tablet?" I feel shitty, because I feel like my kid is on her tablet too much as it is (although, it's all puzzles and educational shit), and I always love it when she's dancing around, playing with blocks, etc. I just cannot.

SPurp13

Because this is the mental health thread, I thought I'd throw this out there to those who have experienced loss, even though I'm hit or miss with my participation (partly because I haven't found my grove yet on this board, and partly because just when I started to want to participate last time, I lost the baby).

I just feel SO CERTAIN that this baby will not happen. I just KNOW. I did the thing you aren't supposed to do, and I took another test yesterday, and it's not as dark of a line as it was the week before (I was peeing every day before, watching that line get darker). I also don't have a lot of symptoms, aside from slightly tender (not really) boobs, and being tired (could just be sick). BUT, I had no symptoms with my daughter, either. AND, I googled the lighter line, and it appears that that's not even something to worry about, because around this time the line actually can get lighter? 

I'm sort of a mess. My first appointment is Thursday, and I keep wanting to cancel, because I feel like I'd rather just not know than know that this is another loss, and have it ruin Christmas. I don't know what I'm asking, I just needed to vent.

lvcpatt84

SPurp13 said:

Because this is the mental health thread, I thought I'd throw this out there to those who have experienced loss, even though I'm hit or miss with my participation (partly because I haven't found my grove yet on this board, and partly because just when I started to want to participate last time, I lost the baby).

I just feel SO CERTAIN that this baby will not happen. I just KNOW. I did the thing you aren't supposed to do, and I took another test yesterday, and it's not as dark of a line as it was the week before (I was peeing every day before, watching that line get darker). I also don't have a lot of symptoms, aside from slightly tender (not really) boobs, and being tired (could just be sick). BUT, I had no symptoms with my daughter, either. AND, I googled the lighter line, and it appears that that's not even something to worry about, because around this time the line actually can get lighter? 

I'm sort of a mess. My first appointment is Thursday, and I keep wanting to cancel, because I feel like I'd rather just not know than know that this is another loss, and have it ruin Christmas. I don't know what I'm asking, I just needed to vent.

I'm so sorry you feel this way, and I'm sorry for your loss.

I also experienced a loss, only 4 months ago. My doctor told me to wait 2 full cycles before trying again, to get my body and hormones back in balance. Those 2 cycles passed, and my husband and I started "trying" again. Only, I wasn't really trying. I wasn't really ready, and I don't know why I just didn't tell my husband that. Instead, I just made sure to avoid having sex near my ovulation. But I miscalculated my ovulation dates and bam, got pregnant on the first "all-clear" cycle.

I'm having a lot of difficulty connecting to this pregnancy. Maybe I'm guarding myself. I haven't really accepted that I'm pregnant. I'm taking my prenatals and stopped drinking my nightly wine, but I don't *feel* any different. I'm having a lot of morning sickness, and I've even vomited several times, but, I just can't explain it, I just don't connect it to being pregnant. 

My first appt and ultrasound is also this Thursday. I am extremely anxious about it, and am partially dreading it. Sending virtual hugs and good juju to you, and I hope we both get some comfort on Thursday. 

SPurp13

lvcpatt84 said:

SPurp13 said:

Because this is the mental health thread, I thought I'd throw this out there to those who have experienced loss, even though I'm hit or miss with my participation (partly because I haven't found my grove yet on this board, and partly because just when I started to want to participate last time, I lost the baby).

I just feel SO CERTAIN that this baby will not happen. I just KNOW. I did the thing you aren't supposed to do, and I took another test yesterday, and it's not as dark of a line as it was the week before (I was peeing every day before, watching that line get darker). I also don't have a lot of symptoms, aside from slightly tender (not really) boobs, and being tired (could just be sick). BUT, I had no symptoms with my daughter, either. AND, I googled the lighter line, and it appears that that's not even something to worry about, because around this time the line actually can get lighter? 

I'm sort of a mess. My first appointment is Thursday, and I keep wanting to cancel, because I feel like I'd rather just not know than know that this is another loss, and have it ruin Christmas. I don't know what I'm asking, I just needed to vent.

I'm so sorry you feel this way, and I'm sorry for your loss.

I also experienced a loss, only 4 months ago. My doctor told me to wait 2 full cycles before trying again, to get my body and hormones back in balance. Those 2 cycles passed, and my husband and I started "trying" again. Only, I wasn't really trying. I wasn't really ready, and I don't know why I just didn't tell my husband that. Instead, I just made sure to avoid having sex near my ovulation. But I miscalculated my ovulation dates and bam, got pregnant on the first "all-clear" cycle.

