I also cannot wait for mat leave! I feel super lucky that my firm's policies are generous and so I'll get about 15 weeks paid and I just can't wait for it. I love my job and am definitely coming back - but I'm having so much trouble focusing lately at work and am in such a nesting mode that I want to stay home and organize/clean/decorate all day! I think it is also the holiday season that makes me want to just curl up under a quilt and cuddle my puppies! First rainy day this year in LA today, and I barely made it out of the house (and it's barely raining!).
Also on the modular houses, my husband and I were looking at this option to put a small modular studio guesthouse in the back of our house. There are some very very nice options out there and the quality and finishes available seemed fine to me. I don't think we are going to go that route after all, as our contractor was able to match the price of the modular studio for a ground up construction of the same size, and we thought long term that would prob be a better value. So my one advice is to price all of your options to see if you are actually saving a lot over a traditional construction home, once you factor in the land, sewer, electricity, etc.
@cruffino You have more tact/restraint than I! I would totally be all YOU ARE SCARSDALE BECAUSE DAVID SEDARIS SAID SO. That's adorable and fun and I'm a teensy bit jealous.
Married: 2011 TTC #1: 3/2016 Me 39 - DH 44 BFP 5/27/16 EDD 1/30/17 DD born 2/3/17
@madamerwin Why not call the short term disability company or your hr? They would know if you would have to pay anything back.
I will be calling MetLife about STD benefits for sure. However, we don't actually have an internal HR department (don't get me started on that, it's ridiculous), so there is not anyone I can ask about the quitting while on leave and whether the company will come after me for health insurance benefits. But I have found documentation on our leave policy that states that the company can choose to recoup health insurance premiums for the time you are on leave (which amounts to $360/month that the company pays) if you quit during that time. So I know they CAN to do it; the question is whether they WILL do it. I can't really ask my boss about it, since a) she won't know any more than I do, and she would then have to ask her boss, which b) it will raise suspicion that I don't plan to come back, which could give them grounds to let me go.
I just feel better about coming back after leave and then quitting, and/or talking to the department head about it when I am already on leave, since she would probably be understanding at that point; it would also allow them a cushion to find someone new while I am still there to potentially train a new person.
I'm going to be honest: knowing you're going to quit your job now and waiting until you're on leave to tell them is super shitty. Granted, things come up and you may not have planned for it but if you know for sure you aren't going back, that's shitty.
Women deal with enough discrimination just trying to get a job while pregnant. This just supports that ideal.
Thanks for the heads up on the STD. As I said, I truly don't plan on doing that, they have been nothing but great to me from the start and I wouldn't want to leave that way. Or leave them hanging. I am really on the fence about quitting at all, so that's been more my issue about locking down a date and making it final. Looks like my husband is going to have to look up insurance soon and get me added after the new year. I honestly wouldn't even risk it knowing that's a possibility. Plus, I only plan on quitting for a few years and would like to come back here. I think quitting after the fact would blacklist me. At least I know I would blacklist me!
A doctor for the baby, are you going with a family doctor or pediatrician and why?
I am trying to figure that out right now, I do not have a regular doctor right now, I get all my check ups, shots, etc... through walk in clinics and/or my obgyn dr.
@skiingstark I'm going with a pediatrician because they specialize in kids. I want my kids doctor to be knowledgeable in everything that had to do with kids.
@skiingstark I prefer a pediatrician. If anything were to come up somewhat out of the ordinary the family doc would have to refer out to a pediatrician anyway. Family doctors are great, and for me I just prefer to go straight to the peds specialty.
@skiingstark We are going with a family doctor. My best friend swears by a particular doctor and her girls have seen him since they were infants. My friend and I have very similar views and I trust her word. She has literally switched offices a few times just to follow him. This particular doctor just moved to my husband's family doctor practice and my husband has seen him and likes him as well.
Also, from a personal experience, my sister and I stopped going to the pediatrician at a very young age and have seen the same family doctor for about 20+ years with no significant problems. If I did not have such great recommendations for this doctor, and my own personal experiences, I would probably go with a pediatrician.
