Sh!t my SO said

quartz02

what whacky things has your S/O said recently? (these will get better as we have our babies but I'm sure there are some gems already)

credit May 2016 for the thread idea

kellz14

"I just took a really big poop this morning. I bet that's like giving birth."

mnkenned

"Did you know babies eat every 3 hours?!"

deuxbouledogues

He would kill me if he knew I told this story but....
This morning he was singing(!) to our deaf dog. He kept calling him Karl Malone (his name is Hank) in his made up song. I asked him why he was singing about a famous basketball player and he was absolutely clueless. He thought he "made up" the name Karl Malone and didn't believe me until I pulled him up on my phone. He likes to think he knows stuff about sports but he totally doesn't so he did not appreciate how long I laughed at him. 

joleri23

Oh my God @theshannondee I had just put a baby carrot in my mouth when I read that and I almost choked! Pretty sure I might have just peed a little bit too!

Kellyj103

@kellz14 lol! My husband always says that! Or when he has to go he says, "my stomach hurts so bad, this is what I imagine contractions feel like". Um... no. 

givemepenguinss

kellz14 said:

"I just took a really big poop this morning. I bet that's like giving birth."

Well, it kind of is. 

jjtruffles

Ooh ooh I can play!

This happened last Friday while sorting through baby clothes to organize & figure out what we have/what we still need... *holds up a onesie* "What are the snaps for at the bottom of so many of these? Does it mean they're pajamas or...?" I of course started laughing until I realized it wasn't a joke & he was legitimately asking me why there are snaps on onesies 

KASG

This reminds me of that episode of Friends where Rachel is giving birth and Ross bumps his head and says, "omg you have NO idea how much this hurts!" Lol

allthingscozy

"I think you should feeding and changing because your better at that and ill do education and physical well being because those are my strengths"

I could have killed him

Weville

@Backbypopulardemand I don't know how you didn't 

AAAG13

Today we are talking about making sure DH is in town when the baby is due to arrive (and the days prior and after). He says "she's just gonna pull that mucous plug when she is ready and I have to here for that". 

allthingscozy

@Weville I don't look good In orange  

mamafox14

@Backbypopulardemand

winnie1122

@Backbypopulardemand Yeah that would have warranted a swift punch in the face.

PinkLady2015

Backbypopulardemand said:

"I think you should feeding and changing because your better at that and ill do education and physical well being because those are my strengths"

I could have killed him

"On that note, I'll also handle social skills"

allthingscozy

@PinkLady2015 yes! Haha since I do teach them to kids I am think it's time DH became
a client in that realm as well! 

breanneestafford1

My DH told me I should probably just schedule a csection because I won't be able to handle labor

HMcDade1

Can I throw 2 in here from one of my friend instead of my SO... this guy is a laproscopic surgeon and we've been friends for 5 years. 

Last week. So she only has to gain 200gm a week from here on out? I said Omar idk what that means. He replies only about a pound a week. I said whoa wait you realize this would give me an 11 pound child right ? Your calculations are so off! 

Today. How far are you now, 33weeks ? 32! Oh so you only gotta make it 3 more. 3?! More like 8.. No way- you can totally drop that baby at 35 weeks. 

Drop that baby.. For real ? 

This morning I told him there are so many obvious reasons why he isn't an OBGYN. 

thepen15ismighty

Husband admitted last night he was buzzed during our first childbirthing class. We went out for pizza before hand and he doesn't drink anymore since I got impregnanted. It all makes sense now because he was all about making sure we had back up plans incase something went wrong, not that there's anything wrong with wanting to pick out which hospital I want to be air lifted to just in case...

LadyFleck

I had a more-than-usual bout of BH contractions last night that lasted all evening and through the night. When I mentioned that I was slightly concerned, he says, "You're fine."

Thanks, Doc. 

MurphaLurph

LadyFleck said:

I had a more-than-usual bout of BH contractions last night that lasted all evening and through the night. When I mentioned that I was slightly concerned, he says, "You're fine."

Thanks, Doc. 

Mine is a doc and I get the "you're fine" a lot! It makes me want to kick him! Pretend to be s bit concerned sir!

rnyland1

So last night at dinner DH was trying to pour ketchup out of a bottle with very little ketchup left in it, and it was making fart noises. Then he says "that's the sound it makes when there's a lot of air in your butt when you're trying to poop."  lol...ok, thanks DH.

YeezusButters

My husband was actually trying to be sweet and helpful but he just doesn't remember anything from our last kid. Last night, he randomly looks up at me and says, "so when can you start pumping?" and I was like, "uhhh, it's recommended that you do it after you establish a supply with the baby so maybe 4-6 weeks after she's born."
And he goes, "Oh. Shit. I was going to say if you start now that I could help feed the baby and let you get some sleep those first few weeks."
"I appreciate that honey but there's no milk in there right now and it's dangerous to start before you give birth because it can cause pre-term labor. The milk won't come in until a few days after the birth."
"Oh, then what does the baby eat before then?"
"Colostrum."
"That's still milk isn't it?"

kellz14

@Kellyj103 haha yeah I'm pretty sure mine has said that before too. uhhh nope!

kellz14

@breanneestafford1 ugh.. not cool. you can do it!!!

