Everything you didn't want to know about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum: STM to FTM advice

LinziLoo09

Hey ladies,

A few of us were thinking it might be helpful for STMs to be able to share everything you'll never read in the What to Expect. I learned a lot from a similar discussion in my first BMB. So STMs, let's get those chips off those shoulders, and FTMs, ask any question you can muster. I'll start with a few of my own nuggets of wisdom/horror:

1. In third tri: 
     I got charley horses almost nightly. 
     At that point baby kicks resemble a demon trying to violently escape a human host.
     My insides were so cramped with baby that by the end of the night I felt claustrophobic in my own body. This was only relieved by a morning poop the next day. 

2. Pushing during labor feels like taking the biggest poop of your life...and you likely will be pooping a little bit too. I did. Join my poo club.

3. After birth, every time I stood up from the couch, it felt like my organs were going to fall out of my vag. SO much pressure in the lady bits. HOARD the icy maxi pads from the hospital. Shit, do it for fun. Those things are soothing even if you haven't had a kid. Also stock up on hemorrhoid pads with witch hazel.  

4. When your milk drops, Ba-BAAAAAAM! Welcome ladies! I went from an A cup to a C literally overnight (back to status: pathetic now though).

I have many more grotesque tid bits to share, but I figure I'll let a few other ladies show their bits before I hand over my tids. Have at it, girls!


     

ashleaf2018

This is an awesome thread idea, excited to learn from all you STMs! 

Christinaruth74

1. Just be warned that at some point mucus plug photos will be shared. Just google image it now to get the shock out of the way. 

2. Your vagina will at some point resemble a cheeseburger.

3. At some point during 3rd tri I developed crusty spots on my nipples that I could flake off. 

Boom. 

emisi

Haha, I went from a B cup to a G cup.  It was ridiculous.  Also, when milk first comes in, your boobs get super hard and sore.  Cabbage leaves in the bra cups actually do work, and so do the gel cold pads.  Use them.  Also the disposable nursing pads are your friends, or you will leak everywhere.

As for the pads from the hospital, ASK FOR MORE.  Don't be shy.  They'll give them to you, they know the drill.

Try to convince your DH that you shouldn't tell anyone the baby is born until you're in your room after the birth.  Give yourselves time to meet the baby and be a family for an hour or so in the labor room (where they usually keep you for a bit to monitor you) before the hoards descend.  My in-laws joined us post haste in the labor room once DS was born, and I wish we'd had more time to ourselves.  Although it did give me time to wolf down the turkey sandwich that was all that was available from the cafeteria at 9pm, haha.

Christinaruth74

C-Section mommas- I practically begged the nurse to leave my catheter in because I couldn't bear the thought of ever standing again, let along walking to the bathroom. But, it really is true, the more you move around the better you'll (eventually) feel. 

Also- I don't care how uh-may-zing you feel at 4wks PP, DONT lift the ridiculously heavy totes of clothing for your new babe. The fever, chills, and narrowly missed incision infection is not worth it. Just try so super hard to wait the full 6wks. Seriously. Just do it. 

Christinaruth74

@emisi yes!! Because my situation was a little more emergent/chaotic my family was there right after I was wheeled out of surgery, but we limited the visitors for our entire stay. I was so drugged up, sore, and struggling to BF ... On top of crazy PPA ... I was so grateful we decided early on to not make it an open invitation. Some people were so offended but I have zero regrets. 

beff12

1. Your first post-partum poop is akin to having another baby and will likely be terrifying and leave you shaking on the toilet (or was that just me?). Stool softeners need to be your BFF for a while following delivery. 

2. When your milk comes in, your boobs will be like watermelons (like @LinziLoo09 said). It will also feel like they are made out of cement for a short time until things regulate. 

3. Use the numbing spray that the hospital gives you! Stitches or not, that mess is sore and the spray is magical. 

ETA: oops, @emisi's comment wasn't loading when I posted! So clearly we're not joking about the hard boobs haha  

Christinaruth74

I have so many things to say! Plus DH just fell asleep and this is a fantastic thread. 

The best thing I could ever say to any FTM would be to be gracious with yourself. Your story may not play out the way the birthplan was written. BFing might not be instantaneous, or it presents some quirks and hiccups (like needing to supplement, or solely pump).. Hell, it might not even work out at all.  You may find you desperately want/need the nurses to take your babe for *gasp* 2 nights in a row. You will find yourself so incredibly drained in all facets ... Be so gracious to yourself. Even when you're in a puddle of whoremonal tears and breastmilk (or formula!) you'll still be such a good mom. 

