Your Children & Facebook Posts

stokesm21

I know it's early but I'm wondering if any of you have a plan for Facebook?  It's terrible that we have to discuss these things in our day and age.  I have approximately 150 people on mine, literally half of which are mine or DH's family.  The rest are close friends and people who have been important to me at one point or another, basically those who I still care about and I know care about me even if our lives no longer intertwine.  DH on the other hand, has a lot of people I quite frankly hate.  Most are people he knew/knows and less of those that are of any real importance to him.  I cringe at them being able to see posts and pictures of our child(ren).  I read this really great article the other day about your child's privacy on FB, that got me thinking. 

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/07/29/why-i-decided-to-stop-writing-about-my-children/?mwrsm=Facebook&_r=0 

My Mom also has a tendency to share literally everything  of my sister's.  Is there a way I can set posts so that they can't be shared? 

Recently a friend posted a video of her DH playing with her DD but the tag was pretty embarrassing.  Something about her taking a big #2.  I was kind of shocked after having read that article.  Anything you post online never goes away and we have to be cognizant of how this can affect our children when they are older.  I'd hate to not post at all because our families are literally all over place so I'm torn.  Even though my sister literally lives 5 minutes away, she always posts funny things that my nephew says.  They are not embarrassing at all, but I do love reading and laughing about them since I'm obviously not with them 24/7.    

So where do you fall on the spectrum?  What do you find acceptable/non-acceptable?  What's your plan?  (If you have one)  

(I know, I know, I'm all over this site today.  Apologies!)  
Edit:  I only have 117 on FB, not 157.  3 of which I just deleted haha!    

spk112

We will not be posting many pictures of the baby on Facebook. And we will be asking our parents to refrain from oversharing as well.

Our families are spread all over the country, so H and I may create a private Instagram account for baby pictures, just so that our loved ones can stay updated. We will have to approve all followers and viewers. That extra "layer" of privacy made us a little more comfortable.

satsumasandlemons

I don't really write about DD although I do post a lot of pictures! None of them fall within the embarrassing range. I would never write about her puberty like the woman who wrote the linked article. 

LimeKrazy

I am super careful about what I post on Facebook.  We too have family members who share everything that gets posted.  When I do post pictures I'm careful that they are not embarrassing or excessive.  And I always set my posts to the 'private' setting.  That way, even if they do get shared only people that we are both (me and the sharer) are friends with can see them and not friends of friends of friends.  We also had nannies for the first couple years of our girls' lives and I made it very clear that they were not to post pics of our kids either. 

The other thing that don't like about Facebook is that anyone with access to a picture can right-click and save it.  So I use a Shutterfly share site to share my pics with friends and family who I want to see the pics but don't want them out there for the world.  It allows more control for me over my own pics and who has access to view and download them. 

 I have friends who think I'm way overly careful when it comes to social media but I don't think you can be too careful with your kids' safety and privacy.

KM2J

I post pictures and share about my son on Facebook.  I am pretty selective as to who my friends are though - I do not befriend everyone I have ever met.  My privacy settings are set so that only friends can see my posts, not friends of friends.  Yes, I realize that this is not complete protection, but honestly, I don't share super personal information, and I also am careful that what I post would not be embarrassing to my son someday.  For example, no potty or bathtub pictures, embarrassing stories, etc.  I do not think that is cute to post and when I see stuff like that it totally baffles me as to why someone would do that.  But I do like sharing with friends near and far, as well as my extended family, pics of my little one so that they can see him growing up even if they don't live close anymore.  To each his own though and I think everyone should do what they are comfortable with.  Certainly family members should respect any wishes not to post pictures of your children if those are your wishes.

splashmountain

LimeKrazy said:

I am super careful about what I post on Facebook.  We too have family members who share everything that gets posted.  When I do post pictures I'm careful that they are not embarrassing or excessive.  And I always set my posts to the 'private' setting.  That way, even if they do get shared only people that we are both (me and the sharer) are friends with can see them and not friends of friends of friends.  We also had nannies for the first couple years of our girls' lives and I made it very clear that they were not to post pics of our kids either. 

