WTF Wednesday

izzetoot

Sorry to jump the gun on this one, but I have a WTF that I NEED to get out...

So, this morning as I was waking up and looking at Facebook  I see a post in a moms group from my SIL.  It reads: "RANT, not looking for a gold star. It's just frustrating - are men and women this efficiently diff? 615AM husband gets up with older child, makes coffee, lets dogs out. Total time 45 mins. 715am I get up, feed dogs, load dishwasher, replace filters in fridge, take out trash, make breakfast and lunch, get second child, start laundry, sweep kitchen. Total time 45mins"

It then goes on for about 20 comments of other women in the group complaining about their lazy husbands with more jabs at my brother like "eating and showering are on my lowest priority but the top of his" and "he wants a parade for making coffee" and "story of a woman's life, creating and maintaining LIFE, NBD"

So... my SIL is a SAHM.  My brother works about 10 hrs a day, pays all the bills for their very nice lifestyle (as well as daycare so she can have he weekdays free) and when he gets home from work bathes and puts both kids to bed because, and I quote, she "needs a break from being with them all day".  Kinda want to tag him in the post of take screen shots and text it hIm. Dare I start a war?? Sooooo pissed.

UnwritteN12

@izzetoot - While I am currently on team "My Husband is a Dillhole" (see the SO thread) due to feeling like DH is not pulling his weight (but mind you we both work FT), I'm actually pretty infuriated by your SIL for you. To me, having your kids in daycare everyday while you don't work outside of the home is kind of ridiculous. (Yep, I'm being judgy.) The vindictive side of me says yes, let your brother know. The level-headed side of me says don't say anything because it'll catch up to her in the end (hopefully).   

izzetoot

Yes, this is super infuriating bc my brother is not some POS husband/father like many other women have the unfortunate right to complain about.  And you better believe if he was, his two older sisters and mother would be all over his ass.  That she can compare her "situation" to moms that really do have a lazy husband that don't help with the home & kids is what is so bad. Im sorry, but if you are a SAHM, which I work part time from home so consider myself one, doing laundry and loading the dishwasher IS your job while your SO is at their job.  Is he supposed to do a list of house chores after he gets up with the kids before he heads off to work? While she sleeps in and does whatever it is she does while the kids are at daycare? That would make him "efficient"??

Cricket Bug

@izzetoot I have nothing valuable to contribute but shared rage towards your SIL. I would totally call her out on it (on her original post for the world to see), but that's just me. Growl.

vampirina

@izzetootThat does sound infuriating, but I probably wouldn't say anything. Sometimes you're just having a bad day and need to vent it out, or at least I know I do, you know? But still, !!!

My WTF is about my husband who keeps getting angry at me for saying logical statements like "It's too late to fix this particular problem, but we should discuss this at a later date so it doesn't happen again" and "I would appreciate clarification on this email you sent me." Apparently he can't handle non-crazy. 

abberson

@izzetoot I am infuriated on your brother's behalf as well. Venting about husbands, sure. But this sounds absurd. Can you call her out on FB? a little public flaming, even gently, might be a wake up call to how enviable her situation sounds. 

CoffeeBeanFiend91

My husband doesn't pull his weight but for her to be a SAHM with kids in daycare and expects him to do all the extra stuff AND work blows my mind. I would tell him.

skirtandsandals

I am cross-posting this from the Wednesday Check in, because what started as a rant about my ridiculous morning definitely qualifies as a WTF for company/co-worker incompetence: 