TattoosandLace

@YeezusButters Bless him.
Mine is similar this time around. How he forgot what pregnancy is like when DD1 literally turned 15 months old today I have no clue. 

DobbysSock

breanneestafford1 said:

My DH told me I should probably just schedule a csection because I won't be able to handle labor

@breanneestafford1 you can do it! Don't let him get into your head, but tell him he needs to get on board and be supportive of you

DobbysSock

MurphaLurph said:

LadyFleck said:

I had a more-than-usual bout of BH contractions last night that lasted all evening and through the night. When I mentioned that I was slightly concerned, he says, "You're fine."

Thanks, Doc. 

Mine is a doc and I get the "you're fine" a lot! It makes me want to kick him! Pretend to be s bit concerned sir!

@MurphaLurph yup I grew up with a doctor-Dad, and now my DD has a nurse-Mom. Sorry kiddo, we don't go to the emergency department unless it's life or limb! "It's fine" used to drive me absolutely up the wall though, so I should probably make more of an effort to be empathetic than he did haha

DobbysSock

Backbypopulardemand said:

"I think you should feeding and changing because your better at that and ill do education and physical well being because those are my strengths"

I could have killed him

How convenient (for him) that you get the messy jobs

DobbysSock

(after talking to his mom/step dad about a boating trip they want to do) "Do you have any plans for July long weekend?"

Yes. Yes I do. I plan to try to prevent going into labour the weekend before my scheduled c-section.

Julymama2x

When asked why he demolished my lilies and tulips this weekend...."what? They were all weeds" followed by "at least they're all the same height now".... I calmly explained that nothing in the flower beds should be touched in the future. 

YeezusButters

@Julymama2x That stinks but I actually laughed out loud at the chop job he did on your flower bed.

PootsDragon

@Julymama2x OMG! I would have killed him! That's such a pretty flower bed- I hope they grow back!

I was telling DH about how I can't tell if I'm just being too sensitive or if the guys at work are treating me differently because I'm huge and pregnant now. I think he was really trying to be helpful and said, "You're not imagining it. When a hot girl you like to talk to gets pregnant with someone else's baby it's basically a personal betrayal." I'm sorry WHAT?! Who the F*** thinks like that? Most horribly sexist, misogynistic explanation I can imagine. I know he was trying to validate my feelings, but just no.

rnyland1

@PootsDragon well. . .I kinda thought the same about the guys at work though too. Before this pregnancy I felt like "just one of the guys" since there's not a lot of women in my office. Now they definitely seem to not pay as much attention to me. But I would never have said something like that aloud, haha!

TiffRox81

In a conversation with friends when we were talking about delivery, who would be present, etc., my husband told them that I was still thinking all that through and that I wasn't sure what I wanted. He continued with, Right now she doesn't want anyone in there!! I looked at him kind of strangely and said, Well of course YOU WILL be there! He thought when I said "no one", meaning my mom, friends, etc....that included him. And the scary thing is he didn't question me and accepted it!! WTF?! Sorry guy, you're not getting out of that! It's a team event. I was confused. Did he think he was going to sit in the waiting room with the other family and wait for the doctor to come out and say, It's a BOY, or It's a GIRL! Geez. 

Jodi1980

@PootsDragon I work at a municipal office and the staff of 20 or so men made up of public works and road crew and no one talks to me anymore either....and here I'm sitting thinking it's my BO possibly.

twinpeaksmama

Last night we had to return something to Lowe's. I went along for the ride but was planning to wait for DH in the car. When we arrived he asked me to come in with him and I asked why. He then tells me that customer service is more likely to be nice to him if he has his fat, pregnant wife with him. I almost punched him in the face. He then stumbled all over his words trying to explain what he had meant, but the damage was already done.

PootsDragon

@rnyland1 @Jodi1980 IF this is true then screw sensitive- I'm outraged and offended! Women do not exist to validate men. Our relationship statuses, pregnancies, and looks are completely irrelevant. Friendships, especially in the workplace, should be based solely on character! I hope it's just the BO and frequent trips to the bathroom they find annoying and off-putting. Otherwise I would think MUCH less of them as human beings. DH got this earful and said while he agrees he thinks I'm giving men in general too much credit. *ugh*

[Deleted User]

DH and I rode together in his car to his parents a few days ago. When we got back to our apartment, he parked next to my car, but SUPER far away. I asked him why he did it, and he said "I just wanted you to have ALL the room you need to get out of the car." Thanks for calling me huge, pal.

I was explaining to him before we knew we were having a girl, that if we have a boy, he would need to watch out for spraying pee while changing diapers. "Oh that actually happens? I thought they made that up for movies and TV and stuff." He was genuinely shocked. I'm prepared for even more after baby girl is actually here; he only just held a baby for the first time in his life last summer. We have a long way to go.

Jodi1980

@PootsDragon While I agree it is extremely offensive, you can't fix ignorant. You can educate the masses but there will always be someone trying to explain otherwise. I definitely give them too much credit but then their explanation sets their demise all on their own.