Everything you didn't want to know about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum: STM to FTM advice - Page 9 — The Bump
December 2016 Moms

Everything you didn't want to know about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum: STM to FTM advice

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Re: Everything you didn't want to know about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum: STM to FTM advice

  • I remember on one of the posts where I mentioned having to have a scheduled C-section someone else said that I should look into having a gentle c-section. My OB said we would talk more about the C-section at the anatomy scan, so I plan on asking her then if she's familiar with a gentle C and would it be okay for me to plan on having one. Unfortunately, my OB is in a practice that rotates on call OBs, so she may not be the one doing it. However, I am hoping that scheduling it means that there is at least a 90% chance of her performing the C.
  • @Kate08Young No, I appreciate you mentioning the symptoms, and especially the "No protein in the urine" thing. So far my panels have back normal, which I guess is typical for it being so early, but every appointment I have in the future I'm going to keep asking questions and pushing for answers in regards to this.

    @ashleaf2018 I will find the video and post it. It was so cool to watch! The mom was on a heavy epidural, but she was awake and present for her baby coming out of her tummy. Lemme find the video...
    princesslockness
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  • I hope it shows up, @ashleaf2018 ! This one is in a British hospital, but it explains the process very well. There's a lot of American ones on YouTube, too.
    Mamax2
  • Mamax2Mamax2 member
    I'm going to watch some more of these, and see if it's something my OB can do.
    dmontgo
  • @mamax2 Isn't that cool? Even though I'd like to avoid a C-section, I'm going to talk to my OB about it as a just in case measure. Interested in learning more!
    Mamax2maamawaabangi
  • @ashleaf2018 and gentle cesarian followers - I could be incorrect, but I believe the participation in gentle c sections is hospital based, not provider based.  I think it's hospital protocol, not Dr preference.  That's how I've read it so far.  It's on my list to talk to my OB about next appt since I've decided to do a scheduled c (hopefully).  
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    dmontgoashleaf2018Mamax2
  • @penelope4612 I think it's good to have an idea of what you want and don't want prior to labor, but like @Kate08Young said, be prepared to have to make alterations. Additionally, some (certainly not all) hospital staff can get kind of snarky with women who insist on sticking to a birth plan, I think particularly when it seems that their insistence could endanger the baby or lead to complications. To avoid any head-butting, our Bradley coach suggested we title the plan "Birth Wishes", as it indicates that flexibility you want to have.

    Also, medicated vs non-medicated birth...I kind of had both in a sense. I waited out 12.5 hours of front and back labor until I started puking bile. Then I took the epidural. The epi wore off for me after 8 hours, and my midwife didn't want me to have another. So I felt the entire delivery process med-free. Thank God for the epidural, though. It allowed me to get 2 hours of sleep that were vital to my functioning. My water had broken at 12am, so we were going on 48 hours of no sleep. And my contractions were always 3 min or less apart. No breaks for me! I wanted to labor in the birthing pool, but they insisted I wait until I was 8cm dilated for that and I had to take the epi before I was ready. Next time, I'm hoping to get more water labor time, as I think it will help with the pain.
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  • Mamax2Mamax2 member
    edited June 2016
    dmontgo said:
    @mamax2 Isn't that cool? Even though I'd like to avoid a C-section, I'm going to talk to my OB about it as a just in case measure. Interested in learning more!
    I'm having a repeat c-section, and would love to have a gentle one. Not trying to scare you, but I had such a hard recovery last time. I couldn't remember much of anything, but I was alone for about an hour afterwards. I'd like to try and avoid that this go round, if at all possible. 
    dmontgo
  • @mamax2 I'd rather hear honest experiences than try to pretend everything is magical. I hope this time around is better for you--being left alone that long seems scary. :(
    C-section is definitely not my first choice; I would prefer a vaginal birth, by far. But, I'm the type of person that feels better researching all my options and their possibilities so it's not so scary for me! 
    Mamax2DiFazetteLinziLoo09
  • Mamax2Mamax2 member
    @dmontgo, thank you. Whatever route you and your doc decide to go in, I hope you have a positive experience as well.
    dmontgoaframe77
  • Mamax2Mamax2 member
    edited June 2016
    I can't remember if I posted this or not, but your cervix can close back up. I had been induced, and was starting to have some pretty strong contractions. I had dilated some, but my water wouldn't break. My OB decided to break it herself, and I progressed some more. I had dilated to 6 inches when my cervix decided to close back up. Because of that, I ended up having to have a c-section. So, needless to say, I felt somewhat disappointed with it all. I wasn't awake during the c-section, due to my epidural wearing off, so I have no memories of DD being born. It took me a while to not be mad at my body for basically shutting down and not doing what it was made to do. So, my other piece of advice is to allow yourself to grieve a little if you don't get the birth you wanted, but don't beat yourself up over it. In the long run, I had to tell myself that all that really mattered was DD was here and healthy, no matter how she entered this world.
    sourlemonsonomama14silverfrost
  • @Mamax2 left alone as in saw no hospital staff? Or were you not allowed to see family? Either way I'm sorry you went through that, sounds scary :(
  • SmashJamSmashJam member
    edited June 2016
    I cannot remember if someone else already posted about this, but a pp just said their contractions were 3 minutes apart and it reminded me about my own. I was induced at 9pm and at 8:30 am the next day the contractions were to the point where I could like, walk and talk between them but had to breathe through them. Pretty soon it got so I only got maybe a minute or so between contractions my entire labor which was thankfully short. 