MamaWino

Ohhhhh, this is gonna be fun.  Here's a few:

-Did you know your feet can grow during pregnancy?  Yeah, I didn't either.  Mine went from a size 8.5 to a 10 after 31 weeks with my first daughter.  Buying new shoes to wear for a whole two months was a fun expense.  They slowly went back to normal over the course of a year. 

-Pregnancy induced carpal tunnel.  I couldn't keep my hands on my desk at work for more than a few minutes at a time before they started tingling and went numb.  It sucked, but at least it gave me a good excuse to just sit there and do nothing

-Echoing @LinziLoo09, the ice packs!!!  Seriously the best things ever.  Take as many as you can get your hands on.  When the nurses have shift change, put all the supplies in your take home bag and ask the new nurse to re-stock you.  And then stick one in your mesh panties every chance you get.  SO GOOD.

-And yeah, I'm also a member of the poo during delivery club.  It sounds like the worst thing in the world but you probably won't even realize it's happening. 

emisi

@Christinaruth74 Yes!  And even if you CAN breastfeed, let the nurses take the baby (ask them not to formula feed, if that's your choice) so you can get a couple of hours of sleep.  Newborns are SO NOISY when they sleep, you would not even believe it.  You won't sleep with yours in the room.  Plus you worry the whole time/are amped up from giving birth.  Let them go to the nursery and SLEEP, it's FINE.  You won't get any once you get home, take advantage of someone else staying up with your baby.

DiFazette

@beff12 - first PP poop is no freaking joke.  I was sweating, shaking and crying on the toilet with a nurse waiting to wipe me.  Goodbye humility.

1.  One of my biggest pieces of knowledge I want to share is that you DO NOT have to take all or any of the pain meds offered to you.  I had a very complicated end of pregnancy and delivery and was already on SO many meds.  I had a baby in the NICU and everytime I turned around people were trying to shove drugs in my IV or mouth.  They actually got shitty telling me that 'I'd be in pain later and would have to wait my turn at that time.'  If you don't need the drugs, don't take the drugs.

2.  I had the chills and was shivering terribly during cesarian and a few hours after delivery.  Involuntary teeth chattering.  

3.  You will bleed (post delivery) an incredible amount even with a c-section.  This was a huge surprise to me.  

4.  Nurses come in to 'massage your fundus' after birth.  It's akin to someone putting all of their weight on your uterus after JUST having a baby.  I've never been more Mis-lead with the word massage.  It will make you want to punch your nurse in the face.  They keep coming back to do it.  

Christinaruth74

@DiFazette yes! I had crazy chills a few times after my csection. And amen to the bleeding. 
I bled for 9wks. NINE WEEKS. No one ever told me that would be a possibility. Ugh. Jerks. 

PharmDMom

One word: Hemorrhoids. During pregnancy and/or after delivery. They are awful, annoying and sometimes really painful. After having my second baby, the hemorrhoid pain post partum was worse than the pain from my second degree tear. Buy Tucks pads before delivery and just leave one in there for a while after you use the bathroom. Use the numbing spray the hospital gives you. And YES to the crotch ice packs. They're amazing for Hemorrhoids too.

Another vote for not having tons of visitors at the hospital. You may feel like total crap for a while. You don't want everyone you know there right away. Trust me. 

If you have help available when you get home (DH/SO, helpful parents, siblings  or friends) let them help you! Accepting help and not trying to do it all ourselves really saved us both times around. They cooked some meals, held the baby while I napped, did laundry etc and it was a godsend. I was worried I might feel like my time with the baby was compromised or feel awkward having people around post partum but it wasn't weird and so worth it to have some help. Now if your family is annoying or would burden you then this may not be practical advice. 

beff12

The shaking reminded me of another one! I was in labor and feeling pretty fantastic due to my epidural. My OB showed up and it was time to put my feet in the stirrups and I was shaking uncontrollably. I think I apologized but I was also really confused because I felt so chill - my OB said "the shaking is good! Your adrenaline is pumping!" So then I had a baby. The end. 

R0824H

This thread is awesome....slightly terrifying for me but awesome.at least I use a heads up on what I'm getting into!

SaraRose83

This is a great thread! Might save some of us from wondering if we're normal and will probably save me from some PTSD. If my teeth started chattering during a csection I would surely think I was about to die, so I'm thankful for that post that that's normal.

aevan011

Billboards. Make billboards of them all. 

