Am I a terrible person??? — The Bump

Am I a terrible person???

edited July 2016 in Infertility
So my DH's neice is pregnant, due soon. She is young, still in her teens. Her boyfriend, who see had only been seeing a couple of months when she got pregnant, left her soon after she found out. 

Every day almost she is either posting how bad she has it. How nothing good ever happens to her or how she wants the baby here NOW. 

I just keep from rolling my eyes. I know part of it is pregnancy hormones but are the same time I want to walk up to her and say, you were careless and got pregnant, lucky you, some of us have been trying for years (and actually ready for a kid) and it isn"t happening. Please go complain to your friends who all don't seem to want to give her a reality check. She has absolutely nothing ready for this baby. 

Am I a really bad person? Should just be happy for her? I want to be happy for her, but it is just hard for me. I need an outside perspective. 

Re: Am I a terrible person???

  • It's really hard to see women complaining about being pregnant when you are struggling to TTC and would give anything to have a baby. I honestly don't think you should say anything to her because it sounds like she is not in a great situation - She's about to be a single teen mom, which is not going to be easy or fun, and I doubt she would consider herself lucky for getting pregnant by accident. You are not a terrible person for feeling this way. I would unfollow her on FB so you don't see her updates. 

    TTC#1 Since March 2015
    MFI and FFI
    April 2017/May 2017 - IVF
  • Definitely unfollow her as @LadyMillil suggested.  It's not terrible to be frustrated that people who don't want babies and aren't even trying can have them when it is so hard for those of us who struggle with it.  However, I would not say anything to her in this case.  Her circumstances sound difficult, and I don't think anything good will come of saying anything.  
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • edited August 2016
    I should clarify, I would never actually say anything because I know what a riff that would cause. DH's family and I are very different and we never been very close. 

    It's more of something I would say to her in my head!
  • It's annoying af when I see crap like that. Met a woman yesterday with 6 kids, all different fathers. She was complaining about how expensive kids are. Maybe stop popping out kids, dumbass. Oh, her social worker was there too, btw. 

    I wouldn't say anything to your DHs niece, but I do find that venting to trusted friends about these sort of things helps. 
  • I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with these thoughts. My cousin just announced that they are pregnant for the 5th time, neither of them work, I think they have 5 brain cells among the two of them and trying hard to kill them off and then they say you should have one they are kind of fun. And you want to scream because you know you would be 10 times the parents they are. I'm sorry this is your post to vent on not mine.
  • I agree with everyone.  I wouldn't say anything either, but I am totally with you in feeling disgusted... It does always seem to happen easily for people who aren't ready or who don't want kids.  I know someone who accidentally got pregnant.  She and her husband were self-proclaimed "kids aren't for us" people.  She acted as if her life was over.  Fast forward a year or two and this same friend tries to give me TTC advice, when she has no clue about what I've been going through for four years.  (I keep my IF struggles private and only share with a few close friends.)  As if I haven't heard all of the "great ideas" you have!  :tongue: Now she's pregnant with her SECOND child (because they now love kids, lol)... Which is a boy (her first was a girl)... I thought she'd be over the moon to have one of each... Nope, she's bummed because she wanted another girl.  Of course, why would she be happy with what she has?  Some people will just never get it. 

    So, sorry for my rant... I got off track... I have my first beta for my first IVF cycle in a couple of days and I'm feeling on edge, haha.  My point before I got offtrack was to let you know that I completely understand your frustrations... and even though you can't let your niece know your feelings (She's way too young/immature to understand what you're going through right now),  you are justified in how you feel and you are most definitely not alone. <3

    Me: 35 DH: 41, Married since 2009

    TTC since June 2012

    Aug. 2012: CP

    2013 Several cycles of TI with Clomid = BFN

    Feb. 2014: IUI = BFN

    June 2014: IUI w/Clomid = BFN

    Jul. 2014: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN

    Apr. 2016: Consult to begin IVF

    May 2016 TI w/Follistim and Ovidrel = BFN

    Jul. 2016: BCPs, baby aspirin, Vitamin D, COQ10, DHEA, Gonal F, Menopur, Cetrotide, Novarel, Leuprolide Acetate: 21 eggs retrieved, (10 w/ ICSI, 11 w/conv. IVF) 13 fertilized

    Jul. 2016: Endometrin, Fresh Transfer 2AB = CP

    7 frozen

    Oct. 2016: BCPs, baby aspirin, Estradiol, PIO, FET 4AA = CP

    6 frozen

    Nov. 2016: Hospitalized for small bowel obstruction

    Mar. 2017: Diagnostic Laparoscopy = Twist found in intestine - part of small intestine, part of colon, and appendix removed, bowel resection - caused by Endometriosis

    May 2017: 3.75 Lupron Depot

    June 2017: FET postponed due to complex cysts in breasts

    June 2017: Endometrial scratch

    Jul. 2017: Baby aspirin, Estradiol, PIO, FET 4AA (lost 1 4AA in thaw) = CP

    4 frozen

    Sept. 2017: ERA testing

    Oct. 2017: Breast cysts biopsied

    Dec. 2017: FET

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