The other thing that don't like about Facebook is that anyone with access to a picture can right-click and save it.  So I use a Shutterfly share site to share my pics with friends and family who I want to see the pics but don't want them out there for the world.  It allows more control for me over my own pics and who has access to view and download them. 

 I have friends who think I'm way overly careful when it comes to social media but I don't think you can be too careful with your kids' safety and privacy.

^^^ this bolded! I have a fil that is never around, never sees his grandson, never calls to check up on him or anything. Every pic I posted he would copy it or repost it like it was his, acting like world's best grandpa! It drove me insane!!

I actually am no longer on Facebook due to too much drama, so I'll be looking into the private instagram page like @spk112 suggested.

LoveLee85

I don't have Facebook but still have my drama. So annoying. In laws are obsessed with Facebook. I have let my general hatred for Facebook be known...but that doesn't stop them. And they will friend ANYONE. They will do anything for 'likes'. They are friends with tons of people my DH and I have cut from our lives(X's, X's new wives/husbands, x-best friends who are horrible people) giving them direct access to our child and business. I hate it. They don't understand and never will. Our motto is the less the better. 

True story, DH and I were at the grocery store and he kept looking at this lady and her little girl weird. We got a few isles over and DH was like 'OMG! I know her and her little girl.' He said he didn't really know them, but his mom was friends with the little girls grandma and due to crazy over sharing and no privacy settings being placed, DH said he knew her name, birthday, nick names, what her room looks like, everything!!!! How unsafe!!!! My DH said it was weird to see them in person because he thought they lived on the other side of the country by the way the overstating was! Just think about that! Do you want strangers knowing the ins and out of every fact about your child?! How dangerous. Examples like this is why we do our best to keep our DS online foot print low. 

I dont even say my name, state, or share pictures here on the bump. 

longhairdntcare

I realize that I am most likely in the minority here, but I don't see anything wrong with Facebook sharing of photos/stories/funny things kids say. I mean there is a line, I think. But that line is definitely blurred, the younger the child is. I honestly don't really understand the 'danger' of strangers seeing photos. Plenty of strangers will see my child anytime we leave the house, so who cares if some strangers see a picture on the internet? Just my opinion. 

morgarita

I'm not a big sharer on Facebook anyways so currently I rarely post a picture of something unique my ds did or a family event. This is more so that those moments are ours. My mil use to upset me bc she would post a picture that I've never seen. Idk it bothered me but she has stopped. 

We try to never take (what we think is) indecent pictures in general. Also if its just my son and I out I call him bubba, only dad and me call him that, instead of his real name or nickname. He's two so I feel he might think anyone who knows his name is friendly. I guess I'm a little more protective than I thought. 

purplegoldfish2

We post some of the cute/funny stuff our kids say and a few pics (mostly the backs of them, so you can't see faces). I have had pictures stolen (the thieves were blocked) and it made me more aware. I know every person on my friend's list and the person that ended up with the pictures did not know me at all.  They also stole pictures from my sister of my niece (my boys were not born yet).  

Also, even if the pictures are only visible to you, Facebook still has rights to them and can sell them.  I had friends find a picture of their kids in the newspaper with credits to Facebook.  You have zero control over any pictures you post there.  Instagram is also owned by Facebook.  I don't know their current policies, but they can change them to match Facebook's at any time. I've talked to so many people that have no idea they gave Facebook permission to sell their pics that I feel like I need to spread the word.  

Shutterfly has share sites that you can add puctures and stories to and share only with the people you want to have access to it.  I admit I don't know all of Shutterfly's policies, but it feels a bit more secure to me, especially since you have to invite people in, instead of excluding people already on your friends list (plus, I don't think Shutterfly sells your pics).

SaphireSweetie88

This is a good topic and interesting to see what everyone thinks.

I have 195 friends on Facebook. They are all either friends or family. I don't add everyone I meet. There are 10 people on there (friends) that I could remove but have no reason to. DH is the same with his Facebook. Most are family and the rest are friends.

