MIL WTFs (Christmas Edition)

redselig

I know there's little activity on this board but it's still my favourite place to rant so here goes. I would like to preface that my mother in law is a lovely person. She is thoughtful, generous and has a big heart. She lives in a different country so this is the 2nd time she's seen DS. When we do see each other it's for a longer duration of time. I am staying with the in-laws for the whole month and it's driving me up the wall. I am doing babyled weaning and she seems to be sabotaging my efforts. She keeps on muttering that she's afraid he's going to choke and keeps on giving him water. DS had a cold and no appetite so she insisted on doing airplane spoons with purées which according to her is the successful way to get a baby to eat. And she can't stop commenting on how dirty BLW is. She also complains all the damn time about her bad back, arthritis, and headaches that I've run out of words of encouragement. If she's not complaining about her poor physical health, she talks incessantly and often repeats the same thing. I know I'm annoyed because it's usually just SO and I who are with the baby so adding in-laws who have never changed diapers nor watched DS without us present is just extra company without the help. I'm ready to leave now.

g&tlewis

I don't know how you handle staying with your in-laws for that long. Props to you for not going off on her. I have to have a glass (or 2) of wine to handle a 1 hour visit from my MIL. 

stephpl

yikes, yeah props to you for staying that long! we did BLW too and I can't tell you how many times my MIL told me we needed to puree everything. Now DS is just over 8 months and can eat anything off of our plates! She's still telling us to mash things up while watching him easily chew a piece of chicken. I'm not sure she realizes how much things have changes in the 30 years since she last had an infant...

On another note in MIL Christmas rants...I am dreading all the gifts she is going to give our son for Christmas. I came from a family where Christmas is more about spending time with each other and maybe a couple of gifts. She's already commented that DS won't really remember this Christmas so she's only getting him like 10 things...I can't even imagine what next year will be like. I feel like I should be grateful for the generosity, but I really don't want my son flooded with gifts and we really don't have the room for them in our tiny house!!

ladylolly89

That would drive me nuts.
We didn't do BLW, but DS is eating chunks of food off our plates and I hardly mash anything for him now. Whenever he stays with my MIL she mashes up what I send and adds formula to it! What 8-month old needs to have all of his food mashed that much?
 Um. He. can. chew.
Plus, if I only send one thing for lunch, she makes more food for him, which he then proceeds to spit up all afternoon after I pick him up.
I also send his bottles pre-mixed so she can't give him extra. He's already a pretty big boy, but apparently she thinks he needs more! He doesn't eat anywhere near as much as she thinks he does.
 She's really a wonderful woman, but I'm starting to see why all of her kids have a weight problem. 

Missingchampagne

My MIL just can't stop feeding (or trying to feed) my son everything under the sun. He has a pretty sensitive gut and we have had some horrible experiences with blood in his stool since he was born, so we've been taking food at a snail's pace. She just doesn't get it. She'll say "oh he's sick? here!" And she's halfway to feeding him chicken soup from a restaurant with a thick layer of fat across the top. He has his food and he can have certain clean foods we eat. Frankly, the food in question shouldn't even matter anymore, because I have talked to her about how we are the ones who make his dietary decisions ... SEVERAL times. I know her love for him is enormous, and I have been so grateful for her, but being undermined doesn't feel good. I want her to understand that it would be easier for me if he was eating everything off my plate, too. It's not fun for me that he is so sensitive, but it's even less fun when I give him a new food and he has 3 days of diarrhea that's black with blood. He needs to come first and it's not a freaking game. 

redselig

g&tlewis said:

I don't know how you handle staying with your in-laws for that long. Props to you for not going off on her. I have to have a glass (or 2) of wine to handle a 1 hour visit from my MIL. 

At most it's twice a year so I can grin and bear it. I'm more relaxed after dinner probably because of wine. 

redselig

@stephpl I was just thinking about DS being inundated with gifts. Doesn't matter what I say, relatives will always buy DS something. I've skewed it in our favour and have given them guidelines. No more clothes, just books and open-ended toys. So far, everyone has complied. 

redselig

@Missingchampagne this is just terrible. Her insistence is compromising your son's health. Have you tried a loud, resounding 'NOOO!'

g&tlewis

redselig said:

g&tlewis said:

I don't know how you handle staying with your in-laws for that long. Props to you for not going off on her. I have to have a glass (or 2) of wine to handle a 1 hour visit from my MIL. 

