Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Saying Hello

Hi all,
I'm new to the group & have been lurking over the weekend when I started spotting. Today after a few brief spotting episodes, my doctor confirmed the baby didn't have a heartbeat & that the gestational sac was starting to collapse. She told me my options and that my cramping would worsen and I would start to miscarry on my own within the next few days.

My husband was shocked. He was so convinced that the spotting would be a fluke, and that baby would be fine. I really wanted to believe him because there was hardly any spotting and the small quarter size amount was pink or brown not bright red, besides I wasn't even cramping. Even though I wanted to be optimistic with H, I kept telling him that something wasn't right & I thought I was losing the baby. Deep down, I knew. When the ultrasound tech pulled up the ultrasound, I knew my fears were confirmed. As the doctor came in to review the results, I went numb. I managed to talk with her about the options and keep calm before my voice wavered and I broke down. 

Now I'm home, and although slightly cramping, not bleeding. I'm wondering if I should've just scheduled a D&C, or gotten the prescription to assist in the process. I feel like I won't be able to fully grieve until I've passed the baby, and my body can start healing as well as my mind.

Thank you all for listening and for the great support this board is known for with loss & miscarriage. Sending love to all of your fellow mommas out there. 

Re: Saying Hello

  • Hi @kirstynikole. I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds exactly like my first pregnant loss. I had very very light brown spotting and very littl cramping and there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound machine.

    I never miscarried naturally, but from what I understand, it can take days to weeks to start. Don't hesitate to contact your Dr if you decide you don't want to wait that long. What you decide in the heat of the moment of finding out this terrible news doesn't have to be your last choice. 

    Please take care of yourself!
  • I am sorry for your loss, but I hope you find some good support from the wonderful ladies on this board.  I was going to say the same as @chloe97, that you can change your mind as you see how things go about whether you want to do medical or surgical management, or continue to see what happens naturally.  There are threads here of people talking about their different experiences with these options that might be helpful.  My first loss was a missed m/c discovered at 11w, and I opted for a d&c as my body showed no signs of the pregnancy being over, and then it took a while for my body to return to normal after the d&c.  My second loss was a CP that occurred naturally shortly after I found out I was pregnant.  

    Please do take care of yourself and let yourself grieve however feels right to you.  Hugs.
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
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  • @kirstynikole I am so sorry you have to be here but happy that you found us.  If you choose to, you can always opt for medication or a D&C later.  I didn’t have to do either because I MC’d on my own (a CP) so I’m afraid I can’t be of much help there, but a lot of women have experienced both options and will be a great resource for you if you choose to go that path (just like @brightenmysky said above). 

    The coming days and weeks will be really difficult.  The best advice I got was to let myself grieve and to simply take care of myself.  Don’t feel like you have to hold back your tears.  This is a devastating thing that no one should ever have to experience.  Hang in there and know we are here for you any time you need a friendly ear.  Sending hugs and prayers your way.

  • @kirstynikole I am so sorry for your loss. I echo what others have said that you can change your mind regarding how you want to move forward. My RE told me it could take weeks for me to miscarry on my own.  For me, I wanted to be able to emotionally heal sooner, and that meant not waiting to miscarry naturally.  Do what feels best for you.  Please know we are all here for you.  <3
    About me:
    TTC#1: October 2015
    dx: PCOS & MFI
    IUI #1 w/Femara + Ovidrel June 2016 ~ BFP
    July 2016: Blighted Ovum
    IUI #2 w/Femara + Ovidrel September 2016 ~BFN
    IUI #3 w/Femara + Ovidrel October 2016 ~BFN
    IUI #4 w/Femara + Ovidrel November 2016 ~BFN
    IVF with ICSI January 2017 ~BFN
    FET February 2017 ~BFN
    IVF with ICSI March 2017 ~BFP--Twins Due 12/8/17
    Team Blue X 2!
  • AliciaGooseAliciaGoose member
    edited July 2016
    @kirstynikole I am so sorry for your loss. Your situation sounds similar to mine where minor spotting turned out to be a miscarriage. My husband was also incredibly optimistic and didn't believe anything would actually be wrong. Like PPs said, you can change your mind about the method at any point if you feel it is the best choice for you to be able to heal.

    In my experience, my natural miscarriage started about 5-6 days after the first time I noticed spotting. The whole process was about two weeks long from the first instance of spotting until I stopped bleeding. The worst of it only lasted 2-3 days and it was manageable with Advil.

    I hope whatever you choose that you are able to start healing physically and emotionally soon.
    **Formerly @aliciabhen**
    Me: 26 DH: 24
    Married: November 2015  <3
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    Computer Hope
  • @kristynikole I'm so sorry for your loss and that you've found youself here. But these women have all experienced a loss of some sort and are wonderful to look to for advice, questions, anything to help you through this process. 

    Don't be afraid to reach out to your doctor if you change your mind regarding the method. You do what is best for you to help you through the emotional and physical healing process. 
  • I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the what the other ladies have said. Make sure you take care of yourself and do what is right for you. This group is super supportive. 
  • fioripfiorip member
    I'm so sorry for your loss, you're doing the right thing which is whatever feels best for you; I opted to naturally miscarry with my first pregnancy and two days after I started lighty spotting I started bleeding a lot, for me it took about 5 days of heavy bleeding. This is a very difficult thing, you and your husband lean on each other for support and be kind to yourselves, hugs. 
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  • @kirstynikole Wooooooow! No way! That's so insane!!!! I'm so happy for you!  I really can't believe it! That's really scary that that happened to you. I'm so sorry you experienced the pain for nothing. Please stay in touch!
  • Congrats. I am glad things are going well for you
  • well this just made my day! amazing story, I cant believe that other Doc! wishing for your little miracle to continue to grow!
  • this is truly a miracle, so happy for you.
  • I needed a pick me up today and I'm always so so happy when others get good news, this is amazing!!! Good luck with everything!
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  • thank you so much everyone, and I am still praying for each and everyone of y'all!! 
  • HowlCircusHowlCircus member
    edited August 2016
    Omgoodness! I'm in tears I'm so happy for you!!! This is truly what I needed this week and congratulations on this little miracle. I had prayed for you and I will continue to do so. You'll be in my thoughts @kirstynikole xo.
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