DH & I do go through our Facebook periodically and remove people if we haven't talked to them in a long time, etc. NONE of the people on either of our Facebooks seem like people who would go crazy with sharing or saving photos. The only people who MIGHT save them would be our parents but even then if they want a copy of a picture, they'll ask us to send it to them via email or text.

We don't feel (at this point) that we have too much to worry about since out profiles are blocked to those who aren't friends with us. They can't see anything other than our cover photo and profile picture. A lot of people in our family have kids / have had kids since Facebook has been popular and there hasn't been any issues so we have no reason to think issues with it would magically start with our baby.

DH & I also try not to worry about things that may not be even be an issue so we probably won't focus too much on it or worry to much about it unless we see it becoming an issue - then we would talk to whomever it is that's doing something we don't like.

mama2stepmama

I don't have any friends on my personal Facebook page that I don't know in real life. I have a second Facebook page for my business (I'm a birth doula) where I add my clients and other birth professionals. But I don't add them to my personal page, because they don't need to see pics of my kiddos and such. My personal page is private. 

munchkinsmama

I post very little on FB about my children, I have just stared using instagram a little bit more. When my first was born I used an app called 23snaps. You have to invite people to see your kids page, it's great to keep family and close friends in the loop. I'm honestly not sure what their policy is as far as owning your pictures or not, I never post anything that could be embarrassing later, I do have family that post on FB but they know how I feel and keep it pretty light as well.

nikkiandchris

I try hard not to post anything embarrassing about my kiddos, but I'm pretty lax about sharing pictures and cute things they say. I do have a bunch of people labeled as acquaintances and I set some posts to "Friends but not acquaintances". But those are usually political and not related to my kids come to think of it lol. 

StacyH0507

I share my kids on FB, we are a military family and this is how we can include our family in our lives. We make sure we post things that won't embarrass them later though and keep it simple. 

kat0607

This is an interesting topic! I haven't really given much thought to it yet. DH does not have a Facebook, but I do, as well as most other members of my family. I definitely think it can be shady, even though I try to have my privacy set to maximum security. I like the idea of having a personal Shutterfly or other online album for pictures of the baby, just for family members and friends. I know posting pictures of your children is the "thing to do" nowadays, but I think DH and I have a little bit of an old fashioned style. I even considered mailing out our pregnancy announcements instead of doing one on Facebook. I've been wanting to stay off the grid more and more. 

AdaByron

I post pictures on Facebook. The grandparents share them also. I signed the release for our DC to use pictures on Facebook. I just don't worry about it. Social media is unavoidable at this point. I figure we might as well embrace it instead of living in fear of it. 

purplegoldfish2

I just want to clarify - I did not ever find out who exactly stole my pics.  It was one of several people, all family, that knew the person that ended up with the pictures.  That person had no access to my profile except for my profile and cover pictures (not the ones that were stolen). The pictures were not used in a malicious way, but they were used without my knowledge or permission & I felt violated.  I would not have given permission had they asked.

I just felt I should add this as I see a couple people saying they only have family & friends on their profile.  I also only had family & friends and don't add everybody I meet.

I'm not trying to convince anybody to not post pics of their kids.  Many of my friends still do.  Even my sister, who had pictures of her daughter stolen, blocked the offending family and still posts pics of her kids. I have a few up that you can see their faces. I just want people to be aware that no mater how secure their profile is, they can still have their pictures stolen (or sold by Facebook).

AdaByron

Facebook does not sell users' photos.

LoveLee85

AdaByron said:

Facebook does not sell users' photos.

I can't figure out how to copy and paste with my phone on this app, but as long as your photos are up, they can do whatever they want with them. It's all there in writing under terms and conditions. 

 It says the you grant them nonexclusive, transferable, royalty free, sub licensable  worldwide use of all IP content that's within your Facebook account. Aka pictures and videos.  It says the agreement is broken if taken off Facebook unless pictures or videos were shared and still on other people's profiles, then Facebook still owns them. 

