October 2016 Moms

Monday Bitchfest (12 Sept)

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Re: Monday Bitchfest (12 Sept)

  • @scostel2, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it must be to not even be able to pick up the phone and talk to your mom. When I go to visit mom, I can only take so much of her... And get annoyed too. Lol. But then when it's time to say goodbye, it also is very hard. Harder and harder the last few visits. She seems to be getting so old. :(

    @bamacoop, please please please hang a clothesline just for your mil. 

    @CopperBoom86, I can't with your sil. I just can't. Hahahahahaha. I wish you could have taped her getting all emotional telling you about her gift! 
  • This just showed up in my FB news feed. 1. The internet scares me, daily. How does it know all the things?! 2. This chick is full of shit lol. 

    https://www.disneybaby.com/blog/why-im-glad-my-mother-in-law-was-in-the-delivery-room/


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  •  :o is all I can say to your SIL @CopperBoom86

    @sportiegrl1213 I know there are a handful of ladies on her me that love their mil's but definitely the minority!! I really thank the lord that my dh was raised by his father (FIL had sole custody from 4-16). I adore my FIL and have no idea how he and mil ended up together. Complete opposite ends of the spectrum!
  • There is not enough money to allow my MIL in the delivery room. Just NO f*ing way 
  • @sportiegrl1213 I lucked out on the in-law front, too.  I sometimes get annoyed with my in-laws, but they're pretty great for the most part.
  • @sportiegrl1213 - I love my MIL! We're completely different people- she's country, I'm city; she's loud, I'm quiet; she's super outgoing, I'm more reserved- but we get along really well. DH and I have been together since 2005 and have been married since 2011 and we've never had any real drama between the two of us. 

    Her daughter (my crazy ass SIL) is my only problem with DH's family. And they all kind of hate her as much as I do lol. 
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  • scostel2 said:
    @annabenanna I'm with you! I think it might be a grass is always greener type thing too. My mom died, so its a different kind of absence for sure, but I also get pretty emotional thinking about what it would be like if my mom could be there with me. Most of the time when I'm sad I think about how awesome it would be to have her there and that it would probably be a relief for DH since she and I were so close and she was a much better comforter/support person than he is. But then there's also the rational part of my brain that knows that despite how close we were and how much we loved each other, she could also sometimes annoy the hell out of me sometimes so it's very possible that if I was lucky enough to have her around all the time still I'd be like "no thanks, see you when this kid is out" haha
    @scostel2 Exactly this! I have been super sad & emotional the last few weeks and seriously missing my mom. My H has not been exactly supportive lately & I feel so alone and like I don't have a "person", if that makes sense. I have friends & my sister, but they all have their own busy lives and I feel like I'm missing that unconditional love and comfort I could only get from my mom. But your post does remind me that she did, at times, get on my nerves & it wasn't always perfect. But I think I still would want her in there. She was very calming & gentle, which is the biggest part of what I feel like I'm missing right now. 
  • @CopperBoom86 That's good that you aren't the only one that doesn't like your SIL you know? Having a good MIL is more important. 

    I like my in laws for the most part. Nobody beats my own parents though. I guess I don't have that much drama. But I SO would if my inlaws did/said the things some of yours are!!
  • Playing catch up...
    @MRSCORKER I <3 you just a little more knowing that any time I complain about my in laws, you're probably backing me... Even if it's just bc of your MIL bias lol 

    @CopperBoom86 I literally LOL'd when I read your SIL's offer. She is crazy! Bahahaha
  • @bnsmith85 I got you!

    Me: 32 & DH: 37
    Married: November 2014
    TTC #1 Since: October 2015
    BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP
    BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
    IT'S A BOY!!!!
    DS Born 10/16/16

  • Can I jump on the MIL BF train?  So... My MIL is super Catholic, and we are not religious (which she knows). She keeps asking us if she can plan the baby's christening and trying to guilt trip us when DH tells her the baby won't be baptized. She told us the baby won't be able to go to heaven, that the baby won't know right from wrong, that she already bought a christening gown, and that we aren't doing the "right thing". It pisses me off because 1. We've lived such a straight and narrow, compassionate, responsible lifestyle. Meanwhile, she has had multiple affairs, divorces, alcoholism, etc. with religion... Yet somehow SHE knows what's right and wrong, and we don't. 2. I've tried to involve her in our lives so many times, and I always get shot down. She made me plan the rehearsal dinner for our wedding, because it was too much work for her. She didn't come to our baby shower because her ex husband might come. She doesn't even come to our house when she visits our city.  She waited two weeks to check her email when we sent her pics of the baby's first ultrasound. NOW all of a sudden she wants to be involved and plan a big hoopla. 3. Does she seriously want us to lie in an oath to God that we will raise our child to be Catholic, when we would obviously just be doing it to make her happy?! Isn't that an incredibly personal decision that you should make with sincerity and honesty?! I feel like it's wrong to do something like that unless you 100% mean it.

