December 2016 Moms

Premature Birth/NICU Love Club

124

Re: Premature Birth/NICU Love Club

  • @AMack1216 DD was born 6lbs6oz (at 40w), and is still small to this day- I've gotten the "she's so small/tiny" comments all her life and they drive me NUTS. So I can only imagine that those comments with a little guy who has been through so many gains, would only be that much more frustrating. Like -small COMPARED TO WHAT. Maybe you can come up with a few snappy comebacks for different  audiences :)
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    dmontgo
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  • @Toller The "compared to what?" made my day. That's so funny to me for some reason. I guess because a big, giant baby and a watermelon are the two things that popped into my head right away. I only weighed 6lbs 5oz at birth and if Jeb had gained the normal half pound a week for his missing 6.5 weeks he would have probably been less than 7lbs at term. My hubby and I aren't big people so I don't think Jeb ever will be either. 
    Tollerdmontgoajstevenson
  • @dmontgo I can't fully relate as I didn't have a nicu baby when I had the birth complications last time, but DH and I also had those "only child" "never again" "choose between you or baby" discussions many times in the 2 years between DD's birth and getting pregnant. They are hard. It's not fair to have to think about how to make that choice. 

    But in my personal experience, it changed over time. The first year or so I'd cry thinking of the whole birth and I couldn't think of going through it again. Then slowly it started seeming like an option, then full blown desire for another. We initially planned for 4 kids, but cut down to 3 due to the circumstances. There are days I mourn the thought of the 4th. But I always wanted a big family. 

    On the other hand, my sister had a smooth birth...but only wanted 1 kid. They are totally happy with only one. Always have been. My nephew is 21 years old now and is not a bratty self absorbed kid that people sometimes think of only children to be. It's all how they are raised! He has a very close relationship with his parents. Always had. That relationship is special. I'll never be THAT vclose with my parents because I had siblings to compete against lol. 

    Don't let others comments get you down. You can have a perfect and complete family with no kids, or 45 kids. 


    DD1 5/23/14, DD2 12/5/16   Baby #3 on the way!


    dmontgo
  • @dmontgo I completely understand how you feel. Despite my pre-e and the NICU stay we probably would have considered having another baby at some point if I was younger. But, I'm 43 years old now, we feel blessed that Jeb is healthy and we dodged the age related genetic possibilities. I told my husband that even if we wanted another it would mean it needs to happen pretty quick, it would be taking a risk with another episode of pre-e and I can't/won't risk having a bad outcome for me or a baby just to give Jeb a sibling. So, we have decided that if we want another or Jeb really wants a sibling in a few years then we can look into adoption but will not have another bio child. We are so blessed to have a wonderful son and he completes us for now. Maybe it will change and the desire for a little brother or sister is in our future but for today we are just enjoying Jeb.
    sourlemondmontgo
  • @sourlemon @AMack1216 Thanks ladies. DH had always wanted 4, and I at most wanted 2--we had reached a compromise of 3...but that was before I got pregnant and we were naive to how hard pregnancy and childbirth can be. Today at lunch we talked about being more able to afford taking Ashton around the world with us with just one babe, college and such. I haven't decided one way or the other for sure yet, and it will probably take time for me to work through all of the emotions before I can make that decision in a healthy mindset.

    I know I need to be mindful of not wanting to have more just because I want to "relive" this pregnancy for a better outcome, if that makes sense. I do mourn the pregnancy and birth, and it wouldn't be fair to get pregnant just for that reason. We are moving out West in early 2018, so if we did have more it wouldn't be until after then. I'll just have to be honest with myself, keep the communication lines open with DH, and know that either way we are making thenright decision. Thanks again ladies. 
    SmashJamsourlemon
  • @dmontgo I totally get where you're coming from. I have 3 siblings and FI has 1, and we always knew we wanted more than one kid, probably 2-3. However, my pregnancy was complete hell. I don't ever want to go through that again, and I don't even know if I could make it through something like that again. FI doesn't want to see me go through that and be powerless to help like he was this last time. So as much as we want more, I don't think me getting pregnant again is an option. There's always a possibility I won't have the HG again, but we can't knowingly take that chance. I don't necessarily think our family is complete but we're both open to adoption if and when we are ready to expand our family again. It's a great thing to be on the same page as your DH and to be at peace with your decision now, and to know that there is always room to change that decision in the future. :)
    SmashJamdmontgo
  • @swhiddon33 congrats!! What wonderful news- 
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  • @swhiddon33 I'm so happy for you and Oliver. Enjoy your first night and the unlimited baby snuggles!
  • @swhiddon33 - yay!!!! Congrats momma!!!
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  • @dmontgo Ollie is also on those vitamins twice daily. He doesn't spit because he's on Zantac as well :( 
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  • @swhiddon33 AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! <3
  • @swidden33 that is so exciting! Happy tears for you and your family!

