Saying Hello

kirstynikole

Hi all,
I'm new to the group & have been lurking over the weekend when I started spotting. Today after a few brief spotting episodes, my doctor confirmed the baby didn't have a heartbeat & that the gestational sac was starting to collapse. She told me my options and that my cramping would worsen and I would start to miscarry on my own within the next few days.

My husband was shocked. He was so convinced that the spotting would be a fluke, and that baby would be fine. I really wanted to believe him because there was hardly any spotting and the small quarter size amount was pink or brown not bright red, besides I wasn't even cramping. Even though I wanted to be optimistic with H, I kept telling him that something wasn't right & I thought I was losing the baby. Deep down, I knew. When the ultrasound tech pulled up the ultrasound, I knew my fears were confirmed. As the doctor came in to review the results, I went numb. I managed to talk with her about the options and keep calm before my voice wavered and I broke down. 

Now I'm home, and although slightly cramping, not bleeding. I'm wondering if I should've just scheduled a D&C, or gotten the prescription to assist in the process. I feel like I won't be able to fully grieve until I've passed the baby, and my body can start healing as well as my mind.

Thank you all for listening and for the great support this board is known for with loss & miscarriage. Sending love to all of your fellow mommas out there. 

chloe97

Hi @kirstynikole. I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds exactly like my first pregnant loss. I had very very light brown spotting and very littl cramping and there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound machine.

I never miscarried naturally, but from what I understand, it can take days to weeks to start. Don't hesitate to contact your Dr if you decide you don't want to wait that long. What you decide in the heat of the moment of finding out this terrible news doesn't have to be your last choice. 

Please take care of yourself!

BrightenMySky

I am sorry for your loss, but I hope you find some good support from the wonderful ladies on this board.  I was going to say the same as @chloe97, that you can change your mind as you see how things go about whether you want to do medical or surgical management, or continue to see what happens naturally.  There are threads here of people talking about their different experiences with these options that might be helpful.  My first loss was a missed m/c discovered at 11w, and I opted for a d&c as my body showed no signs of the pregnancy being over, and then it took a while for my body to return to normal after the d&c.  My second loss was a CP that occurred naturally shortly after I found out I was pregnant.  

Please do take care of yourself and let yourself grieve however feels right to you.  Hugs.

bai-by2019

@kirstynikole I am so sorry you have to be here but happy that you found us.  If you choose to, you can always opt for medication or a D&C later.  I didn’t have to do either because I MC’d on my own (a CP) so I’m afraid I can’t be of much help there, but a lot of women have experienced both options and will be a great resource for you if you choose to go that path (just like @brightenmysky said above). 

The coming days and weeks will be really difficult.  The best advice I got was to let myself grieve and to simply take care of myself.  Don’t feel like you have to hold back your tears.  This is a devastating thing that no one should ever have to experience.  Hang in there and know we are here for you any time you need a friendly ear.  Sending hugs and prayers your way.

beary67

@kirstynikole I am so sorry for your loss. I echo what others have said that you can change your mind regarding how you want to move forward. My RE told me it could take weeks for me to miscarry on my own.  For me, I wanted to be able to emotionally heal sooner, and that meant not waiting to miscarry naturally.  Do what feels best for you.  Please know we are all here for you. 

AliciaGoose

@kirstynikole I am so sorry for your loss. Your situation sounds similar to mine where minor spotting turned out to be a miscarriage. My husband was also incredibly optimistic and didn't believe anything would actually be wrong. Like PPs said, you can change your mind about the method at any point if you feel it is the best choice for you to be able to heal.

In my experience, my natural miscarriage started about 5-6 days after the first time I noticed spotting. The whole process was about two weeks long from the first instance of spotting until I stopped bleeding. The worst of it only lasted 2-3 days and it was manageable with Advil.

I hope whatever you choose that you are able to start healing physically and emotionally soon.

szwill86

@kristynikole I'm so sorry for your loss and that you've found youself here. But these women have all experienced a loss of some sort and are wonderful to look to for advice, questions, anything to help you through this process. 

Don't be afraid to reach out to your doctor if you change your mind regarding the method. You do what is best for you to help you through the emotional and physical healing process. 

