Pregnant after a Loss

Labor after previous stillbirth

hi ladies, 
i used to post on here quite a bit at the beginning of this pregnancy but drifted off a bit the further along I got. I want to start by saying that so many of the woman on this group are truly amazing and strong woman, and none of us deserve to have gone through what we have.. But I'm having a hard time lately and am hoping some of you can share some stories or advice to shed some light on my situation.. 
May 11 2015 my angel Lillian was stillborn, and DH and I decided to try again right away. We became pregnant late summer and my due date is may 13 2016 for this babe. It always bothered me but I just kept ignoring the fact that the dates were so close. 
Well NOW I'm due anyday and am absolutely terrified of labor. The last time I experienced this is was the most traumatic experience of my life, and I ended up with a child without a heartbeat with no known reason. Labor itself is scaring me and I don't think I can go through all the pain and I feel like when it comes to pushing, I'm going to break down and completely freak out.. 
I know that THIS time will most likely be the happiest moment of my life (versus the worst) but I'm very nervous I won't be able to do it.. 
I'm also afraid that as soon as I see my new baby, it's going to bring me right back to what could have been with my first. I'm scared of the emotions I'll feel towards this little one, wishing it was my little girl :( I know I'll love this baby with my entire heart, I just don't feel like I truly understand what I'm missing out on with my first where she isn't here. And when I see this little guy crying in my arms it's going to completely overwhelm me. 
I'm sure there are other woman who have felt this way, so if you have any advice on how I can deal with this and try to stay positive please share. 

Re: Labor after previous stillbirth

  • ((Hugs)) I'm sorry I don't have any advice. I had a stillborn daughter in September and am 14 weeks pregnant now. I'm sure as I get closer to my due date I'll have more emotions.


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  • First off I'm so sorry for your lose.

    I think you are having all very normal emotions and fears as your due date nears.  I did a lot of reading of people's experiences before I tried again because I wanted to know what I was in for.  One of the most common things I read was the mix of emotions people have when they have the baby.  It can be a very happy thing but also a very sad one.  My Husband and Mother will be in the room and I've let them know maybe I/we won't be happy and to be prepared for that.  So as far as that goes.  It's normal.  And I'm sure all of us women in this boat will have a mix of emotions when we have our babies after loss and I'm sure that mix of emotions will pop up as time goes on.  It's ok.  I think the worst thing you can do is hide those sad emotions because you think you 'should' be happy and you feel guilty when you aren't. 

    As for the fears you just won't be able to push.  Well I'm only 14 weeks so I still have a ways to go till I'm in that situation.  How I'm mentally preparing is constantly reminding myself just how strong I am.  I don't know you but you lost your daughter and had the strength to try again so I'm assuming you are pretty strong too.

    In my situation I went to the hospital at 37 weeks when my son wasn't moving.  We went to the hospital and we were blindsided that his heart wasn't beating anymore.  I went through a 36 hours induction with the knowledge the whole time my son wasn't living and I managed.  I cried a lot and after 24+ hours of my induction going nowhere I lost it. It felt like this was a never ending painful process that was going to have the worst outcome ever and I wanted it all to stop. Honestly, I think it was the best thing for me to lose it.  I felt better just getting it all out. When the nurse called for the delivery cart 12ish hours later I lost it again.  How could I be expected to push?  I sobbed and screamed and just wanted a break.  And when I was done breaking down I found my strength and gave birth to my son.  Don't be afraid of breaking down or freaking out or just being so overwhelmed you would give anything for just a moment where it could all stop.  It's ok to cry and scream and hate everything that is and has happened to you.  Let yourself process all that then regroup, find your strength and keep moving forward. 

