Why My Pregnant Self is Crying - 11.13

gowenc

Haven't seen this one in a while so I'll start a new thread. This week has just been too much and this weekend it's been one dumb thing after another. I dropped my phone in the toilet, it appears to be toast and I had no insurance on it so I'm probably out several hundred dollars that we don't have right now to either fix or replace it. Then yesterday I went to two bank branches trying to send a wire transfer to our contractor because he's gone paperless and won't accept a check. The first didn't do wire transfers period, the second didn't do them on Saturdays. Mind you, I've got a broken toe and tarsal tunnel in the same foot, plus regular pregnancy discomfort that comes with being 37 weeks along - standing in lines all morning is not exactly pleasant. Then I get home, and DH has put together the dresser we ordered from Target. It's literally a piece of crap. Several broken pieces, and appears to be made of particle board despite the description saying it's made of hardwood. Definitely not worth the $460 they wanted for it, and since it's now assembled we have to load it in the car to take it back - they won't pick it up. Then I went to the grocery store later on and realized when I was in the checkout line that I had forgotten my wallet, after I got everything I needed. Again with standing in lines...

So, I decided I needed to treat myself to a massage to see if that would help with a) feeling incredibly stressed out, and b) fluid retention, since my carpal tunnel has been pretty bad the last few days, so I scheduled one for 9:00 this morning. Except my phone is dead and we don't have any alarm clocks in the house, so I set the alarm on a old watch. I thought I was on time when I got up and was eating breakfast - the watch said it was 8:15. Except then I opened my laptop to write down directions (since, again, I have no phone to guide me), and saw that it was already 9:00. The massage place is about 20 minutes away. So at that point, I burst into tears as DH watched me like I had completely lost my mind. Luckily there was no one scheduled after me so I was able to still go and get the full hour massage, but I cried the whole way there.

I think I'm not going to try to do anything else this weekend.

phoenix870509

Squish is right on my cervix. It hurts to walk and there's so much to do today. I just burst into tears while we were cleaning out the car because I was in so much pain. It's subsided but every so often Squish pushes with their feet and shoves their head down right on my cervix like LET ME OUT NOW! And there's nothing I can do about it.

ErikandAfton

Leif is low today so it hurts to walk. Which is making me want to cry.

Dh got annoyed with me this morning because I asked him  to do something weeks ago about the cradle to make the mattress lay flat and he wouldn't do it my way so we both got mad. I ended up running errands just so I could cry in the car. Hormones are the pits.

And FIL cane and fixed the crib so it fit through the nursery door but they scratched it getting it in so Dh had to put more finish on it and now L's room smells and I can't go sit in there like I like to so that's making me cry too.

Lisa3379

We had our two-day childbirth class this weekend, and I cried each time they showed babies being born in the videos we watched. I think I was the only one that did. 

And then I almost cried when my boyfriend decided we would take the stairs up to the grocery store instead of the escalator. 

SaraRose83

@gowenc I also had a phone moment this week. I dropped it off my apartment stairwell and cracked its face. I cried so hard. But DH took it to repairs. 

Then I just feel kind of lonely and I'm thinking of all the time DH and I should be spending together now before we are three, and I feel like he just doesn't get it. My body image issues are out of control. I feel like I need more physical contact with DH.

And I'm just scared about how this birth is going to go and how some of my family members are going to be judgy about it over the holidays.

Anyone have any one liners to shut down nosy questions about birth details? (Did you do it all natural? How long was the labor? What position?) there are two cousins I'm worried about cornering me to compare notes and the thought of that alone stresses me out. Same cousin who asks me how much I'm getting paid when I get a new job. Rude all around, ugh. 

gowenc

@SaraRose83 I went through a few weeks of feeling lonely and like I needed more physical affection from DH earlier in my third trimester. It's hard, we're not having much sex these days at all and he's not a super affectionate person otherwise. I just miss the physical connection and I worry it'll be worse when the baby's here. I just got to the point where I had to tell him that I needed hugs, and he seems to have gotten it. Especially this past week, when I've been such an absolute disaster. 