    To make matters worse, she has stage 4 cancer and this is her first grandchild, so we feel like we are breaking her heart on her near death bed. I feel so bad for DH. My parents couldn't be more proud of us, and they make it very well known. His mom can't be pleased no matter what. She told me once that she wanted him to either be a priest or lawyer, and she's disappointed that he is neither. Sheesh!
  • My MIL drives me crazy, but mostly because I think she is mean to DH. The in-laws live in Hawaii, so we don't have to deal with them in person more than once or twice a year. My parents live 15 minutes away and get on our nerves because we are together ALL the time. DH and I both are fortunate to have supportive and loving families, but they still make us crazy on a regular basis for a variety of reasons. I'm just convinced that dysfunction is normal. 
  • yeah im
    mobile bumping from now on since I'm on leave but my MIL is a goddamn gem also. 
  • @strickland8052 I grew up Catholic but not very religious, where my mom grew up in a very religious household, so she can get like your MIL a bit.  I told her we were having a not religious wedding and she was totally cool with that, but when I told her we weren't planning on baptizing our child (this was before we even got pregnant) she was all "but your baby won't go to heaven!!" And I flipped! I asked her "so what, the babies that are stillborn don't get to go to heaven?? What about the babies that die from SIDS? What did they do not to deserve heaven?" At this point she back tracked and realized it's silly and dropped it.  

    I fully agree with you though - you shouldn't stand in front of God and your family/friends and promise to raise your child Catholic knowing very well you won't.  I tell my mom that too - it's worse to stand there and lie than to not have a baptized baby.
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  • My BF continues...Husband cooked a roast and didn't realize the juice paper was still on the meat when he put it in the crock pot. When we went to get it out we found out and now my house smells like delicious pot roast that we can't eat. The interwebs says it's fine, and normally I wouldn't care, but with being pregnant I don't think I want to risk it. Nachos for dinner it is. 
  • @nataliemaephotography but nachos are worth it 
  • @kmolleltz I can totally do that. 
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
  • @schell2013 and @laurapcos - exactly! I 100% agree with you on un baptized babies not going to hell thing. I'm not concerned about our innocent baby's eternal soul being sent to damnation because of a decision WE made as parents. That would be a pretty cruel God... The problem is that MIL thinks our baby won't go to heaven, and I don't know how to reason with someone who has a fear like that. Ugh! If it weren't for the whole "making a commitment to raise the kid Catholic" thing, then we would just do it so MIL can sleep peacefully at night. But, thanks to the Catholic church's teachings, we have to choose between blatantly lying to a priest about our parenting intentions or letting our dying MIL spend the rest of her life worrying about our child's afterlife. Awesome choices! I too was raised Baptist (but not anymore), and I usually disagree with them on practically everything. However, this whole situation is making me appreciate their belief that baptism should happen when the person consciously makes their own decision. Hope this post didn't offend anyone. I really am happy for those who find that religion brings peace and comfort to their lives, and I think there is a lot of good in religion. If baby decides to go down that road when she is old enough, we will 100% support her. I just wish everyone else would respect our decisions. Judge us by our actions instead of our beliefs, please!!!
  • @Kaessi I'm totally with you. I feel very lucky to still have a great support system of people who love and care for me and would be there in a second if I needed them, but it's never the same as having my mom. I also deal with the not wanting to inconveniencing people thing. Somehow, I never felt like I was inconveniencing my mom (I'm sure I did!) and she just seemed to always magically know when I needed her without having to ask! I hate having to ask people for help, but also recognize they're not mind readers and generally don't see it as an inconvenience. This is going to be a real challenge for me when it comes to babysitting down the line, ugh.
  • edited September 2016
    Am I the only one who likes both my MIL & SIL?! Lol I have a great relationship with them.. Especially my MIL. Can she a be a little much sometimes, yes, but she's always there for me and does so much for us. Same with my FIL. It's actually nice since my parents live in FL. 

    Haha same! I'm reading all of these MIL comments and inserting "mom" instead. The only person in this house who can complain about their MIL is my DH. My MIL is fantastic 