I travel to different school districts for my job, and today highlighted why it is ridiculously complicated. I use a "company car" since they don't want to pay mileage, and the cars are just slightly better than scrap metal. At 7:25 this morning, after getting off the highway, I got a flat tire. There was NO information in the car about what to do in this situation (only that if you get in an accident, call the police. Thanks for that), so I called my supervisor. He gave me the phone number of the woman who is in charge of purchasing/up the chain of command for the cars, but her DESK number, aka a place she wouldn't be until 9:00. Then he gave me her cell, which she answered on my second attempt. I told her who I was and what the situation is, and she asks, "Do you have a phone with you?" I couldn't resist, so I answered, "I'm on it." She apologized, saying she was only half way through a cup of coffee (must be nice to get to relax in the morning!). Then she tells me to just call a local garage to come get me (shouldn't there be a protocol for this?) and I asked for confirmation, and then how I would know what a local garage was? She replies, "Can't you just Google it?" Are you kidding me?!? You didn't know I had a phone a minute ago and now you expect I have a reliable internet connection? When I pushed back on that, she said she would come get me. A few minutes later a tow truck person calls me, to ascertain where I am, what the situation is, etc. He's going to come get me, but it's going to be 40 minutes, since he is local to my office, not the school I was traveling to. I say no problem, and begin the wait. As expected, he shows up, tows the car back to the garage local to my office, and I have to call the super helpful woman to send someone to come get me. She sends the even less useful woman I usually interact with regarding the cars, who takes me back to my office, and then starts to look for another car for me to use for the day/until the school year is over. That takes her about an hour, so I finally get back on the road and head to the school I am visiting today. I arrive 4 hours late, missing most of the meetings I had scheduled today, so I am now sitting on my thumbs until my 30 minute meeting before the end of the day, only to begin the trek home. Only the best and most efficient for public employees, right? 

marikkita12

I don't remember if I already shared this here or not. A few days ago, my mom asked me if I was planning on staying at her house for the two weeks following birth. In what world would I want to recover from a traumatic event (because let's face it, birth whether vaginal or cs is traumatic) and get used to life with a new baby while sleeping in my sister's uncomfortable twin bed without my husband in a house where asking my dad to smoke outside while I'm there causes a huge fight? She seems to be unable to realize that I am now 31 years old, the same age she was when she had me, and this is MY baby and NOT her play thing. It's so frustrating as the more this pregnancy progresses, the more I'm regretting my choice of inviting her to be in the room when the baby is born. 

toimadness1

@marikkita12 this will be our third child and my mother still hasn't gotten this same concept in her head. She invites us to spend the night all the time when she lives on the other side of the same neighborhood as us. She thought I would stay at her house after DS2 was born. We didn't let her in the room when our second was born and it did not go over well. She's already asked if she can be in the room this time but we are sticking to our guns cause it was nice to just have my husband, doctor and one nurse. I'm an extremely private person and feel like the less people the better. 

Sbrown721

My mom is an obgyn nurse that helped deliver babies for 30 years. I will be having my baby at home. She was completely expecting that she would be in the room during delivery. She was very upset when I broke the news to her that it would just be me, fiance, midwife, and midwife's assistant at the home. I am a private person and I do not want anyone else there that doesn't have to be. She thought with her background that it would be a given that she would be there. Definitely not. She can come after, but I am really looking for a calm, quiet environment at home for the first few days for our little family.

camichael84

@izzetoot Wait, wait... so she doesn't help with the kids at night because she's too tired from being with them yet they've been in daycare all day? She sounds like the worst. Sorry, but what is the point of being a SAHM if you aren't staying home with them? Not judging those that do Moms Day Out or something similar. I'd be all for a couple mornings or afternoons to myself because being a SAHM is a 24/7 job. But having them go to daycare? Your brother is a saint to go for that as well as fund it while she isn't work. I agree you shouldn't tell him, but I understand your desire to. Hopefully he will find out on his own, but better not to put yourself in the middle of it.

yellowrose314

 @izzetoot What a twat... sorry, I know she's your SIL but still... I could totally understand some minor frustration if your bro was a deadbeat and didn't help AT ALL, and the kids were home all day, but they're in daycare most of the day and it sounds like he's an awesome husband who helps despite long days at work. He gets a gold star. She gets a poop emoji.
That being said, I wouldn't tell him unless you want a huge blow up. Despite the fact that he's family, I feel like that would be inserting yourself into their marriage and I would find that a really uncomfortable situation to be in. If it's really bugging you, talk to her directly about how you feel. Maybe you can help her realize how good she actually has it and that bashing her husband in a public forum, where names are involved, is unclassy to the enth degree.

My WTF is similar to some of yours. Love my mother, honestly she's one of my best friends, and after almost losing her these past couple of weeks I appreciate her so much. But she keeps asking us to stay with her for like a week after the birth. She lives 2 minutes away from us, which is nice, but I don't want to be crammed into her guest room on double bed (DH spreads out when he's sleeping, the mattress is a very old spring mattress that digs into my back). She wants ultimate cuddle time with the baby, which I totally get, it's her first grandchild after all, but I want to recover in my own home, in my own bed, with all my own baby stuff with our little family. It's not like she lives an hour away and can't visit anytime she wants. We kind of had to break it to her gently that while we want her there for the birth (finally decided on that), we want a week to ourselves, where she is welcome to come visit and help out when we need her. She was disappointed but I think she understands, and she was super excited that we want her there for the birth. I was flip flopping about having her there or not (especially since we absolutely do NOT want MIL there), but after facing the reality that I may not even have a mother when the birth comes along, I 100% need her to be there for me. But we made her promise that her head stays above my waist.

mom2adoodle

WTF to the Bump app repeatedly logging me out and straight up acting a fool!!! It's not saving where I left off on any threads which is aggravating! 

izzetoot

Thanks ladies! Agreed, im not going to say anything to my brother but I did take screen shots of the entire thread in case I might "need" them later  I just looked at the thread again and there are over 100 likes and 40 comments.  So now at least 100 strangers think my brother is a dead beat dad while SIL is some patron saint of multitasking motherhood. What a bitch. And my sister, cousin and I are all members of the moms group so its not like she thinks it would be bad if we read that? Or if it got back to my brother? Somehow I know it will, but its not going to be me throwing gas on the fire. 

vampirina

@izzetoot - I think it's just so incredibly horrible that she did it on a public forum. Like I said, sometimes we all just need to vent and in the heat of it all, we lose sight of how great things are and only focus on our struggles, but damn. On a public forum that uses real names to which in-laws have access?! Oh Hell no! That's just so much wrong and inappropriate.

toimadness1

My WTF is to AT&T setting home internet usage limits unless you want to pay even more. We are now allotted a certain amount and you are charged $10 for every 50gb you go over. We use our internet for everything as we don't have normal tv service. And apparently if we did bundle our services this new policy wouldn't apply to us. It's frickin ridiculous how much we already pay for just internet that isn't that great. I think it's time to see if we have any other service provider options (We didn't when we moved in 4 years ago). 

mcborthmomma

I'd comment on the post about how she stays home but her husband works, and pays for the kids to be in daycare all day, and then does the bedtime routing to "give her a break". I love my SIL, but I have zero tolerance for that kind of shit. Don't speak poorly of my brother, or I'm all over it lol.

My WTF is to the weather... it was 90 out 2 hours ago, and now it's 60... make up your mind!

tinypikachu

WTF to my mother's inappropriate questions. She's always been guilty of this and we don't have the best relationship  (she left us when we were young) so it's not like we're close and used to talking about private matters. I treat her with the utmost respect but I just don't share a lot with her (she was the last person to know we're pregnant). Since I've been pregnant, the inappropriate questions have been nonstop. She recently asked if we had picked the godparents for this LO. We have decided to ask one of my brothers and his wife since we're very close and trust them tremendously but haven't even asked them yet so I told her we're still deciding. She proceeded to tell me "oh, I was asking because I think it's your brother, X (a different brother), since he's so excited about the baby". I brushed her off and said we're the ones making the decision and she just said "well, still, I think he is her godfather because he already loves her so much". I got a little mad and told her this doesn't matter as everyone loves her and it's still our choice but she's pushing it. She'll be upset when she finds out he's not the godfather, especially since she doesn't get along with my other brother, but what bothers me the most is that she will probably tell my brother that she was rooting for him but I still didn't pick him. I'm guessing she's probably already mentioned something to him and, even though I know he'll brush her off, I feel he'll be inevitably hurt because she will have planted the seed... ugh...

ahackett1990

@AlwaysAuntNeverMom I'm sorry your mother feels like she can just assume your one brother will automatically be the godfather. I have a similar situation involving my SIL. But she just came right out when I was only 6 weeks along and asked to be the godmother. What's up with people trying to make decisions for you? Becoming a parent is such a monumental moment and I am fed up of people trying to butt in and make assumptions about what is right for me, my husband, and our baby. 

COmama87

My WTF is towards my boss and coworker. We have a department picnic/outing to an amusement park (similar to 6 flags) towards the middle/end of July. My coworker informs me today that it's her understanding that all leadership and admins(I'm one of 3 admins) are expected to be there. I told my coworker that there's no way I'll be attending since I'll be 34 weeks along and can't go on any rides. Especially since it would cost my DH and I about $80 to attend. She pushed back saying that I might be able to get out of it since I'm pregnant but I need to check. HELL TO THE NO! UGH! Have they lost their minds? 