    While there were pros to being induced (no rush to the hospital laboring!) I think the whole back to back contractions thing is common with them. Is that something anyone else experienced?

    ETA: words were forgotten.
    bdhnrh
  • Mamax2Mamax2 member
    @Mamax2 left alone as in saw no hospital staff? Or were you not allowed to see family? Either way I'm sorry you went through that, sounds scary :(
    I wasn't allowed to see family. I had a hard time coming back around after being put to sleep. DH had to be with DD.
  • I wasn't induced, and my contractions were always at least 3 minutes apart. My water did break on it's own prior to the start of labor, and that will make contractions much more intense, as @maamawaabangi noted. And it still took nearly a day for the baby to arrive. Essentially what I learned is that even though they'll teach you the 'typical' stages of labor in a class, your body won't necessarily follow a typical path on its own. Sometimes your body decides to screw you pain-wise naturally ;) 
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    ~Baby Z born 11/28/14~
                           
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  • @SmashJam mine were about 3 minutes apart and I would sometimes have two at a time. My water also didn't break and had to be broken right before I started pushing. I also had to labor on my side because his heart rate deceled any time I laid on my back and it hurt infinitely  more to lay flat than on my side. Someone also mentioned effacing- I never effaced the whole way. There was a lip of my cervix that didn't thin out enough so, tmi alert, the ob had to put his hand in their to flatten it down and help guide my son's head out when I pushed. I had an episotomy though to allow room for the ob's hand which freaking hurt as much as labor did. Healing sucked.
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  • Mamax2Mamax2 member
    @maamawaabangi I agree that my provider failed me. I had a weird feeling about her from the get go, but never did anything about it because I thought I was making it up. She never really listened and agreed with my wishes. Now I know better. I'm sorry to hear that you've had a painful experience as well. As far as going past my due date, my doc doesn't want me to go past 38 or 39 weeks due to my high BP and swelling.
  • Mamax2 said:
    @maamawaabangi I agree that my provider failed me. I had a weird feeling about her from the get go, but never did anything about it because I thought I was making it up. She never really listened and agreed with my wishes. Now I know better. I'm sorry to hear that you've had a painful experience as well. As far as going past my due date, my doc doesn't want me to go past 38 or 39 weeks due to my high BP and swelling.
    And that is a very legitimate and needed reason to be induced! I am sorry though that you experienced that. One thing that helped me "get over" my hard birth was realizing that it wasn't my fault... My body didn't fail or screw me. It was just circumstances and other people. Also realizing that it was one sucky day and that so far I've had 100% success rate at making it through crappy days! 
    I also go forward into this new birth realizing it might be crappy or less than ideal, but that I can rest assured that one way or another the baby will be born... And a c-section isn't a "bad" thing when it's needed... It's really a miracle. Not my top choice, but I'm thankful it's an option! 

