How is everyone? Check-in week of 7/04

mjolk

For the new people who joined this board in the last two weeks, we are all so sorry for your losses. This board is proof that you don't have to go through this alone!

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? Feel free to rant and vent, this is a safe space where we offer support and compassion 

GTKY: Fireworks: yay or nay? Did you see them over the weekend? If you are not in the U.S, when is the last time you saw fireworks?

mjolk

I'm vowing never to make a super cute pregnancy announcement or complain about pregnancy symptoms on social media. Seriously, make it stop and I'm so glad for the "Unfollow" button. It seems like my SO has been mentioning kids a lot more too, and commenting about babies when we see them. I'm just biting my tongue, because maybe that is his way of dealing with it.

GTYKY: Big nay! Well, it is actually just one of those things where if you are the one doing them it can be fun, but having to hear other people set them off for days is really unfun.

Hopefulmommy1980

@mjolk I totally agree. I have certain a friends that I avoid looking at their posts.

I feel like I am doing a little bit better. Trying to stay busy. This week is going to be a little rougher. Another one of my friends announced on Facebook that they are pregnant and I have to go to a baby shower for two of my co workers at work.  Which I am happy for them but can't help but feel a little jealous. But I am going to keep focusing on self care and getting healthier before we start trying again (trying to lose some of the weight I have gained the last few months).  Also my dh has a job interview this week so keep your fingers crossed.  

I am am not a fan of fireworks. I don't mind watching them but don't like setting them up. 

moonlady-2

My cramps and bleeding have mostly subsided. Which is great- the constant reminder going to the bathroom each time was not fun. I'm still very emotional and can cry at the drop of a hat. But I am so glad that the physical part seems to be mostly done.

EverythingsBetterOutside

How I'm doing varies from day to day, mostly with how distracted I am. It's been a week and a half since it was confirmed i was having a miscarriage. When I went in for follow up betas on Friday, it looks likely that it's ectopic, which is about the only thing that could make it worse :-( I go in tomorrow morning for more blood tests to hopefully find out for sure, and possibly back in the afternoon for methotrexate, followed by more monitoring through the week. It's this drawn out saga that just won't end! It's hard to move on if you're still stuck in it with appointments and monitoring and new developments.

One nice random thing in all this: I didn't have an OB before this started, but got an emergency appointment with whoever was available when the bleeding and cramping started. It turned out they scheduled me with someone I knew, the mom of one of my students! Though there was some awkwardness, it's really been comforting having a doctor with some knowledge of/investment in who I am, not just being another body passing through the doors that day.

AliciaGoose

@mjolk I know I am going to want to share my joy on social media when the time comes. But I am so conflicted about it because seeing other people's right now hurts so bad. I am also thankful for the unfollow button. 

@Hopefulmommy1980 Trying to get healthier was the biggest thing I wanted to do for myself before starting TTC again. I failed miserably. In the 6 weeks since my Mc I've gained more weight than should even be possible for such a short period of time. I finally got back on track last week and it's been hard. But honestly it feels so good to know I am on the right track again and doing something good for myself. I will keep my Fx for your DH!

@moonlady I'm so happy the physical part is almost over for you. You're right it really is a horrible constant reminder. 

@EverythingsBetterOutside I'm so sorry for the possible ectopic. Hugs. 

I am doing pretty well now most days. I did have a bad day on Saturday. I would have been 12 weeks that day. I was planning on announcing in person to family at DHs and my family picnics. Obviously that didn't happen. I knew the 12 week mark alone would be hard. But being with everyone in DHs family and having them not even know what happened made it harder because I had to pretend to be ok (though I'm pretty sure I looked pained for most of the day). When we left I lost it in the car and cried all the way home. 

I am excited because I think I should get AF Friday and this post loss cycle should finally end on day 43. This cycle was kind of the last thing really in the way of me feeling like I could heal. I'm so happy I continued to track ovulation so I would know what my body was doing. I am starting to get nervous about TTC again and about my progesterone levels which I have to get checked this cycle. But I think getting back into TTC will also be good for me.

BrightenMySky

@mjolk thanks for starting us out this week.  And yes to the unfollow button.  I hate when people complain about their pregnancies.  My current biggest gripe is when people say things like "I am sad about xyz happening, and I'm pregnant, so that makes me even more emotional."  

@Hopefulmommy1980 please do take care of yourself!  The baby shower does not sound fun, hope you can slip away as you want to.  

@EverythingsBetterOutside glad you like your OB, but I am really sorry it is looking like it's ectopic.  

@AliciaGoose those sorts of milestones are hard, hugs.  

I had a family wedding over the weekend, which was nice, although it was basically always in the back of my head that I would have been so visibly pregnant at this point, with my due date coming up in a little over a month. 

GTKY: I will watch fireworks if it's not too much effort, but I don't like crowds and don't enjoy going if there's no easy way to get out of the area.  Last night we got home from being out-of-town for the wedding and didn't go out (we were tired and live in a major city where the fireworks are a zoo), just stayed home and felt bad for my pup who was terrified.  