Thank you ladies for starting this thread!! This is the real ish. 

phoenix870509

OMG thank you so much for starting this. I've already come to terms with the whole pooping thing. Don't think I have much of a choice with having people in to visit. DH has 4 sisters, 3 of whom will be down when the baby comes. It's also the first grand baby for his parents and my parents. I'm also pretty sure DH will tell our close group of friends when I go into labor. 

PharmDMom

Just remembered... The peri-bottle. It's a little squirt bottle that will be in the bathroom of your post partum room. It is a lifesaver. As mentioned you will bleed. A lot. For a long time. And depending on how your delivery goes, if you push a baby out of your vag, it will hurt. (I don't know about how your vag feels after a C/S so I can't speak to that) You can't wipe yourself like normal for a while. So before you sit down to pee, you fill that bottle with warm water then use it to wash yourself off afterwards. Feels sooo much better than TP. Don't forget to take it home from the hospital. You'll thank me later.

beff12

@PharmDMom, DD found my peri bottle under the sink one day and was playing with it. So it doubles as a super fun toy once you can wipe again! (Ew)

Morgan400

The fun also keeps coming months after delivery. I lost tons of hair at the 3-6 month postpartum stage. Then from 6-12 months my hair re-growth looked ridiculous as it was all sort and frizzy. Don't know if this happens to everyone but there were others on my BMB with the same experiences. 

My linea nigra also took about 9 months to go away. Which if you don't know what that is it is a harmless dark line that may show up on your stomach starting in the 2nd or 3rd tri

jennbaylor12

Fabulous. Let's do this

First, ditto to everything already said, it's all 100% true

@phoenix870509 - Hell Yes you have a say so! My Mother had flown in from across the country and we still waited 3hrs before having visitors. You'll need time. Seriously. Take it

C-section moms - there's a thing call referred pain. Essentially, our nerves run rampant throughout our bodies, you have no idea what's connected. During my c-section, in addition to the uncontrollable shaking (the OR is FREEZING and your adrenaline is on high) I was having excruciating pain in my left shoulder. The anesthesiologist added a bit more meds and then informed me nerves in my abdomen were evidently tied to my arm and there was nothing he could do but it'd be over soon. True on all accounts. 

Also for c-sections, move move move as soon as you can. I was up in a chair a few hours after (DS was born at 1010), walking by that evening and doing laps around the nurses station before I left. Definitely helped recovery time

I have no words for the size/hardness of milk filled breasts. I was Not prepared

jennbaylor12

Oh, and the pregnancy induced carpal tunnel - I'd have pain/tingling/numbness during the day but it was sharp, almost unbearable pain at night, particularly in my left hand since you have to lie on your left side. I got full hand/wrist braces and wore them to bed at night - helped soooo much. And, miraculously, the severe symptoms eased immediately after delivery and it was completely gone within 48hrs after!!

Mamax2

If you want an epidural, make sure you don't get it too soon. I second the peri bottle! It's amazing. I had a c-section and loved that thing. 

princesslockness

After my c section and the catheter was removed, I couldn't tell when I had to pee for several weeks. Like sitting there and think 'it's been like 3 hrs, I should probably find a toilet' have no idea.
 Also not everyone will have a horrible recovery. I was picking things up off the floor with-in 24hrs. I also felt up to and did go back to full day meetings at 10 days PP.

ETA:clarity. Tired typing is bad for grammar.

Habrsk87

Take advantage of the goodies in your hospital room. Take the diapers, booger sucker and the I am boy/girl card, etc. I was hurried out and forgot my first borns card . 

aframe77

The first few times having sex after delivery suck. It felt like my husband was wearing a condom made of sandpaper.  Fear not, it'll get good again eventually:) 

oh and i second the stool softeners... I didn't poop for three of four days after delivery and it was kinda terrifying with all the pressure and recovery going on down there.

also word to the wise, invest in a mattress protector because between the puddle inducing hormonal night sweats, and the uncontrollable milk fountains coming from your nips, the volume of bodily fluid in your bed is going to be out of control.  

emisi

phoenix870509 said:

OMG thank you so much for starting this. I've already come to terms with the whole pooping thing. Don't think I have much of a choice with having people in to visit. DH has 4 sisters, 3 of whom will be down when the baby comes. It's also the first grand baby for his parents and my parents. I'm also pretty sure DH will tell our close group of friends when I go into labor. 

