Reasons Why My Family is Driving Me Crazy 6.28

dmontgo

Getting this thread started for this week!

What's your family doing that's nuts?

dmontgo

My MIL is not understanding that we don't want her staying with us (or anyone) immediately after baby is born. We want some time to bond and rest during the holidays, and then will introduce our child to everyone.

Despite telling her repeatedly over the phone, she still keeps telling us that she is going to stay with us. DH said that when we see her next month, he is going to sit her down and confront her about this and her narcissistic and abusive  behavior. For those that experience similar relationships, you know how scary it can be to confront an abuser. Any good vibes will be appreciated. It is scary but it's something that needs to be done. We can't be afraid now that we have a baby on the way!

HairBossMama

Dude that really sucks:( I had to stand up to my stepmom/dad last year. Now every time I have to say something to them about their behavior it gets easier.  They have narcissistic tendencies and try to control everything. My stepmom is a real piece of work. I hope it gets better for you too.  I had a couple beers last Christmas and my stepmom called me to chew me out about something that wasn't true. The beer gave me courage and ever since I've been like "bitch please say something to me" 

HairBossMama

I will also say having my son has helped too. Nothing like waking up Mama Bear. 

dmontgo

@ashbozso Thank you for the encouragement! We normally just ignore her because her behavior has been so outrageous and hateful. Others have also confronted her, like my SIL, but she acts like everyone else is at fault. Since finding out about baby, she making unreasonable demands and pretending like she's grandmother of the year. We are realizing how protective we feel already, and just want to nip this in the bud. Will she change? Doubtful, but she can't say we didn't warn her about the consequences of her actions.

Good for you for standing up to her; it's not easy, but it sure feels good to break out from under their spell!

HairBossMama

Yes I was the same keep the peace just ignore them. When they started doing things that messed with my kid nope. It is better because I clearly lay out expectations and consequences. They bitch about it but they truly can't say anything when I'm calmly nice to them about setting boundaries. My one piece of advice would be that no matter how loud and emotional they get just remain calm. It makes them look really stupid! good luck! Your little family unit is the most important thing now. 

dmontgo

@ashbozso Great, great advice, and something I need to keep in mind. One of my childhood anxiety triggers is yelling, so it's important for me to remain calm while she (or my dad) rages. 

BabyRobbinsAdventure

My dad decided now that I'm grown up, married, and with a baby on the way, he FINALLY wants to be part of my life. Yeah, no thank you! 
The hard part is the rest of my family wants me to forgive him and whatnot. I'm sorry, but they don't quite understand how much he messed up my life with his abusive behavior that my extended family never had the privilege to see. I refuse to let someone like that enter my life and be a grandparent to my child after he never wanted children himself.
*end vent*

Mamax2

@dmontgo I'll be sending positive vibes your way. Good for you and your DH for standing up to her.

My MIL( different one than the atkins diet lover) has really pissed me off. She lives in New York and travels down here about once or twice a year. She had promised my DD that she would be down to visit before DD starts back to school, and she told DH and I that she had already bought here ticket for the flight. DD was beyond ecstatic! MIL called DH last night and informed him that she never bought her plane ticket to come down, and now she can't afford to. The worst part of it is she wants me to be the one to tell DD that nana isn't coming to visit like she promised. I can't stand for people to promise something like that to DD, and then not follow through. I told DH that if MIL wants DD to know she can't come down, then she will be the one to tellDD, not us.

yellingbanana

Oh man. It's the parents and in laws this week!
For me, it's a bit of everyone in my family. We are getting married on Friday, and I swear everyone is trying to give me more work. We are having a small wedding but sh*t just keeps piling on! Special requests up the arse. We had to change our officiant, our flower lady keeps messing up our order, we are trying to squeeze my sister's boyfriend into the banquet room but he's not even supposed to be there because it's family only! But I want to be supportive of her and her awesome guy because she always chose losers before this year. 
Then my fiancé wants to keep going over schedules but while he is playing video games!!! Argh! Then he's like, let's talk about this later. Then later happens and he's like- why didn't we talk about this? I love him, and I'm going to bite his head off. These emotions are driving me nuts! 

KateH1216

Hugs to all you ladies. It's reading threads like this that make me realize just how lucky I am with my family. And I pretty much hit the jackpot with my in-laws as well. Life is crazy enough without the extra drama and worry!  I'm so sorry you're all having to deal with the craziness. 

HairBossMama

@yellingbanana I feel like your statement perfectly describes marriage. "I love him, and I'm going to bite his head off" 

ashleaf2018

My in-laws are on vacation, and after our last visit, we won't be visiting FI's grandparents for a little while, so I'm all good on this front. My parents are coming to visit this weekend and it will be SO nice to have sane, rational family members in town.

dmontgo

@BabyRobbinsAdventure I am sorry your dad acted that way when you were growing up, and I don't blame you for not wanting him around. It's especially tough when other family members want you to pretend all those hurtful things didn't happen.