SaphireSweetie88

@AdaByron

Here's the link to what @LoveLee85 is talking about. https://www.facebook.com/legal/terms

 It's right near the top under the 2nd bold section called "Sharing Your Content and Information"and it's in the 1st subpoint in that section "For content that is covered by intellectual property rights, like photos and videos (IP content), you specifically give us the following permission, subject to your privacy and application settings: you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any IP content that you post on or in connection with Facebook (IP License). This IP License ends when you delete your IP content or your account unless your content has been shared with others, and they have not deleted it. "

goodtimesally

Rae. said:

I realize that I am most likely in the minority here, but I don't see anything wrong with Facebook sharing of photos/stories/funny things kids say. I mean there is a line, I think. But that line is definitely blurred, the younger the child is. I honestly don't really understand the 'danger' of strangers seeing photos. Plenty of strangers will see my child anytime we leave the house, so who cares if some strangers see a picture on the internet? Just my opinion. 

+1

there's enough stupid shit on Facebook so posting about my kid and seeing other people's kids is refreshing. 

AdaByron

SaphireSweetie88 said:

@AdaByron

Here's the link to what @LoveLee85 is talking about. https://www.facebook.com/legal/terms

 It's right near the top under the 2nd bold section called "Sharing Your Content and Information"and it's in the 1st subpoint in that section "For content that is covered by intellectual property rights, like photos and videos (IP content), you specifically give us the following permission, subject to your privacy and application settings: you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any IP content that you post on or in connection with Facebook (IP License). This IP License ends when you delete your IP content or your account unless your content has been shared with others, and they have not deleted it. "

Yes I know this. This does not mean they can sell your photos. This just means that they go all over the place on facebook (within the constrictions of your privacy settings). You and FB don't have control over your photos because you've shared them with everyone in your friend's list. But it does not mean Facebook can sell them.

AdaByron

https://time.com/3615271/facebook-privacy-policy-photos/

This article is a few years old, but it mentions the contract language you posted above and explains what it means.

@lovelee85

thatcma

What a great topic to discuss with DH. We have a lot of close family and friends that would not get the chance to see our child often, so it would be important to share. We may need to put the stipulation of "please don't share our photos" out there so that it doesn't go from one page to another to another...

LoveLee85

AdaByron said:

https://time.com/3615271/facebook-privacy-policy-photos/

This article is a few years old, but it mentions the contract language you posted above and explains what it means.

@lovelee85

I didn't they could sell them, but they can do whatever they want with them. And so can anyone else on the Internet. 

hqinmd

I didn't read everything so maybe this has already been said. If you post a photo and someone shares it, it can only be seen by your mutual friends if you have your account settings on private. Doesn't stop people from saving and posting photos as their own. 

I dont post a lot of pictures, just a few here and there. I use Instagram a little more, but have a smaller friend list there. 

And consider whether you're prepared to ask everyone in your family not to post any pictures of your kids either. 

AdaByron

@LoveLee85 sorry. I got mixed up. @HP1119 is the one who said FB sells photos. 
Their terms and conditions give them a lot of freedom to use your pictures, but not to sell them. For ethical reasons, Facebook operates within the constraints of the privacy settings that you choose. You are still the owner of any content you post, but you take some risks posting to social media.

LoveLee85

AdaByron said:

@LoveLee85 sorry. I got mixed up. @HP1119 is the one who said FB sells photos. 
Their terms and conditions give them a lot of freedom to use your pictures, but not to sell them. For ethical reasons, Facebook operates within the constraints of the privacy settings that you choose. You are still the owner of any content you post, but you take some risks posting to social media.

Oh no worries. To me it's not even Facebook using them but strangers or people saving them and using them as their own. But I'm also very 'off the  grid'. I was stalked by my x fiancé for a while and I pretty much dropped off the planet for a few months. I'm just a lot more aware of my surroundings and don't leave hints of my current location on any social media of family and friends. They know not to tag me. Lol. Most people who are your friends are honest. I had a bad experience with Facebook YEARS ago, deleted it all and never looked back. It was amazing and life changing for the better. Haven't had Facebook since 2007! 

SaphireSweetie88

It doesn't mean they still won't sell them but oh well. Either way, I'm not worried about it