Introducing myself (can't think of any tw)

Felicit-Ivy

Hi everyone,

This is my first post. I am not sure where to start... My husband and I have been trying to conceive for the last 2 and a half years - we started in January 2014. We were determined to be laid back about it - let the baby come when it would. To be honest we were thinking we would be parents within the year. The thing is... we haven't been sucessful so far. I started my 35th cycle last week.

We went to be medically tested earlier this year and there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with either of us, which is why I hesitated for a long time before I signed up to this board. I do apologize if I shouldn't be around here, I will delete this post and go post somewhere else. The thing is... I don't understand why it hasn't worked yet, if there is nothing wrong with us.

I'm having a really hard time and there doesn't seem to be a place where I fit in. People keep telling me to "stop thinking about it" but I know it has nothing to do with "thinking about it". I feel like I can't complain because it's not like I'm going to have to go through treatment or anything. Everybody is trying to tell me how I should feel. My best friend told me the other day how she knew you "never got used to the feeling of desperation you get when other women get pregnant, and you don't", but honestly it worked the first cycle for her first baby, and the 6th cycle for her second child, what does she know about going 35 cycles without conceiving even once? It made me really angry and I don't want to be angry with her. Just like I don't want to be angry with my mother in law for telling my husband we should "go on holiday and stop thinking about it", just because it worked for her 31 years ago. My sister in law got pregnant without trying to, she didn't even want any children, and I am so angry and bitter and I burst into tears when they told us they were expecting (good job it was over the phone, and I wasn't speaking to them directly), so we had to tell our family we have been trying to conceive and now everybody is giving their opinions / interfering / asking intrusive questions / not asking me any questions but asking my husband when I am not around / making comments / telling me to stop thinking about it / pitying me and I just... don't want to see anyone anymore. We have even stopped going to church because I can't bear the sight of swollen bellies and babies everywhere I look. I know it sounds like I am attending my own pity-party but it's taking a huge toll on me. I don't understand why everything in my life has to be complicated.

Anyway, as I said, I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I am turning 30 in 2 months' time and I always thought I would be a mother by the time I was 30. I am starting to feel hopeless and I'm wondering if I should just get used to the idea that everybody is having children, but I won't.

Thanks for reading...

ReesaAnne16

Welcome! You are in the right place, although I'm sorry you find yourself here. 
I can 100% understand the feelings you are having, this is by far the most difficult life experience we have had to go through. I'll admit that we have been traveling most weekends this summer and missing seeing all the families at church had been a relief.
you are not alone, we understand


did you have you testing done through an Ob or RE? Just because they haven't found anything wrong, doesn't mean there isn't or that treatment won't help. 
If you've being trying for over a year, and all that standard tests are normal (SA, HSG, hormone panels ect), then you fall into the category or "unexplained infertility" many women here are in the same position as you and are working with an RE to pursue treatment (myself included!)

when I told my family our situation I simple said, we've been diagnosed with infertility, and tried to repeat that we didn't need their advice on how to fix our medical diagnosis, only their empathy, love, and support. Unfortunately most people just don't know how to support someone with IF, and we have to show them.

welcome again, I hope you join our weekly check in thread

Bababatty

Hello and welcome! I'm sorry you find yourself here, but know that you are absolutely in the right place. There are a lot of people, myself included, who identify with your struggles and your frustrations.

I second everything @ReesaAnne16 says above. I suggest getting a referral to an RE soon, especially after so many months of trying. They will work with you to identify a treatment plan. I haven't been trying for as long as you, but I can tell you even I felt an enormous sense of relief once I saw an RE because I finally felt like we had some forward momentum.

I also completely empathize with how you feel around other pregnant women. I ended up conveniently scheduling our first RE appointment at the same time as an at-work baby shower for a colleague so I didn't have to go. I think these feelings are natural after so much frustration, so don't feel any guilt. It's understandable.

Good luck and fingers crossed! I hope you keep us updated.

hoffmanr7

I am sorry you have to be here but rest assured, you are in the right place.  You will find the women on this board to be very understanding, as we are all going through our own struggles, TTC, and a great source of comfort and support.

Let me just say that you are absolutely entitled to feel the way you feel.  What you are going through is extremely difficult and you should not feel guilty about how you are feeling.  We have all been there.

*hugs*

mrswifeytoad

Hey there! Welcome. I too am sorry you have to be here, but hope you find the support and encouragement you deserve. This journey is definitely hard and unfair and we shouldn't have to go it alone. 

Hugs to you, new friend! 

Felicit-Ivy

Hi there! Thanks for your replies and sorry it took me so long to reply, myself - my husband and I are on holiday and I am trying not to spend too much time on the computer !

I'll try to answer your questions and if there's a question I forgot to answer, feel free to ask again ! I forgot to mention my husband and I live in France and things are a little different here. We are working with both the Obgyn and an RE - but keep in mind these things don't mean the same in France as they do anywhere else. I guess I'll have to explain as I go . We got the standard tests (hormone levels, SA, etc.). They didn't find anything wrong with us. I was supposed to make an appointment for a hysterosalpingography, but I couldn't bring myself to do it up until now. Writing it on this forum made me realize I was never going to be ready for it, so I stopped typing and made the phone call. I'm really scared.

Thanks again for replying, new friends !

ReesaAnne16

Good luck with you HSG!

We visited France for 2 weeks last summer, it was a pre-baby trip (that was May 2015 )
We really enjoyed the Loire Valley My husband studied in Tour in college so we stayed there for 4 nights, but I would love to rent a house and stay for a month. 
I'm sorry for all the sadness in your country recently Our prayers are often for France and your people. 

Felicit-Ivy

Hi ReesaAnne, the Loire Valley is a lovely place. I'm sure you had a good time . My husband and I live in Normandy. We love it here. I lived in England for a while when I was in my early twenties and loved it too. AND we've decided that since the baby thing isn't working, we were going to treat ourselves to nice holidays. We're going to New York City in a few week's time and my husband is planning something for my birthday in October, but I don't know what it'll be. I'm sure we're going away somewhere for the weekend though, because he told me it would be a good thing if I got the Saturday before my birthday off work (my birthday is on a Sunday this year)

Thanks for empathising with what many people are going through here. The last attack (the one in which a priest was murdered) took place just a few miles away from our home and very near our own church. It's heartbreaking and we're all starting to feel scared. Thank you for your prayers.

Bababatty

@Felicit-Ivy Those sound like wonderful plans. We live in NYC--I hope you have a great time here. It should be a good time to come. 

Good luck with your HSG! I'm really interested to learn how the processes and recommendations differ from France to the US.  Keep us updated on how it all goes!

Felicit-Ivy

Thanks Babattatty ! I'm not sure I'm a great example of how things work in France, I am very bad at making appoitments &tc., and very good at procrastinating. I will try to keep you updated though.