We are going with a family doctor. I've been to her since I was 16 and I love her. And she's amazing with kids. I could not breastfeed for the life of me with DD, and she met with me every afternoon, even on WEEKENDS for the first two weeks to help out. AMAZING.
@Starfish113 I just learned today that I have the option of extending my leave for up to 3 additional months after FMLA, so I might extend my leave for the same reason you're planning to. Technically my extension could get me through October 2017, but I don't want to start the school year late unless I absolutely have to. The idea of going back for 3 weeks in June makes me want to hurl, though. I'd rather have a clean break on this school year if at all possible.
Only in the last couple of days have we been toying with the idea of me being a SAHM and not going back tot work. Financially, we aren't able to do it currently so it would be based off if my fiancé can get a new job between now and then. He would love for me to do that since his mom stayed home with him and his sisters and I would love to do it because I HATE my job and not sure if I want to go for my masters at all.
@madamerwin any suggestions on how to research the company policy if it isn't listed explicitly anywhere and without tipping off my boss (since I don't even know if this is a legit option for us or not)?
@skiingstark I think it's honestly going to come down to location for us. DH and I both go to a family doctor and his office is literally right around the corner from our house. On the flip side, my OB's office is a 20 min drive. So, if the closest pediatrician is 20 minutes away, we'll use the family doc, but if we can find a pediatrician closer to us or even in the same building as our family doc (that would be AMAZING) then we'll go with a pediatrician.
We'll get a ped for this baby - planning on the same one DS sees who we really like. After the disastrous experience we had with taking him to a general dentist rather than a pediatric specialist, I feel more strongly about seeing a doctor who specializes!
@skiingstark I always went with a family doctor. They were quite capable of handling what we needed and it was convenient. My younger son needed a specialist for something but a pediatrician would have had to make the same referral to the same people so it wouldn't have saved any time. My oldest had different issues but our doctor handled everything well.
(Same doctor's office I had been to since I was 6)
I think it is about what makes you comfortable but also the actual personality of the specific doctor. My son had a terrible experience with a pediatric dentist but the regular dentist was amazing. My sister saw a pediatrician who got angry and held a grudge because she dared ask a question about a medication he reccommended. He brought it up at the next couple of visits.
Reading about everyone who is leaving their job to be a SAHM makes me so jealous. It has always been something I had dreamed of doing but given the current situation it is impossible (H is trying to find a new job right now but given his options I will probably still make close to double what his salary start at). I do like my job but it's busy and stressful and I'm already sad thinking about sending her to daycare.
Currently we are are planning to find a pediatrician. I don't love my current family doctor and definitely don't find him very kid friendly so that is mostly what is driving our decision.
Family doc over here. He is absolutely fantastic, really takes his time to listen to his patients and he's been my doctor since I was a kid. He also has 6 children of his own so I think he'll be more than capable of caring for our LO.
@yogadevil your OB or the hospital might have recommendations. When we took our tour we received a list of them. Love your whole baby shower look and the fact you matched your husband.
I think the family doc vs pediatrician really depends on the personality of the doc, as others have said. Most family docs have a really broad scope of practice, so should be familiar with the range of issues babies/children have. And I know when my husband gets to see a baby in the office he is so damn delighted that he really takes his time and is super thorough. Not that he's not always thorough, but the way he puts it, well-baby visits are some of the best parts of his day.
I LOVE my family doc, I was crushed that she didn't do maternity, and I'm so pleased she does babies, because I am already looking forward to taking my baby in for his first check-up with her.
We have a pediatrician thaI love. My family doctor I am on the fence about for me even. I think looking at personality is key.
One note on modular homes, at least here, I know lenders don't like modular or manufactured homes. At one of my last meetings we were discussing that FHA wouldn't approve them. It might not be an issue new, but for resale it could be tricky, depending on the rules in your area. Just a caution from a realtor! Talk to yours.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
@starfish113 I hope your knee feels better, I'm glad your instincts kicked in and you were able to catch yourself.
