What NOT to say to a pregnant woman

LinziLoo09

I think we've touched on some of these points here and there, but this is a topic that probably deserves its own thread. My own experiences include:

- With DD1 from two people after I tell them she's a girl: "Well, I think it's going to be a little boy"...really?! Your intuition is better than my OB's ultrasound?!

- When I said I had trouble sleeping during pregnancy: "Just you wait until that baby is waking you up every hour."

- When I'd say that DD1 was a good newborn: "Just you wait until she's a toddler."

- My mom last week: "Wow you've really gotten big over the past few weeks! How far are you again?" Me: "23 weeks" Her: "Oh my gosh, you're not even 6 months yet?!" <awkward silence> Me: "No...I guess I'm just fat..."

What other terribly inappropriate things have you ladies heard???

cjt121413

A big one is "was it planned?" Whether it was planned or not this is an awkward question. It's either, yes it was planned, I took my temp, checked my cervical mucous, and used OPKs, and DH put his P in my V as much as possible during my fertile window. Or no, it was not planned, ooops. What makes someone think this is any of their business?!

leksiL

@cjt121413 I have had that question (at WORK of all places) and I promptly told them it was none of their business. People are horrible.

I work with another woman who is expecting in November. We were standing together and someone said "at first I thought you was further along. But now it looks like coworker is!" Thanks for the running commentary on whose bump is bigger - very helpful! 

I am always acting like I am completely fine at work because I think people really want us to be miserable. We will see how long that lasts

LinziLoo09

@leksiL - I think I've generally had the opposite - Where people ask me how I'm doing, expecting a gushy, glowy answer, and instead I tell them everything they didn't want to know about pregnancy haha. But I can see both sides of that coin too.

Oh, and I've also had people ask about the due date and then try to do the math on when we conceived. Like, 'Was it at that cabin trip you took back in March?' ...why do you want to know?!

yellingbanana

"Are you sure it's a boy???"

Me "Yes, would you like to see a picture of his penis?"

Apparently because I have 2 DDs, I should be having only girls? 


Also "Wow!!!! December!?!? I thought you were due in September!!! October the latest!" ( I've actually heard this more than once)

Me "Yes, December. I get large when I'm pregnant."

dmontgo

I surprisingly haven't had as many awful comments aimed at me as I thought I would, but the ones that I have heard made me blink rapidly in embarrassment or shock.

Because we struggled with infertility, I had one of the few people who knew say
"SEE?! I told you that you would get pregnant...you were worried and cried for nothing!"

Well, infertility does not feel like "nothing" when there so much uncertainty and sadness, asshole.

One girl who has since moved told me my boobs are huge and distracting---which was very awkward.


Overall since we've been avoiding negative people, we don't get many "just you waits" or negative comments. Our guy friends have been kind and tell me I don't look pregnant, that I'm glowing, they're so excited to meet Ash...probably blowing smoke up my ass but I'll take it! 

Mamax2

My MIL recently said "Oh my Gawd, your boobs are ginormous! I really didn't think they could get any bigger. I bet your back is killing you." 

cgss11

My Mom likes to say the "you'll be tired the rest of your life" speech when I comment I've been tired.

Thats about it. I am sick of people asking me how I feel every time I see them. Pregnancy is not my entire life, ask me about something else once in awhile. 

l9i

@leksiL I agree with acting fine at work (although I am fine).  My pregnancy has been very good to me and it pisses my coworker off when she asks how I'm doing every. single. day. and I tell her "great!" with a big smile.  This same coworker constantly is giving me the "wait until...." almost every single day and her life is an absolute mess.... I've also gotten comments from about every lady in my group about how I'm "barely showing" and apparently I should be busting at the seams or something.  Other than that my mom drives me crazy telling me it's a boy constantly and correcting me when I say "it" or something of the sort.  We're team green.  I really hope it's a girl just because it makes me so ragey and she won't live down being right if it's a boy.

ashleaf2018

I think if you're having a baby, it's a planned pregnancy. Regardless of the circumstances of conception, once you decide to go through with it, that's planning to have a baby. In that same vein, with our last pregnancy I was really excited to announce to my French class at school because it was a small class, 6-8 people, and we were all pretty close. So I announced all excited and then a guy in my class said, "Oh, you're having an abortion though right? That's probably the smart thing to do." And then we ended up losing that baby. So that was pretty awful.