I'm having a lot of difficulty connecting to this pregnancy. Maybe I'm guarding myself. I haven't really accepted that I'm pregnant. I'm taking my prenatals and stopped drinking my nightly wine, but I don't *feel* any different. I'm having a lot of morning sickness, and I've even vomited several times, but, I just can't explain it, I just don't connect it to being pregnant. 

My first appt and ultrasound is also this Thursday. I am extremely anxious about it, and am partially dreading it. Sending virtual hugs and good juju to you, and I hope we both get some comfort on Thursday. 

Thanks. I feel like I'd feel better if I did have symptoms...although, something they give pregnant women for morning sickness is unisom and B6, which I take regularly anyway...I'm wondering if I'll never get morning sickness, just because I take those regularly, and I wouldn't even know if I would get sick without...I'm grasping at anything. I just really don't even want to go Thursday. 

lph4248

@SPurp13 I feel you. I have not experienced a loss that I know of (knock on wood), but this feels too surreal to be real. I've seen the baby on an ultrasound and heard the heartbeat, but I'm painfully aware that a loss could still happen at anytime. And I've already told so many people (had to because of morning sickness)... if I lost the baby, could I handle the awkwardness of them all feeling awful for me and me just trying to grieve and get through it? This is my struggle this week. Oh, and my usual anxiety... I've got a presentation first thing in the morning tomorrow, eek.

Nicki2525

lvcpatt84 said:

SPurp13 said:

Because this is the mental health thread, I thought I'd throw this out there to those who have experienced loss, even though I'm hit or miss with my participation (partly because I haven't found my grove yet on this board, and partly because just when I started to want to participate last time, I lost the baby).

I just feel SO CERTAIN that this baby will not happen. I just KNOW. I did the thing you aren't supposed to do, and I took another test yesterday, and it's not as dark of a line as it was the week before (I was peeing every day before, watching that line get darker). I also don't have a lot of symptoms, aside from slightly tender (not really) boobs, and being tired (could just be sick). BUT, I had no symptoms with my daughter, either. AND, I googled the lighter line, and it appears that that's not even something to worry about, because around this time the line actually can get lighter? 

I'm sort of a mess. My first appointment is Thursday, and I keep wanting to cancel, because I feel like I'd rather just not know than know that this is another loss, and have it ruin Christmas. I don't know what I'm asking, I just needed to vent.

I'm so sorry you feel this way, and I'm sorry for your loss.

I also experienced a loss, only 4 months ago. My doctor told me to wait 2 full cycles before trying again, to get my body and hormones back in balance. Those 2 cycles passed, and my husband and I started "trying" again. Only, I wasn't really trying. I wasn't really ready, and I don't know why I just didn't tell my husband that. Instead, I just made sure to avoid having sex near my ovulation. But I miscalculated my ovulation dates and bam, got pregnant on the first "all-clear" cycle.

I'm having a lot of difficulty connecting to this pregnancy. Maybe I'm guarding myself. I haven't really accepted that I'm pregnant. I'm taking my prenatals and stopped drinking my nightly wine, but I don't *feel* any different. I'm having a lot of morning sickness, and I've even vomited several times, but, I just can't explain it, I just don't connect it to being pregnant. 

My first appt and ultrasound is also this Thursday. I am extremely anxious about it, and am partially dreading it. Sending virtual hugs and good juju to you, and I hope we both get some comfort on Thursday. 

Thank you both so much. I've been going through the same thing. I'm having trouble connecting to this pregnancy--  we had a couple losses. I feel hopeless in the morning and then it gets better throughout the day.   I have an appt Friday and I am driving myself crazy waiting for it. I don't know how I feel - I'm a little crampy but that's about it. I'm so nervous that something is wrong. 

Im sending you both the best vibes and am so grateful for you sharing!!!

lvcpatt84

@SPurp13, I had zero symptoms with my daughter. Zero. It was a perfect and healthy pregnancy. Try not to stress too much about symptoms, or lack thereof. They aren't necessarily an indication of anything. Hugs.

SPurp13

lvcpatt84 said:

@SPurp13, I had zero symptoms with my daughter. Zero. It was a perfect and healthy pregnancy. Try not to stress too much about symptoms, or lack thereof. They aren't necessarily an indication of anything. Hugs.