@skiingstark I will go with a pedi, my DD has been amazing and while I'm sure there's a lot of knowledge on babies from family docs for some reason there is extra peace of mind for me knowing that my doc does kids and kids only.
@bumpasaurusrex I completely agree with you about the quitting while on mat leave. As a former manager it's hard to get a rec approved, interviewing, training, and time for that person to get up to speed and would frustrate me if someone knew they were going to leave and didn't at least give me a "heads up" even if it's not official. But then again I've always been the type of manager and have had the type of managers with an open door friendly policy, so I may be naive here.
Its looking like this could be a UO but thinking about Mat leave stresses me out. DD was a HARD baby and it's hard for me not to have adult interaction (besides my DH) regularly. I love working and could never be a SAHM, and the women who can are rock stars cause I wouldn't be able to handle it. I am sure you are all side eyeing the crap out of me but I feel like I'm a better mom for my kiddos if they go to daycare and I go to work. Idk.. it could also be the hard baby I had the first time around.
@FishyMom definitely not side eyeing you at all. I know several mom's who say they couldn't stand being at home. My one aunt even says the same thing you did, that it's better for the kids cuz otherwise she'd go crazy.
I think that if you have a career you enjoy and feel like you are a better parent as a working parent, then you are making the best choice for everyone involved. I've had friends who have given up their careers and loved staying home, and others who just itched to get back to work. Neither is better than the other, a happy parent is a good parent!
I think that if you have a career you enjoy and feel like you are a better parent as a working parent, then you are making the best choice for everyone involved. I've had friends who have given up their careers and loved staying home, and others who just itched to get back to work. Neither is better than the other, a happy parent is a good parent!
+1000. I stayed home for 10 months. For me, it was overwhelmingly challenging and lonely. I had little support and no friends or family near me. I love my daughter but I am a better mom because I chose to keep working. She loves her daycare center and I know she is getting the opportunity to learn and make friends every day. Being a SAHM was absolutely the hardest job that I've had and I completely respect anyone for their decision either way.
DH asked what I wanted for Christmas so I told him I really wanted a necklace. I was scrolling through looking at different stores online and I'm still just trying to figure out how Tiffany & Co gets off charging $1,000 for a necklace in the shape of a bean... It's ugly as f*ck, do people actually buy it? (except for @MommaBean's, hers is beautiful! )
DH asked what I wanted for Christmas so I told him I really wanted a necklace. I was scrolling through looking at different stores online and I'm still just trying to figure out how Tiffany & Co gets off charging $1,000 for a necklace in the shape of a bean... It's ugly as f*ck, do people actually buy it?
I have the Tiffany Bean necklace. My husband calls me Bean and I love it. And after all the nice compliments I've given you, @LivingLaVidaGinger!! Def wasn't $1k though, maybe a couple hundred.
@MommaBean well now I feel like a big ole asshole...
ETA: That is very cute, especially since it has that sentimental value added to it. I think I saw a rose gold one for $1,200, I could never bring myself to spend that much on a necklace! I liked the key ones. You can call that ugly if you want! lol
I honestly am not sure if I'm meant to be a full-time working mom or a SAHM or something in between. At this moment, I have every intention of going back to work, but I also feel like I can't predict how I'm going to react (when my mom had me, she always thought she'd go back to work, but she quit during her mat leave and then stayed home with my brother and me until we were about 5). I think my the way my leave is scheduled might help me ease back into things--I'm planning to be on leave for 8 weeks (early Feb through early April), then work from home through June to finish out the academic year, and then I'll be off work in July and August like usual. I guess I'm just going to try to play it by ear, which is hard because I'm a militant planner and major control freak!
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
Tuesday confession... I am not into jewelry at all. I don't ever want it as a gift and I never notice it on others. That being said, I come from a family of jewelry whores and have quite a bit of it from when I was younger. Rather than going Tiffany's I'd seek out something handmade and more unique. Tiffany's is pretty but it's overproduced, IMO.
I think that if you have a career you enjoy and feel like you are a better parent as a working parent, then you are making the best choice for everyone involved. I've had friends who have given up their careers and loved staying home, and others who just itched to get back to work. Neither is better than the other, a happy parent is a good parent!