Kacie209

The gal that I was somewhat being trained to be a back-up for when I started my new position a couple months ago had her last day last Monday. I say somewhat trained, as she wasn't that great of a teacher and basically left us to figure some of what she did on our own. Which, is great... except my last week of work is this coming Thursday. AND, I am somewhat responsible for training a new girl that started that same Monday on what I know of this gal's responsibilities - which is nothing. So, I had a few meltdowns at work just feeling overwhelmed. especially when Tuesday came and some shit hit the fan and a couple of us were like, um... we don't know what we're doing. Sorry. I had a manager come freak out on me for something I submitted that takes up to 5 business days to completely go through, but yet it was my fault. Sorry buddy... that's what it is so please don't freak out.

Like I said, Thursday is my last day but i am really only working about 3.5 days since I had 5 hours of vacation to still take before my leave and took most of that for Tuesday when I have an appointment in the afternoon. But, i am dreading these 3.5 days... mainly cos I didn't think I'd have this much to worry about before going out, but that has all changed. My manager is great and she keeps reminding me that we're a team and we'll figure it out, but i still feel bad. Especially for that new gal who I disclaimed to her that I am still learning these new things myself so I can't really even show her how to thoroughly do a few things. She's been great, but again... I just feel bad. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I keep thinking it may be. Hopefully.

Other than that, just getting emotional about everything. We finally watched the CMA awards last night that was recorded and I teared up during some of the performances. And then yesterday at our college alums football game, it was senior day and I teared up when they were going through the senior names and introducing them, etc. Last week at the game, it was when the football program granted a Make A Wish girl with a trip for her and her family to Hawaii... and just as I type that, tears are starting. I've managed to keep it pretty unnoticeable, but that may not last too lone. *lol*

Mamax2

I broke down crying tonight because I accidentally let DD find one of her Christmas presents. I had completely forgot where I had hid it, and sent her to the back of my car to look for something, when she found her gift. I got upset at myself, because it was something she really wants, and  I thought I was  gonna have to take it back. I called DH in tears, and explained to him what happened. He told me that it's okay, we'll let her go ahead and have the gift (it wasn't a big one), and get het something else. He told me it's not my fault, and not to feel bad, which ended up making me cry even more because he was being so sweet about it all.

Austenista

I just feel so frumpy and unattractive in everything. Nothing fits, what fits is ugly and/or worn out, I feel like a bag lady who should be pushing a shopping cart in the park. I see all these cute pregnant ladies or just ladies dressed nice, and then there's me wearing the same pilled something with my huge bump that still looks like it could be that I've just been hitting the buffet too hard at Golden Corral. I cry about this almost daily right now. I just feel...woof. I put on SO much make up today to try to make myself feel better, which it did...a little, but it also made me feel a little clownish. I don't think I can be pleased right now. 

LinziLoo09

This weekend was exhausting - DD had a stomach bug, so I was puked on numerous times. Yesterday I shampooed the carpets in the house (fortunately not too many) to "nest" for this spawn. And I have a small kidney stone that seems to be trying to force its way out of me.

I went to fix myself lunch yesterday after being stuck on the couch, holding a sleeping, sick DD for several hours. I was achy and tired and hangry and in pain. I made three bbq chicken sliders and started to walk back to the den. I have no clue how it happened, but the plate spilled from my hands and broke on the floor, spilling all of my food. I literally melted to the floor and full on sobbed for 10 minutes. DH was holding DD at this point, so he wasn't able to or attempting to help. And he was just incredulous as to why I was so upset. And that made me MORE upset. ALL OF MY FOOD WAS RUINED, AND I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK AGAIN, AND I WANT TO EAT RIGHT THIS FREAKIN' SECOND, MAN!!!!!!!!!

AbriannaO

@Austenista I feel that way too, haven't cried over it in a while, but everyday that is how I feel.

I started SOBBING yesterday because all weekend I was watching my FIL and DH do projects together around the house. My FIL would start off the project to show DH how to do it, and then stand there and watch my DH do it on his own. They've had an up and down relationship over the years, so it just made me so proud to see them working together and enjoying each other. And I could see my DH doing that for our kids down the road and I just sobbed and sobbed and DH laughed and laughed.

