July 2016 Moms

Sh!t my SO said

245

Re: Sh!t my SO said

  • @PootsDragon this is something I have noticed with my male friends lately too, and these aren't people I work with, my actual friends! Like I'm making them uncomfortable by growing a human or whatever. 

    Fuck em. 
  • So this is not my SO that said this but we're still talking about men here: I had a close male friend at work. We used to go out to lunch sometimes and talk a lot. Our conversations mostly revolved around our respective families and current home improvement projects, etc. Whenever we needed to buy gifts for our SO's, we'd usually ask each other for advice about the gifts, etc. All in all I'd say the topics we covered were pretty "safe" and wholly on a friendship level.  A few weeks after I told him I was pregnant, he told me that by continuing to talk with him so much I was emotionally cheating on my husband......wat!!?? Men and their stupid egos always have to assume that you want something "more."
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  • @rnyland1 WTF? What's so wrong with being platonic friends with a pregnant lady goddamnit!?
  • WevilleWeville member
    My brother basically avoids me now because he's got it in his head I'm this fragile hormonal mess. I figure at this point it is in his best interest to continue to do so because I will tear a strip off him
  • For most of my pregnancy, my husband has suffered from a lot of sympathy symptoms. He would frequently get 'morning sickness' just as much as I would. He thankfully figured out pretty quickly to not complain about it but more mention it to see if I was feeling ok. Like "Hey, I wasn't feeling to great this morning, you feeling ok? I know yours is usually way worse."

    Two days ago, however, he told me about how much of an emotional mess he was and how he kept crying at random things, both happy and sad. It was really bothering him.

    I just stared blankly at my phone for a moment, burst out laughing, and then very seriously said "I have been dealing with this crap and more for the past 6 or so months... I don't want to hear it."

    Love him to death, but a day or two of crazy emotions is nothing compared to what all of us here on the bump are going through every single day. 
  • kellz14kellz14 member
    edited May 2016
    erin7264 said:
    @YeezusButters my husband fully admits that if he had to do what we are doing, we would never have children. Ever. He has thanked me more than once for doing this and not complaining the whole time or acting cray-cray. He does occasionally have unreasonable expectations, so I don't think he totally gets it, but a little recognition is nice.
    This describes my husband exactly too.  A very supportive, amazing although sometimes a little clueless big baby. I'll take it, though.  ;)
  • LF93LF93 member
    @rnyland1 By the sounds of it, you're better off not having him as a friend. He gave you a reason to think he's a dick whereas my male "friend" hasn't acknowledged me once since I told him I was pregnant. 

    I had my first antenatal class yesterday and it mostly discussed labor and the stages and all that. My boyfriend turns to me and says "You know, it'd be funny if while were in labor and you were pushing, you just pooped all over the doctor". :/ The chances of that happening are very high but no need to remind me :expressionless: 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    DS#1 July 2016
    Baby #2 July 2018
  • LF93 said:
    @rnyland1 By the sounds of it, you're better off not having him as a friend. He gave you a reason to think he's a dick whereas my male "friend" hasn't acknowledged me once since I told him I was pregnant. 

    I had my first antenatal class yesterday and it mostly discussed labor and the stages and all that. My boyfriend turns to me and says "You know, it'd be funny if while were in labor and you were pushing, you just pooped all over the doctor". :/The chances of that happening are very high but no need to remind me :expressionless: 
    I mean, the odds of you pooping might be pretty good, but I think it's unlikely you'll poop ON anyone  ;) Unless you get explosive diarrhea or something, any staff member will have time to just move their hand away and it's just going to end up on the table. I know it is something a lot of people worry about but it's really not a big deal! (speaking as a nurse, not as a patient, since I ended up with a c-section and haven't experienced it first hand)
  • LF93LF93 member
    @DobbysSock  Yeah its something I don't want to know about if it does happen. Either way I know its no big deal.