EmilyP524

I'm doing okay this week. I'm going to a local support group tonight so hopefully that will be helpful and it won't be too hard. I hate putting myself in situations where I'll see people who knew I was pregnant and/or who know what happened. I just don't feel like talking to "acquaintances" about it and I don't want to see the awful looks of sympathy. Ugh, it's so hard. That's why I'm hoping the support group will help because those ladies all know just what I'm going through (just like you ladies)!

I like fireworks but I wish they were silent...no need for all that noise! 

Hopefulmommy1980

Hugs to all of you

newlymrsparaons

@mjolk I completely understand and have made a similar vow to myself, especially bout the complaining. Sometimes I just want to shake all the gripers out there and yell "don't you know how lucky you are?" 

@hopefulmommy1980 Good luck to your DH this week. Hugs back at you while you go to the baby showers. 

I've been up and down this week. I'm thinking about taking up my doctor's offer on seeing a councelor. I've always been a stress eater and I just feel out of control right now, especially in the wake of wanting to be healthier for TTC when we're ready. I'm surprised I haven't really gained any weight yet because I feel like I'm always eating. Not sure if anyone else struggles with this.

I live in Alberta, Canada and our big national holiday was this weekend too, although ours is on the first. My family has gone to see fireworks since I was little and I just love them. Especially the big BOOM ones. We didn't go this year as the venue they host the city display at faces west and the sun doesn't set until almost 11 (I'm a bit north) so having them go off at 10/10:30 is a bit like watching them in daylight. Just not the same 

mrs35

Hello, new to this board. Just wondering if anyone else had severe lower back pain after a D&C? I had my D&C two weeks ago. I started to feel better a few days after but then about a week after my back pain started. It isn't bad when I'm standing but sitting, standing up from sitting, rolling over, reaching, and lifting are all extremely painful. Just wondering what it could be and how long it lasts. 

BrightenMySky

@klbreed I am sorry for your loss & that you find yourself here, but I hope you find it to be a great & supportive community.  I would definitely call your doctor about your back pain.  Not exactly the same as you, but I started having bad cramps about 3-4 days after my d&c, and then called my doctor and ended up going to the ER 5 days after my d&c.  I felt ok when lying down, but anything else was painful, and ibuprofen & heat weren't helping.  It turned out that I had a good amount of retained material, so I was basically having contractions trying to pass it, but was not dilated at all.  I ended up taking cytotec at that point, and then still had retained material at my 2-week post-d&c appt, that I eventually passed naturally.  Whatever is going on with you, good to check in with our doctor to rule out infection or other complication, as well as to see what they can do to get you feeling better (physically) as soon as possible.  

mrs35

@BrightenMySky thanks. I have an appointment later today. Hopefully I can get some answers! Due to the holiday weekend this was as soon as I could get in. I did go to a walk in clinic a few days ago and they ruled out an infection but that's as much as they could tell me. 

mjolk

@newlymrsparaons
I hope you find a councellor that works for you.

@EverythingsBetterOutside
I'm so sorry. I definitely relate to feeling like things are a drawn out saga. I hope you find out it isn't ectopic.

@klbreed
Sorry for your loss. I think after 2 weeks you should be having a follow up appointment soon. If not I would try to get in and if the pain gets even worse I would go to the ER.


My follow up appointment is today and I feel really nervous. I thought I would be given the clear for getting off of pelvic rest (I've been on pelvic rest because of bleeding or because of after-D&C for oh my gosh, I don't know how long. a month and a half at least? maybe 2. It is making me feel very unattractive and lonely. Sorry if this is an off topic complaint.) but a couple days ago (TMI) I started gushing bright red blood again. That happened about three times, never lasted, but now I wake up to have a lot of brown blood. I took a long walk earlier before it started and I think that might have caused it. Past week I have been having to take ibuoprofen at least once a day for lower back pain or odd cramps.

BrightenMySky

@klbreed good luck at your appointment today.  Glad you don't have an infection.  If it does end up being retained material, happy to share more of my experience, and I know there are other ladies here who had it as well.

@mjolk good luck at your appointment.  I hope things go well.

EverythingsBetterOutside

@mjolk It is ectopic. I had to go in yesterday for methotrexate injections. I have follow up bloodwork Friday and Monday. So sorry about your pelvic rest

Hopefulmommy1980

@mjolk good luck at your follow up appointment. 

@everythingsbetteroutside I am sorry it was ectopic. I hope that you are feeling okay. I felt really sick for three days. Be sure and take care of yourself. 

CraftyG

Hi ladies, been a bit unsure as whether to post on this board or not but thought there's no time like the present!

I knew this month was going to be a hard one for me as my due date would have been the 15th so not sure how I'm going to cope as it gets closer an closer. My cousin had her baby boy yesterday and we're the exact same age so I can't help but compare myself to her. Also yesterday someone I follow on instagram shared a photo of her stillborn baby so that led to an evening of crying, wine and comfort food. Thankfully FI is being so supportive and I've booked myself in for a counselling session tomorrow, something I probably should have done a long time ago!

I hope that everyone is doing okay! 