Then I fell out of bed last night...because we rearranged the room to fit the bassinet in there, and I am not use to it. So I crawled out of bed not realizing I was on the edge, and literally just fell out of the bed on my hands and knees. I cried (not out of pain, out of "seriously?!?", DH laughed and laughed.

cgss11

This was a crying from laughter situation but an 8th grade boy that I work with said "I hope you don't get any bigger, it's starting to get weird." I love middle school kids. 

karmba

Yesterday DH and I watched the Saturday Night Live from this weekend and I cried when Kate McKinnon played the piano and sang "Hallelujah".  Not because of Hillary Clinton or Leonard Cohen or anything, just because it sounded so so sad.  DH was of the opinion that no one should ever cry during SNL unless it was from laughter.

SaraRose83

@gowenc Yeah, that's what we're going through. I think physically the sex seems logistically stressful, but for me emotionally, I need that from him. I've just been crying that I need more cuddling and then he'll cuddle. With my DH I have to tell him pretty strongly or he kind of doesn't get how much it upsets me. Last night he bought me flowers and a card though and I felt so much better.

Exactly though, I just know when the baby gets here it's going to be pretty hard with the lack of physical affection, but maybe the baby will make him want to cuddle? I don't know. That's my hope. He's already said he thinks of me as maternal now and I pretty much lost my shit. 

princesslockness

@SaraRose83 For the cousins I'd say something along the lines of 'I created a baby with SO, and then I had a baby with SO. Unless you were there for either part, its none of your business.'

I'm crying from a weird mixture of crappy hormones. I am so ready to not be pregnant, like the thought of going another week has me sobbing hard enough I woke H up. Then L won't be my baby any longer, he'll be my big boy- all the tears. Our dogs won't get any attention for at least a month, and that also makes me cry. Then to too it all off, I can't imagine actually having another baby- I have been so miserable the last 18 weeks that I have started to contemplate putting her up for adoption because I don't want the reminder of how bad it has been.

leksiL

I'm crying because I made soup last night and didn't wash the beans before dumping them in (DH likes the flavor) and now feel nauseous and have bathroom problems ! I was feeling so good and now I feel like absolute crap

princesslockness

@leksiL I just learned that trick a couple months ago. I have never been so happy to let H eat all the leftover chili and soups.

SaraRose83

@Kate08Young If only! My family is too passive aggressive. If I said that I'd be cut out of family holidays for a year. I'm thinking I might just avoid it all together with, "Ask DH. I don't remember." I'll make sure I'm holding a glass of wine so they don't question me further when I say that. 

whitneyp26

I cried yesterday listening to Christmas music with my kids. They are really getting into it and so much fun right now and I just felt so thankful. I cried after all the bad news at the dr last night. And I cried this morning because I didn't get enough sleep. 

queenklau

I started sobbing last night because I had this idea that DH would be super caring and that he would spoil me when I was pregnant. I kept thinking that maybe once I start showing, or once I am half way through, or once I am pretty big/third trimester. Well, things have not changed and now I am 37+ weeks and can't get any bigger and it made me really sad. I know I can't change him but I wish he would offer to help and take some of the chores off me without me asking and nagging...
sad times....

whitneyp26

@queenklau yeah I always feel jipped on the special treatment. Just not gonna happen. 

Lisa3379

Yesterday was my last day of work and some of my students wrote cards for me, saying how much they'll miss me, how much they enjoyed class, etc. That made me pretty weepy. 

Then I opened a gift I got from one particular student. Three books, one of which was that "Love You Forever" book. I thought I was safe. I escaped almost this whole pregnancy without getting that book from someone, and here it was, on my most emotional day yet. I started SOBBING without even opening the thing. Like, heavy sobbing. Yikes. 

AbriannaO

@queenklau, I have felt the same way! I have seen how nurturing my DH can be on occasion, but for some reason he has treated me no different throughout the pregnancy until probably the last week, and that's only because I had to have a heart-to-heart with him after a visit to the ER. I wouldn't say that he has been pampering me in the last few days, but I feel like he is finally understanding how tired and sore I am.