    Due December 27th with baby #7




    Mamax2DiFazettesilverfrost
  • BenNSarah said:
    Hospital stays, how long after delivery did you stay in the hospital and did you think that was too long/short/etc?  My insurance covers 48 hours for a healthy delivery with no complications, but I was told my hospital tries to push you out at 24 hours.  What does everyone think?
    I went into labor on Friday morning, son was born vaginally with no complications Friday night and I left the hospital Sunday morning. I would HIGHLY recommend staying for as long as you can, especially if you are breastfeeding. My son and I had a really easy nursing relationship and even then I really benefited from the two times the lactation consultant came to see me. Our son never went to the nursery but even still, there was something comforting and reassuring about having a whole staff behind you in the very, very beginning. As a FTM I also highly underestimated how much pain I would be in and how much healing I had to do. 
    BenNSarahLeahNicole
  • Depending on where you live and what options you are looking at, you may need to get your child on childcare or Montessori school wait lists starting like now-ish. We registered our son at a montessori school when I was 20 weeks along with him and their first opening was for when he was 2 (which was exactly when we wanted to start him so that was nice).

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  • @slartybartfast, I got on my daycare list the day after my bfp. It's a military daycare and can be really hard to get into. Last kiddo we got lucky and she got in at 10 weeks...I hope it's the same situation this time as there typically isn't much influx of soldiers in the last Jan early February time frame. 
    DD1 5/23/14, DD2 12/5/16   Baby #3 on the way!


    slartybartfast
  • Oh my gosh @Kate08Young! I also had pre-E with my first, scary swelling and also gained 20 lbs in 2 weeks! I started crying when that happened. My BP was really high and I had all pre-E symptoms, but 'not enough protein in urine to worry about'. My daughter and I both almost died during labor because my dr. ignored it and brushed it off until my BP was dangerously high and DD had no heartbeat, with scalp monitor on. Needless to say, we did not go back to that dr., or practice. 

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    princesslockness
  • ea301ea301 member
    @sourlemon @slartybartfast that is crazy how far in advance you need to plan for those things! We are in the DC/Baltimore suburbs so it's probably madness here. Thank you for the heads up. 
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    slartybartfast
  • @ea301 it's really sad! I'm in a pretty small town...don't know if it's better or worse than big cities. There's less kids here (but a ton for our town size due to military) but also less daycares. 
    DD1 5/23/14, DD2 12/5/16   Baby #3 on the way!


  • ea301 said:
    @sourlemon @slartybartfast that is crazy how far in advance you need to plan for those things! We are in the DC/Baltimore suburbs so it's probably madness here. Thank you for the heads up. 
    I'm with you! We live in DC and finding daycares so far has been impossible; we're on 2 waitlists,  but the others I was trying to talk to are only looking for immediate placements! Ugh! Have you looked at carelulu.com?

    I have a question for STMs: My husband gets up to 1 month of paternity leave (yay!), and I'm curious about when he should use it. Should it be immediately after the birth and for the first month baby is home or should he wait until like, month 3 when my mom has left? I'd love some experienced advice on this!
  • @Kate87 - does he have to decide up front? I'd suggest planning on spreading it out some... Like short weeks (1-3 days in office) after baby is born til it's gone. Unless there is a gap in your childcare plan or you want baby to be home for another month (may be wise as early spring is high virus time). Post-birth experience can REALLY range for people. For me, it was a breeze. In fact, DH had to leave the country for two weeks shortly after my babe was born. It was no problem for me. But I was dealt very good cards. It may be worth waiting to see what cards you are dealt with your recovery and your baby.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Mother of an April '15 baby
    Due December 16
  • @slartybartfast
    Thank you! The only thing I know is that he has to take it within 90 days of LO being born, not sure if he can take chunks at a time or if it needs to be all at once. 1-3 day weeks sound like a great plan though so I'll definitely ask about it!
    slartybartfast
  • @Kate87 DH planned to work from home for a few weeks when DS was born and ended up going back to work the first week-there wasn't a lot for him to do as I was muddling through breast feeding and all that-basically he got a few minutes of face time and some diaper changes in because so much was exclusively me. 

    I do agree with @slartybartfast that waiting to see how your birth and subsequent recovery goes might be a good idea. 
    dckateh
  • My pregnancy with my daughter was a nightmare. I started getting braxton hicks at 18 weeks, so I always thought I was in labor. It's painful but nowhere near real labor. 

