Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Intro. What now?

moonlady-2moonlady-2 member
Hi everyone. My January 17 birth month board recommended that I check out this board. My hubby and I were so excited about this baby (our first). I was due on Jamuary 21st and would have been 11 weeks this coming Saturday.

I started bleeding heavily and having horrible cramps last night. Couldn't sleep and actually threw up. Called my midwife and they had me come in today to check on things. I had an ultrasound and the first thing the tech said when she put the probe on my belly and looked at the screen was "are you sure you're pregnant? There's NOTHING in there" Cue my sobbing. I really want to do some kind of complaint about her lack of compassion. Anyway.

This is still all very new and I've been crying on and off since finding out a few hours ago. I'm not really sure what I am supposed to do or how to cope. Tomorrow I'm going back in to get my Hcg level. 

On a positive note, I'm looking forward to a glass of wine tonight and for a worry free vacation exactly a month from now. I had been worried about Zika making its way to where we are headed (the Mediterranean).
31 years young
from Seattle(ish)
5 years married
EDD is 12/23/17
-- It's a BOY! ---

Re: Intro. What now?

  • I am so sorry for your loss. :( I am sorry the person doing your ultrasound was so insensitive. Finding out you had a miscarriage is such a sad and heartbreaking experience. Please be kind to yourself. This group is super supportive. 
  • I am sorry for your loss.  How to cope?  However you need.  Are there things you need to do, or can you take time off from work, chores, etc., just to be kind to yourself?  Hugs.

    And the person doing your ultrasound sounds really terrible.  I felt that the care I received from my OB office was less-than-compassionate (and had been planning to switch to a midwife group, just hadn't done so yet), but your story really takes the cake.  I don't think a complaint/note would be out of line.  
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
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  • fioripfiorip member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. How to cope you ask? There's no right or wrong way, just do whatever you need to; it's a terrible cliche but it really just takes time. I've had 3 losses and each time I've thought I won't recover, but I have; I have my days but I'm mostly well. Be kind to yourself <3  

    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  • mjolkmjolk member
    <3 I am so sorry. I was also a part of the January 2017 club and found out I didn't have a baby. It is really, really hard. I just go day by day and try to look ahead. What else is there to do? Hugs.
    TW: Loss
    EDD: 1/14/2017 : Blighted Ovum : D&C @ 10w6d

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I had a bad experience with my doctor's office regarding my loss as well. It's just become routine to them and they lose all sense of empathy. I would complain. Maybe if enough people complain they will be trained to show more compassion. Regarding how to feel better, I've had luck doing what you're doing, trying to be positive. My loss really put things into perspective. It made me want to love people better, be more kind, be gentler, and tell those that I appreciate that I do appreciate them. So far I've been successful and it's made me feel like it wasn't all for not. I'm not sure if that even makes sense, but it's helping. I hope you feel better soon. Try to take it easy and be kind to yourself. Creepy internet hugs to you!
  • I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm so sorry about your awful experience at the doctor. As far as what to do next, give yourself what you need. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to be alone, be alone. If you need support, come here or find a support group where you live. 

    Big hugs! <3


      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • Thanks for all of your kind words. While it's definitely a club I never wanted or expected to be in, it's so comforting knowing that you guys understand. I'm very thankful!
    31 years young
    from Seattle(ish)
    5 years married
    FTM and PGAL
    EDD is 12/23/17
    -- It's a BOY! ---

  • And, I did complain today. I had to go in to get blood drawn so I popped in and talked to the manager. She was not happy- she apologized and agreed that the tech was out of line. She will be getting talked to about this. I hope no one else gets treated like this by that tech.
    31 years young
    from Seattle(ish)
    5 years married
    FTM and PGAL
    EDD is 12/23/17
    -- It's a BOY! ---

  • I am so sorry for your loss, and that the person who did your ultrasound was so incredibly insensitive about it. I am glad you were able to complain to the manager and that the manager was receptive. That tech needs to learn better bedside manner so that no one has to experience that again. 

    The one thing my mom told me, which I didn't believe at first but turned out to be true, was that you'll feel better more quickly than you would imagine. And better might not necessarily mean you'll feel 'good'. Just that the tears will eventually come less often. And the good days will start to outnumber the bad ones. I'm 5 weeks post my MC (I was also a part of the January 17 BMB) and while I still have several sad moments, those moments are no longer the biggest part of my day or my week anymore. 

    I wish you you peace and comfort and hope that you are able to find a coping method that works for you. hugs. 
    **Formerly @aliciabhen**
    Me: 26 DH: 24
    Married: November 2015  <3
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    Computer Hope
  • I can't believe the tech said that! That's so unprofessional, and inhuman! Don't these people realize what your there to check for?! I'm sorry your going through this! From my own personal experience with "professionals" in the field, I've found to really hate the secretaries answering the phones at the fertility Clinics office (no offense to secretaries in general, just the ones in that office). They know by now who I am because I've been there already 7 times for blood work. The last few times were the most stressful because I didn't know what the heck is happening in my body! Last time I needed to know if my HCG is going down for the 1st time. I'm a nervous wreck with my ectopic pregnancy situation, I'm nervous about internal bleeding and all the risks involved. You'd think the secretaries would know the urgency of the many situations that come through their office, but instead they answer the phone and super casual & calmly say to me- oh nobody's around to respond or all the nurses are on lunch break or the nurse will call you back soon. That of course never happens, you always have to keep calling them and calling until they give you results- and believe me, I've waited hours and hours for their call even though I took these blood tests really early in the morning. So I'm with you how much is sucks dealing with stupid people who don't know or understand the patients coming through their office.
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