wynterwaddell

I've just been feeling like a emotional basket case although I know it's just because of being pregnant, I wasnt too overly emotional in the first trimester and then the second I was okay majority of the time but it seems like now that it's the last three weeks of pregnancy my emotions have jumped into overdrive. For one after just losing one of our dogs that definitely didn't help but is very understandable for me to be upset about, although I'm slowly starting to feel  little better. I just still feel bad for my other two dogs because they lost their playmate. But Now all of the sudden out of the blue I've been emotional about my husband working. I know he has to work everyday to take care of us which he does and we don't go without anything. I just suddenly feel emotionally needy for my husband. I don't want him to go to work. I want him home with me, I want him to cuddle me and love on me snd have sex and spend time together now before the baby comes because I know we won't be able to have sex the first six weeks and that's gonna be hard enough but then with the hours he works and the fact that he may even have to work more after the baby is born we may not get to spend a lot of time together between me handling the house and him working. He will be home the first week or so after I have the baby to help me and send time with us but after that he'll have to go back to work and I'm dreading it because him and our baby boy and our dogs are my world and I'm terrified of losing him(I have no reason to feel that way. it's just crazy pregnancy hormones and I know it's irrational but that's how I feel) I just don't want him to drift away from me or anything like that although I know that won't happen and I know he loves me and isn't going anywhere or anything like that. I'm just being crazy and irrational and I'm irritated with myself for even thinking that even though I know I can't control it. I had the same problem before in the other trimesters anytime I was emotional it was the same thing and for no reason. ugh hormones. 

KatieJo1205

@wynterwaddell - I am 2 weeks away from my due date and have had a couple hormonal meltdowns as well.  I know exactly what you mean... you know you are not being logical but can't get yourself under control.  I had a day like that yesterday where I was upset because we have a lot of company staying with us through the holidays and I wanted to set up the queen bed previously in the nursery in our dining room (which we do not use at all) instead of having our guests sleep on an air mattress and for some reason my boyfriend doesn't want to do this.  And this caused a major meltdown on my part.  I mean, he's being stupid as well... just let me set up the damn bed!  But it doesn't turn him into a massive pile of tears!

slartybartfast

Lately I've been just so sad that every child isn't born into a world just as perfect and innocent as they are. Probably hormone driven but I'm here thinking about it. So sad. The bombing of the children's hospital in aleppo... those babes deserve so much better.

squiddy224

My washer and dryer both died on me this week.  And I found out this morning at my OB appointment that my GBS test came back positive.  (Just LOVE the irony that the IV pharmacist needs to get antibiotics for childbirth.)  Yeah, I'm having a great day... and it's turning me into a teary mess.

wynterwaddell

@KatieJo1205 I know. I just can't get myself under control. My husband came home last night and surprised me again with two really nice things and I was so grumpy and emotional because we had to put it together but I just felt like I was getting in his way and felt like he was snapping at me but he wasn't so he thought I just wasn't excited about what he brought home but that's not the case. The fireplace is beautiful. I just was being a bitch and thought he kept snapping at me but apparently he wasn't. But he knows what was wrong with me because he asked if I was happy about it and I told him yes I'm extremely excited and happy about it. I just felt like when I was trying to help he was snapping. I'm just too emotional for no reason and being irrational and now I'm irritating myself because I don't like being like this. I will be so glad when I am back to normal. 

slartybartfast

I've never been part of a marching band and probably never will be. At this moment that is feeling like a terrible missed opportunity to the point of tears in my eyes...

ok definitely having the hormones

MrsGreco143

Oh boy, last night was a cry fest. To start it off...Went to the OB and he wasn't happy with my morning fasting numbers (I have GD) he put me on Metformin twice a day and now I have to come into his office every Monday & Thursday and be hooked up to some monitoring machine. Then the pharmacy took an hour to fill my prescription (started crying again). Then I get home and LO is squishing the life out of my lungs and I couldn't breathe. (and cried for about another hour then fell asleep). I'm shamefully wearing puffy frog eyes today.

BabyRobbinsAdventure

Total ugly cry because I wanted to eat a piece of bread. Simple, right?
Well I'm irritated and wanting that bread in my belly ASAP. DH is like "no problem, don't get up, I'll do it" DH goes in the kitchen and I hear him taking his sweet time, getting a plate, opening drawers, and then I hear the toaster oven going. I don't want toast, I want bread. So I start crying, hard. DH panics and I'm trying to tell him I just want bread but it comes out and jumbled up yelling/crying. 
He figured it out, I hear the toaster oven turn off and then I still hear plates and utensils and the fridge opening (wtf at this point)
Finally he comes out with a piece of bread on a plate with butter... straight up ugly cry.

