Pregnant after a Loss
kwrightnb
member
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Labor after previous stillbirth
kwrightnb
member
hi ladies,
i used to post on here quite a bit at the beginning of this pregnancy but drifted off a bit the further along I got. I want to start by saying that so many of the woman on this group are truly amazing and strong woman, and none of us deserve to have gone through what we have.. But I'm having a hard time lately and am hoping some of you can share some stories or advice to shed some light on my situation..
May 11 2015 my angel Lillian was stillborn, and DH and I decided to try again right away. We became pregnant late summer and my due date is may 13 2016 for this babe. It always bothered me but I just kept ignoring the fact that the dates were so close.
Well NOW I'm due anyday and am absolutely terrified of labor. The last time I experienced this is was the most traumatic experience of my life, and I ended up with a child without a heartbeat with no known reason. Labor itself is scaring me and I don't think I can go through all the pain and I feel like when it comes to pushing, I'm going to break down and completely freak out..
I know that THIS time will most likely be the happiest moment of my life (versus the worst) but I'm very nervous I won't be able to do it..
I'm also afraid that as soon as I see my new baby, it's going to bring me right back to what could have been with my first. I'm scared of the emotions I'll feel towards this little one, wishing it was my little girl
I know I'll love this baby with my entire heart, I just don't feel like I truly understand what I'm missing out on with my first where she isn't here. And when I see this little guy crying in my arms it's going to completely overwhelm me.
I'm sure there are other woman who have felt this way, so if you have any advice on how I can deal with this and try to stay positive please share.
i used to post on here quite a bit at the beginning of this pregnancy but drifted off a bit the further along I got. I want to start by saying that so many of the woman on this group are truly amazing and strong woman, and none of us deserve to have gone through what we have.. But I'm having a hard time lately and am hoping some of you can share some stories or advice to shed some light on my situation..
May 11 2015 my angel Lillian was stillborn, and DH and I decided to try again right away. We became pregnant late summer and my due date is may 13 2016 for this babe. It always bothered me but I just kept ignoring the fact that the dates were so close.
Well NOW I'm due anyday and am absolutely terrified of labor. The last time I experienced this is was the most traumatic experience of my life, and I ended up with a child without a heartbeat with no known reason. Labor itself is scaring me and I don't think I can go through all the pain and I feel like when it comes to pushing, I'm going to break down and completely freak out..
I know that THIS time will most likely be the happiest moment of my life (versus the worst) but I'm very nervous I won't be able to do it..
I'm also afraid that as soon as I see my new baby, it's going to bring me right back to what could have been with my first. I'm scared of the emotions I'll feel towards this little one, wishing it was my little girl
I know I'll love this baby with my entire heart, I just don't feel like I truly understand what I'm missing out on with my first where she isn't here. And when I see this little guy crying in my arms it's going to completely overwhelm me. I'm sure there are other woman who have felt this way, so if you have any advice on how I can deal with this and try to stay positive please share.
Re: Labor after previous stillbirth
I think you are having all very normal emotions and fears as your due date nears. I did a lot of reading of people's experiences before I tried again because I wanted to know what I was in for. One of the most common things I read was the mix of emotions people have when they have the baby. It can be a very happy thing but also a very sad one. My Husband and Mother will be in the room and I've let them know maybe I/we won't be happy and to be prepared for that. So as far as that goes. It's normal. And I'm sure all of us women in this boat will have a mix of emotions when we have our babies after loss and I'm sure that mix of emotions will pop up as time goes on. It's ok. I think the worst thing you can do is hide those sad emotions because you think you 'should' be happy and you feel guilty when you aren't.
As for the fears you just won't be able to push. Well I'm only 14 weeks so I still have a ways to go till I'm in that situation. How I'm mentally preparing is constantly reminding myself just how strong I am. I don't know you but you lost your daughter and had the strength to try again so I'm assuming you are pretty strong too.
In my situation I went to the hospital at 37 weeks when my son wasn't moving. We went to the hospital and we were blindsided that his heart wasn't beating anymore. I went through a 36 hours induction with the knowledge the whole time my son wasn't living and I managed. I cried a lot and after 24+ hours of my induction going nowhere I lost it. It felt like this was a never ending painful process that was going to have the worst outcome ever and I wanted it all to stop. Honestly, I think it was the best thing for me to lose it. I felt better just getting it all out. When the nurse called for the delivery cart 12ish hours later I lost it again. How could I be expected to push? I sobbed and screamed and just wanted a break. And when I was done breaking down I found my strength and gave birth to my son. Don't be afraid of breaking down or freaking out or just being so overwhelmed you would give anything for just a moment where it could all stop. It's ok to cry and scream and hate everything that is and has happened to you. Let yourself process all that then regroup, find your strength and keep moving forward.
I wish you all the best of luck! I hope I've helped a little. I'm not always the best at advice and clearly getting my point across. Keep us posted.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
I'm 34 weeks now and feel the same as you. I lost my son last July at 36 weeks and we decided to try again right away. The closer I get to my due date, the more emotional I am. I'm terrified of going through the same experience. I'm also anxious about how I'll feel when I meet this baby. I find myself daydreaming often about the baby I lost rather than the one in my belly and it makes me feel so guilty!
All I can say is don't be afraid to feel what you feel. It is a happy and dad time, but you will get through it just as you did last May. I wish you all the best my dear.
Leading up up to the due date I was really anxious & in the end they induced me at 38w. This option whilst not for everyone helped me cope knowing what day & that my mum & husband could be there.
My OB was the same as with my stillborn so when the heart rate began to drop in this labour she was calm & talked through options, Despite the fact that I lost it. I choose to go to theatre immediately & am glad she was aware of my history, the MW that was supporting her wasn't & it was horrible explaining why I was so anxious.
i haven't really helped but what I'm saying is be kind to you. All the best X
I try to tell myself it isn't fair to this baby if we don't allow ourselves to be a little happy. But obv i feel like i walk on egg shells all day/every day.
Take care of you in the coming days!
Good luck! Can't wait to hear your follow up
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
for all you ladies still waiting for your rainbow, it IS possible. The end result is still so surreal for me still but I'm so incredibly inlove. Thank you all for your replies and support through this pregnancy. I wish you all the best of luck with your rainbows
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18