Oh, I definitely know that! I had little to no symptoms with my daughter as well (I had weird ones, like dandruff and stuffy nose)...but having symptoms would make me feel better...although I did feel a little sick with the second baby (that we lost). 

I just feel SO CERTAIN this is over (for no reason at all), and I honestly don't know if I can go to my appointment Thursday. I don't want to ruin Christmas. And they will likely send me for an ultrasound (and I've mentioned this before), where they do not allow anyone in the room with you at first. They make you go alone, they scan you, then they bring your husband back...or don't. They didn't bother, and I knew the baby was dead. I will stress to my doctor that I don't know if I can go back into that room at all, let alone by myself, but it's hospital policy, so...it's either go into the room alone and cry the whole time or don't get ultrasounds my entire pregnancy. I know I have to. But I don't know if I CAN.

(and people keep saying switch hospitals--I don't want to. There aren't better options here to begin with, but I do like my doctor and want to stay with her)

plumpous

Remember that having a loss does not increase your risk for another loss. I am praying for all of you who are concerned and worried that everything will turn alright. 

supermom83

Wow, how did I miss these weekly posts before?? I would have vented here! 

@SPurp13, I completely understand how you're feeling and sympathize. I feel the exact same way you do. I just feel like no way am I going to actually have a baby. I had a twin loss at 15 almost 16 weeks, and have been traumatized since. This was the pregnancy in between both my kids (DS1 and DS2). When I was pregnant without DS2 I was a complete mess. I actually saw a therapist for most of the oregnanacy until I was put on bedrest and couldn't go anymore. 

I am convinced somethint is going to go wrong. I'm just waiting for the ball to drop, so it seems. They couldn't see a HB or fetal pole at my 6w ultrasound, so now I'm convinced I'm experiencing a missed miscarriage or something. I have my ultrasound tomorrow and I am so scared I can barely function today. I was a mess on a Sunday and just let DH do all the faulting that day as I wallowed in my misery all day. I felt so guilty, but also, I just couldn't stop thinking about all the potentially horrible things that were waiting to happen. I also have zero symptoms, no nausea, I'm not tired anymore, no pimples, nothing. So im just convinced it's bad news. Ugh. I wish I could turn this thought process off in my head and just enjoy, but knowing the acute pain of a loss makes it seems impossible...

kat0607

@SPurp13 , I'm so sorry for your loss. It's terrible when a previous experience taints something that's supposed to be fun and exciting, and I can understand your feeling constantly worried and out of touch. FWIW I don't know how far along you are (sorry if you mentioned it and I missed it) but I do know that around 10-12 weeks is the average time hCg levels generally tend to plateau or start lowering. It may be sooner or later depending on the woman but I don't know for sure. That would explain the line on your test getting lighter. I truly hope your appointment on Thursday yields a different outcome than what you expect!

chiquita928

I've been having what I can only describe as anxiety attacks lately.  I've never had them before, so I'm not sure exactly what they are, but the term feels like it fits.  I get this antsy, awful feeling that I need to 'escape' whatever situation I am in when it starts.  I keep yawning or sighing and getting all jittery.  So far, it's happened three times in the past week:  once while driving in ridic NYC traffic (which I'm not used to), once in church when the homily was loooong and I was really warm, and once waiting in line at JCPenney today.  I feel like it's extreme impatience plus being warm and nauseous without being able to get out.  It's really disconcerting, though, having never experienced it before.  Tips?

Dcwtada

@chiquita928 I have those anxiety attacks exactly as you describe them. I am such a laid back person but when I feel surrounded (especially by people) in line or crowds I get hot, anxious, impatient and generally can only think of escaping. Sounds crazy but breathe through your mouth, get extra space if you can and just remind yourself it's anxiety and you are completely fine. 

My my dad goes in for surgery tomorrow, he has cancer. He is such a fun-loving and amazing person. Everything looks postive, the cancer has not spread and they are going to eliminate it this go around with only risks of impotency and possible incontinence. We are so hopeful but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't messing with my head terribly. 

oheliza44

@Dcwtada hoping that your dad's surgery goes well and he is on the road to remission soon. 

mango15

This is a long one...sorry but once I started I had to get it all off my chest.