    Mechanical dilation (they insert a catheter through your cervix and blow it up, then tape it to your leg. A lovely person will come pull on it every once in a while.) was not fun even with the drugs for pain.

    I had an emergency c section and they told me my husband would be allowed in. That was until they had to put me under. If you have an epidural and they say emergency c section keep in mind you may be knocked out for the birth. It wasn't horrible but scary at the time.

    After 19 weeks don't look "downstairs" with a mirror. I did and had my mom rush me to the ER because I could have hidden a soft ball down there. Just don't look.

    There will be times when you are laughing, crying and mad all at once. Your husband may laugh, but you would laugh too if on the other end of it so cut him some slack.

    If your baby has a had time latching while trying to BF don't get discouraged. Ask the nurse for some of the cone things that go on your nips. I forgot what they are called but they remind me of Madonna. They were a life saver. BF after a 2 months turns into walking around with a parahana on your nip. It's uncomfortable and very time consuming especially if they want to use you as a pacifier.  


    ve304856LinziLoo09
  • @Diamond0323 Hang on, I need some clarification. Don't look "down there" after 19 weeks pregnant? I mean, I haven't pulled out a mirror, or even had intercourse in the past two months, but everything seems to be in the same place...

    Why the ER visit? I need answers!
    Me: 31 | DH: 31
    Together since 2003 | Married 2010
    TTC #1 January 2016
    BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
    Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017

    TTC#2 March 2018
    BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
  • This is very postpartum but I love this Ted Talk compilation podcast on parenting and childhood. It's so good.
    https://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/335287595/growing-up


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    Mother of an April '15 baby
    Due December 16
    PensiveCrayonaframe77
  • @PensiveCrayon my "downstairs" didn't change much with my first pregnancy...maybe a little more swollen from blood flow but nothing to freak out about though. DH hasn't mentioned anything this time around ;) 
    DD1 5/23/14, DD2 12/5/16   Baby #3 on the way!


    PensiveCrayon
  • Something about increased blood flow causing your lips to elongate and hang down. I went in because I thought it was swollen, like i could have wrapped them around a soft ball no problem and it was more sensitive. It's completely normal though. 
    PensiveCrayon
  • Okay so I know genetics dictate whether or not you get stretch marks but dammit if I can soften the blow with lotions and creams and oils I will. Does any STM have favorite go tos?? I currently have burts bees belly butter and palmers cocoa butter for stretch marks. I'm reading bio oil and coconut oil are also great choices. 
    Me: 29
    DH: 30
    Happily Ever After: 05-15-2015
    TTC since June 2015 
    BFP 3/21! - E.D.D. 11/28/16!


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    bookworm8622
  • @sammyl1221 I really  like the cream and oil from Boppy actually. https://www.boppy.com/product-category/skincare-collection/

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    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Okay so I know genetics dictate whether or not you get stretch marks but dammit if I can soften the blow with lotions and creams and oils I will. Does any STM have favorite go tos?? I currently have burts bees belly butter and palmers cocoa butter for stretch marks. I'm reading bio oil and coconut oil are also great choices. 
    I'm using the burts bees belly butter too!

    I've used bio oil before, but never consistently enough to see any difference (I have some stretch marks on my thighs). But they have a decent deal at Target right now (if you shop there) that might make it worth a try: https://www.target.com/p/bio-oil-scar-treatment-4-2-oz/-/A-12455924
  • If you really want to prevent stretch marks, try not to gain too much weight. With my first daughter, I ritually used oils and lotions everyday to prevent stretch marks. But I had pre-eclampsia and got freakishly swollen toward the end of my pregnancy. In the last 2 months, I gained about 1 lb a day (in water weight, swelling). I didn't get stretch marks until 38 weeks. I'm sure if I hadn't gained so much, I wouldn't have gotten stretch marks because I had gained 55lbs by the time I was 38 weeks. But my body couldn't handle any more, I got so big, I ended up with stretch marks on my thighs and belly button area. 
    On the plus side, since the majority of my weight gain was swelling, I lost 50 lbs within 5 weeks of giving birth! Then it took me a year or so to lose the 20lbs left. 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


  • I've lost 20 pounds this pregnancy and found my first stretch mark on my belly. They happen under the skin so while it's good to moisturize, I don't know if that necessarily prevents them. 
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