Amecsey

My MIL has no filter. She always comments on how much I have popped out, or how much more I am showing every time I see her. Thanks to these hormones raging through my system I finally told her that it makes me uncomfortable when she comments about my size, and that I would appreciate it if she wouldn't. And she hasn't since! I'm so over taking her bullshit comments and passive aggressive remarks.

cjt121413

ashleaf2018 said:

I think if you're having a baby, it's a planned pregnancy. Regardless of the circumstances of conception, once you decide to go through with it, that's planning to have a baby. In that same vein, with our last pregnancy I was really excited to announce to my French class at school because it was a small class, 6-8 people, and we were all pretty close. So I announced all excited and then a guy in my class said, "Oh, you're having an abortion though right? That's probably the smart thing to do." And then we ended up losing that baby. So that was pretty awful.

WTF?! That guy deserved a throat punch. That's absolutely terrible.

And I like what you said about planned pregnancy. This was a sore spot for me when I was pregnant with DS, as it wasn't pre-planned in the traditional sense. I wish I'd thought of it that way!

DiFazette

I had two strangers come up to me on vacation to TELL me that I'm having a boy.  With the air of them being psychic or something.  I'd smile and say yes, let them think they're right - then I'd ask about the other one... Then they both said - oh I didn't see that.  Of course you didn't, because you're a rude stranger in my personal space making assumptions that I'm pregnant.  That in itself is a huge faux pas.  

gowenc

@ashleaf2018 Holy shit. I am not a violent person but that would have made me want to punch him in the face. People are such assholes sometimes.

kbduke

My grandmother comments on my size every single time I see her.

I get it, you think I'm fat, let's move on.

My DH told me that he thought I was complaining a lot yesterday. I could have punched him.

Amecsey

@DiFazette
It would have been funny if you would have said, "Actually I am not pregnant..." And then waited to see their awkward faces!

temmetime

Amecsey said:

My MIL has no filter. She always comments on how much I have popped out, or how much more I am showing every time I see her. Thanks to these hormones raging through my system I finally told her that it makes me uncomfortable when she comments about my size, and that I would appreciate it if she wouldn't. And she hasn't since! I'm so over taking her bullshit comments and passive aggressive remarks.

My MIL keeps making similar comments about how I'm "finally showing!" She's not being passive aggressive or trying to be mean, she just doesn't filter things very well. She'll bring attention to it to other people.. the other day to my SIL goes "Look, Temmetime is starting to really show!"  Staaaaahp

LinziLoo09

@ashleaf2018 Oh my gosh, there is NO excuse for that! What a terrible thing to say. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I also like what you said about "unplanned" pregnancies. The truth of it is that, if it was unplanned and I wanted you to know, you'd know. If you don't know, then it's not a question you should ever ask. I have friends who have had unplanned pregnancies, and they'll tell me directly about it without provocation. But if I'm not told that directly, I would never ask. What business is it of yours?!

dmontgo

Oh yeah, I just remembered one from this past weekend.
I randomly bumped into my dad while shopping, and I mentioned my BP stuff and the urine test to make sure I don't have pre-eclampsia. 

His response was first "Always looking for the easy way out, huh?" As in, if I die then I don't have to take care of my child! And then he said, "Well try not to die because if you do then DH will just end up feeding him rocks and dirt." He then launched into a tirade against baby food, blah blah blah. It didn't even hurt my feelings because it's my dad, he's an asshole. But very bizarre and inappropriate.

LinziLoo09

@dmontgo ...wow

cayaylonglegs

My comments are more like the ones @dmontgo got...

a religious coworker, "See God was just waiting for the right time..." - or maybeee it had to do with the IVF and science? Not that I don't thank God everyday for this little miracle baby..

being sick at work, "well you're the one who wanted this baby, you're just going to have to suck it up..." - yeaahhhhh I wasn't complaining about being sick, just letting you know that I am in fact sick.

gowenc

@cayaylonglegs I got a couple of similar comments from DH when we first got pregnant - you really wanted a baby, don't complain about pregnancy! He was joking around but he learned really fast that it wasn't a wise thing to do.

dmontgo

@LinziLoo09 Yeah...nothing like escaping responsibilities by dying, huh? It's so simple! That's why I rarely speak to or see him.

@cayaylonglegs Ugh yes. Sorry God couldn't just take some time out of his very busy schedule to help me ovulate, but ya know...

sourlemon

My favorite so far has been "you look like shit". Well thanks,  I'm 6 months pregnant and I've been sick for a full month, I give zero f*cks if I look like shit. 

ashleaf2018

@cayaylonglegs The comments about being sick are the worst. Like yes, we want this baby and yes I understood that there would be certain unpleasant aspects of pregnancy, but how was I supposed to plan for morning sickness lasting the whole 9 months? No one could have forseen that, so here I am. It does not make me want my baby any less if I just so happen to hate throwing up all the time. 

kbduke

@gowenc my DH said similar things in first tri. He quickly learned his lesson.

brittnic86

@cayaylonglegs oh my coworkers say the same thing any time I'm sick or I'm tired....oh you chose this!! Asshats.

