Went to the work place for the first time/How do you ladies answer strangers? — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

Went to the work place for the first time/How do you ladies answer strangers?

How did everyone feel going back to the work place? I eased my way in today by shadowing at a salon (I'm a cosmetologist) and it took my mind off my recent loss and break up, but it is a very social job and women bring up there children all the time, of course a client brought in a newborn today too. I didn't know how to feel, also I started talking about pregnancy with her and I realised mid conversation I sound like a woman whos been pregnant, I then started to pray she wouldn't ask how old my baby was.
It definitely wasn't all bad tho I ran into a women whos had a similar loss and it was actually my first time talking to someone in person whos been through this pain.
How do u respond when people ask about children? Especially in a very public open space?

Re: Went to the work place for the first time/How do you ladies answer strangers?

  • I had to answer this question several times last week, I don't know if it's life's way of punishing me or a way to help me deal with things and move on. It's been almost 4 months since my latest loss at 17 weeks and in two days will be a year since I prematurely delivered my son at almost 22 weeks. I'm still figuring out how to handle people asking me if I have any children, as I said, I had to deal with this last week when I ran into my wedding florist, the first thing she said to me was "so tell me, any kids yet?" To which I said "not yet" and she then asked "but why? It's been a while, get to it" I then proceeded to nod and smile and got home and cried my eyes out. People mean well but they sometimes don't know someone else's struggles and it hurts so much when that happens, it's so hard being where we are and it takes so much out of you. I guess I don't have any real advise, I just limit my answer to saying I don't have children, nod and smile. 
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  • MommiFuegoMommiFuego member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its Photogenic
    edited August 2016
    Im sorry u still have to go through so much pain still, and I'm sorry for you're loss. Thank you for sharing you're experience handling that situation it's hard not knowing what is proper to share and with who to share it with. @fiorip
  • Sometimes I just say I have a son who passed away. Most people don't want to get into it past hearing that news. But at the end of the day there is no right or wrong way to answer. Just do whatever helps you. Hugs. 
  • I generally just say that I had a stillborn daughter. I tried just saying I didn't have any (at the time) and I felt horrible about it. I get why people do it, as it can be easier to just move the conversation along and not have that awkwardness, so if that makes it easier for you go for it. Do whatever you have to do to protect your heart.
     Rainbow baby Savannah born 5.13.16 at 30 weeks    
    Baby Cadence born still 3.24.15 at 28 weeks 

  • I tried saying I didn't have any once right after getting out of the hospital (the waitress at Applebee's who recognized us and said excitedly "you must have just had your baby!") and it felt so wrong I called her back and explained. It was awkward. I'm trying out saying "we just lost a little one" and "we had a stillborn" but it's hard no matter what. I've found most people to ask even when I suspect they are wondering why the last time I was pregnant and now I'm back to work too early. 
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter on her due date due to a true umbilical cord knot in 2012. For the longest time, I was very conflicted about how to deal with people who asked if I had children. If I said no, I immediately felt guilty and like I was dishonoring the memory of my daughter. If I said yes and then proceeded to explain that my daughter had died shortly before I gave birth, I typically got a somewhat horrified response coupled with the person profusely apologizing for asking. A few years later, it has only gotten slightly easier. I now have a son and when people ask if he is an only child, I say that I had a daughter who is now deceased. When they apologize for asking (which they always seem to do) I reassure them that I like talking about my daughter and not to be sorry at all. This usually helps somewhat with the awkwardness. In the end, be gentle with yourself and do what you need. If someone is making small talk and not prepared for the real answer, that is not your fault. 
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