Things my S/O has said...

phoenix870509

It's Monday, I'm sure some of us can use a laugh. What has your S/O said during this pregnancy to make you question your decision to pick them? Or just something so ridiculous they said you couldn't help but laugh?

phoenix870509

I'll start. Last night as we're lying in bed, DH asks me "What would happen if you sniss and sharted at the same time?" (note - shart = sh*t and fart at the same time). I just gave him this WTF look, and he goes on to explain more in depth what he means. Seriously, dude, I regret the day the Bump taught you the term sniss.

ErikandAfton

SIL wants to do a girls night to Trans Siberian Orchestra a week after my due date. Dh thinks it's a great idea. "You can take the night off, he and I will be fine." Sweet though babe but I'm not leaving my baby that early. And we plan to breastfeed and at possibly a week old I have no intentions of giving him a bottle! He actually made this you can take the night off comment a few times. I know it comes from a place of love but seriously Dh not happening for a while.

ea301

My husband keeps talking about how bloated he is. I just give him the blank stare in response.

R0824H

^^ This but with being tired and not wanting to help with household chores and its because " he works".....and I just go to the spa everyday?? rigggghhhhhtttt

AbriannaO

"I can't wait for you to go back to your pre-pregnancy underwear, these ones are very unflattering." Just wait dearie, after birth, they'll get a whole lot worse before they get a whole lot better.

ea301

omg @AbriannaO that really made me laugh! I had to show my husband what post partum mom-diapers look like so he wouldn't be surprised.

And yes @R0824H I get those comments too! He also complains about his big belly, when mine is clearly bigger and growing by the day :[ 

AbriannaO

@ea301 I don't think he will get a forewarning on what he'll be seeing on a daily basis post partum. Due to his comment, he now gets to be surprised. I may go out and just buy more of my ridiculously high undies to wear every day for the next 13 weeks just to spite him. 

ea301

@AbriannaO TOTALLY warranted! You should film his reaction when he first sees them

cayaylonglegs

Do you really need a Cookie Monster onesie?



Your nips are looking orangutan-esque.. ... ... I mean a sexy orangutan dear...

AbriannaO

@cayaylonglegs my husband always comments on the size and color of my areolas (yes, he uses this term every time). 

And I have a Chewbaca onesie. Every time I wear it, I talk like Chewy and discuss how I am the next chapter of the Star Wars sega, when everyone finds out Chewy is really a girl and she's pregnant. I look more like an ewok with my belly, but I still have a fun time.

Mamax2

Thanks for the laughs this morning ladies! Luckily, being a STM, DH hasn't really said anything side-eye worthy! I'm pretty certain he learned his lesson last go round with DD. He did make a funny comment about DS possibly wanting to come out of my glorious vagina sooner than when the doc wants to cut him out.

beff12

@ea301 yes!! We had McDonald's Friday night and when we got home I mentioned how bloated I felt. He rubbed his belly and said he was bloated too. Right-o.

I think the comment that has made me laugh/roll my eyes the most was him telling a coworker that "WE are ready for this pregnancy to be over." I know I've been no peach this time around, but come on dude! You're not pregnant!

swhiddon33

I couldn't find my bottle of lotion last night post-shower and was on the verge of a meltdown.

DH, my ever practical man: "Have you checked your car? Purse? The fridge?"

Me: "The fridge? Wtf?"

DH: "It seemed like a reasonable idea. Do you know yourself lately?"

......

slartybartfast

@ErikandAfton
I'd sort of be concerned that both your SIL and DH do not actually understand what a newborn is/involves...

ETA - not to mention what giving birth is/involves...

Austenista

I described in as much detail as possible what I knew about gnarly birth scenarios to DH this weekend. I just need him not to panic when this all goes down. 

yellingbanana

This one is sweet, and with good intentions. But I know it's not true because I had to go out and buy a bunch of larger underwear as my regular undies were getting too tight on belly, thighs, and butt. He said "You look really great, babe! Other than your belly, you haven't gained any weight at all!". 
Lol! I've gained 30 lbs. Its not all in my belly. 

aevan011

Last night after spending a few hours putting together 9 freezer meals: 
DH: "So this is just to practice, then you'll remake the good ones to stock up closer to when the baby comes?"
........touch them....see what happens. 
-----------------
DH: "OMG my feet are so dry and they hurt!!! I need lotion on them"
.........tell me more about how your feet hurt and what it's like to comfortably reach them. 
-----------------
DH: "I'm trying to cut back on beer. Stay in shape, ya know?"

princesslockness

Last night H bitched about having the bed to himself, maybe with the dogs. 'There's just too much room, I can't sleep.' I'm on a tiny couch at my parents, please continue telling me how nice it would be.