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  • Hey NICU love club. So today we found out that Lorelai has a heart issue, correctable by surgery, and she is in Boston for that to happen tomorrow. So she will have a much longer NICU stay than originally thought. My question...I am pumping. I get like, nothing right now, just some colostrum, at close to 12 hours PP. I produced more second time so it's getting better, but this is discouraging me. Is it normal to be this low in supply?
    slartybartfast
  • SmashJam said:
    Hey NICU love club. So today we found out that Lorelai has a heart issue, correctable by surgery, and she is in Boston for that to happen tomorrow. So she will have a much longer NICU stay than originally thought. My question...I am pumping. I get like, nothing right now, just some colostrum, at close to 12 hours PP. I produced more second time so it's getting better, but this is discouraging me. Is it normal to be this low in supply?
    As far as I'm aware, it's completely normal. Hard to compare since I delivered 7 weeks early, but for the first few days it was literally just a few CCs of milk/colostrum that I would pump and take over to the NICU for her feeding tube (so little that it was in a syringe). After a few days it slowly began to increase. Remember that their tummies are so tiny right now and they really don't need a whole lot of volume. 
    SmashJam
  • Thanks! Yeah mine was also in a syringe. Thanks so much. @katbh
    KatBH
  • I'm sorry to hear about the surgery. Minuscule amounts is normal. I had so little sometimes we could barely get it in the syringe  and would wipe it on our fingers and into her mouth. Your milk may take a few days to come in.
    SmashJam
  • @SmashJam totally normal! I pumped for 2+ days and got not a drop! I was able to hand express some colostrum, so you  could try that in addition to the pumping (babies were on donor milk until mine came in enough) Just keep pumping! My milk came in at 5 days last time, and 3ish this time, so it can take a bit- just know it's not in vain!

    So sorry to hear of lorelai's issue :( but very glad they caught it!!

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  • @Toller I tried hand expression and it got me a few more drops! Thanks for the tip. I'm glad to hear that it's normal, and I'm trying not to stress about it.
  • @SmashJam so sorry to hear about your LO. stay tough mama. Don't stress over your supply. That's totally normal. I collected my first few days of supply in a syringe and gradually increased from there. My guy is home now (9 weeks later) and I just had a 30oz day! They don't need as much in the beginning so try not to worry!! Thoughts are with you!!!!
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  • @SmashJam I am so sorry to hear about Lorelai's health concern and I hope it is resolved quickly! Everyone is bang on, though, about the supply--we had to supplement formula along with colostrum for a little bit when Ash was in the NICU at first. The only thing I would add is be sure to drink plenty of water! I personally notice a better supply when I'm drinking a lot of water during the day vs. when I'm not. But don't stress about it :)
  • @SmashJam what a trooper! Glad to hear that Lorelai is stable. It sounds like she is in great hands.
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  • @SmashJam I'm happy to hear that they were able to get that procedure done. Fingers crossed for Lorelai's next surgery. 
  • Today is Ashton's due date. 

    I'm watching him sleep on this cold and rainy day. It seems so irrational for me to be sad that he is not being born today. Why does it hurt so much? Why am I struggling with this when my baby is here and safe? I feel like I'm carrying so much guilt from his being born early and his NICU stay.

    I have a therapy appointment at the beginning of the new year. Why does it seem like no one talks about the importance of a positive birth experience? All over the place today. Hope everyone is doing well. <3
    bobbyflies2020litzi-2yellingbanana
  • Creepy internet hugs to you @dmontgo <3 your feelings are so valid try to give yourself a break, you're a wonderful mother to Ashton.
    Married: 6/6/14
    DS: 12/20/16
    EDD: 11/29/18
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    dmontgo
  • @temmetime Thank you sweet lady <3
  • @smashjam just echoing everyone on milk supply. We're on day 11 in the Nicu and I'm pumping and breastfeeding when Georgia is able (breathing slowly enough) that they're not concerned about her aspirating milk and my supply is still increasing. The Nicu lactation consultant tells me that it can take up to 2 weeks to come in fully.
  • For those of us who are going to spend Christmas in the NICU, what are you planning to help make it special? I want to do something but don't really know what to do to make it special for all of us so we are focused on being grateful to have her with us for Christmas instead of disappointed that we aren't having the first Christmas we'd planned.
    swhiddon33slartybartfast
  • @ehoreni When Ashton had to spend Thanksgiving in the NICU, we spend some time at home making a nice meal and watched funny movies before we went to see him. Basically, took some time to focus on our relationship. I'm glad we did because despite it hurting deeply Ash wasn't there with us, it turned out to be one of the most memorable Thanksgivings because we were almost our old selves for that day despite the sadness. He had too many wires for a cute outfit, but I unfortunately cried so hard I couldn't safely hold him. We had been told we could take him home the next day, but they told us when we got there he had episodes and it wasn't possible for a while--I took it hard.

    If you have children (I can't remember if you do), maybe they can make an ornament for baby and give it to her as a present to hang on her crib--or even you and DH could make one. 

    Remember it's okay to take some time to nuture yourself---you don't have to be there all day to be a great mom (I could only visit Ash once a day for sanity's sake!).
    PensiveCrayonAustenista
  • @ehoreni I have no idea what we'll do... DD2 got released a week ago, but DS still wont eat enough to be able to leave (we ordered some genetic testing, because there is a concern that there may be an underlying issue which is somewhere I'm not ready to go quite yet). They let his twin DD2 come with me to be with him during the day!, which is nice except hauling a 2 week old around is really stressful. We moved to a smaller unit of the same hospital system that is closer to our house (Which is so nice)and  I'm really hoping that they will let DD1 into the unit for a little bit so we can at least be together as a family for a few minutes on Christmas (this has only happened 2x since they were born for about 10 min). It's been so awful to have to choose between all 3 kids constantly- because no one wins. DD1 "gets" Christmas this year, so we want to make it fun for her, even though not all being together is killing me inside. I'd postpone Christmas but idk when DS will even be close to leaving.
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  • @Toller Thinking of you. I am happy you were able to bring one babe home, but I know it hurts terribly not to have your entire family together on such a big holiday. Healing and positive vibes and thoughts are with you and your family. 
    Toller
  • @dmontgo thank you for the kind words. How are you doing with Ashton and your fears?
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  • You have a great attitude about it. That's going to make a world of difference. Merry Christmas to you and yours!❤️
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  • **Possible TW---scary dreams**





    @Toller I have good days and bad days. It's really the night time that gets me. I'm starting to dream again despite the medication, but it's becoming *me* that's being taken away or targeted. Like people trying to hurt or kill me, and right before it happens Ashton is suddenly there, smiling up at me, unaware it's going on. Then my heart breaks and I wake up. 

    He falls asleep on me after eating, and yesterday I spent 95% of the day holding him because it made me feel better. DH is helpful in letting me talk it out and helps a lot arond the house and with Ashton so I can focus on self-care. Next therapy session is in January so I'm looking forward to making progress---I'm also looking forward to my hormones not being so crazy. I think that will help a lot.
  • Sorry, I haven't been around - I've been more active on the Facebook page lately.

    @Toller Hang in there. My heart goes out to you. How are you guys doing now?
    @SmashJam I am so sorry for your loss. We are here for you <3 
    @dmontgo It is awesome that dh is loving being a Dad. Hearing you talk about him and Ashton is really beautiful. If your husband is interested in joining a private December Dads club, send me a private message and my husband will add him.

    My own update: Baby Maxwell is 2 months and 1 week now and is almost 11 lbs!! It is hard to believe - He was born 5 lbs and was 6 weeks early. He has been acting like a normal newborn since we came home from the NICU. He is too big for NB clothes now and is gaining more than an ounce a day and gaining weight rapidly. I started work right away at 4 weeks when we got home and wasn't able to keep up pumping, but I'm still breastfeeding and I've found that BF is helping with my supply as much as the pump.

    Maxwell is still only feeding 60-120 ml's a feeding. Sometimes he only takes 30 ml every hour, which is exhausting. He has recently become colicky every day for about 15 minutes, but the rest of the day his cries are pretty predictable.

    The NICU is sort of a distant memory that I am letting go of more and more... We have moved on to happier times but will always feel a connection with NICU nurses/doctors and other NICU families. Overall, we are feeling good - I try to exercise and get out of the house as much as possible and I'm loving caring for the baby even if it is constant work! Sending good vibes to you all <3 !!


    Me: 35 Husband: 40
    TTC #2: Jan 2019
     DS: 2.5 yo 
     EDD: 12/2/16 DOB: 10/22/16
    (Previously MBS2016 Dec 2016 board
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    PensiveCrayonyellingbanana
  • BTW, if anyone's husbands are interested in joining a December Dads private facebook club, please send me a private message and I will have my husband add them.
    Me: 35 Husband: 40
    TTC #2: Jan 2019
     DS: 2.5 yo 
     EDD: 12/2/16 DOB: 10/22/16
    (Previously MBS2016 Dec 2016 board
    <3         <3 
    yellingbanana
  • @MBS2016 so glad to hear baby Maxwell is doing so great! I think my husband would be interested in the group but he doesnt have facebook. Do you think it would be too weird if i was added and he used my account to check in? It is totally fine if so, just figured I would ask.
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