You totally have a say!  Tell the nurses you don't want anyone in to visit until X time.  Then, if people show up without your invitation, the nurses will come up with an excuse to turn them away.  YOu don't even have to be the bad guy. 

squiddy224

Thank you from another FTM!  I will have to remember the advice about not letting anyone in the room for a little while right after birth so you can enjoy being a new family!  Knowing our families, it will NOT be peaceful once they know the baby is actually here.

sammyl1221

Reading this first thing when I woke up was like having an giant alarm clock go off next to me. Hello sunshine!!! Thank you ladies for all the advice. I'm so curious did anyone wear any kind of spanx or waist cincher post partum? A couple of people told me it helped make it feel like everything was somewhat back into place.  Also someone told me after giving birth you get your period. Like backed up for 9 months straight kind of period. Also I love the idea about the family coming after the baby is born but this is the first grandchild on my side of the family and DH is the favorite child so I know they are going to be at the hospital probably before I start pushing. His mom actually complained that the hospital is too far from her (45 minutes) Sorry/ Not Sorry! 

Christinaruth74

@sammyl1221 I used a belly band type thing after my c-section, but that was just to keep my movements controlled and to help me feel more secure moving around. I asked about it in the hospital and they gave me one! 

LinziLoo09

@sammyl1221 - you get a "period" called lochia for several weeks after giving birth. You'll just always have a pad.

I second, third, or fourth the hard boobs comments. Mine felt like a bag full of golf balls. 

Oh also, your milk can be kind of uncontrollable at first. DD would latch, get the milk to drop, and unlatch. And my milk would SHOOT her in the face, sometimes from 7-10 inches away. It's like having uncontrollable water guns.

And I wish someone had told me this...dysphoric milk ejection reflex. So prolactin has to be released in order for your milk to drop, and dopamine inhibits prolactin. So about a minute before your milk drops, your dopamine levels will drop. Most people seem to not sense this at all; however, dopamine affects a lot of people's moods. You can feel anxious, depressed, or even angry when it's tampered with. So I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack every time I breastfed. The sensation would only last a minutes or two, but it was very upsetting at first. Eventually when I would feel panicky, I just realized my milk was about to drop, and I could just push through it, but I think this is something that can deter breastfeeding for sure. One of my friends who had no PP depression said she felt like "the saddest person in the world" only when she breastfed, and she quit after two weeks.

Also do NOT hold a mirror to your lady bits to survey the damage...even after a few months. It will never look the same again. And sex after 6 weeks can hurt terribly - but it will get back to normal.

The shaking, I believe, can come from an epidural or the other drugs they can give you with c-sections. Our birth class warned us of that, and even after my vaginal birth, I was shaking uncontrollably.

Your epidural can WEAR OFF, and they may not give you another one. So don't get it too early! Though I got an epi, it wore off three hours before DD was born, so I felt everything.

Be flexible with your birth plan. Have your goals but understand that you haven't been through it before, so thinks might not work out the way you expect. I did not expect to have contractions every 3 minutes (front AND BACK) for 22.5 hours. I made it 12 hours without medication, but I started puking from the pain during contractions, so my birth plan changed. Sticking too hard to a birth plan can lead to a lot of stress and guilt. Just do what you need to do to get the baby out safely. That's what matters most.

OliveP27

If you plan to breastfeed, set up your support system now. Educate yourself and go to La Leche League meetings and learn everything you can beforehand. Setting yourself up for success with this goes a long way and can help you ward off a plethora of difficulties. Plus you'll know the face of the person you're texting at 2am. Trust me here. 

slartybartfast

I wore support underwear and spanx and stuff after. It made me feel much more supported.

the one thing no one told me that I wish I had heard before labor:

unless told otherwise, your labor is going fine and normal, labor just really is that crazy. 

bakerstreetboys

Yes to everything everyone has said!  How had I forgotten some of those things?!

I have had three vaginal births, and all three were completely different.  I've done it with no meds, with an epidural, and with an epidural that failed and had to be removed (so no meds!).  Just go into it knowing that the doctors/nurses/midwifes know what they're doing and that even though you may have a birth plan, the most important thing is getting your baby out safely. 

Oh man, the peri bottle.  I took two home just in case one broke.  Those things are lifesavers. 
My hospital didn't have specific ice packs, so I filled up hospital gloves with water and froze them.  Looked kind of creepy sticking those in my underwear, but so worth it. 