'You have to hold this kid in until I'm off work for the day, or it's the weekend. That way I can get there in time. ' Sweetheart, you are 200 miles away, have to get the dogs and drop them at my parents before you get to the hospital. When she comes, it will be like 2 hrs, after water breaks, tops.

Pgh_Kel

@ErikandAfton  Ditto to my BF thinking I'll just leave a newborn within a week.  When my sister told me she's hosting a NYE party at her house he said "you can totally go, I'll stay home with the baby"....really??  As if that's even a possibility, come on.

He also blurted out "Whoa, it's like National Geographic in here" one day when he walked in on me naked in the bedroom about to change.  I just stared at him....he's more careful with his wording now after seeing my reaction, lol.

ErikandAfton

slartybartfast said:

@ErikandAfton
I'd sort of be concerned that both your SIL and DH do not actually understand what a newborn is/involves...

ETA - not to mention what giving birth is/involves...

SIL absolutely had no idea about babies. None. She has held a baby once in her life.

Dh, um he's just silly. To be honest he's in for a rude awakening when we go to our birthing class in November.  Knowing him the way I do I know the comments are coming from a sincere place, but he hasn't been around someone who has giving birth before. And I think he really wants me to feel like I can leave the baby with him if I need some time to myself. 

brittnic86

@cayaylonglegs my husband is always commenting on the size and color of my nipples too...like thanks...I hadn't noticed.....

My husband said I should just have a c-section, then my vagina will be okay. I told him first off, my vagina will be just fine, whether I push two babies out of it or not. Secondly, whether I have a c-section will be determined by how these girls are positioned at that time.

Austenista

This wasn't DH but my dad (who is sarcastic and was just being playful) but he was listing out his yearly Christmas/New Year vacation that he takes - he saves and just takes it all at once to enjoy the season - and was teasingly letting me know that it would be just great for him if I could wait about two weeks after my due date. Even knowing he was kidding it sparked my vehemence in response that there would be no two week waiting if I had any say in it.

 

gowenc

Very early on, when I was complaining about some pregnancy symptom (itchy skin? I don't remember the specific one), he said something along the lines of how he didn't want to hear me complain all through pregnancy since it's what I wanted. It was said in a joking and loving way - he wasn't being an asshole - but I let him know it wasn't okay.

slartybartfast

Not this time but last time DH was counting down to 42 weeks. Until in a fit of rage and tears I told him NO. If we go past, we'll deal with it then but I couldn't mentally cope with two additional weeks. He promptly stopped that.

kbduke

Why are men obsessed with nipples? My DH comments on mine all the time too.

I'm pretty sure my husband just doesn't realize what he's saying. A few gems:

Honey, it's not just your stomach. You're getting wider too.

(While I was looking at HDBD one week) Is that a picture of you? Oh no, you're much bigger than that

But my favorite has to be him complaining to everyone about how uncomfortable he will be sleeping on the hospital bed/chair when I go into labor. I have no words for that one.

princesslockness

kbduke said:

But my favorite has to be him complaining to everyone about how uncomfortable he will be sleeping on the hospital bed/chair when I go into labor. I have no words for that one.

he might have a really nice one. H was so excited after our L&D trips. Our hospital had a recliner/rocker that laid all the way back into a single bed. This new hospital has a window seat that folds out into a twin.

AbriannaO

@Austenista my dad has made some great comments too. Shortly into the second trimester, I was feeling cute, so we took a bump picture and I sent it to a couple people. My dad's response was "don't you know that stripes make people look wider" --- my response was "you really want to say that to your pregnant daughter right now?? I've got a baby in my belly, what's your excuse?" He has been very careful with his responses since.

slartybartfast

@kbduke oh I could think of a few words for him.

i get that there is no way to really connect with what it's like to house a human in your torso but... Come on man!

sourlemon

Yesterday DH complained he had gained another pound in Sept and said "but you've done a much better job keeping your weight reasonable this pregnancy than last time". He meant well I think. Last pregnancy I was up 25 pounds at this point. This pregnancy I'm up 7. Then he said "but you did start off fatter so it probably evened out, right". 