Hopefulmommy1980

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the what the other ladies have said. Make sure you take care of yourself and do what is right for you. This group is super supportive. 

fiorip

I'm so sorry for your loss, you're doing the right thing which is whatever feels best for you; I opted to naturally miscarry with my first pregnancy and two days after I started lighty spotting I started bleeding a lot, for me it took about 5 days of heavy bleeding. This is a very difficult thing, you and your husband lean on each other for support and be kind to yourselves, hugs. 

kirstynikole

Thank you everyone.. After mulling everything over the last day I find myself leaning towards a D&C, because I have no bleeding and hardly any contractions. I have this bizarre hope in me that somehow the doctor is wrong until I fully miscarry. Although I know it's not the case, and that the lack of heartbeat and collapsing gestational sack confirms the miscarriage, I have this weird doubt until it happens and I can't quite process or believe it fully until it's over. Last night I sat awake for hours holding my lower tummy and crying for my baby. 

I've asked to have the prescription called in to take at home but I worry because of my 22 month old son. I don't think I'd be able to be in that kind of pain and still watch my son. I'm so confused because in the midst of this I lost health insurance and thankfully am being placed on women's pregnancy Medicaid. I'm told they will cover hospital costs etc but since this is all so time sensitive, waiting for the Medicaid to update(possibly 14-30 days) in the system, is too long. The good part is they will atleast continue coverage two months after miscarriage too. Also it doesn't help that my doctor, who I was in the process of changing due to them being 40 minutes away, contracts with a hospital that doesn't accept Medicaid so I'm kind of like wth.

The one positive is that my hate for the twisted healthcare system atleast redirects my anger from losing the baby. 

Seriously thank you everyone for sharing and letting me know it's ok to discuss options and change your mind and to just FEEL. 

HowlCircus

I'm glad you came here for information and I hope you will find comfort here. I agree with all the woman take some time for yourself and really allow yourself to feel. I tried to be tough in the beginning and I think it made it harder for me later. I too had that moment of holding my tummy and crying. I think for me I continued to talk to "him" (we joked about knowing the baby was a boy because we both had our fingers crossed for a girl) throughout the miscarriage process. I still had my SO kiss my belly for a while after. It gave me comfort knowing he was struggling too. 

This was one of the quotes that soothed me. Hope it helps and always feel free to reach out and know you are never alone xo

kirstynikole

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their encouragement & support during the most difficult week. Since so many of you were welcoming & concerned, I felt I should update you all on my story.

A week after our first appointment, and after deciding to not take the pills I was prescribed by my first doctor, we saw a different doctor at a new practice. Our new doctor wasn't convinced with our prior diagnosis & insisted on doing blood work & an ultrasound to confirm. Somehow in the midst of scheduling our apt, we were put down during nurse only hours, so after a phone call to our new doctor, she sent us next door to the hospital ER. During my ER ultrasound, I never saw the screen, so I figured the worst & waited for the doctor to come review the results with me & DH. When the doctor came in and showed us our ultrasound, lo & behold, there was our baby on the ultrasound, a full week in growth, with a visible heartbeat of 134. We were floored and quite obviously in shock. We were told we weren't out of the woods yet & still needed to monitor & be on pelvic rest due to a sub chorionic hematoma causing the spotting. Now today, two weeks later, our baby has once again grown on track, had a strong HB of 180 & my SCH has stabilized and doesn't show any new growth or bleed.

I know my story was the 1% but I felt the need to share with y'all since you opened your hearts to me. I truly feel like this has been a miracle.

Thank you so much for all of your help and support during the hardest days.  I truly hope & pray everyone gets their rainbow babies soon! I'll be lurking around to root for you all. 

bai-by2019

@kirstynikole Wooooooow! No way! That's so insane!!!! I'm so happy for you!  I really can't believe it! That's really scary that that happened to you. I'm so sorry you experienced the pain for nothing. Please stay in touch!

Hopefulmommy1980

Congrats. I am glad things are going well for you

mamma1614

well this just made my day! amazing story, I cant believe that other Doc! wishing for your little miracle to continue to grow!

valeryjackson

this is truly a miracle, so happy for you.

fiorip

I needed a pick me up today and I'm always so so happy when others get good news, this is amazing!!! Good luck with everything!

kirstynikole

thank you so much everyone, and I am still praying for each and everyone of y'all!! 

HowlCircus

Omgoodness! I'm in tears I'm so happy for you!!! This is truly what I needed this week and congratulations on this little miracle. I had prayed for you and I will continue to do so. You'll be in my thoughts @kirstynikole xo.