At most it's twice a year so I can grin and bear it. I'm more relaxed after dinner probably because of wine. 

@redselig girl, that's what mimosas are for! My MIL usually comes over mid-day so my husband makes sure to pour me at least one very large mimosa about an hour before her arrival. 

g&tlewis

Regarding gifts... I made a wish list for my son on the Toys R Us website. It doesn't have many items on it, but I do know that some people have already purchased gifts from it. I'm sure people will stray from the list some, but at least they know what kind of stuff we would for Callen. I put mainly educational toys, especially things that will help with his hand/eye coordination. (And a convertible car seat that has already been purchased! Yes, please!) I actually think my MIL might be the only one who doesn't pay attention to the list since she didn't bother to ask our opinion before she bought him a jumper at 4 months. No surprise there. 

ladylolly89

g&tlewis said:

Regarding gifts... I made a wish list for my son on the Toys R Us website. It doesn't have many items on it, but I do know that some people have already purchased gifts from it. I'm sure people will stray from the list some, but at least they know what kind of stuff we would for Callen. I put mainly educational toys, especially things that will help with his hand/eye coordination. (And a convertible car seat that has already been purchased! Yes, please!) I actually think my MIL might be the only one who doesn't pay attention to the list since she didn't bother to ask our opinion before she bought him a jumper at 4 months. No surprise there. 

We have an Amazon wish list for DS and it has helped immensely! Even if someone buys something that isn't on the list, they can see what sort of items we want for him (and when discussing gifts with MIL and SILs, I made it clear that we don't want any kids' CDs or battery operated toys.) I don't care for the noise and we prefer him to play with simple, open-ended toys. I didn't want to be rude (because I know both my SILs are okay with toys like that for their children), but we have a small house and especially with another baby coming next year I don't want a bunch of noisy toys. DS can make enough noise with the toys he has. He doesn't need help!

stephpl

ladylolly89 said:

g&tlewis said:

Regarding gifts... I made a wish list for my son on the Toys R Us website. It doesn't have many items on it, but I do know that some people have already purchased gifts from it. I'm sure people will stray from the list some, but at least they know what kind of stuff we would for Callen. I put mainly educational toys, especially things that will help with his hand/eye coordination. (And a convertible car seat that has already been purchased! Yes, please!) I actually think my MIL might be the only one who doesn't pay attention to the list since she didn't bother to ask our opinion before she bought him a jumper at 4 months. No surprise there. 

We have an Amazon wish list for DS and it has helped immensely! Even if someone buys something that isn't on the list, they can see what sort of items we want for him (and when discussing gifts with MIL and SILs, I made it clear that we don't want any kids' CDs or battery operated toys.) I don't care for the noise and we prefer him to play with simple, open-ended toys. I didn't want to be rude (because I know both my SILs are okay with toys like that for their children), but we have a small house and especially with another baby coming next year I don't want a bunch of noisy toys. DS can make enough noise with the toys he has. He doesn't need help!

We definitely did the Amazon list as well. Perhaps it was my fault for putting lots of things on the list (to give them options of what to get) but I was really hoping MIL wouldn't buy EVERYTHING! They definitely have a very different mentality of celebrating Christmas than I do and put a lot of importance on the quantity of gifts that are given. I've even seen my MIL go back out on Christmas day to buy more gifts (for her adult sons) because she didn't think they got enough.

Missingchampagne

We also made an Amazon list. I like that you can add notes. We put things like "Doesn't have to be this brand, but we need a few pairs of pajamas size 18M" so people know where the priorities are, and which things are more like suggestions. He's the first grandchild so we're all enjoying the ride  

bean_2016

It's been really quiet on the MIL front lately. Now that I said that I probably just jinxed it...

redselig

I unfortunately have a new frustration to add. We were eating dinner when DS starts whimpering on the baby monitor. MIL asks whether she should attend to him and I stated that I WILL. DS lets out a cry and MIL gets up from her seat and proceeds to baby's room, disregarding what I had just said. I get up too and am right behind her. She opens the door and is heading towards the crib and I quicken my pace and scoop up MY BABY from the crib telling her I'll take it from here. WTF??!!  Ugh.