BrightenMySky

@Knottie1463996468 I am sorry for your loss.  What are you thinking you will do for your due date?  My due date is also coming up (middle of August), and I am hoping to just be able to take time for myself and not talk to a lot of people.  I think a little distraction will be good, and DH's younger sisters will be visiting, so I can do some activities with them and then hide in my room as I need to.  Counseling has helped me a lot, I hope your session goes well and good for you for taking that step in self care in making the appointment.  

CraftyG

@BrightenMySky Thank you, I'm not really sure yet FI is going to see if he can work from home, I think I'm going to just end up in bed watching sad movies haha I was thinking of doing a memorial tattoo but I haven't found a design I'm I love with yet. I think that sounds like a good idea I hope that your day goes okay! Thank you I'm hoping that it will give me some closure in the long run

BrightenMySky

I have been thinking about a memorial tattoo.  I got a bracelet that I wear all the time with an inscription in it, but I've wanted a tattoo for a while, and the design I have been wanting ties in with my loss.  DH asked me to wait 6 months after the loss if I'm going to get one (it would be my first) to make sure it's what I want, and I wanted to honor that request, but that time has almost run.  

AliciaGoose

@mjolk I hope your follow up appointment went well!

@EverythingsBetterOutside I am so sorry to hear that it was ectopic.

@BrightenMySky I REALLY want a memorial tattoo. But for some reason I have been nervous about the idea of getting one prior to having my take home baby. I have a plan for what I would like. Really simple and small. I know for a fact I want it and time will not make me change my mind. But I can't get over this feeling that I shouldn't get it yet and it really bothers me.

BrightenMySky

@AliciaGoose I don't want one that is specifically tied to my losses.  I have a similar feeling to you that until I have a baby in my arms, I don't want to do something permanent to my body to memorialize the losses.  "What if I never have biological children" is a big anxiety for me, and I don't know how I'd feel about having the tattoo if that is where I ended up.  The one I would get now is a phrase that sort of represents multiple struggles I've had, not just IF & loss.  

AliciaGoose

@BrightenMySky Those are the exact fears I have about it! But I love the idea of one that is about all of the struggles you have faced in life. That makes sense.

newlymrsparaons

@knottie1463996468, @BrightenMySky, @AliciaGoose I had a memorial tattoo done about 6 months after my first MC and I don't regret it. It's not an obvious memorial tattoo; it's a silhouette of a crescent moon with a small fetus swinging in it, (which is a lot less morbid than it sounds, I swear it's quite tasteful) and it's on my lower hip, so not a lot of people see it. It also helps that it's not specific with a name or date. My DH lost a child before I came into his life and when people ask about his memorial tattoo (which does have a name and date), it always makes him a little sad. But mine felt very therapeutic for me and made me feel more like a mom, because it was like, "oh, that's my baby." That being said, I do have one othe tatto, so it's not my only one, but it was my first.

mrsstuessy

I am getting a memorial tattoo done. My consultation is on Tuesday. I have known for a very long time that I would get one for my children once I am done having them. But, I know I need one for this lost baby as well. I know that I know that I know that this is what I want. DH was so against tattoos since I have met him. I told him that I want this one and he is being so supportive. He knows that I need this as well and this helps. The tattoo I am getting will be pretty small and on my lower stomach right on the inside of my hip. I want it by my uterus. So, no one will really see it like, ever. It is just for me. 

kirstynikole

I think memorial tattoos sound like a great way of coping. I've got a few tattoos that symbolize my struggle with depression & esteem issues, and I am so glad I have them as a reminder of who I was and who I've become. I'm glad your DH is being supportive @mrsstuessy because it can truly be beneficial!

I'm currently living in a world of denial, not so much from myself, but my family members. My husband seems to be taking this harder than I am. After I spotted the 3 times, I felt in my gut that something was wrong, but he was so sure it was just a fluke and everything would be fine. Like my husband, my mom & dad seem to be in denial too. It doesn't help that I haven't had anymore spotting or pain since I was diagnosed on Tuesday. Now in the back of my mind, I'm doubting the doctors even though I know they're right. I'm waiting for my follow up Wednesday so I can hopefully schedule a D&C since my body doesn't seem to be progressing the miscarriage on its own. I love my husband for trying to be so optimistic before the appointment, but now his small glimmer of hope is making it that much harder on me. I feel like I'll be disappointing him all over again when the doctor inevitably confirms the miscarriage on Wednesday. 

I just want to be able to start healing.

CraftyG

@BrightenMySky @AliciaGoose @newlymrsparaons I agree, i would like one that's simple and doesn't necessarily draw attention to what it actually symbolizes. An inside joke between me and FI is that we play a game where we say what animal people would be, so he's a monkey and i'm a duck (It's odd i know haha) But i feel that the baby was a bunny rabbit so i was thinking of a small simple bunny tattoo on my side underneath my arm so it's hidden but close to my heart.

A friend of mine who wanted a memorial tattoo decided on a small strawberry as her little one would have been the same size and she calls her, her little strawberry. It's helped her to heal massively so i hope that it can have the same affect on others.