Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Forcing myself to feel normal.

Hi ladies,

This is my first post in this community and I'm not too sure where to start. I was 12wks and 6 days into my second pregnancy and I miscarried about 4 days ago. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced. As I sit at home watching my son play, I can't seem to feel 100% like myself. My husband tells me it's okay to cry, it's okay to feel sad. I can't cry anymore, I have cried my fair share the last 3 days, and I don't feel anything anymore. I just feel.. empty. I don't know if anyone else feels like this but it's so frustrating. I'm trying to get myself going, keep myself busy. But I find myself staying up til midnight staring at the ceiling. I just want to feel normal. I want to feel like myself. 

Re: Forcing myself to feel normal.

  • I'm so sorry, all of this is so hard. It's totally normal to feel numb and sad or both of these at once. It's important to give yourself time to grieve. There's not a fast pass through it unfortunately, it's something that needs to be processed. Also, with time it should hopefully get better. It was the worst for me the first few weeks. For me, I needed to find/accept my 'new normal' after loss. Be kind to yourself and allow others to support you. Hugs!
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I had better words to say.... I hope heal and find the new normal soon. Lots of hugs to you. 
    *TW* Pregnancy/Loss Mentioned
    Me: 37 /PCOS DH: 37/no issues TTC: 7/13
    Started with RE 12/14; 3 failed rounds of clomid, started letrozole
    IUI #1 & #2- BFN
    IVF #1 - 9/15 Cancelled Day 9
    IVF #2- started stims 10/24  ER- 11/15 6 eggs- 5 fertilized/ 1 frozen
    FET #1 -1 embryo-12/9/15- BFN
    IVF #3- started stims 1/22/16  ER- 2/8 33 eggs(!)- 21 mature, all 21 fertilized - 6 snowflakes!
    FET #2- 2 embryos- April 4th-BFN
    ERA-June 8- results show need 12 addt'l hours of PIO
    FET #3-  2 embryos transferred August 14,2016  BFP! on 8/24! Beta #1-22  Beta #2-83 Beta #3-368 
    Confirmed singleton-Heartbeat on 9/19-160bpm! EDD: May 1, 2017, It's a girl!!
    Pre-term labor/loss-stillborn at 18w. 
    FET #4- 1 embryo-Aug 12th-BFP on 8/23 Beta #1-112 Beta #2-298 Beta #3-1010
    Confirmed Identicals!- Heartbeats seen on 9/8  Miscarriage on 9/18
    FET #5- 1 embryo- 1/12/18-BFN
    Lots of testing and finally determined I have elevated natural killer cells. Will begin prednisone and IVL treatment before next round.
    IVF#4- April 2018 8 eggs, 7 fertilized/3 frozen
    FET #6- 1 embryo- 6/11/18- BFP on 6/21 Beta #1-446, Beta #2-1841 
    Confirmed singleton- 6/29/18 HB-157 EDD: February 22, 2019. It's a Boy!

    BabyFruit Ticker 
  • Loading the player...
  • @cassbrann I'm so sorry for your loss.  You will start to feel normal again eventually but like others said it's unfortunately just going to take some time.  When I went through my last miscarriage I felt incredibly numb for weeks and it some ways I still feel numb but it is getting better.  Sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers.  

    Me 36 DH 34 - Married May 2010
    DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation
    TTC since December 2014
    Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy :(  
    FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks :( 
    FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks :(
    FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks :(
    FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days :(
    FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days 
    Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good 
    2 snow babies 

  • Thank you ladies, I keep receiving overwhelming amounts of love from everyone and it definitely helps. I know it's going to take a while before everything seems okay, I just have to take baby steps. Send love, hugs, positive thoughts and prayers to you all as well
  • I am sorry for your loss. I was numb for a long time after my loss. Its hard when all you really want to do is just have the empty feeling inside stop hurt. It does get better. For me it took me awhile to feel better, but I did. It kind of snuck up on me. Hug!
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. For months after my miscarriage my daily mantra was "fake it until you make it." I was so impatient to get back to feeling normal. I found that things got easier when I allowed myself to grieve and tried to accept where I was each day. I still struggle with this but am gradually feeling better. Wishing you the best. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards