How to nicely discourage people from trying to decorate your nursery?

mjpatzwa

Hey Ladies! I have my shower coming up in August and I've encountered an issue. My friends who are throwing the shower, and a few other people, have mentioned to me that they got something for my nursery or that they are "making" something for the nursery and I have no idea how to tell them that the nursery is off limits. It sounds like they are all trying to decorate the one thing that me and my husband exclusively want to do and I don't want to get into a situation where these people are like "oh, why didn't you hang this up?" and then I know that even if they don't say anything I know I will feel super guilty for not being openly thankful of their gift.

I know they are probably doing it just to be excited, but a lot of them don't have families yet and they tend to give "unsolicited advice that they got second and third hand" having never had children so I've been dealing with that and now I'm just to the point where I'm like "ok, but seriously-- this is not your baby and this is not your nursery." Thoughts? Opinions? Advice?

erinmarie86

Hum...that's an interesting situation.....Maybe you could let them know your nursery theme so at least whatever they get/make might be something you like and want in the nursery?  I don't know how you can stop them...if you don't like what it is just don't put it in the nursery...people made "it's a boy" banners for my shower that they thought i could use in the nursery...yeah, no.  But no one has even really seen the nursery.

You could also just put the nursery together ASAP and then it's done before they can give you anything for it (maybe even post pics on social media or something to broadcast how you've completed the nursery)

vampirina

The etiquette approved thing to do is that you don't tell them they can't make anything for the nursery. The polite thing to do is graciously accept it with a giant "thank you!" and then proceed to donate, throw out or store the item. If they see the nursery later and notice their item is lacking you simply say "we ran out of room to hang things on the wall!" or something like that, or "we couldn't possibly fit anything else in here". And definitely don't feel any guilt for tossing/disposing of the objects. People give bad gifts sometimes, it's part of life. 

If people ask, "do you want a ____________ for the nursery?" you can say "I'm really looking forward to handling all the nursery decor myself, but thank you anyway." If they ask what you do want you can say "What we really need is ________ (or possibly any item off the registry, if you have one)." You can also talk about how you're really excited to decorate the nursery on your own and aren't looking for others input in general conversation and hope they pick up the hint. But telling them "you can't do that for me" is really rude! 

But telling them they can't give you a specific gift without being asked is generally considered a rude thing to do. 

rock1cherry

If it were me I would open / receive it. Thank them kindly for all of their efforts and hard work. I would put it up in the nursery somewhere. Take a pic, send it to them and take it down. Are these people who will see your nursery every day? You could always say you received other decor and you have been switching stuff in and out or that space is limited? Just a thought! Obviously it's super generous that they want to spend the time and love to make a gift from the heart, but I also understand wanting to decorate yourself. Maybe there's a way you can politely accept the gift and then see how you can use it. Or like I said, just accept it and show appreciation for it so no one gets upset. 

nanibrooks15

Funny, someone from my church said similar, that she wanted to know the colors of our nursery in order to make or gift us something. I was taken aback especially since she is not someone I know very well, but instead of rejecting her offer I said thank you and explained that baby will not have its own nursery but rather be in our room. We don't have the extra space yet so that was a truthful and easy out...

Bringmemylongswordho

Tell your best friend who gossips that you and your husband are so excited about the nursery you already have it planned/bought for/decorated. Hopefully word of mouth will dissuade Aunt Fern from buying an entire set of.... whatever.

Anything you receive at the shower though, you smile, thank them graciously and write a kind thank you note.  Even if it is the scariest clown doll from the darkest pits of hell you smile and act gracious. It's the thought that counts for gifts after all.

asht

Making something for the nursery could mean a blanket and not necessarily decorations.

rn1stbae

I was thinking the same thing: a blanket, or burp cloths or something.  Those are pretty popular.  I don't think you have to worry about them making a giant mural painting and expecting it to be hung up.  Unless your my MIL.  LOL!

Prof=Mom

Pardon the language but it's all that came to mind... 



Just do a polite pass on the items once received and gift them to a charity. 

kosmo86

I made it clear to my mom (who loves to shop and buy things) that the nursery was mine, she could buy anything else for the baby but nothing for the nursery. I also didn't register for anything for the room. I would say just don't encourage it and take what they give you. If you can use it and like it great but if not just put it in the back of the closet! 

jennlynn777

I think buying for the nursery is more personal than most other gifts so i can see why you might be more sensative. However, the idea that the gift is more personal makes me want to cherish the item that much more. I might consider decorating a small wall to decorations others have picked out specifically for your little one. You could just as easily get nothing and wish you had people like this in your life. My family is pretty absent so I am just seeing it from another angle.

mjpatzwa

Thanks, Ladies! Lots of good perspectives!