July 2017 Moms
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Husband Involvement

Anybody else have a husband who is happy about having another/your first child, but gets grossed out when you try to tell him how the baby is developing right now. And he grosses out about birth/doesn't want to educate himself about how to be helpful in the delivery room? 
 Finally clicked with me tonight to tell him that he either needs to get involved, or plan on hiring a doula. 
 What are you doing about it? 

Re: Husband Involvement

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    Hahaha...my DH is just like yours - excited, but any talk of the actual development process and what is happening makes him change the subject and get so uncomfortable. It's kind of cute, actually. I think I'm just going to buy him a book or two. Any recommendations?
    Married: 10/13/2013
    TTC #1: Mirena removed 5/26/2015; DH - normal SA, me - diagnosed with PCOS 8/4/2016 - on Metformin; BFP - 10/29/2016!!!, EDD - 7/8/2017; DD born 6/29/2017
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    My husband was kind of like that with our first.  He didn't need many details but did want to be at every appointment so he could get the info from the doctor and ask questions rather than hear it from me.  If he isn't willing to do classes and learn how to support you in labor I would make sure there is somebody in the room who can.  My mom was there for mine so I didn't need a doula but I am definitely considering getting one this time.  It will be less stressful during labor if you aren't arguing with him about how to help you. 
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    My husband is the biggest planner, and will 100% be involved, but like me he will be apprehensive to get excited until we get to the end of 1st Tri. After that "Project Baby" will be in full swing. There will be spreadsheets involved, and we will do a pre-natal class at the hospital together. I think there is a good pregnancy/early baby book for dads. Maybe someone knows the name? 
    EDD: 13/07/2017
    PAIF/PgAL
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    This is our third baby and while he is over the moon he never cared for any of the details besides what fruit/vegetable size it is (I specifically remember him freaking out when I told him when I was pregnant with our daughter she had developed all the eggs she'd have for her own babies). Take a deep breath, sometimes those details can freak our sensitive husbands out - but if you want more support in the delivery room plan on a doula or good friend that has been through it before, mine was never helpful but that never bothered me. Also don't get worried this early in so much can happen in 9 months. 
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    I completely agree with you @Dcwtada. DH wasn't the best in the delivery room but he tried his best. 
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    My husband is a med school dropout. He has helped to deliver babies before during that part of his clinical rotation, so he knows way more about it than me, even though I've done it before. It makes me feel a lot better knowing I don't have to bring him up to speed on the medical part of it, and I can even ask him questions. 
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    This is my second baby, and the only reason I'm thinking about it this early on is because it makes a difference how I choose to do prenatal care, midwife/OB/finding a doula. @lfk2013 As far as books, my hope is that I can get him to read Husband Coached Childbirth.
    Tried that last time around and he wasn't impressed with the idea. I ended up getting an epidural, and having an episiotomy. Two things that I VERY much am not interested in doing again. I learned that my body reacts to it by making me vomit, repeatedly. And my DD was so sleepy afterwards that she wouldn't eat for several days. Scary. 
     All that being said, don't want to give the wrong impressions of my man, he's awesome, and super super good Daddy. Just a lil squeamish!



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    My husband can get squeamish, so I expect there might be an issue at delivery. I usually just let him know what he needs to know and he'll research any questions he has on his own. Other than that, he's wonderful at supporting me, so either way works for me. Also, I know last time it never really sank in for him because he couldn't really "see" it, and we never progressed far enough to make it seem more real, even for me.  
    BabyGaga

    BabyGaga
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    I don't think that it's entirely sunk in for H yet. I think once we go for our first US it will.

    @thepecks, my H is also squeamish. Really hoping he doesn't faint in L&D.
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    Since we just found out but so far DH seems okay / fine. We shall see as time goes on
    Me:28 | DH: 28
    Married: 07-2014
    TTC #1: Since November 2015
    Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
         due to previous issues.
    ***TW***
    BFP: 11/4/2016
    *TW*
     BabyFruit Ticker


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    If it were me, I'd hire a doula regardless.  That would've greatly improved my first birth.  But my husband was the opposite about knowing everything.  He wanted to know and watch EVERYTHING.  And he's even more excited this time.  He caught our son, I'm hoping to catch this one.

    One thing he told me during the last pregnancy though, he didn't want to know anything in the first trimester because he was worried something might happen and it felt less real to him until he heard the heartbeat (at 11 weeks).  Hopefully your husband will come around more throughout your pregnancy.
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    @mrspyrowiz can you talk to my DH about the wonders of a doula? He is so opposed right now! He thinks it's strange that I want a doula and a midwife versus a doctor. LOL
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    I think DH likes hearing my little app tid-bits every day.  However, I'm not sure how he will fare in the delivery room.  It's going to be at the head hand-holding for him.  He has a weak stomach and I don't want him to pass out LOL!  So because of that, I generally don't discuss delivery or any of the icky stuff with him.  He has a hard enough time coming to terms with the fact that there is no way in hell I am allowing him to refuse to change diapers.  "Get a mask" is what I told him.  :P

    Despite said stomach, I still think he will be great in L&D.  He keeps me sane.  <3    
    Me: 29 DH: 31 SS: 12
    Met: 08/2001 Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
    TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
    Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
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    I was so worried about how my husband was going to react to birth before my DD was born. He ended up being the calm, collected one when I needed an emergency c-section...I remember telling him to stop looking at my guts over the curtain - I was so mortified he'd never look at me the same after he saw my insides  :o

    My DH really liked "The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion: A Survival Guide for Expectant Fathers" when I was pregnant with DD. It's a thorough and funny guide as long as your DH isn't offended by being compared to a neanderthal for the entire book ;)
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    Hi everybody!  I just intro'd today.  

    I've been diving head first into learning about pregnancy, and MH is along for the ride whether he likes it or not lol.  He actually seems genuinely interested in all the preggo stuff.

    MH and I were discussing whether he should come to my first appt at 8 weeks.  Do you guys plan to bring your SO to all your appointments?  I think I will be getting an ultrasound at that one.
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
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    @SpongeWorthy - with my first pregnancy DH was at every single appointment. He wanted to be very involved and hear everything first hand from my OB. With my 2nd and this one I'm going alone, I can report back any odd things (FX there isn't any), but it's just gonna be the same as before. Plus, I don't want him to miss work. He will go for the big US at 20 weeks (team green, but there's a lot of baby to see and he doesn't want to miss that). 

    I will say, it was awesome to have him there to see the US/HB for the first time. 
    married 7.18.12   DS1 4.29.13   EDD 11.23.14

    image
    image

    my happy boy

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    @mslynn2012 Thank you so much!  That definitely helps.  I think he will want to be at the first appointment at least.  I am sure we will both have tons of questions.
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
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