    I have another one. "How soon after baby is born does his tail fall off?" He was dead serious.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    DS#1 July 2016
    Baby #2 July 2018
  • I guess I didn't take it quite that literally. I just interpreted it more as when SO's make the off-handed, ignorant comments, it's likely they're just not fully understanding because they aren't feeling it and/or dealing with it first-hand. I'm pretty sure we all have some great fathers-to-be!! But I will say, at least in my situation, there's been at least a few things that have come out of my husband's mouth that have made me scratch my head a time or two, lol. 
  • I agree. My husband is super attached to this baby already and has fully accepted the father role. He talks/sings to the baby, has more baby apps on this phone than I do lol, hangs out in her closet looking at her clothes, and spends a lot of time in the nursery. He's so attached to this baby that I have to tell him to chill with the belly kisses bc they can get annoying lol. He's been involved every step of the way and I couldn't imagine anything different. 
  •   @jjtruffles  just out of curiosity, I asked my husband if he knew what the snaps were for after reading this..... He had no clue :D
  • WevilleWeville member
    @HMcDade1 I'm with you. I think some things hit him a little later but my husband has been so excited and engaged since the beginning. He has been bonding with his dad friends at work, one of the babies was only born 4 weeks ago so he always comes home with new stories about how he's doing. While they were still pregnant my husband and his friend would compare online pictures of what they're babies looked like. I think the need to physically get ready (like picking out the stroller and whatnot) was more me but I'm also the planner between the two of us. 
  • @rnyland1 I majorly side eye any guy who uses the term "emotionally cheating" I'm guessing his wife didn't like him having female friends and told him she felt he was emotionally cheating. 
  • My husband has been pretty great. He's been supportive and helpful and knows so much about my pregnancy and this baby. I think he has as good an idea of what it's like to be pregnant as someone who isn't pregnant possibly could. 

    I think we have a tendency to infantilize men, especially male parents. They are capable humans, not confused puppies or children. 


    ***Stuck in the box***

    This is so true. One of my biggest pet peeves is women who joke about their husband being their ___th child. My husband is an adult, and a fully capable one, or I wouldn't have married and procreated with him.
  • @YeezusButters oh yeah, my husband is a giant baby when he's sick. I think because he's never sick? He got a cold while I was still puking all the time and had the audacity to whine. My eyeballs shot daggers. 

  • kellz14kellz14 member
    edited May 2016
    I think a combination of these two is where I fall. I also think (from experience) that saying that women experience something THIS way and men experience it THAT way is dangerous and can be damaging. I don't think a dad having difficulty emotionally bonding with the baby before birth necessarily means there's anything wrong. Just like a mother having difficulty bonding during pregnancy or immediately after birth doesn't mean they won't be amazing mother's. I'll admit that after DD's traumatic birth, and us being separated for 17 hours before I got to meet her, I had some bonding issues for the first week. I didn't feel like I "knew" her the way everyone says you instantly know your child. And the pressure and assumption that the normal reaction to childbirth was for the mother to instantly know/recognize and adore her child is what kept me silent and full of shame until a friend admitted her bonding issues with her child who was in the NICU, and I realized that what I had experienced was normal. That's an extreme example, but if DH was having difficulty bonding with our LO while I was pregnant, but was still supportive and present with me, attended to my needs and engaged with the pregnancy, I wouldn't want him to feel shame about that. I don't think any of you are arguing against that, I just want us to be careful about implying that there is a right and wrong way/time for us as parents to bond with the baby.

    Dad's who use that excuse to ignore their partner's needs, on the other hand, are despicable and need to grow the hell up.
    I agree 100%!
  • I was showing my husband the odd shape of my belly last night from little one sticking her butt out, or at least what I imagine to be her butt and he was "I don't want to look at it, I've seen the pictures of what babies do to your insides, like smoosh your organs. It's gross!"

    Gee, thanks for making me feel attractive lol 
    DH freaks out a little when we start seeing the big movements (I call them the alien movements). He enjoys feeling them, but doesn't like watching my belly shift around
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