Thanks dh. Thanks. 

brittnic86

@sourlemon that's like my MIL! She's like, oh I just knew this would happen with you, I knew you'd be one of those women who was a little overweight to begin with, and then pregnancy would just even you out.

R0824H

omg I feel sorry for some of these comments the SOs have made, but i'm also giggling that men can be that oblivious to the words coming out of their mouths..

temmetime

This weekend I'm alone in the kitchen cooking food to put in the crockpot for supper & then go to make pancakes & eggs for lunch, and discover that we only have one egg left. In frustration, I say "Ugh, how are we always out of eggs!"  I hint lightly at him to go get some more so I can keep cooking the other food.  He takes a few seconds to look up from the football game and says "Do you really need me to get more or can you live without them??"   This irritates me, so I tell him after he gets back (yep, I made him go. The store is literally less than a mile away and I wanted eggs!) of how that sounds to me and I don't appreciate the 'can't you live without it?' type of comments. He says "Man you're way too sensitive sometimes"

Aaaaaand I cried.

BenNSarah

We have had so many, but I have pregnancy brain and can't think of them right now, I'm sure they will come to me.

Recently he asked me why everyone doesn't just schedule an induction, because it would be much more convenient to plan around.  Poor guy doesn't realize that convenience is just not a thing.

We also work separate shifts, so for his regular sleep time he will have sitter at the house, but when I am sleeping, I will be alone with the baby at night.  He said well babies sleep better at night so you will get plenty of sleep...

KateH1216

BenNSarah said:

We also work separate shifts, so for his regular sleep time he will have sitter at the house, but when I am sleeping, I will be alone with the baby at night.  He said well babies sleep better at night so you will get plenty of sleep...

We work opposite shifts as well. My husband is in the camp of "the evenings should be no big deal for me". Ummmm. Pretty sure the "witching hours" fall during your regular work night (5pm-2am)!  They may not be as big a deal while I'm in leave, but damnit once I go back to work, that attitude WILL change. The kicker for me is that he has two daughters already. Granted they are 21 & 16 currently and he and his ex had a super disfunctional marriage...but dude!  Get a clue!

gowenc

KateH1216 said:

The kicker for me is that he has two daughters already. Granted they are 21 & 16 currently and he and his ex had a super disfunctional marriage...but dude!  Get a clue!

DH has a 12 year old son and he keeps telling me how he's been through this before. Um, a) it was 12 years ago, b) you weren't really "with" his mom at that point, she didn't involve you much in things like childbirth classes, etc, and c) you have said multiple times that you slept through most of it because she was in labor forever and then had a c-section! He will never admit it, but I think he's learning a LOT more about childbirth and what the mother goes through this time around. At least I hope he is...

KateH1216

Yeah...DH didn't feel it necessary to do a childbirth class because "he's been through it before". Sorry honey, no dice. It's already been scheduled and paid for!  Same thing with infant CPR. I want to take it, so you're in on it too!  

He makes me crazy because they didn't even tell the grandparents they were pregnant until she was 7 ½ months along. They weren't married and didn't want to deal with it so they didn't. Talk about robbing the grandparents of all the excitement around their first grandbaby!  They were dysfunctional then and aren't much better now coparenting. 

I laugh because we finally went and did our registry yesterday and he was super into it. He was all over scanning "all the new stuff that's come out in the last 16 years...". Now if I can only get my mom to realize hints have changed since my brother and I were young (33 years ago!). 

ea301

After his stepmom criticized me for not eating more protein, my husband said "everyone's got an asshole!" - he couldn't remember the full phrase ("opinions are like assholes, everybody has one"), but i think i like it better this way anyway.

sammyl1221

I think the  funniest thing my DH said was when we were on the hospital tour we had a huge group and we walked into the delivery room and didn't hear what the nurse had said prior about the bed disconnecting. So the woman goes "the mother will be in the bed" and then she rips the bed apart and DH is dead serious and yells "WHATS WRONG WITH THAT BED?!?!  She's going to fall out!!" And everyone started cracking up. 

swhiddon33

About 5 minutes ago...

"I'm trying not to jinx myself but I have slept really good the last two nights despite our crazy weekend."

Mmmmhmmm.  Tell me more about that. 

mysteryship

Mine has jokingly called me "the vessel" the whole pregnancy. I actually think it's funny so it's allowed to continue.