Intro & Question — The Bump

Intro & Question

Hi all!  

  I'm 31 years old (going on 32 in two months), DX - irregular ovulation due to PCOS and type 2 diabetes although my a1c is excellent at a 5.8, DH has no issues.   I'm currently on 2000 mg of Metformin daily. Trying for over 2 years, 5 rounds Femara only unmonitored, 1 IUI with Femara unmonitored (1st RE), 2 IUIs with 7.5 mg Femara monitored with 1 follicle each time, one with trigger, 1 cycle with 75 iu Menopur days 4-7 with one follicle, triggered with ovidrel/TI and currently in TWW although my doctor was not optimistic.  Looking to move forward with a fresh IVF cycle in September.  I'll have my chart review on August 5th.  I have been commenting on the IUI board but thought I would introduce myself too.  

My question is... How do you handle baby shower invites.  One of my friends is pregnant and I just got the shower invite today. I've tried to work through it but pregnant women are a really bad trigger for me. She called me at nine weeks to say that she was pregnant and told me that she completely understands how I feel because the three months that they were trying were really difficult for her too.  I haven't seen her since the news and I've withdrawn from the friendship to a certain extent.  I do text her occasionally but I don't want to spoil her happiness right now with how depressed I am.  I thought about sending her a nice note with a really good gift explaining to her how excited I am for her but also letting her know that I'm not emotionally prepared to attend any showers right now. Any advice would be appreciated.  

Re: Intro & Question

  • I think it's perfectly ok to take that approach. True friends will understand how hard this is. I feel your pain. One of DH's cousins just got pregnant with her third baby and I can't even be excited for her. I feel like such a horrible person but the people that truly know what we're all going through will understand how hard it is.

    *TW* One of my DH's cousins had a chemical pregnancy a year before my SIL's baby shower and she didn't come to the shower because it was too close to the one year anniversary of that and she was too emotional.

    Good luck to you whatever you decide!
    Me: 33, Hubby: 36
    TTC since May 2014
    First RE Appt - September 2015
    DX: Hypothyroid, DOR
    IUI w/ Clomid - October 2015 - BFN
    ER - 2/10/16, 2 Day 3 Embryos
    FET - 4/15/16 - BFN
    Summer 2016 - Taking a break to try herbal treatment and acupuncture
  • I think that sending a nice note is a great way to handle it. I had a baby shower scheduled for two days after I found out about my MMC, but I decided to skip it (DUH!). She totally understood as she struggled to get pregnant too, and DH was able to give her the gift we had gotten when he saw her at work the following week. I would base all baby shower invites on how well I know the person and their baby journey. I've been to several since starting TTC, but also declined when I needed to. I hope you find peace with whichever direction you decide to go!
    About us:
    Me - 28, Lean PCOS
    DH - 31
    Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014

    FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!

  • I don't know, I'd not even bother explaining it to her, that just opens the door for more conversations you don't want to have.  When I get a baby shower invite I want to turn down, I just RSVP saying I'm so sorry, I already have other plans that day, and send a gift and a card directly to the house or with another guest.  No one has to know that your other plans involve binge watching OITNB on Netflix and downing a pint of Ben and Jerry's or whatever.  

    Like @AandDM2014 said, I always base whether I go off who the person is and who else is likely to be there. For me, DH's family is a nightmare at baby showers because they're nosy and have zero filter, so I get comments like "You've been married too long, you need to have babies, it'll give you something to do with your life."  So I tend to turn down family baby showers, although I did go to one where I knew the mom to be had had a hard, long journey and I wanted to show support (and I cried the entire way home in the car).  For friends, I'm more likely to go, because many of them have been down this road before too, or other difficult paths, and we're pretty open with each other about what we're all going through, and so we can all sit together and support each other and insulate ourselves from obnoxious people who ask stupid questions.  So I mean, call it as you see it as far as whether you go, but I'd say don't open the door to a discussion you don't really want to have with someone who seems pretty tone deaf about it.
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