He left me im 29 weeks and two days pregnant — The Bump
3rd Trimester

He left me im 29 weeks and two days pregnant

edited May 2016 in 3rd Trimester
My baby's father just told me he wants to be alone. I've fought depression my whole life and Im scared this is going to push me into the hospital. He says he can't handle it. I don't know what to do.Im thinking of my baby girl.. But I'm so sad.. He has went back to using and i know i don't need him around but i just hurt. Anybody else get ditched this far in the pregnancy. What did you do. My shower is on Sunday and I'm just trying to keep it together. Help

Re: He left me im 29 weeks and two days pregnant

  • I've not been in this situation before, but I do have a partner with depression so I understand that aspect.  Do you have a therapist/psychiatrist that you see?  If so, I would reach out for an emergency appointment to help prevent any sort of spiral.  My partner has said his therapist has helped him a ton!  He is on a fantastic path since seeking help.

    It sounds like your shower has good timing.  Surround yourself with your loved ones during this time and let them lift you up!  

    You can get through this.  Be strong.  You're sweet baby girl needs you and it's pretty incredible what we can overcome for the sake of our children. :-)  
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  • I'm so sorry to hear this. Yes, I have seen other similar stories on these boards. I agree with PPs who said to lean on those you can trust and who love you. I'm sure it is very disappointing, but if he is using, he can't be present and could be dangerous to have around anyway (obviously, he's already emotionally dangerous). GL to you.
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  • I broke up with my ex after eight years when DS was 1.5 years old.

    Although I am with DDs dad, he lives 4,000 miles away (I'm UK, he's USA) and he's only physically been here one of her 11 months.

    It's not the same, because he's still 'here', but physically, I'm a "single" mum, who did pregnancy and so far raising "alone".

    It's hard, scary, and I'd imagine with what you've been through you're possibly wondering how on earth you're going to make it work.

    The first step is realising there may be times you need help, and that it's okay to ask for it. You've already done that, even just by posting here.

    You take each day as it comes.

    You begin to realise that it's all so worth it.

    You'll find a strength you never knew you had.

    You'll do it for your beautiful little baby, and hopefully one day, you'll realise you can do it for you.

    Has dad said anything about any plans to still be in babies life? 
    Is it possible he's just freaking out at the reality and may still come round to the fact he's a father?

    Be open to his involvement, on your terms. 

    I wish you all the best.
  • Additional:

    When I say be open to his involvement on your terms, I mean the first thing is for him to prove he's clean. The timeframe is up to you, as you know better than us how often this is.

    Perhaps his daughters innocent face will be the push he needs to wise up and get straight for good. (In person or picture, your choice when the time comes).
  • stisnd6stisnd6
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    When I was 8 months (I'm currently 39 weeks) the father of my baby left. He is a veteran and his time in the marines gave him PTSD. I tried so hard to help him. He had lost his job back in November and I had been supporting us. He saw a doctor and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. we got him on the meds he needed, but after the month ran out.. He refused to go get a refill. He thought he didn't need it. None of his friends or family recognize him. He has changed and it breaks my heart. He was never home and it turns out he was self medicating with drugs (buying them with money he stole from me). One night, after being tired of paying bills and supporting him and never seeing him... I told him that when he was leaving to go out that there was no point in coming back. I was tired of being used. So he left and moved out the next day. He turned it around so I was the bad guy.. But really I was tired of being taken advantage of. Now, he lives with a bunch dudes, still has no car, can't keep a job, and I found out he has a fling going with a 19 year old (he's 26). It hurt, it really did. But I  knew I need to focus on what's best for my son. Feeling sad wasn't healthy and having a man like that around wasn't healthy. I'm not jealous of the girl, because look what she gets.. Who would want a guy that just left his pregnant gf? I'm sorry you are going through this, but just keep your mind focused on your baby. They are going to need you to be strong. I feel much better now, some days hurt but that's because I'm thinking of the man I used to love. That guy is no longer here, I'm glad this new man is not around. It will get better. I promise <3
  • Honey my other half is a recovering addict and I also suffer from depression I know how hard it is and can be to let go for just yourself to push him to sobriety but it isn't just you anymore it's you and baby! You said she was a girl honey protect her tell him to get help it's all you can do I had to talk mine into going but if he were to relapse I would be forced to leave to protect our seed he knows this and agrees. Your man isn't in his right mind addiction is stronger than the mothers love for a child many don't realize this but it's the truth hang in there babe this could be the best thing for you and baby if he refuses help and trust me he will at first sending loads of positives your way
  • You can do this on your own. I did when I was 19. It will be hard, but worth it in the end. 
  • I have one son and one on the way, they both have different father's and neither one of them have anything to do with us. When your little one makes her arrival, the last thing you will care about is her donor. I was really broken up like that about my oldest's dad, but the minute I held him in my arms I could have caught him on fire and not cared (as mean as that sounds, God forgive me lol). 

    Surround yourself with people who are positive and feed you nothing but good energy. Focus on giving yourself and your little girl the best life that you possibly can and above all else be the best mom you can be! So what if he doesn't want to be with you, he's just another human. Don't allow him to have that kind of power over you - or if you do at least don't let him know that, he will take advantage of that in a heart beat!

    Bottom line- there are PLENTY of fish in the sea. And lots of men find it very attractive when a woman is a mother. My fiance' tells everyone that the reason he fell in love with me is because of how great of a mother I am to my son :) keep your head up, love. There are good ones out there!! XXX
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