    ETA: baptism for newborns - eff that. If your god sends innocent babies to burn in hell for not having water sprinkled on their heads, you chose the wrong god. Ironically, this is the only argument I had with my MIL this pregnancy. She left it.
    DS#1 born 05 October 2016
    DS#2  due 25 April 2019
  • scostel2 said:
    @strickland8052 @LauraPCOS @Schell2013 let me start by saying I'm a practicing Catholic and all your MILs trying to guilt you into baptism with the threat of your baby's eternal life is crazy lol With that said, if you REALLY want to throw them for a loop, let them know that the Church actually has NO formal catechism that states that unborn fetuses or unbaptized babies go to hell. The teaching used to be that they went to limbo (which was a perpetually happy state but just separate from communication with God). But Pope Benedict revised that teaching to now say that the Church doesn't know definitively, but has a great hope and belief that these babies are brought to Heaven through God's divine grace. AKA the Church doesn't know, and it was all kind of made up by (man) scholars anyway, so the Church doesn't want to torture grieving families by making them think their babies went to hell over something that wasn't even their choice. So their hellfire and brimstone push for baptism is unfounded, even by our crazy whacked out church standards =)
    Just want to add, as a Presbyterian, that we don't believe God punishes babies either. We baptize our babies, but anyone who isn't old enough (or mentally capable) of choosing to follow God themselves isn't punished for not doing so or not being baptized. So anyone who argues that unbaptized babies go to hell probably doesn't know shit about the religion they're pushing. This is why I, as a Christian, don't care for most Christians. 

    E will be 18 on July 24th
    Z was born October 16, 2016
    #3 Due October 9, 2018

    MC - November 29, 2012
    CP - November 15, 2014
    D&C for MMC - October 13, 2015




  • We haven't really discussed baptism too much. We don't belong to a church or go regularly and I just don't see the point of finding a church and planning a whole thing for one Sunday and then never going again. My step-mom has asked about it several times though she isn't pushing it. It's just the farthest thing from my mind at this point. Maybe once we settle into life as a family of 3 and feel like we have the energy to think about such things, we can revisit the idea but I just don't care enough right now to think about it. 

    Me: 32 & DH: 37
    Married: November 2014
    TTC #1 Since: October 2015
    BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP
    BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
    IT'S A BOY!!!!
    DS Born 10/16/16

  • @krzyriver Presbyterian ("converted" from Episcopalian) here too. We baptize but I don't think anyone's assuming that babies are going to hell that aren't baptized before they can choose. We personally will be baptizing Baby B when he is about 4 months old but that's how our families and our church do things. 
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
  • Am I the only one who likes both my MIL & SIL?! Lol I have a great relationship with them.. Especially my MIL. Can she a be a little much sometimes, yes, but she's always there for me and does so much for us. Same with my FIL. It's actually nice since my parents live in FL. 

    Haha same! I'm reading all of these MIL comments and inserting "mom" instead. The only person in this house who can complain about their MIL is my DH. My MIL is fantastic 

    : baptism for newborns - eff that. If your god sends innocent babies to burn in hell for not having water sprinkled on their heads, you chose the wrong god. Ironically, this is the only argument I had with my MIL this pregnancy. She left it.
    THIS!
  • @scostel2 - thanks so much for the info! If she keeps it up, I may have to educate MIL about her own religion. Haha!
  • @scostel2 Practicing new Catholic here and I'm still getting used to all those things! Thanks for helping a sister out! :) 
  • Kaytee1087Kaytee1087 member
    edited September 2016
    I put my mom in charge of taking care of DD while I'm in labor. She said "I just don't know if I can handle not being there!" :/ I didn't say anything at the time (my mom can be very sensitive, and we live with her, so I have to be delicate) but that's a nope. I told her if she wants to coordinate with DD's dad or something to take her, that's fine, but I need her to do it because I know that I won't be able to do that while trying to get all my shit together to go to the hospital. Maybe if I'm not miserable I won't mind her as extra visitor, but definitely not MIL or SIL (who works at the hospital I'm delivering at), so we'll have to see because they'll be all "that's not fair" and blablabla. Luckily there are only allowed 2 people in the room while I'm pushing, etc... and I have my doula and DH so that's that! Thank you hospital policy, lol.

    I guess I'm going to have to formulate a little speech for family to let them know that I'm not going to want pretty much anybody there except doula and DH, but they are welcome to stay out in the waiting room until we're good and ready to see them. I had pre-e and a c-sec last time, so no skin to skin with DD for like 24 hours. I won't have this kid taken from me, not even by family. I know it's going to be hard on them, but I had zero say over what happened to her and me for like a week because I was sick and she was preemie, so I won't be giving in this time to anybody. It'll be about me, DH, DD, and new DS.

    @ibabyloveb87 I really do love my MIL and SIL. They have really helped out in tight spots and are generally good people, but they are pushy and try to manipulate you into their thinking, which is the last thing I need while I'm in labor.

    @strickland8052 My mom is the Catholic one (MIL is generic Christian) and she keeps talking about God to DH. He is very atheist, and I fall somewhere in the middle. It's pretty annoying when she goes on these tangents and expects DH to care. I just tell her that I understand how much that means for her to see signs, pray for us, etc... and I appreciate all the good energy that gives us. We're of the mindset of @Schell2013 that the kids can experience lots of religious options with different family members and decide what, if anything, speaks to them.
     Countdown to Baby H!
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    Mommy to Elizabeth (6/18/09), preemie at 34 weeks
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    Wife to Dan (10/4/14), together since Dec 2010
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    BFP Feb 2016, Due Mid-October
    Team Blue!
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