Everything you didn't want to know about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum: STM to FTM advice - Page 11 — The Bump
December 2016 Moms

Everything you didn't want to know about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum: STM to FTM advice

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Re: Everything you didn't want to know about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum: STM to FTM advice

  • How soon after birth did those of you delivering in a hospital end up having visitors (and has that changed your mind about when you will be willing to see visitors this time)?  I realize this could vary greatly for a number of reasons, but I'm just curious.  
  • ve304856ve304856 member
    edited September 2016
    @penelope4612 I had DS around 5pm, my sister was in the delivery room with me and DH, I didn't have any other visitors until the next day and that was only my parents. IL's came over the day we came home from the hospital. With DD I had her around 7pm and my sisterwas there for delivery again and my mom.was watching DS so she came in after I was cleaned up. I didn't have any other visitors until the next day.


    I plan on having visitors this time probably the next day like I have had in the past, but that will depend on what time I give birth. If it is in the morning I will probably have visitors in the evening.
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  • How soon after birth did those of you delivering in a hospital end up having visitors (and has that changed your mind about when you will be willing to see visitors this time)?  I realize this could vary greatly for a number of reasons, but I'm just curious.  



    Stuck in box


    My parents were around on and off for my whole labor then emergency c section which was a little after midnight. They stuck around and saw the baby until I was in recovery and allowed to see the baby. So they actually saw and held her before I did but I really didn't care, some people do. They went home about 3am (when the baby was brought to me) and returned about 9am the next day (visiting hours). My 84 year old grandma came around noon. They came and went during visiting hours until I went home (2.5 days). I honestly didn't mind at all. They all saw boobage. When I had my incision checked they stepped out for a break or ran an errand. But I only has them visit. 

    This time mil will also be here and it will be a scheduled c section. I'd probably allow mil and my parents there during the surgery then leave when I get moved to recovery and have the baby. I'll probably ask them to stay away for a few hours then I'm sure it'll be in and out after that. 

    My parents were fine last time knowing I needed to hold the baby and they never once kept the baby from me. They helped change diapers, brought the baby to me, helped me in and out of bed, and took turns holding the baby's hand when she got stuck under lights 24/7 for the whole visit. I'm not sure mil will be as chill but DH will have to play that game. Her job isn't to hold the baby all the time or keep the baby from me...which is all she keeps talking about. So it'll be interesting. 
    DD1 5/23/14, DD2 12/5/16   Baby #3 on the way!


  • How soon after birth did those of you delivering in a hospital end up having visitors (and has that changed your mind about when you will be willing to see visitors this time)?  I realize this could vary greatly for a number of reasons, but I'm just curious.  
    I had no one there for the labor/CS. All my family and in-laws came the next day during visiting hours. Then friends who were close always called ahead once we were home. This time around, it really just depends on when E does her thing. It might be my dad holding my hand, might just be me, might be no one around for days because of NICU.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


  • @penelope4612 I had visitors on and off the day after our unexpected c-section. My mom was there right after surgery, but she was there more to help with the baby and give DH a break (we were up for about 36 hours straight by the time we had the c-section).
    With my DD2, we had visitors on and off from about 4 hrs after surgery until about dinner time. Big mistake!!! I didn't get time to nap, I had to be social, and I just wanted to yell at everyone (minus my mom and DH) to get the f out so we could rest. 
    I've learned a lot, I already talked to DH and told him that there will be a 30 minute window of visitors (other than my mom). If people can make it during that time, great. If not, then they can wait until we are at home 2 days later. Period. 
    No matter how your baby comes out, you will be exhausted and healing afterward. You will be trying to get to know your baby, breastfeeding, changing diapers, and not feeling very social. It's like time stops while you have your baby, and you just want to be with him/her. 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


    PensiveCrayon
  • I definitely learned from last time to limit visitors or have the nurses kick them out.  Of course this totally depends on your family and how pushy they are.  I think I will ask most people to visit on the second day.
  • Can a second time mom give some recommendations for me? I'm wondering what a good number of nursing tanks to get and other nursing bra type things? 

    I got one tank, and a nighttime nursing bra so far. The night one seems basically like a sports bra but it was comfy and on sale so I grabbed it. I know I'll need regular nursing bras but need to wait since I don't have a clue what size? 
    PensiveCrayon
  • cgss11 said:
    Can a second time mom give some recommendations for me? I'm wondering what a good number of nursing tanks to get and other nursing bra type things? 

    I got one tank, and a nighttime nursing bra so far. The night one seems basically like a sports bra but it was comfy and on sale so I grabbed it. I know I'll need regular nursing bras but need to wait since I don't have a clue what size? 
    This depends heavily on your size. For me, I'm small. I don't really even need nursing wear. Shelf bra tanks work great and provide me enough support.

    I think a good universal recommendation though is... maybe get one or two now, and then wait to see where you're at once your milk comes in. Assuming you're fairly close to stores or can get things delivered to your house easily. No reason to stock up too far in advance and risk the wrong thing in my opinion
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Mother of an April '15 baby
    Due December 16
    PensiveCrayonKateH1216
  • +1 to @slartybartfast. I actually never got anything nursing with L. I'm a bit to big to to go wireless, and can't ever find a nursing bra that has wires. I found that my regular 4-5 bras worked just fine as long as I was good about changing the nursing pads.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    PensiveCrayonKateH1216
  • Sorry to change the subject, but I have a question:  Does your body every feel like your body again?!
    I don't mean does it go back to how it was pre-baby (I know it will be different), I mean does it ever feel like you are in control of your own body again/ your body is not solely there to grow and nourish a baby. Between the aches and pains, slow bowels, huffing and puffing, and down the road, breastfeeding, its hard to imagine feeling in control of my body and my bodily functions ever again!
    <3 D 2014 
    DD- 11/2016
  • @jandd2014 - yes. But for me it happened after my son turned 1. I weaned. (and was pregnant again but didn't know yet). I got a solid 2 weeks of feeling like my body was my own.
    What's more is mine actually DID go back to pre-baby look and feel (every part if you know what I mean)... once I dropped the final 5 lbs from initial morning sickness.

    Everyone's experience is different and I'm not sure how this pregnancy will go for me - but from at least my one experience - yes. Though it did take the whole year.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Mother of an April '15 baby
    Due December 16
    princesslocknessjandd2014KateH1216beff12
  • @Kate08Young I know the big thing with underwire bras is plugged ducts...have you ever had any trouble with that? I really would love to do underwire and at least feel a little okay about my body post-baby.
    Me: 31 | DH: 31
    Together since 2003 | Married 2010
    TTC #1 January 2016
    BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
    Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017

    TTC#2 March 2018
    BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
  • @Kate08Young I know the big thing with underwire bras is plugged ducts...have you ever had any trouble with that? I really would love to do underwire and at least feel a little okay about my body post-baby.
    I had one when I went back to work and started pumping 2x instead of feeding 3x in the day. I also make sure that I get everything fitted at least every 6 months.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    PensiveCrayon
  • @cgss11If you have 2 or 3 nursing bras to start, you should be ok. I tried to do it with my regular bras, it's doable, but I found using the nursing bras to be a miracle. But my boobs are pretty average, the bigger they get the harder it is (my sisters are huge, so I can see where you are coming from @Kate08Young)
    Once your milk comes in, you will want probably 2-3 more nursing bras. You'll have to wash the bras more than regular ones due to milk leakage. Or accidents, or milk spraying everywhere when your little one decides to pull off of the boob right when you get letdown. I'm actually planning on having 8 bras, I made it work with 3 for my first child, mostly because we didn't have a lot of extra money. But it was a pain.

    @jandd2014 yes! You get your body back and it feels like your own. I would also say about 1 year, because that's how long it takes me to lose weight. But I find that once baby starts eating baby food, even while still nursing, the nursing isn't as demanding. About 3 years after DD1 was born, I actually got skinnier than pre-pregnancy and felt amazing. Everything was pretty good, except my boobs weren't as nice as they once were. But it was my body, not my baby's. 
    After DD 2, I felt like I had my own body when she was about 1 also. Again, a lot of that had to do with weight loss, but your body is back 'together' by then. For me this means when I roll over in bed, my insides don't roll around also. And I feel human, un-pregnant, and sexy again. 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


    princesslocknessPensiveCrayonKateH1216jandd2014
  • Stupid FTM question - After baby is born how long until you were comfortable sleeping again, particularly for stomach sleepers? Obviously a c-section would take longer. But I'm thinking full boobs might hinder the process too? I'm just so ready to rid my bed of my giant pregnancy pillow...
    Lisa3379ajstevenson
  • maamawaabangimaamawaabangi member
    edited September 2016
    @tinattt23 my experience has been that the first few days you're so tired that you sleep really well, even though you're getting woken up a fair amount at night. But if you invest in rest and really allow for the changes in life and what your body and baby need... the sleep deprivation isn't too bad. Personally I get to a place where I realize I'll get more sleep with a newborn than what I do in late pregnancy... That wasn't how I felt after my 1st, but it is now. As for my body and sleep... To me it feels nearly instantly more comfortable ... Just floppy. But... Yeah, i go right back to sleeping on my stomach! It feels glorious! I just reposition my many pregnancy pillows to make less pressure when my breast feel fuller... But that's temporary as baby empties them through the night. 

    Due December 27th with baby #7




    tinattt23yellingbananaPensiveCrayonLinziLoo09
  • @tinattt23 - agreeing with @maamawaabangi - in that I INSTANTLY felt so much more comfortable.
    And I got way better sleep post-pregnancy than during.
    However - you totally reminded me that, yes, being full of milk makes sleeping on my stomach not so comfortable, and messy. So I would typically fall asleep on my stomach after nursing and then gradually shift.
    Milk management is complicated and depending on your work situation, I know a lot of people that just let their body hit that balance with their baby and then they would adjust together as time went on and things changed. This makes the night time fill-up less extreme. Because I worked and was always nervous about not having enough, I would pump off extra to freeze. I'll probably do that again but it makes it so I'm pumping off extra at night for a while which makes it so I'm filling up more than necessary at night = less comfortable for sleeping. DS also hated a bottle so he got in the habbit of eating like CRAZY through the night to make up for my absence during the day (I only went in 2 days a week but still it was enough to disrupt...).

    Oh man. This is bringing back all the memories. Anyways - we had to figure it out as we went for sure. I HOPE this baby takes to a bottle. We tried to consistently swap in and out with DS from early on and we were fine the first couple months and then he decided NOPE and held strong until he was ready for a cup. So anyways, it's complicated but yes.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Mother of an April '15 baby
    Due December 16
    tinattt23zubenescamaliyellingbananaLinziLoo09
  • DiFazetteDiFazette member
    edited September 2016
    @cgss11 I swear by bravado nursing tanks from target.  I believe the market them as Bravo by Bravado but are 1/2 the price.  I'm actually wearing one now and it is my favorite undergarment.  I use it primarily now as a pajama top since it provides nice support for my DD's during sleep.  Since being pregnant I wear it as an alternative to a bra.  I did purchase 2 underwire maternity bras from Target (different brand) that I've been wearing.  I won't break out the underwire for a while after nursing has been established because as @PensiveCrayon mentioned - it CAN cause issues.  Though - my feelings on that is that if you wear a supportive underwire for outings and the stretchy elastic at home you won't do damage... I think that warning is against full time underwire.  
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    PensiveCrayoncgss11
  • @jandd2014, I've found that feeling like I "own" my body again coincides with whenever I have stopped breastfeeding (I never really tried to make nursing work with either of our sons so pumped exclusively), anywhere from about 8-10 months after my sons were born.  As soon as I stop(ped) pumping, I immediately felt more ownership over my body.  The demands on your person/personal space can be pretty constant with little kids though, so I'm not sure that you're ever quite inviolate again.  

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    Married: Aug. 2005
    DS1: Born Oct. 2012
    DS2: Born Jun. 2014
    jandd2014princesslocknessKateH1216
  • Looking for advice from BTDT moms! DH and I took a birthing class yesterday, and the instructor closed the class by telling us to expect the baby blues after delivery. She said between feeling like PMS on steroids, not sleeping, being a caretaker to an infant, and the physical recovery it is normal to have the blues, but not normal for it to persist (like if you're 8 wks postpartum and still crying all the time), and to go to the ER if you have hallucinations or feel like you're going to harm self/baby.  I'm not sure this is something to necessarily prepare for, but I would like to know what to expect, so I can work myself through it when it comes time.  Anyone want to share your experience?
    (I apologize if this has been covered in the thread already, I've read all the entries, but it has been a while...)
  • @KattyC I got really cry-y for a couple weeks. Like if I sat down to do anything and forgot food/drink i bawled. It got better at about 6-8 weeks pp.

    I think the baby blues are pretty typical with the changes going in, just be sure to watch for PPD or PPA. I made H evaluate me every day to see if I checked any boxes.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    kattyc-2PensiveCrayonAustenista
  • @KattyC Honestly I was fortunate to avoid PPD or really any 'blues' postpartum. I was miserable leading up to delivery that I was just ecstatic not to be pregnant anymore. I was more comfortable sleeping and actually got more sleep with a newborn than I did while pregnant. My pregnancy symptoms disappeared very quickly. I was in a fantastic mood. That said, that's not the norm for everyone, and PPD is a serious matter for anyone going through it.

    I will say that I went through periods of depression when weaning DD from breastfeeding (when she was 12-14 months old). Each time I would cut a feeding, I would experience about 2 weeks of depression - apathy, deep sadness, etc. That corrected itself a few weeks after she was completely weaned, but that was my main issue with mood following birth.