Also, stock up on cheap granny underwear because you will be ruining them for weeks.  A lot of them I just tossed instead of trying to wash. 

Don't let the nurses force you out of bed too quickly; they might be on you to get up and pee or shower soon after birth. With two of my babes, I fainted because I stood up too soon.

Also, you will feel like a potty training toddler by the reaction you get after you first use the toilet.  I half expected a gold star on my chart.

DiFazette

@sammyl1221 -  I did not use a waist anything.  I was very ill so that wasn't a priority for me.  I've heard good things from other friends though.  And for anyone who doesn't know what this means - it's not a waist 'cincher' like you see people wearing to make themselves smaller like the old days.  It's a supportive band that helps gently force all of your organs back into place.  I just didn't want anyone to think this was some kid of vanity thing.  Though, it is 'reported' to help with post baby belly as well.  

My my first PP period didn't occur until I stopped pumping.  Some people can get it while BFing/pumping so it's not an exact science.  It was an insane amount of flow with cramps (for me) that were similar to early contractions.  This is normal - your body is relearning how to do things after 1+ year of being on hiatus.  

bakerstreetboys

I'll also add that breastfeeding can be crazy hard.  Not to scare people from doing it, but I had a really tough time with all three of my babies.  I always saw women just pop the baby on the boob and away they went, sometimes multi tasking.  I'm a DDD, and I would have smothered my babies if I hadn't sat down and held made it a two handed job.  I've had to supplement and pump with all three because I have a low milk supply.  I guess I'm just saying that you should never feel bad if it doesn't work out the way you thought it would.  Ask for help and let the experts tell you how to get your baby feeding.  I'm on baby #4 and this is probably my biggest concern to date.

Christinaruth74

Fun peri-hack if you're considering cloth diapering:  i keep my peri bottle filled with water and use it to wet our cloth wipes! 
Its the gift that just keeps on giving. 

lalamomma

I had the worst bleeding hemmroids with DS, they went away ONLY when I used this product:
https://earthmamaangelbaby.com/products/mama-bottom-balm.html
they hurt so badly. I never had them before and haven't had them since I delivered. Forget tucks odd for the hemmroids... This little balm is amazing instant relief! the company also makes a new mama bottom spray which is super gentle and very soothing. Even if you don't tear you will still enjoy it! I actually liked it better than the hospital spray! 

Be nice to the nurses. Be nice to the nurses.  It makes a difference. I had an amazing set of nurses both times, with DS my nurse cried when we left. She said I was the best patient she has had in a long time and she really needed that. I didn't act like a suck up, but I said please and thank you, we brought them muffins when my husband went out for some.  She hooked me up with supplies when I left without me even asking. 

Those uterine massages are no massage. Brace yourself. 

They don't always get the epidural on the first try, infact it took 3 for DD. DS he got it in the first time but I wasn't as numb and I had to tilt to my right to get the best numbness lol. 

Tearing sucks. Use the ice pads/diapers and take it easy. Trust me the pain is way worse if you over do it. 

If you are a negative blood type, DO NOT take the rhogam shot in the arm. It hurts! Take it in the hip area, much less painful.

jennbaylor12

DiFazette said:

@sammyl1221 -  I did not use a waist anything.  I was very ill so that wasn't a priority for me.  I've heard good things from other friends though.  And for anyone who doesn't know what this means - it's not a waist 'cincher' like you see people wearing to make themselves smaller like the old days.  It's a supportive band that helps gently force all of your organs back into place.  I just didn't want anyone to think this was some kid of vanity thing.  Though, it is 'reported' to help with post baby belly as well.  

I did use the support band and it's just as @DiFazette says, it helps start putting your insides back together. For me it was incredibly comforting to have on, made all of the things that felt like they were just way too loose without the baby in there taking up the space tight and pulled back together. I also do think that it helped with the post-baby belly but that truly was not my focus at all

acreight13

@MamaWino Oh the pregnancy carpal tunnel. I still remember trying to sleep on my side with the huge body pillow while simultaneously keeping my wrists straight. Thankfully it will go away a couple months after delivery.

The peri-bottle is a godsend. DO NOT leave the hospital without it. Take everything you can: diapers, wipes, take a baby blanket!

Speaking of baby blankets, if you have pets at home I would suggest sending a baby blanket home to your pets so they can smell your littlest one before you even get home. It was a great idea from one of our nurses.