Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

First Miscarriage

So I found out I was pregnant on July 4 after going to the ER because my "period" was going on it's 11th day and mine only last 3-4 days usually. I didn't even think I was pregnant because I had taken a test after the TWW from the day I had my IUI. It was negative and then that same day I started bleeding so I assumed it was AF.

It was not.

I have never been pregnant before and when I went to the ER I told them that I wasn't pregnant because I had just taken a test about a week before and it was negative. I assumed that my doctor might've just nicked something during my IUI or the HSG I had a few days prior. A PA was originally the person I was seeing at the ER until after the bloodwork came back. The hospital sent in a doctor and she was pregnant, had to at least be 8 months along and she told me my hCg levels were at 1100, making me at about two weeks pregnant. I was told that it could be just bleeding that happens sometimes or it could be that I was miscarrying. I was told to wait 48 hours to get bloodwork again and if my hCg levels had dropped then I was losing the baby.

Two days later my hCg levels were 372. In two days I lost my very first baby.

I had no idea what to do, my doctor told me that I could "miscarry naturally" at home because I wasn't that far along. So every time I went to the bathroom I got to watch pieces of my baby be flushed down the toilet. I took a whole week off of work and sobbed uncontrollably for about two days straight. I have never wanted anything more in my entire life than that precious little nugget that was growing inside of me. I only knew him (I am absolutely convinced my baby was a boy) for two days, but I have never known a more intense love in those two days of knowing about him.

It's been a month and a half and I still grieve as deeply some days as I did that first day I found out. My first period came this past Thursday and with it has come hope, joy, and fear. I know my chances of miscarrying again are supposed to be low, but I am still terrified beyond all reason. I want to rest in the knowledge that God is going to take care of me and that He is currently taking care of my son, but I'm still scared. I should be ovulating between August 20-26 and a part of me doesn't even want to ensure I'm ovulating because of how scared I am. A bigger part of me is so very desperate to hurry up to next week so that we can try again.

I have learned so much these past almost two months, but the number one thing is that miscarriages change everything.

Me: 29 DH: 30Married 07/05/2008TTC since 09/2013IUI: Oct. 17 2015 BFN: 11/05/15IUI: June 14 2016 BFP: 07/04/16 (Miscarried07/06/16)IUI: Sep. 21 2016 BFN: 10/05/16IUI: Oct. 24 2016 BFN: 10/29/16IUI: Nov. 11 2016 BFN: 11/25/16IUI Feb. 26 2018 BFN: 03/08/18 (First IUI with meds)IUI March 26 2018 BFP: 04/10/18Furbaby: Copper (Shiba Inu) 3 years old


Re: First Miscarriage

  • Gosh, I feel your pain. I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean about your feelings about trying again. I am so so scared to be PGAL, even though I know that even with this one mc, the odds are still in my favor for a successful pregnancy. You will have many shoulders to lean on here, and also on the TTCAL board, I am sure. And then from there, it seems like the PGAL support on the boards is wonderful because no one understands more than them.


    Me: 36;  DH: 38
    DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
    **TW**
    MMC & D&C Aug 2016
  • Thanks @JAGinML. I'm sorry for your loss as well. It's so hard and no one ever talks about miscarriages! 1 in 4 women experience at least one and I had to figure everything out through word of mouth or the internet because there aren't any pamphlets or newsletters or anything like that available at the doctor's office! I'll have to check out those boards. I feel like I'm swimming with my nose barely above the surface sometimes.
    Me: 29 DH: 30Married 07/05/2008TTC since 09/2013IUI: Oct. 17 2015 BFN: 11/05/15IUI: June 14 2016 BFP: 07/04/16 (Miscarried07/06/16)IUI: Sep. 21 2016 BFN: 10/05/16IUI: Oct. 24 2016 BFN: 10/29/16IUI: Nov. 11 2016 BFN: 11/25/16IUI Feb. 26 2018 BFN: 03/08/18 (First IUI with meds)IUI March 26 2018 BFP: 04/10/18Furbaby: Copper (Shiba Inu) 3 years old


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  • so sorry for your loss. 
  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  Much love to you <3
  • Thank you @JDW0325 and @cfitzner.
    Me: 29 DH: 30Married 07/05/2008TTC since 09/2013IUI: Oct. 17 2015 BFN: 11/05/15IUI: June 14 2016 BFP: 07/04/16 (Miscarried07/06/16)IUI: Sep. 21 2016 BFN: 10/05/16IUI: Oct. 24 2016 BFN: 10/29/16IUI: Nov. 11 2016 BFN: 11/25/16IUI Feb. 26 2018 BFN: 03/08/18 (First IUI with meds)IUI March 26 2018 BFP: 04/10/18Furbaby: Copper (Shiba Inu) 3 years old


  • I'm very sorry for your loss @Chartleib. Your poem from the other thread was absolutely beautiful.
    Me: 39 DH: 39
    CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
  • Thank you @amberruka
    Me: 29 DH: 30Married 07/05/2008TTC since 09/2013IUI: Oct. 17 2015 BFN: 11/05/15IUI: June 14 2016 BFP: 07/04/16 (Miscarried07/06/16)IUI: Sep. 21 2016 BFN: 10/05/16IUI: Oct. 24 2016 BFN: 10/29/16IUI: Nov. 11 2016 BFN: 11/25/16IUI Feb. 26 2018 BFN: 03/08/18 (First IUI with meds)IUI March 26 2018 BFP: 04/10/18Furbaby: Copper (Shiba Inu) 3 years old


  • @Chartleib- I'm so sorry for your loss. Your comment about flushing pieces down the toilet really hit home for me... The first time I saw something that was not at all like a regular period started my first big jag of crying uncontrollably for hours. Until you go through it you never think about it and can't grasp how awful that is.

    Regarding your comment that you're not sure if you want to ensure you're ovulating: I took a break from temping until my hcg was back below 5 and AF came and we were allowed unprotected sex again, then started temping again after that. I'm glad I went back to temping because I'm ovulating late (or maybe not at all) this cycle. I'm normally "textbook regular" according to my RE, so if AF didn't show up by around cd30 I probably would have got my hopes up. At least I now know that it's ovulation that's late, not AF. I had mixed feelings about using OPKs this soon, but for me, temping offers some peace of mind. And your m/c may still mess with your body for a while, even after your first AF, so you might want to think about if more knowledge of your cycle would be helpful for you. 
  • I am sorry for your los
  • Im so sorry for your loss.
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