    December '16 BMB

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    ~BFP 03/22/14 EDD 12/05/14~                       
    ~Baby Z born 11/28/14~
                           
    Baby #2
    ~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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    kattyc-2Austenista
  • Very interesting to hear your different experiences, thank you for sharing. @maamawaabangi "take it as it comes" is good advice for all of this whole brand new experience!
    KateH1216maamawaabangi
  • Great one @slartybartfast! I can do very much avocado, so instead I use coconut oil for most if my cooking. It also makes a wonderful chapstick and nipple butter.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    slartybartfastajstevenson
  • STMs who used a shower during labor...
    what did you wear in the shower? Nothing? Sports bra? Underwear? I plan on using the shower at the hospital (there is one attached to each birthing room) and I want to make sure I'm prepared/packed appropriately. 
    Obviously DH will need swim trunks, but does it matter as much for the one delivering? I figure the nurses would have already seen my lady bits, but don't want to be "that weird naked lady in the shower" if that's not the norm haha
    yellingbanana
  • @BabyRobbinsAdventure - nakie 
    dh and nurses and midwives left me alone in the shower
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Mother of an April '15 baby
    Due December 16
    princesslocknessBabyRobbinsAdventureyellingbanana
  • I am not sure if this has been said yet, but a few weeks after birth you will start to loose a lot of hair. For me is came out in clumps and lasted for a few months. It was awful, but eventually ended.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    BabyFetus Ticker
    yellingbananaajstevensonDiFazetteToller
  • How many freezer meals do I need to make? Do I need multiple month's worth? 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    BabyRobbinsAdventure
  • @Austenista I typically make recipes that make 1-3 meals and I'll make 4-6 recipes at a time. 

    That lasts us typically 2-3 months because DH would kill me if we ate a freezer meals each night.   And that doesn't include when I make breakfast stuff for dh...that separate in my head and gets its own weekend. I made 20 burritos and 16 sandwiches. He liked the burritos more (I guess they were easier to reheat) so I'll just make those next time. He was only eating those on work days so 20 lasts 4 weeks. 
    DD1 5/23/14, DD2 12/5/16   Baby #3 on the way!


    Austenista
  • @Austenista I have church friends who will bring food, so my stash is probably smaller than others.

    However, I make 10-12 actual freezer meals, but have stuff for several easy meals-like my chicken noodle, enchilada soup, Mexican & regular lasagnas.

    Each of the freezer meals typically does 1 dinner and lunch the next day, so the 10-12 meals can last us a month.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    Austenista
  • We usually get some meals brought to us by friends, but I plan on making about 10. 2 - 4 of them being breakfasts, which is a harder time for me to get up and feel
    motivated, but I like eating good food off the bat when nursing and recouping. 

    Due December 27th with baby #7




    Austenista  KateH1216
  • How many freezer meals do I need to make? Do I need multiple month's worth? 
    I made about 30 before DS was born and that lasted my 12-week maternity leave with a few left over. I'll probably do a similar amount this time. I make enough in each meal for dinner and lunches the next day or for an end of week "leftovers" night. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Austenista
  • @atcwag because I'm a FTM and since I don't really know what my postpartum/newborn life is going to be like, I think I'm going to make about 30 dinners as well and then cook and freeze some bacon, ground beef/turkey, and chicken breast shredded for lunches. I'll probably do some breakfast burritos and sandwiches too.

    I'm a homemaker but one thing pregnancy has taught me is that I can't predict my energy levels and capabilities from one day to the other. I don't want us eating out all the time so I'd rather be safe than sorry. Thanks everyone for your advice/experiences!  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    sourlemonajstevensonyellingbanana
  • Freindly reminder - don't pay much attention to your MP. They are nasty globs and can contain blood.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    sourlemonSmashJam
  • Question for you STM mamas - next week at my 36 wk check up will be my first time getting cervix checked for dilation. I've had friends say this is really uncomfortable and the nurse I saw today explained that at the weekly appointments after next weeks it will be up to me to decide if I want checked each time bc some ppl find it uncomfortable enough that they're rather hold off til they know for sure progress is happening. Soo.. I'm wondering how bad it's gonna be?! And is it worth it to get checked every week? I can see myself being totally anxious about trying to decide if I should or shouldn't! 
  • @mforinger I have had some checks where I literally felt nothing and some where it wanted to climb the walls. It can depend on the person checking, and your anatomy.

    I like to have it done every 2-3 weeks just for an idea if I'm 'gearing up' or not. However, with all these contrax going on I am getting checked about everyday to see if anything has changed from yesterday.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    mjgf
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