My MIL and dad are the same way. Either said they wished they didn't have kids, or acted so poorly towards their children it's hard to believe they wanted children. Generally not in our adult lives because we finally escaped...then baby comes along and suddenly it's "You had such great and amazing chilhoods--let us be a part of your child's upbringing!" Whoooaaa....I do not think we were both present at this amazing childhood lol.

Toller

@BabyRobbinsAdventure my unsought opinion is that IF you decide to forgive him, it should be for your own peace and well being. And anyways, even if you "forgive him" it doesn't mean you have to let him into your life! To me, those are two completely separate items (and also something no one else gets an opinion on!).

@Mamax2 what a bummer for DD

cjt121413

Mamax2 said:

My MIL( different one than the atkins diet lover) has really pissed me off. She lives in New York and travels down here about once or twice a year. She had promised my DD that she would be down to visit before DD starts back to school, and she told DH and I that she had already bought here ticket for the flight. DD was beyond ecstatic! MIL called DH last night and informed him that she never bought her plane ticket to come down, and now she can't afford to. The worst part of it is she wants me to be the one to tell DD that nana isn't coming to visit like she promised. I can't stand for people to promise something like that to DD, and then not follow through. I told DH that if MIL wants DD to know she can't come down, then she will be the one to tellDD, not us.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. There's nothing that makes me more furious than someone telling DS they're going to do something and then not doing it. My mom does this all the time, and although it's usually little things, it makes me FURIOUS. It is a particular issue for me because she did the same thing to me as a kid and it's just terrible. I make a conscious effort to never promise anything unless I am more than 100% sure it's going to happen. Surprises are fun anyway, and that way I don't let him down.

My family is generally okay, although my FIL called me last night and I am probably just not going to call him back. I have no desire to hear him vent about his divorce and try to get me to give him free legal advice. It doesn't seem to have sunk in to him that when he decided to cheat on Step-MIL and get divorced, he impacted people other than himself. He also really pissed me off last Friday when he decided to flake on my nephew's bday party last minute for no reason other than Step-MIL was going to be there. He has also randomly been leaving nasty facebook messages on Step-MIL's posts like a 12 year old kid. I guess DH chewed him out about it, so he is probably calling me to make all kinds of excuses about his behavior. Grow the f up, dude!

kbduke

@yellingbanana Good luck on Friday! I have no idea how you are planning a wedding with all of the pregnancy hormones raging!

slartybartfast

I just have my continual issues stemming from crappy parents who moved close to me and then continue to be crappy people. They try. They mean well. They love us desperately. But they are emotional, needy, and incapable and I'm sick of dealing with it. I'm sick of watching myself get bitter about holidays and gatherings because I have picked up their mess and DH and I provide the only bright spot that my side of the family has. DH and I aren't feeling that obligation any more. The holidays are ours. I will feel no remorse if we decide to take them for ourselves instead of joining their gloomy wreck. I need to be able to get excited about things like that if only for the sake of my kids and they are really getting in the way. No more!

dmontgo

@slartybartfast *Hugs* Holidays are such a hard time when your family is dysfunctional. I love the holidays but every year it becomes a battle, and it's so exhausting. Really sucks the joy out of things. DH said that starting this December, our holidays will be ours, for our family. That's one of the many things we will be talking to his mom about, because it's always a sad guilt-trip, and when we're there it causes us so much anxiety. So I am with you--let's reclaim our holidays and let them be exciting and joyful. Our children deserve that.

slartybartfast

dmontgo - yea! take back the holidays!!! I feel like this is a good year to start too. We'll be pregnant/have new babies and I get a LOT more ballsy about speaking my mind - (or at least not catering to guilt trips) when pregnant. Then next year, we'll already have sort of broken the past holiday norms and can just continue on

dmontgo

@slartybartfast I know I mentioned I normally just ignore all this crap and try to avoid it, but I am surprised how protective I feel of my baby. Never felt anything like it! This pregnancy has given me a lot more courage to deal with this BS, and I'm glad!

DiFazette

@yellingbanana - if i don't say it now i might forget forever - have the best wedding ever!!!  All the BS will melt away, I promise.  Sending lots of love and best wishes to you on your very important day.

yellingbanana

Thanks guys! I was  planning so well, then as soon as I got pregnant - ive been a tired, emotional mess. And everything fell way behind, we are still bringing things together. 
I will post pics after the big day! It might rain, crossing my fingers for sunshine! 

cjt121413

@yellingbanana - I hope your wedding is everything you imagined and more! Congrats in advance and I can't wait to see pics!!!