Man, I love this. I gave my notice back in July and officially transitioned to SAHM yesterday. I have (had?) an awesome career, that I love and that I feel good at. I am all sorts of terrified being at home. And I was up until 3am last night evaluating my first day tasks over and over and project managing the shit out of the rest of my week. But I'm ready for this new challenge. I just hope I can settle down my brain and decide that I am good enough at the SAHM job too.
I honestly am not sure if I'm meant to be a full-time working mom or a SAHM or something in between. At this moment, I have every intention of going back to work, but I also feel like I can't predict how I'm going to react (when my mom had me, she always thought she'd go back to work, but she quit during her mat leave and then stayed home with my brother and me until we were about 5). I think my the way my leave is scheduled might help me ease back into things--I'm planning to be on leave for 8 weeks (early Feb through early April), then work from home through June to finish out the academic year, and then I'll be off work in July and August like usual. I guess I'm just going to try to play it by ear, which is hard because I'm a militant planner and major control freak!
i think i'm meant to be something in between too. i love my job, but it takes most of my time (13 hour days, frequent travel). i had a long and frank conversation with my boss about how i love what i do but there's no way i can be a parent AND keep up the current pace. i requested (and was granted) a part-time schedule after my maternity leave. i don't know if going back full-time will be in the cards for me, but even if it is, it would be a blend of working from home and going into the office. i was fully ready to quit but i am very lucky that my job offered me some flexibility. it just made me so sad to think that i would be a "part-time" mom.
I feel so much for everyone trying to figure out the maternity leave situation. My first babies, my twins, were born in April and I was a teacher. I had been pulled out on bed rest about a month before. I went in for the last teacher day in June, and then had the summer, but by August, I was a mess at leaving them.
I worked that next school year and about lost my mind. I knew I couldn't do it full time. At the end of the year, I transitioned to bring a stay at home mom. When my youngest was born, we were in horrible shape financially, but my mental health was much better.
Now that I do real estate I am a full time SAHM and a full time Realtor. It is the perfect balance for me. I can work my own hours, be there for the kids, and when this baby comes, I can refer business out to colleagues.
I hope everyone can find the right balance, and just remember that there is no right way, you just need to do what is right for your family and yourself!
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
Re: Weekly Randoms (10/17)
Also on the modular houses, my husband and I were looking at this option to put a small modular studio guesthouse in the back of our house. There are some very very nice options out there and the quality and finishes available seemed fine to me. I don't think we are going to go that route after all, as our contractor was able to match the price of the modular studio for a ground up construction of the same size, and we thought long term that would prob be a better value. So my one advice is to price all of your options to see if you are actually saving a lot over a traditional construction home, once you factor in the land, sewer, electricity, etc.
TTC #1: 3/2016
Me 39 - DH 44
BFP 5/27/16 EDD 1/30/17
DD born 2/3/17
I just feel better about coming back after leave and then quitting, and/or talking to the department head about it when I am already on leave, since she would probably be understanding at that point; it would also allow them a cushion to find someone new while I am still there to potentially train a new person.
Women deal with enough discrimination just trying to get a job while pregnant. This just supports that ideal.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
Thanks for the heads up on the STD. As I said, I truly don't plan on doing that, they have been nothing but great to me from the start and I wouldn't want to leave that way. Or leave them hanging. I am really on the fence about quitting at all, so that's been more my issue about locking down a date and making it final. Looks like my husband is going to have to look up insurance soon and get me added after the new year. I honestly wouldn't even risk it knowing that's a possibility. Plus, I only plan on quitting for a few years and would like to come back here. I think quitting after the fact would blacklist me. At least I know I would blacklist me!
A doctor for the baby, are you going with a family doctor or pediatrician and why?
I am trying to figure that out right now, I do not have a regular doctor right now, I get all my check ups, shots, etc... through walk in clinics and/or my obgyn dr.
Married to my Soul Mate since 09/06/09
Also, from a personal experience, my sister and I stopped going to the pediatrician at a very young age and have seen the same family doctor for about 20+ years with no significant problems. If I did not have such great recommendations for this doctor, and my own personal experiences, I would probably go with a pediatrician.