My marriage had been hanging by a thread. No amount of begging could get dh off his ass to help, not once since I told him about this pregnancy had he even asked how I was feeling, he just doesn't care. We have plenty of other way bigger issues going on as well. Then Saturday we went to a wedding.

after the ceremony I left for a bit to join my 2 dds and in laws at another event. When I retuned to the wedding I couldn't find dh. One of his friends said he hadn't seen him in about 10 mins, he had disappeared at one point before I had left as well. This wedding was all his old coworkers so I didn't think much of it.

then I found him. Tucked away around the corner with a woman from work he used to fuck. He was hammered, so much so he didn't see me standing 15 feet away, so I watch. He is talking to her then he starts embracing her, not hugging, embracing. Then I see he kisses her on the forehead, and is still embracing her. this from the guy who flips the fuck out if I give an old friend a side hug, hugging the opposite sex is a huge offense to him.

i walked away for a few minutes to gather myself, then once he is back at the table I tell him it's time to go, and if he doesn't come home now our marriage has no chance. He hemmed and hawed a bit on the way to the car, then when he got in I lit him up.  I have never screamed at anyone like that before in my life. I lost it, I felt broken.

and I'm his drunken state he begins accusing me of cheating and lying. Over the summer he had an emotional affair and he started talking about her and had more details about her pussy than he should have if his told me the truth about thier relationship before. And it kept going.

It was like what I saw at the wedding broke me, and ever time he opened his mouth after that he said something that shattered the pieces that were left. 

I havent spoken to him since, I don't know if he even realizes how badly he fucked up. I packed a bag, took money from the safe and all the cash from his wallet (because btw he hasn't made any money in the last year since he switched careers. while I have busted my ass working fulltime plus any overtime I could, and doing all the housework and caring for the kids.) and took the kids to my moms an hour away. I did come home because the kids had school and they shouldn't suffer because my husband fucked up.

he has been trying to make up for it by doing the dishes and laundry, but I am done. So very very done with his bullshit. I was a fool to think we would ever work things out with all the issues hanging over us, he's the kind of guy where it's never his fault.

Am I being unreasonable? The wedding issue is just the tip of the iceberg, there are even worse issues than the emotional affair. I feel so stupid right now. What the hell was I thinking staying with this asshole...

my apologies. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I'm lost, I don't have any close friends anymore and I feel so broken.

Dcwtada

Oh honey, I am so very sorry. I know guys can get a little weird during pregnancy even if it is a planned baby but from what you have been saying this is a longer term issue and one that has been going on for quite some time. None of what happened is ok, none. I think it is good for you to take some time and figure out where you guys are and where you go next. Distance will give you both some space and time to think. I am definitely here to talk if you ever need advice or just a friendly ear to vent to. Hang in there momma  

mango15

Thank you. It is so hard. I really have no one to talk to about this. I f I'm really honest my husband has done a pretty good job isolating me from my friend and dictating who i can hang out with (all are wives of his friends of course.) why I have let this happen I do not know. I used to consider myself strong and independent. It's time to start working on that again.

But one thing I am determined to do is be strong for my kids no matter what. I hate when they see me cry, I feel so weak in those moments. 

satsumasandlemons

Omg @mango15. F$ck him. He sounds like a manipulative, emotional abuser. I hope you are able to find the right solution. Make sure you and your girls are protected, first and foremost. Hugs, girl. 

chiquita928

@mango15 I'm so sorry you are going through all of this, especially right now. FX it works out for the best for you!

oheliza44

oh @mango15, I just read your post and I am literally in tears. I am so sorry you are going through this, especially now, being in your first trimester and with the holidays looming.  It sounds like you are giving yourself some space to figure things out and get your affairs in order, which is good. Please reach out if you need to vent or for additional support.

cssme13

Oh @mango15 I am so sorry you have to deal with this! He sounds like a total ass hat. Like PP have said, make sure you and your sweet kiddos are taken care of first and screw whatever the hell he wants. 

mango15

Thank you all for your kind words. at least I know I have a support group here to vent or cry to when I need it. 

supermom83

@mango15 I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. How stressful. You sound like a strong mama, and I'm glad you realize you don't have to put up with this kind of behavior anymore. Wishing you the best of luck. 

manillabar

@Dcwtada I hope your dad's surgery went well today!

@mango15 I'm so sorry to hear about what's been going on! You deserve so much better and I hope you can come to a good solution for you and your family. I think taking some time apart is smart to figure out what you really want and whether this relationship is worth saving. Either way, we're here for you!