UnwritteN12

@COmama87 - Hello no! Never have I heard of a company picnic/outing being a mandatory event for anyone. If that's the case, I'd say it'd better be during work hours and they better be paying you to be there. Plus, I don't know where you live, but personally I've made it 100% clear that this summer will be spent 100% in the air conditioning. Unless I'm in the pool. No exceptions. 

kosmo86

COmama87 First nothing outside of work hours should ever be mandatory. Second If they decided to make it mandatory then THEY should be paying. My job puts on a few party/get together a year which are free and completely optional no matter what your position is!

My WTF- frontier cable, I just got switched from Verizon to Frontier last month. The bill was wrong last month, I called and she was very nice, fixed my bill and told me now I would only be paying 135 + tax (so about $20 less than I was paying before)  since they had a different pricing structure. Just got my new bill and it is $215... ugh. Now I am on the live chat with them and they are all idiots 

AnnaS930

@izzetoot - If it was me, I'd comment. Just a basic "Really, (SIL's name)?" and leave it at that. Maybe it would make her think twice about flaming a non-flameworthy husband on FB... that's all really uncalled for.

Also.. the things he accomplished in 45 minutes was pretty good.  If you're running a tally on exactly who does what in a day, all day.. that's a competition, not a marriage and definitely not a productive coparenting environment.

AnnaS930

Guess this is a WTF Thursday. I had a coworker home sick on Monday/Tuesday with some sort of a stomach virus, might have been Norovirus. He posted a pic of himself getting an IV of some fluids in the hospital at 10pm and was back at work yesterday morning. Gross. I'm off on Wednesdays.

Now another coworker (who I've complained about a lot because she's always sick and always at work) has been vomiting for a day or two and wanted to come into work this morning.  Luckily our supervisor is making her get a doctor's note to clear her to come back.  There are 20+ of us who work in a relatively small space (mostly cubicles) in a room with no windows. 2 of us are pregnant, others have upcoming procedures/ill family members/other reasons why they really can't get sick right now.  STAY HOME!

skirtandsandals

@AnnaS930 no one gets a medal for coming to work sick! 

izzetoot

@AnnaS930 that is an excellent point! Im going to see both of them all weekend for combo my DH and LO bday festivities and I know it will come up.  I plan on saying something to her along the lines of "I'm sure you were just trying to be funny, but flaming your husband, my brother, on a public forum is pretty low. Gabbing about it with a few girlfriends over drinks is one thing, but to post something like that online that literally thousands of people read, many of who know him personally, is lumping him into a group of pathetic, loser fathers/husbands where he does not belong. And I'm sure when he reads it, because it will find him, he is going to be crushed reading it and feel really terrible about himself which is completely unnecessary and mean."   Then I might punch her in the boob.

skirtandsandals

@izzetoot boob-punching is the only way to really handle this. 

COmama87

@UnwritteN12 @kosmo86 I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this. She'll probably just try to give me grief about it (at this point....go ahead because IDGAF). I'm just annoyed that I even have to have this conversation with my boss to begin with. She's requested that leadership and admins be there because if they don't sign up hardly anyone would be attending. Hmmm I wonder why? Maybe the cost to attend? Ugh she is just so out of touch with her staff it is ridiculous! 

UnwritteN12

@COmama87 - I completely get bosses being out of touch with staff. On a company-wide call yesterday, our CEO says "Have any of you had the chance to ride in one of the new self-driving cars?" Yep. I get opportunities like that all the damn time.   Or one of our other execs talking about his personal winery. Ugh.

Good for you for saying screw it!

nativetexan512

izzetoot that's the most bizarre part to me, that she did this in a public forum where she probably knew you and other family members would see it. Do you think she wanted you to see it? Maybe trying to start a fight?

izzetoot

@nativetexan512I honestly think she is just being completely ignorant and doesn't see anything wrong with the situation at all. That's just how she is.  She opens her mouth sometimes and people just cringe.  When I told her I was pregnant for the 2nd time, she rolled her eyes and said "im so sorry", at my wedding she told my wedding planner she was stupid and my sister I was a bridezilla (bc I wouldn't let her help me plan bc I had known her for 6 months), at my sisters bachelorette party she got drunk, mad, and set off her car alarm at 3AM and walked home 4 miles away with her keys. The bitch is nuts.