July 2016 Moms
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No guests, no friends, no family, no shower... what are the alternatives?

I'm wondering what people in my situation usually do to make themselves feel better. Let me explain my situation. I have basically no family. I timed out of foster care at 18. Needless to say, I don't talk to my abusive mother or my father. I don't have any aunts, uncles, cousins, or siblings. My husbands mother died when he was 18, and his father is weird to say the least. So when we found out we were pregnant we didn't think too many people would make a fuss of us, but I thought at least someone would. When I was six months pregnant and no one had offered to throw me a shower I decided to take things into my own hands and I asked a friend if he would 'throw it' for me. I bought all the decorations, invitations, and sent out invites to everyone I know. It's not a long list as I've only lived in this state for a couple of years. So far only one person has RVSP'd yes. Everyone else has come up with excuses why they can't make it. At work no one threw me a shower either. So I'm one week away from my shower date and feeling pretty awful. No one is coming to a shower I was basically throwing for myself. They are so interested in their own lives- even those who claim to be my 'family' and 'best friends'... I've never felt more unloved. I have several friends who are pregnant and they are on their 2nd and 3rd showers. I don't know what to do at this point. Should I cancel the party and just not set myself up for disappointment of sitting in a house full of decorations and no guests, no gifts, and no fuss. What do people in my situation do? I don't have much money- I'm a graduate student, but I'd like to do something to mark this big event, I'm not sure what. 

Re: No guests, no friends, no family, no shower... what are the alternatives?

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    DH 30 Me 29
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    DarkCat said:
    I'm not going to touch on the tackiness of throwing your own shower. Your already feeling like shit enough. Personally, I would quietly cancel the shower and after the baby is born I would do an informal "sip and see" Throw a small BBQ where people come over for dinner and meet the baby. I'm sorry things didn't work out with the shower.
    This. I'm sorry things didn't work out with your shower. 
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    Is using a pee stick as your avatar against TOU? They're only allowed on that one thread "what does a positive pregnancy test look like" and strictly forbidden everywhere else... Asking for a friend.
    Leave my friend alone, no one has thrown her a party and she has all the feels!
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    DH 30 Me 29
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    @YeezusButters who is that woman though

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    @elenabrent I was asking myself the same question!!! 
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    SerpicaSerpica member
    I agree with @notsoblissylissy ; it really sucks and I'm sorry. I had doubts about whether I'd have a party/shower before the birth because my family is really far away and I don't have a ton of close friends where I live. I felt shitty that I didn't feel like anyone would do it for me spontaneously. I was lucky that my mother in law eventually said she was thinking about it (we'll have a small thing this weekend, nothing fancy) - I think it's unfair to say that unless someone else does it for you you shouldn't even think of celebrating yourself and what's about to happen. It sucks that it turns out this way and it totally makes sense that you're feeling angry and maybe lonely - but I totally agree with others that you should take the opportunity to take care of yourself (I second the massage suggestion!), maybe go out to dinner with a just a few trusted people (doesn't matter if it's not a big party). Don't let this unfortunate turn of events dampen your joy and excitement at welcoming the new member of your family!
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    ^esp again.

    DH 30 Me 29
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    ^esp again.
    Spoooky.
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    She seems to be ignoring all of us since she posted and ran.
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    andplusalso, her question was in regards to what she could do to "mark this big event" and not how to solve her crappy friends and family issue.
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    I was waiting for a WK, to come galloping in. 

    DH 30 Me 29
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    DH 30 Me 29
    Married May 16th 2015
    EDD July 1st 2016
    Pregnancy Ticker

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    HMcDade1 said:
    You don't get pregnant so you can have a party where people buy you things. You get..A BABY!
    I'm not having a baby shower, and no it's not a right to have one. You know what I get at the end of 9 months, a beautiful healthy baby boy. That's my prize at the end, not who's going to give me gifts. You don't get pregnant just to reap the benefits of free things.
    Look idk about you two, but I'm pretty much pregnant for the free stuff.  ;)
    Mostly the mesh undies. 
    Whoa. I was filing that under things I'm taking from
    the hospital because free, do people get the mesh undies from baby showers? I feel lied to.

    DH 30 Me 29
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    @Backbypopulardemand this response was perfect! This was the kind of supporting response I was trying to get at, however yours is clearly well more thought out and supportive! 

    Although in my previous post I said that all momas deserve a shower, what I was really trying to get at, is that I believe that all mamas deserve to be loved and have a strong support system. My friends had a baby shower for me, but I kindly asked that it be kept intimate and that gifts were not needed as I have the money to buy the things I want myself. I was happy just with having my close group of family and friends around so that we could all spend time together. It was a time of celebration rather than having everyone crack open their wallets. My heart goes out to all the mamas out there who do not have a strong support system...but like @Backbypopulardemand said, a shower is one event that lasts a few hours, don't let it upset you...very soon you will be receiving the best gift that anyone could ever give you!

     


     
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    @mandyjulie 100% agree the poster hasnt even been on since she wrote the post. It's hard to believe she is that hard up for advice or truly cares if she just posts and runs
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