Poor DH. It's not his fault, he was trying to be kind and helpful. I cried audibly the whole time I ate.
I guess this could also go in the petty problem category.

Amecsey

I cried after my last doctor's appointment. The doctor checked my cervix and it is still completely shut. I know this is good news, and I know we want the boys to stay in there longer. I just feel like bed rest will never end and it's so lonely!

lilbug88

We put up the Christmas tree tonight, and my husband jokingly put my old BSB ornament towards the back of the tree, and it fell and shattered. Ass. 

paulpaw

lilbug88 said:

We put up the Christmas tree tonight, and my husband jokingly put my old BSB ornament towards the back of the tree, and it fell and shattered. Ass. 

So many levels of awful!

Austenista

Sooo, tonight I called my sweet grandmother - who is 85, bedridden, and has some dementia issues. As I was hanging up with her she goes, "I'm sorry you lost your baby." It was like being punched in the stomach. 

I'm having a LOT of nerves about being induced tomorrow. A lot of worries. I've just spent my whole pregnancy praying and praying for him, worrying, fearing losing him. Then she articulated it like it happened. I just feel awful now. She didn't know what she was saying, she didn't mean to hurt or frighten me, of course. 

I got off the phone and cried. Now I'm just so melancholy and anxious. Naturally, the boy is sleeping right now, he's been so active today I'm not even going to try to wake him just because I'm feeling insecure and need some kicks. 

*I know in the past I have expressed wanting to get to the end of pregnancy and that type of commentary is irritating to some of you mamas. What I actually meant was that I want time to fly and it be time for him to come. I know I'm going to be terrified in a new way when he's born, but I just want to hold him and count his fingers and toes, watch him breathe, and reassure myself that he IS. When I thought they were going to take him last week, I was terrified out of my mind, I wasn't ready at all. My doctor has assured me he is going to be A-okay coming on Monday, and I'm doing my best to believe her. I can't imagine what I would be like right now if she didn't already have me on something for anxiety. 

yellingbanana

Too many guests. I love them, and they try to help, but I can't relax when they are around. I have to have conversations that make me out of breath and wear me out. I have to do the dishes or we will run out of clean glasses (I am OCD about how the dishes are done- they must go in the dishwasher if they can! And all the guests like to hand wash, but they leave grease and chunks of food and I can't handle it!). 
My inlaws left a day earlier than I thought, they left this morning and I was so excited to be able to relax. Then DH reminds me that his cousin and fam are coming over. I went to my room and cried quietly, then pulled it together. They were coming for a 'quick visit'. 6 hours! They got here at 2, at 5 I start making dinner for everyone (5 adults and 6 kids total). They hardly touched the amazing Mexican food I made. Then left at 8pm. I went to the bathroom and cried I was so exhausted. And now I'm achy in a strange way. Like from my groin out. Labor? I wish, and I doubt. 
I'm so guested out, I don't even want visitors after we have the baby. I feel like people don't understand how exhausted I am and they have overstayed their welcome. Mu eyes just keep leaking about it! 

paulpaw

My mother took all the baby clothes I received to wash them, so nice of her to help. However, she has decided I didn't need them all and only brought back some of them. The others are at her house to be exchanged for size. 

I know it is the logical thing to do because I have so many 3 months. But I keep thinking about different outfits I loved and wondering why I didn't get to pick which ones I'm keeping and why I can't keep them all even if he never wears some of them. I cried for like a half hour.

yellingbanana

Argh! All of the cute babies and birth stories are turning me into a watering pot!! 

tinattt23

I'm being a big baby. FI is visiting with friends about an hour away since he had to be down there today for work. And it's insanely windy here tonight. Like making the power cut in and out windy. And I don't like being alone cause I'm a big old baby. 

Toller

@LandJ13 ummm I'm also wondering why you didn't get to choose which outfits to keep too?? seems like that's mom territory not grandmas.....I personally would be very upset about that!!! plus you don't know yet how much of one size you'll need- DD was small and fit in 3 month clothes for a long time!!

Christinaruth74

Cried because we had to have a "come to Jesus" talk about the length of my hot showers. They were, admittedly, getting a little ridiculous. My best defense was, "but I can't drink beer!" That was all I had.