Pregnant after a Loss

How can i help?

Last year I had two miscarriages, back to back. The second one was pretty brutal, both physically and emotionally, and especially devastating to my husband. I recently told my husband that I had taken a few pregnancy tests that all came back positive. He smiled and hugged me, but I could feel some hesitation from him. He expressed to me that he is scared to get excited and nervous about what might be in the cards for us (which I totally understand) however I want this to be a happy moment for us. Ever since I told him about the positive tests, he has been distant. How do I help him feel better about things? I don't want to feel so disconnected and scared when this could be such a beautiful, amazing time for us. Any advice? 

Re: How can i help?

  • edited May 2016
    I know how you feel, my husband was the same way for a while. The truth is though that everyone grieves in their own way. For me, what worked was just talking to him and telling him that I felt disconnected from him. I told him that I am scared too, and that's OK. Just give him time to process and keep the lines of communication open, but don't pressure him to talk if he's not willing or ready. For a while I just had to check in with him every now and then to see how he was feeling and then one day, out of the blue, he said, "Let's go get a blanket for the baby." (That sounds odd, but it has significance to us after our loss) and he just came out and said, "I want to be happy about this. This baby deserves all the excitement of our last." 

    Just give him time, we all navigate through these losses differently. Good luck, and here's to a smooth healthy pregnancy. 
    Me: 31 | DH: 43
    BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
    Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
    BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
  • He'll come around when he is ready. I know its hard though when you are so excited, and he barely wants to talk about it. I was there too. What helped us was setting an understanding of how much baby stuff he wanted to do during those first few weeks. I respected his limit and just talked to other close friends/family or got on my BMB when I needed to squeal with joy and he wasn't ready. It has been baby steps, but he has gradually showed more excitement with every milestone.  I'd recommend to just give him time and space to process it at his own speed.
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  • My DH was the exact same way. It was hard for both of us to get excited but I could tell I was showing more excitement and emotion than he was. He told me it was hard for him and that he wanted to wait to be excited. I honestly gave him space to feel how he was feeling, it was hard at first but I talked it over with the therapist I started seeing after my loss and he helped me do that. He told me to wait for us to reach the milestones that we weren't able to reach with our loss and that he would be fune, even if it meant waiting until I was showing. Because of my loss, I got an early ultrasound at 6 weeks where we saw the heartbeat and I was so surprised at how excited he got since it was still so early. He got progressively more excited with time. You never know if your husband surprises you to!
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    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • My man is the same. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and he is just now starting to get excited and not complaining when I want to talk about baby things and getting things ready for our little girl. Last year's miscarriage was super difficult for both of us. I have been tentatively excited for this pregnancy ever since I found out. It has taken him MUCH longer.
    Mommy to an angel baby and a sweet little girl Earth side.
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