In-Laws Rants! 9/4/16

expandcontract

Spill da beans! Who has been pissing you off this week? And who is on your nice list??

yogadevil

This will be long, sorry. Just have to get this out.

I've whined extensively about my MIL, now it's my SIL's turn... she's an alcoholic, hasn't worked in 2 years and lives in her dad's basement. She's currently sorta engaged to a guy from Nicuaruga, and always saying he'll be up here in a few months (lather, rinse, repeat over and over again). Well my FIL has finally had it with her and wants her out, is sick of the all day drinking, her attitude etc. So she's been begging my husband to let her (and the fiance whom we've never met/talked to) move in "just until they get on their feet." NO. DH says hell no, and I'd move out if she were to move in. Well now she's badmouthing us to the entire family that we're disloyal to the family, selfish, etc. Obviously no one bats an eye at her rants, but it really, really bothers me that someone is talking bad about us! 

My heart breaks for my husband. Growing up he had zero stability. Everyone in his family is either an alcoholic or a codependent, manipulative, lying moocher. His mom bounced around from guy to guy, moving her kids constantly, she straight up abandoned them for years, he never had family dinners or any of that. He turned 18 and joined the army and learned how to be a functional human. He raised himself well, and I'm so proud of him for having the strength to change his path. Nothing has ever been given to him, and here now his family wants to ride his proverbial coattails and they claim they did "such a good job with him" to get him where he's at. It's BS. I feel for him because he craves that family bond so badly that he placates his mom and tries so hard to have a relationship with them (he's unwilling to ever cut them out, and honestly I do understand that, it's just hard). I remember when we had been living together for 2.5 years he made a comment that it was the longest he'd ever lived in one place and suddenly a lot of things clicked even though he will rarely, if ever, go into detail about how rough his childhood/teenage years were. I want everything for him... we bought our first house, which wasn't easy for us, and both of us just beam with pride that we now own a little tiny piece of this earth. Our small house and mortgage are terrifying financially, but we feel like we're living the dream. Now his half sister wants to threaten that, even his mom has asked to move in for awhile (she just moved here from 5 hours away, and isn't handling the transition very well apparently). We just want peace, and to be our own family, and my MIL/SIL just feel so damn entitled for us to make *their* lives easier, and I resent them entirely. I can't even sympathize with them on anything anymore, because theyve all made choices that directly influenced where they're at in life. The same choices over and over again. Someone always bails them out, so they got used to that. My DH should not have to continually rescue any of them anymore, he shouldn't have to be the parent in those relationships, I get so worked up but it's such a touchy subject. I can't even tell him that I truly believe his mom and sis have the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old, because it pains him to hear the truth.

My longwindedness strikes again, thanks for letting me get that out.

ladyoriza

I'm finally putting my foot down about going to MIL's house. It's unsafe and gross. Every single time we go, DS steps in dog poo... in the house. It's everywhere and none of the 6 people that live there clean it up. There's barely any AC. They're always trying to cook out and I don't trust anything in their kitchen. So we bring our own food. They're remodeling and there are power tools everywhere. I feel terrible saying that DS and I won't go back, but I just can't do it anymore. 

Gretchypoo

@yogadevil that is so frustrating. My grandmother and sister are like this. I watched my my and dad struggle to set appropriate boundaries and now I feel like I can.
 you're doing what is right for your family. stay strong!

WinchesterGirl

@yogadevil I do not blame you one bit for resenting his family, and you are ABSOLUTELY right not to let his crappy family members into your home. That is your safe place; they do not get to invade it! 

It sounds like your DH is who he is today in spite of them, not because of them. He has earned those boundaries and (should be) their respect. But they sound like people who only respect themselves and their needs. It is good you are understanding of his mixed feelings towards them, but sometimes he is going to have to come to the realization that you have - they are where they are because they've chosen to be there. It is not his to fix or to feel sorry for.

Sorry you are having to deal with that! 

kerris713

Just went out to dinner with the inlaws last night for H birthday and it overall wasn't bad. We did find out that they probably won't meet their grandson until March or April bc they don't want to come up from SC after he is born. They live half the year in SC and the other half in western mass. I'm not too surprised since they didn't see our DD until she was a month old or so and have only really seen her a handful of times since then but just the way my FIL said it was just cold hearted. Ughh I just want to scream- this is why we don't ask you to babysit bc at the end of the day you don't give a shit. It's just annoying that they constantly try to guilt trip us over not doing stuff with "their side" when they don't want to go out of their way to meet their new and last grandchild (his sister when she was pregnant would constantly say "one and done" and also referred to her unborn baby as It so she's a nut hole as well). I just really hope they don't expect us to spend Xmas with them bc they have ruined past holidays and they already gave us two Xmas  presents YESTERDAY!!

SweetT

This is so tame compared to others but it annoys me so much. 
My MIL either has no clue how to use Facebook or just doesn't care. She shares every picture I post of T and she's even shared pictures other people have posted, one didn't even have T in it but I was tagged in the album. 
She comments on other peoples pictures like she's talking only to me. And lately she's been responding to my friends comments directly. I've talked to H about it and he just says she doesn't really understand what she's doing. I know she loves seeing any pictures of T since she only sees her twice a year so I don't want to block her but every time she shares or comments I get so angry. 

lct2008

@SweetT idk why it's not letting me tag you. Anyway, my mil was sharing all of my pics and it was frustrating. Till I realized if you have a certajn settings on your fb pics it doesn't matter if she shares. Only people who are mutual fb friends of the two of you will see the picture. So her random friends won't see. 

It's still annoying- particularly for me because I feel like my mil shares to seem like she's an awesome grandma, but then has no relationship with my kiddos at all. But it makes me feel better knowing that people aren't seeing it except for the few "friends" we share. 

WinchesterGirl

@ladyoriza I don't blame you for not wanting to go over there... that sounds like a very bad place for a small child right now.

Also, 6 people and no one can bother to let out the dogs OR pick up the poop?

Gretchypoo

omg @ladyoriza that is horrifying. hopefully you putting your foot down will create some change.

mrslittlemac

I'm so sorry ya'll are going through all this. As lonely as it can get just being H and I, I really wouldn't handle the stress or frustrations of having crappy family members close by. All the crappy people in my life are in my own family, and they all live far away. I do miss the good ones though.

Partyof6?

@SweetT I have the same issue with my Dad. He just doesn't get Facebook.  He shares all of my posts, my husband's and anything we are tagged in with the kids.  I think I have it set where only mutual friends can see things he shares, but I am not positive. So annoying.

Spicyweiner

Mine is mild, but more of a "duh".
On Sunday we had an elective U/S to see what baby 2 is (GIRL!!!) and when I text H parents, they both responded "how do you know?" 
Like, they think my H stuck his head up there and looked? How is the only way we could know? 

expandcontract

Spicyweiner said:

Mine is mild, but more of a "duh".
On Sunday we had an elective U/S to see what baby 2 is (GIRL!!!) and when I text H parents, they both responded "how do you know?" 
Like, they think my H stuck his head up there and looked? How is the only way we could know? 

Haha! The visual on that is hilarious and gross!!!

yogadevil

Spicyweiner said:

Mine is mild, but more of a "duh".
On Sunday we had an elective U/S to see what baby 2 is (GIRL!!!) and when I text H parents, they both responded "how do you know?" 
Like, they think my H stuck his head up there and looked? How is the only way we could know? 

I would've let them run wild with that theory

JulesFo

My in laws decided to move/retire from a beautiful home in Virginia to a fixer-upper in jersey where they've blown over $100k in renovations While complaining the entire time. Made no financial sense, but whatever, not my life. They've basically been MIA for months, ignoring all relationships outside themselves and are now pressuring us to come see their new house. All they've said for months is how inconvenient it would be for visitors and they contact us today to come this weekend (we're not going). Mind you, we have all been sick, kids are just starting school. neither of them work, but yes, let's drop everything and drive to them. If they had bothered to ask about anyone besides themselves, they may know that it's not a good time. Ugh. Thanks for listening.

BlondePeanut

Not a huge deal compared to some of the BS you ladies are dealing with. But my FIL is being a pain in the ass about the gender. He keeps saying, you should already know, your Dr can tell at 3 months, ours did back 28 years ago with the twins, so where did your Dr get her degree? I'm like....first off, the baby didn't show us at the NT scan at the hospital, we got mooned instead (so cute), and my Dr isn't going to do unnecessary scans which insurance wouldn't even cover to try and get the gender sooner for your pleasure. We have our second-trimester ultrasound coming up 9/19, and he was complaining that I will be almost 18 weeks by then, my Dr must be a dummy. I LOVE my Dr, she is totally awesome, and hubby likes her too. Sometimes FIL acts like a know it all and pushy. He is usually very nice to me, but this little rant he gets on irks the crap out of me. My hubby just explains to him over n over that our little bundle wasn't ready to show the goods at our scan, and we will have a much better picture at 17 + 4 weeks anyways. Sometimes you have to wait for the good things in life. I don't get his deal....I would love to find the gender asap, but I am not huffing about my Dr because she rocks. Plus second trimester/anatomy scans usually occur at 18-22 weeks, so just b/c he found out my hubby and his twin were boys at their 3 months scan years ago doesn't mean anything to our situtaion. They had more scans because she was having twins. He never met my Dr who is rated one of the BEST in my whole state, so who the heck is he to complain about her! LMAO, but seriously. So annoying.  

Gretchypoo

@BlondePeanut yes to this! I have a friend who has no kids but keeps questioning my midwife bc I have only had one ultrasound. she keeps saying "you should have had way more by now!" ummm... no. I'm low risk and there is no need. where are you getting your information, crazy?

BlondePeanut

@Gretchypoo - right? I had 3 scans so far, my first to confirm pregnancy, a second to confirm viability, and my NT scan in the hospital because we have a few birth defects in the family but we were found to be low risk (yaay!). I will get my scan for second trimester in a few weeks. Even my husband pointed out the insurance isn't going to cover un-needed scans and my Dr says if you are low risk they don't want to expose the baby to unnecessary ultrasound imaging unless you need it, because they produce sound waves and heat and there is no study on long terms results of repeated ultrasounds or if they actually bother the baby. 

peachesnbean

I think MIL is mad at me. I have no idea why and she is just a really immature person in general. I posted a link to an online baby pool on my FB, this is something we've done for all our children (expectnet.com) and its been really fun. There were also a lot of cat pictures posted because our Courage came home after almost 3 weeks. I noticed MIL didn't enter a guess, so I sent her the link and asked her if she saw it (she is usually one of the first to do so and is typically very boisterous about her opinion). This was on IM, she replied "Yes." and that was it, IDK it seemed a little PA to me somehow. I was very mature back and sent the thumbs up. Whatever lady, you don't want to talk to me that is A-Okay I am not going to beg you.