Only in the last couple of days have we been toying with the idea of me being a SAHM and not going back tot work. Financially, we aren't able to do it currently so it would be based off if my fiancé can get a new job between now and then. He would love for me to do that since his mom stayed home with him and his sisters and I would love to do it because I HATE my job and not sure if I want to go for my masters at all.
@madamerwin any suggestions on how to research the company policy if it isn't listed explicitly anywhere and without tipping off my boss (since I don't even know if this is a legit option for us or not)?
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
@cruffino I think we might be neighbors
We'll get a ped for this baby - planning on the same one DS sees who we really like. After the disastrous experience we had with taking him to a general dentist rather than a pediatric specialist, I feel more strongly about seeing a doctor who specializes!
(Same doctor's office I had been to since I was 6)
I think it is about what makes you comfortable but also the actual personality of the specific doctor. My son had a terrible experience with a pediatric dentist but the regular dentist was amazing. My sister saw a pediatrician who got angry and held a grudge because she dared ask a question about a medication he reccommended. He brought it up at the next couple of visits.
Reading about everyone who is leaving their job to be a SAHM makes me so jealous. It has always been something I had dreamed of doing but given the current situation it is impossible (H is trying to find a new job right now but given his options I will probably still make close to double what his salary start at). I do like my job but it's busy and stressful and I'm already sad thinking about sending her to daycare.
Currently we are are planning to find a pediatrician. I don't love my current family doctor and definitely don't find him very kid friendly so that is mostly what is driving our decision.
I LOVE my family doc, I was crushed that she didn't do maternity, and I'm so pleased she does babies, because I am already looking forward to taking my baby in for his first check-up with her.
We have a pediatrician thaI love. My family doctor I am on the fence about for me even. I think looking at personality is key.
One note on modular homes, at least here, I know lenders don't like modular or manufactured homes. At one of my last meetings we were discussing that FHA wouldn't approve them. It might not be an issue new, but for resale it could be tricky, depending on the rules in your area. Just a caution from a realtor! Talk to yours.
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17
@skiingstark I will go with a pedi, my DD has been amazing and while I'm sure there's a lot of knowledge on babies from family docs for some reason there is extra peace of mind for me knowing that my doc does kids and kids only.
@bumpasaurusrex I completely agree with you about the quitting while on mat leave. As a former manager it's hard to get a rec approved, interviewing, training, and time for that person to get up to speed and would frustrate me if someone knew they were going to leave and didn't at least give me a "heads up" even if it's not official. But then again I've always been the type of manager and have had the type of managers with an open door friendly policy, so I may be naive here.
Its looking like this could be a UO but thinking about Mat leave stresses me out. DD was a HARD baby and it's hard for me not to have adult interaction (besides my DH) regularly. I love working and could never be a SAHM, and the women who can are rock stars cause I wouldn't be able to handle it. I am sure you are all side eyeing the crap out of me but I feel like I'm a better mom for my kiddos if they go to daycare and I go to work. Idk.. it could also be the hard baby I had the first time around.
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
I've had friends who have given up their careers and loved staying home, and others who just itched to get back to work. Neither is better than the other, a happy parent is a good parent!
@MommaBean's, hers is beautiful!
Edited because I fixed it!
ETA: That is very cute, especially since it has that sentimental value added to it. I think I saw a rose gold one for $1,200, I could never bring myself to spend that much on a necklace! I liked the key ones. You can call that ugly if you want! lol
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
I worked that next school year and about lost my mind. I knew I couldn't do it full time. At the end of the year, I transitioned to bring a stay at home mom. When my youngest was born, we were in horrible shape financially, but my mental health was much better.
Now that I do real estate I am a full time SAHM and a full time Realtor. It is the perfect balance for me. I can work my own hours, be there for the kids, and when this baby comes, I can refer business out to colleagues.
I hope everyone can find the right balance, and just remember that there is no right way, you just need to do what is right for your family and yourself!
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17