Changing for the baby — The Bump
December 2016 Moms

Changing for the baby

For me, I had to. I grew up in an upper middle class household with my parents and my older brother. My mom was abusive in all areas (physically, emotionally, verbally) and was the primary care taker (which she slept all day and let us run wild while dad worked). I thought this was normal. I continued thinking this was normal until 2 years ago when I met my exes amazing family. This past January before we broke up (literally right after I got pregnant with this LO and we didn't know yet) we were going to counseling because we could not get along or agree on anything. In counseling I realized that I wasn't just messing up with how mean I was to him, I was seriously messing up with how I was handing DS. So I started working on myself and over the past 6 months I have changed quite a bit for myself and for DS. I am trying to be a better mommy so I have been reading every self help and parenting book I can get my hands on and I think I am doing a better job of emulating what I want to emulate. And sorry to my DS, but DD won't ever go through what I put him through in his first 6 months of life.
P.S. I stopped talking to my mom in February and I have never been happier, she brought so much more negativity to my life than I could have imagined.

So has anyone else had this struggle? Is anyone else making changes like this for their babies? Is anyone cutting people out of their lives for the better of their kids?

Re: Changing for the baby

  • .....

    Seriously, though, nice to meet you. A lot of us have been through similar stuff and posted about it here. I'm glad to hear you're working on improving yourself.

    Also, are you due in December? This is a board for moms who are due in December. I'm just asking because you said you were pregnant in January...the math doesn't seem right.

    Me: 33     H: 36

    Married: 12/14/13   DS: 1/29/09

    BFP2: 10/9/15  MMC: 11/12/15

    BFP3: 4/6/16   DD: 12/12/16

  • The steps you are taking are awesome. We have some things that we are trying to change from how we grew up. For me, one is alcohol. I've never dipped deep enough to have an issue with alcohol like my parents but I have a complicated relationship with it because of the horrible place it's held in my past. So I talked with DH about this just last week - that I would like us to move to not really storing alcohol in the house. I don't want it around when I'm stressed with family things and have it so deeply ingrained in my psyche to go there. The simple motivation required to go somewhere to drink to deal with stress is enough to make me not reflexively do it and provides enough of a barrier that I'm confident with this simple adjustment, I won't be fighting to keep those same patterns from forming in me.

    Anyways- we have a "why my family is driving me crazy" thread where a bunch of us have opened up about abusive/unhealthy childhoods and family interactions. I would suggest checking some of those out and feel free join in on the convos (assuming you're a December 16 due date?)
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Mother of an April '15 baby
    Due December 16
  • seven6fiveseven6five member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited July 2016
    @cjt121413 We started counseling in January and broke up for good in April, my due date is December 1st!

    @slartybartfast I have limited myself to one bottle of wine in the fridge at a time! Baby steps for me! I can definitely see how it can be a complicated relationship with a negative history. I also agree that having to go out and put on real clothes and go to the trouble for it would be a detracting factor. It sounds like though that you recognize that it could be a problem and you're already a wonderful mama for nipping that in the bud! I'll check out that thread next! Thanks!

    Edit because I forget what I want to say.
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