Intro post

lap018

hello everyone, I am currently breastfeeding my 10 month old son and I hadn't had a period return and my husband kept saying "I think you're pregnant" so I took a test on June 11th and sure enough it was positive! It was so crazy we were so in shock! We went in for an ultrasound 3 weeks later and were measuring 6 weeks 1 day but did not see a heart beat, we were told it was either too early or we were miscarrying, the next day I started spotting light pink/brown which I know can be normal so I didn't think anything of it, but then this past Saturday I started bleeding bright red blood, and then Monday July 18th it happened. I passed my baby in the bathroom of my own home, I panicked and flushed it down the toilet, guilt has plagued me since this has happened. I keep thinking maybe it was my cup of coffee a day that caused it, I shouldn't buried the baby not flushed it! Why didn't I stop drinking coffee? I just want to have my baby back , I want to see that heart beat, but all my follow up ultrasound showed was an empty uterus. Sorry for the novel, it's been a hard last few days. 

EverythingsBetterOutside

I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though the pregnancy was unexpected, it's still your baby who you love. There is no need to feel guilty. You did NOT cause this. One cup of coffee a day is considered safe in pregnancy. I know it may be hard to truly believe, but I'm going to repeat what my doctors told me: you did nothing to cause this and there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. If you're anything like me, right about now you're thinking something like "but what about...?"

And I think it would be hard, if not impossible, to find someone with a loss this early who didn't flush. I get the guilt, the pain, the grief. Allow yourself to feel and work through it all, but also know that it isn't your fault. Feel free to rant or vent here, we're here on this board to support each other

HowlCircus

So sorry for all that you're going through. It can be such a tough time. Like she said a cup of coffee a day didn't cause this. I know it's hard to not blame yourself I think we all do it. We think of the 1001 things we could have done differently but in the end we all have to know and accept that it isn't our fault. Also it's very true that most women who loose the baby this early and at home in the bathroom do the same thing. You're going to be going through somewhat of an emotional roller coaster so please hang in there and feel free to reach out to all of us. We are here to support you in this time of need

Hopefulmommy1980

I am sorry for your loss

beary67

I am so very sorry for your loss. You did nothing wrong. I know it's hard to accept that, but it's true. Please know we are here for you. 

bai-by2019

@lap018 The ladies that commented above are completely correct but I will echo it as well...it is NOT your fault!!!! I know it's hard to process it all and it's easy to beat ourselves up. When something horrible happens we need there to be a reason or explanation and unfortunately that usually doesn't come with a MC. As for flushing,  I can understand your pain over that but think about this....you were in the moment and upset and you did what you've been conditioned to do your whole life when something is in the toilet...you flushed. To help you with closure, maybe you could do something symbolic...put a little charm in a box and bury it or write a letter to the baby you lost and bury it.. something like that.

I am SO sorry for your loss. We are all here for you. Hang in there! ::hugs::

szwill86

I'm so sorry for your loss. We are here for you as you process and grieve