    I wish you all the best of luck!  I hope I've helped a little. I'm not always the best at advice and clearly getting my point across.  Keep us posted.
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  • Thank you so much <3 this was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm so sorry you went through what you did, and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly! I've explained the DH that my emotions might not be what he's expecting when this LO is born, I just feel so bad relying on him through all this where I know it might be challenging for him too! They've set my induction date for the 10th, and my daughters first birthday would be on the 11th ... And I just found out today i am scheduled with the same doctor that was my obstetrician for my daughter (who failed to notice there was no heartbeat for 2 appointments) I haven't seen this woman since she told us there was no heartbeat :/ next Tuesday will be a HUGE mix of emotions that's for sure .. Praying I go naturally before next week ! 
  • Sending you lots of positive vibes for this upcoming week, @kwrightnb! I wish I had words of advice, but I'm just about 19 weeks, so I don't think I've gotten there yet. Our son was stillborn last November, and I have no idea how I'm going to deal with going through a completely different labor. I just keep telling myself though that it is a COMPLETELY different pregnancy. That and as EmmieAnn22 said, to go through what we've been through and still move forward to have our families, we must be pretty strong women. You are a strong woman and you can do this. Feel your feelings without apologies, because as we all know, there is no right or wrong in these situations. Keep us posted!
    Me: 31 | DH: 43
    BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
    Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
    BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
  • Thank you so much for your reply <3 I've been checking this thread everyday hoping for all the advice I can get. I'm so sorry about your loss as well, being pregnant after having a stillborn babe is not an easy experience. :( and your right about us being so strong! We can and WILL have healthy babies! I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. I've been working on staying positive and the last couple days have been surprisingly easy .. What little contractions I was having have now stopped completely so it looks like I'm still going for my induction on Tuesday. Only two more days after today :o deffinitely freaky. I'll keep you all posted and would love to hear story's anyone else wishes to share! 
  • I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I'm 34 weeks now and feel the same as you. I lost my son last July at 36 weeks and we decided to try again right away. The closer I get to my due date, the more emotional I am. I'm terrified of going through the same experience. I'm also anxious about how I'll feel when I meet this baby. I find myself daydreaming often about the baby I lost rather than the one in my belly and it makes me feel so guilty! 

    All I can say is don't be afraid to feel what you feel. It is a happy and dad time, but you will get through it just as you did last May. I wish you all the best my dear. 
  • Vets1Vets1 member
    Hi, firstly I'm so sorry your going through this.  I gave birth to my stillborn Nov 2014 & then to my rainbow baby Nov 2015.  Due date for my son was 3 days after my stillborn baby.  I have no real advice other than to expect that your mind may take you there.

    Leading up up to the due date I was really anxious & in the end they induced me at 38w. This option whilst not for everyone helped me cope knowing what day & that my mum & husband could be there.
    My OB was the same as with my stillborn so when the heart rate began to drop in this labour she was calm & talked through options, Despite the fact that I lost it.  I choose to go to theatre immediately & am glad she was aware of my history, the MW that was supporting her wasn't & it was horrible explaining why I was so anxious. 

    i haven't really helped but what I'm saying is be kind to you.  All the best X 
  •   I had opted for vbac for my stillbirth (it was a birth plan the entire preg ). It was already very scary knowing the risks. My experience was also very painful and traumatic as the epidural didn't work. I was physically,  emotionally and mentally hurting so bad that day and for the weeks/months that immediately followed.  Now 22 wks it is hard not to think of the what ifs but we are allowed to feel this. We have all experienced a loss that no one should have to endure.  I have opted for csec this time around (my first was csec due to position) but i have been forewarned that delivery will just be as hard and the emotions that follow once baby is here arent any easier. 
    I try to tell myself it isn't fair to this baby if we don't allow ourselves to be a little happy. But obv i feel like i walk on egg shells all day/every day.
    Take care of you in the coming days! 

    Good luck! Can't wait to hear your follow up :)


  • @kwrightnb any news? Hoping things went well and you are enjoying your little one right now!
    Mommy to an angel baby and a sweet little girl Earth side.
  • @kwrightnb came back to see how things went, hope every went smoothly!

    Me: 31 | DH: 43
    BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
    Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
    BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
  • So wonderful to hear! Congrats! !


  • So precious! Confratulations!!
  • YAY! I just got a little teary seeing this. He is so beautiful! Congratulations! 
    Me: 31 | DH: 43
    BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
    Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
    BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
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