STAHM seriously — The Bump
April 2016 Moms

STAHM seriously

What do you do when you've had enough... of being a doormat. My SO constantly says "I'd love to see you and the kids do what I do every God damn day". 

Our house is always clean, dinner is always made, I even make his plate. He doesn't pick up after himself... and admits to it...

But there's always something he points out that I haven't done. 

I was a single mom when we first got together, we now have a baby together. The thought of being a single mom again just turns my stomach. 

I've become one of those girls I use to criticize. And I never even saw it coming.

Re: STAHM seriously

  • Can you take a girls weekend or something to give him a taste of what it's like to care for two kids and maintain a standard of cleanliness? 

    You and your SO need to sit down and have a chat because it sounds like you are both feeling underappreciated.
    kids with flags
    runningwildredseliglinzoirvwmam35
  • Also, his saying "I'd love to see you and the kids do what I do every God damn day" is odd. Of course the kids couldn't do whatever he does at work... They are kids.
    kids with flags
    runningwild
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  • Sounds to me like the two of you need to have an open and honest discussion, without the kids around. No one should be anyone else's doormat. But agree with @brenlo42, sounds like he feels underappreciated too.
    linzoirv
  • Sounds to me like the two of you need to have an open and honest discussion, without the kids around. No one should be anyone else's doormat. But agree with @brenlo42, sounds like he feels underappreciated too.
    Agreed. It shouldn't be a competition of who works harder or does more around the house/with the kids. There will always be someone who feels like they're getting the short end of it. I think it's best for both parties to acknowledge that they're feeling unappreciated and working together to figure out how to change that and feel like you're more of an equal unit.
    image 
    bean_2016runningwild
  • linzoirvlinzoirv member
    edited September 2016
    You guys need to have a weekend "off" (with no kids in tow). If not a weekend,at least one day during the week that your husband can take off work to spend time with you. Take the kids to grandma's or a sitter for the day. Go do something relaxing to get yourselves out of mommy mode and bread-winner mode. Go out to a park, bring a lunch, and just talk.

    You would be shocked at how refreshed you both will feel after being on chill mode for 8-12 hours.

    ETA: I'm not a SAHM but my career gets hella hectic. DH is also in a high-stress field. We always plan a day off to be together and just hash out stuff and/or have fun, etc. It works for us. LO is either at daycare or with his grandma.
    bean_2016
  • linzoirv said:
    You guys need to have a weekend "off" (with no kids in tow). If not a weekend,at least one day during the week that your husband can take off work to spend time with you. Take the kids to grandma's or a sitter for the day. Go do something relaxing to get yourselves out of mommy mode and bread-winner mode. Go out to a park, bring a lunch, and just talk.

    You would be shocked at how refreshed you both will feel after being on chill mode for 8-12 hours.

    ETA: I'm not a SAHM but my career gets hella hectic. DH is also in a high-stress field. We always plan a day off to be together and just hash out stuff and/or have fun, etc. It works for us. LO is either at daycare or with his grandma.
    The only difficulty with a weekend a way. Is baby solely nurses. We've tried time and time again to give him a bottle and he just won't have it :( I do think I could ask my mom to watch him for a couple of hours though! 
    linzoirv
  • linzoirv said:
    You guys need to have a weekend "off" (with no kids in tow). If not a weekend,at least one day during the week that your husband can take off work to spend time with you. Take the kids to grandma's or a sitter for the day. Go do something relaxing to get yourselves out of mommy mode and bread-winner mode. Go out to a park, bring a lunch, and just talk.

    You would be shocked at how refreshed you both will feel after being on chill mode for 8-12 hours.

    ETA: I'm not a SAHM but my career gets hella hectic. DH is also in a high-stress field. We always plan a day off to be together and just hash out stuff and/or have fun, etc. It works for us. LO is either at daycare or with his grandma.
    The only difficulty with a weekend a way. Is baby solely nurses. We've tried time and time again to give him a bottle and he just won't have it :( I do think I could ask my mom to watch him for a couple of hours though! 
    Yes, be sure to ask your mom for help! Have you guys been alone since the new baby was born? Or at all? I know you said you have another child also.
  • ******dirty lurker from D'16********

    When I had to go back to work with my son, he wouldn't take a bottle. We tried everything anyone could think of, we did. When I called the pedi his response was 'he will not starve himself. He will either wait it out until you get home, or he will learn to take a bottle.' It was a rough 24 hrs one Saturday, but he learned to take a bottle.

    maybe see if you and your sitter are willing to go the 'tough love' route to get LO to take a bottle.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    yodiggity
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