TTC After a Loss

Rant...My best friend keeps complaining about her healthy pregnancy.

I suffered my loss 9/22 so it is still pretty raw.  I am currently still waiting for HCG to come down to 0. (I'm in the 1000's right now).  Well, my best friend told me last week she was pregnant and now how her life is over and she's not ready for it.  She know's about my loss and I feel she is being very inconsiderate.  I desperately want to be pregnant and she is complaining that she IS pregnant with a perfectly healthy pregnancy.  She isn't complaining about symptoms as much as her life now "being over" because she will have a child.  I can't even be around her at the moment because I want to be happy for her but I feel like she is taking it all for granted.  When she had responded to me asking about her pregnancy with a "fml" I said, you know it could be much worse, ahem.  She said, oh, yah, sorry.  But, yet, she continues to complain about the pregnancy and how she didn't even want it.  Sorry for the rant.  Had to get it off my chest or I was going to explode. 

Re: Rant...My best friend keeps complaining about her healthy pregnancy.

  • Sorry but she sounds so self centered and inconsiderate!!!
  • I'm sorry that is very annoying and inconsiderate!
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  • Thanks, I may be just way over emotional  because of all these crazy hormones! I'm trying to stay positive. 
  • When I saw the post title I assumed she was complaining about symptoms. Does she not have anyone else to wine to? I can't believe you have to go through this. I'd be tempted to punch her in the face. 
  • Ugh. One of my best friends is due a week before my due date and I've basically cut her out of my life for the next few months. I know it sounds harsh, but you gotta take care of yourself. Being around her and hearing her negativity about her pregnancy is only going to bring you down. At the very least, you need to give yourself distance from her. Only text with her once a week and ask her to limit baby conversations. If she's never had a loss or has no experience with friends who have been through losses, she likely just has no clue about the devastation. Take care of yourself first!
  • @justsuzie So sorry you had to deal with this. Sometimes women dont understand how others feel about a loss unless they have experience it themselves. 
    Me 29, DH 32
    Married: 03/2014
    BFP: 08/20/16, Blighted ovum 9/26/16 (8 weeks 4 days), D&C 9/28/16 (8 weeks 6 days)
    BFP: 12/16/16  => DD born 08/27/2017
  • @chloe97 I've pretty much decided I'm going into hermit mode for a couple more weeks to spend time with myself, the hubby, and the dogs. I need some space from reality right now.  I'm a teacher and it seems like everyday someone is announcing a pregnancy.  Is your friend pissed or understanding?  I'm afraid my friend is going to think I'm heartless.

    @endo_mom thanks, I didn't really understand either until I went through it.  This has opened my eyes to how people are affected by different things and you don't really ever understand unless you've been there too.  Hoping this will make me more mindful

    @allowachick Thanks for understanding.  I have want to say some pretty petty things to her but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she is just completely clueless.  
  • @justsuzie I would venture to say clueless too. I definitely needed to vent about my symptoms when they lasted, but it dies seem nitty that she knows about her loss and would choose you to vent to about not wanting her baby.  I fully support the hermit mode. Is a harsh world out there sometimes. 
  • edited October 2016
    I am sorry. That is so frustrating and would make me want to punch her in the throat.   Instead I would be like you and avoid her 
  • @Hopefulmommy1980 thank you.  The Gilmore Girls have been my best friends this weekend.
  • @justsuzie My friend says she understands, but unless you have been through this- it's very hard to understand. I have sent her a few sincere emails where I lay out exactly what I am going through and why it's hard to see her or go to her baby shower, etc. All you can do is be honest about how you feel and set boundaries to protect yourself. It's up to your friend to decide how she is going to react. I have spent much of the last few months in hermit mode (last loss was in May). It sucks. It's isolating, but it's also very healing at times. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. 
  • That's really awful. Very inconsiderate. I mean, we aren't all competing in the olympics of pain but come on, you just suffered a traumatic loss and would give anything to trade places in that respect. Not cool. I'm sorry. I agree with others about setting boundaries and maybe withdrawing from her for awhile... 
    Siggy Warning--------

    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
  • roxgibbonsroxgibbons member
    edited October 2016
    @justsuzie I'm so sorry. Your friend sounds pretty clueless. It baffles me all the  insensitive, crappy stuff people have said to me and others on this board post loss. I'd just be upfront with her like PP suggested and set some really strong boundaries. You need to take care of you first. Maybe explain to her how hard it is to hear her complain about her pregnancy when you just went through a miscarriage and you were happy about your pregnancy and her know you can't support her right now. And I'm sorry- not to be a jerk but if she really didn't want a baby it's called birth control- WTF??? 
     ****TW: Pregnancy, loss and children mentioned****
    Me (39) DH (40) 
    From my first marriage DD: 03/04 CP:01/06 DS:12/06 
    DH- no kids
    TTC: since 2/15, RE Consult 9/15
    IUI #1 10/15: Letrozole = BFN 
    IUI #2 11/15: Letrozole + trigger = BFN
    1/08/16: Surprise- BFP!!  2/16/16: MMC @10w 2days,  D&C: 2/17/16
    TTCAL: May 2016
    IUI #3 5/27/16: Letrozole+trigger=BFN
    IUI #4 06/24/16: 7.5mg Letrozole+trigger= BFN
    IUI#5 08/24/16 Menopur+trigger = BFN
    IUI #6 09/19/16 5 mg Letrozole +Menopur + Trigger= BFN
    **10/2016: No more medicated cycles, TTCAL on our own**
    12/03/16: BFP!! EDD: 08/12/17 It's a girl!! 
    Eleni was born on 8/14/17!!
  • @roxgibbons Thanks.  I've already stepped back from our very close relationship for a while.  I'm sick of crying every time I come home from hanging out with her.  It's terrible, she didn't want to have a child but her husband kept pressuring her and she gave in.  So sad.  This board has been the best support.  I am truly grateful to have people who actually understand.  
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