Besides all the normal "oh just wait!" or "it's all worth it and you'll forget", I get extra horrified looks and comments because I'm having twins. You're going to have your hands full, better you than me, OMG I would die.....my SIL actually held her hand up to her mouth and said "oh no...no...you guys...no...." when we told her, less than an hour after we found out.

acreight13

"Wow, you're barely showing. I didn't want to ask because it looked like something might be wrong. Are you sure you're pregnant?" 

"Are you really 25 weeks? You look too small. Is everything ok?"

Those are fun. Sorry to everyone who has to deal with dumb comments - no pregnant woman deserves to hear any of what you all have heard. 

cayaylonglegs

@gowenc - yeah DH made a comment like that early on when I was still on progesterone injections everyday. He learned quickly those comments wouldn't be tolerated lol.

@ashleaf2018 - I am so so sorry you are still sick. I can't imagine how you must feel everyday.

@dmontgo - for real. I guess God just ran out of sperm the day he was making my husband. Let me pray on that some more.

karmba

When I say I'm tired DH always, without fail, replies "me too!"  I don't know why it bothers me so much.  Nope, I'm the one who is growing a person and wakes up every few hours each night.

yellingbanana

l9i said:

@leksiL I agree with acting fine at work (although I am fine).  My pregnancy has been very good to me and it pisses my coworker off when she asks how I'm doing every. single. day. and I tell her "great!" with a big smile.  This same coworker constantly is giving me the "wait until...." almost every single day and her life is an absolute mess.... I've also gotten comments from about every lady in my group about how I'm "barely showing" and apparently I should be busting at the seams or something.  Other than that my mom drives me crazy telling me it's a boy constantly and correcting me when I say "it" or something of the sort.  We're team green.  I really hope it's a girl just because it makes me so ragey and she won't live down being right if it's a boy.

Oh the "wait untils"! Each baby is different, so there is no 'wait until'. 

Also, with my 2nd DD- EVERYONE, especially family, told me she was a boy because "you're so big! It has to be a boy!". (I was bigger with my 1st DD, but they didn't see me as we lived out of state then.) They said it so much that I was hoping and praying that our 2nd was a girl, and she was! It was great proving everyone wrong  

sheshae

MIL swears I'm going to have this baby early because "I'm so huge" and I won't make it to December
I'm pretty sure that is not true...

slartybartfast

I just hate any comment on my body.
Also, "there's an extra charge for that" if I want something extra on a sandwich, salad, or pizza. No. You gimme now.

LinziLoo09

HAHAHAHA @slartybartfast you NEVER tell a pregnant woman that there is any additional challenge to her eating food, financial or otherwise.

ajstevenson

My favorites so far:

• Oh you're pregnant... so are you going to get married? (multiple people)
• I see you've given up on wearing make-up huh (coworker)
• I'm sorry you're sick. But on the bright side you were a little bigger before you got pregnant. This means you'll just have less weight to loss after the baby (grandma)

fauxpa-2

Being pregnant has opened my eyes to all of the stupid things I've probably said to my pregnant friends and family without even realizing it.  

Thankfully, with working from home I don't come in contact with people too often so I haven't had too many crappy comments.  The "just you wait" is mostly all I've got so far.  

Also the people who basically act like I need to "suck it up" because they had a glowing easy pregnancy and therefore every other pregnant woman is just exaggerating her symptoms... yeah, those people can find a deep dark hole and fall into it. 

R0824H

Today:

Coworker: So are you pregnant yet?

Me*looks down at big ass bump* "Either I'm smuggling a soccer ball or I just look perfectly round and chubby then?"

Cowoker: *jaw drop* oh...oops!

penelope4612

Like everyone else, I'm sick of the body comments.  Today our secretary told me I am looking "round".  Um, thanks?

Also, my mom asks me if I'm tired every time she speaks to me.  Why?

scatherinem

"You don't have a name picked out yet? You've only got a few months left!" Thanks, I was unaware.

"You're lucky, boys are so much better than girls! " - every child is different. Also, seeing as I am in fact a girl, I kind of take it personally. 

ea301

I get the name question ALL. THE. TIME. Oh so annoying. 

No, we don't have a list.
No, there aren't really any front-runners. (There are one or two but DH and I aren't in agreement yet.)
No, I don't want to hear your ideas. 

penelope4612

*TW - late term loss mentioned/not mine*

Today a coworker was talking to DH about my pregnancy and said "oh did you hear about so and so?  His wife was due in Oct but their baby was stillborn"

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT