Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

First day back at work

so today was my first day back at work since my miscarriage on Thursday and I did good at work because I was distracted but getting there and going home at night is so hard because I just get so sad. I almost feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore despite the fact that I have an amazing husband who loves me. I don't want to be on antidepressants but I just need some kind of idea to make it hurt less. Help!!!!

Re: First day back at work

  • I am sorry for your loss. Alone time is the hardest
  • The pain and sadness and grief and hopelessness are totally normal at this point. And even though it hurts, allowing yourself to feel that and grieve your loss is good. I needed pretty constant distraction for a while so I didn't end up spending ALL evening sobbing, and work and some movies and being active helped me. 

    If you feel like you're seriously depressed, you can talk with your doctor. At this point in the grief cycle it's actually healthy, so I think antidepressants would be unlikely (plus I think they take from a few weeks to a few months to work, so unless your depression is long-term that's not the answer). Talking to a therapist could be helpful,  so could finding support from friends and family, or support groups. If you feel like hurting yourself, though, seek help immediately and make sure your husband knows what's going on.

    I'm sorry you're going through this. The heartbreak hurts, but it is a profoundly sad, devastating thing that happened, and it's okay to mourn it.
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  • I agree so much with the post above. It's ok to mourn and be sad. For some reason we feel the need to just go back to "normal" right away. Give yourself some time, you will find your new normal.

    Me: 36;  DH: 38
    DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
    MMC & D&C Aug 2016
  • @allie92089 - I am going through my second mc right now. My first one was 5 months ago and I too fell into a deep depression after and felt similar to you that life just wasn't worth it. I can share with you things that did help me crawl out of it though. Im feeling much better now even though I just found out I am going to miscarry again. First of all what you are feeling is totally legitimate and its okay to feel angry, sad and that life is unfair. I think staying busy helps- reading, working out, binge watching tv shows on netflix, going to the movies all helped to somewhat distract me. I think planning fun things to do in the future gives you something to look forward too and shows that life goes on - sometimes just going on little day trips somewhere and walking around/ going out to eat help you to recharge and feel hopeful again. Knowing you have something fun  to do several weeks down the road regardless of whether or not you are pg again helps. Lastly I would urge you too consider to seek out counseling. I didn't last time and wish that I had. I am going to call today and make an appointment just to be proactive so I don't go to that dark place again like last time. Please feel free to reach out and use these boards - they are wonderful. I promise you that you will feel better again.
  • Being alone was the worst for me. I hated being away from my husband after our loss. It's been a little over 4 weeks from the D&C and I'm finally feeling ok being alone again. Sending you lots of hugs  <3 
    About me:
    TTC#1: October 2015
    dx: PCOS & MFI
    IUI #1 w/Femara + Ovidrel June 2016 ~ BFP
    July 2016: Blighted Ovum
    IUI #2 w/Femara + Ovidrel September 2016 ~BFN
    IUI #3 w/Femara + Ovidrel October 2016 ~BFN
    IUI #4 w/Femara + Ovidrel November 2016 ~BFN
    IVF with ICSI January 2017 ~BFN
    FET February 2017 ~BFN
    IVF with ICSI March 2017 ~BFP--Twins Due 12/8/17
    Team Blue X 2!
  • I know you how you feel @allie92089. It's so hard to be alone with all of that time to just think about what you've just lost. It does take anti-depressants about two to three weeks to work. I'm on Zoloft and have been for a few years, and while I do believe it's helped me out tremendously through this process, it's not going to "fix" anything. It just helps you to deal with it a bit better. But if you don't have chronic depression, anxiety disorders, or OCD then it won't do too much good. Definitely talk to your doctor because they might have something else that can help (clonopin, adavan, etc.) for anxiety attacks if you're having them. I'm praying for you and all of us who have experienced this type of tragedy.
    Me: 29 DH: 30Married 07/05/2008TTC since 09/2013IUI: Oct. 17 2015 BFN: 11/05/15IUI: June 14 2016 BFP: 07/04/16 (Miscarried07/06/16)IUI: Sep. 21 2016 BFN: 10/05/16IUI: Oct. 24 2016 BFN: 10/29/16IUI: Nov. 11 2016 BFN: 11/25/16IUI Feb. 26 2018 BFN: 03/08/18 (First IUI with meds)IUI March 26 2018 BFP: 04/10/18Furbaby: Copper (Shiba Inu) 3 years old

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