I can't...

CRJones1978

I woke up this morning and knew the MC would start today. After 3 I feel somewhat like a pro. I'm successful in other areas of my life but the one thing I long for escapes me. I work in a probation office. I'm actually second in command here so I see all kinds of people. I had a discussion with a young lady this morning who is pregnant and also has a methamphetamine addiction. How's that for a kick in the face?! I often wonder what in the hell did I do that was so wrong that I can't have a baby?! Who in the hell did I piss off?! It's absolutely defeating! I am so glad I'm taking Thursday and Friday off. I feel like I'm going to need it. 

Sorry for being a whine bag but this is where I am today.

BrightenMySky

Hugs.  Hope the physical pain is over soon for you.  

CRJones1978

Thank you @BrightenMySky!

Onward and upward...

BrightenMySky

Yeah, but I'm glad you're taking some time off this week.  

Hopefulmommy1980

Hug. Take care of yourself. 

runfast

It just sucks

Glitter

Omg I feel your pain. I also just experienced my 3rd and I feel the same. What I want so much, i cant have. But then others who dont want them, do drugs, etc, have beautiful babies. By all means im glad that the babies they have are healthy, im just jealous. I hate the fact that i feel like my body betrays me. I hate that im starting to feel like ill never get my rainbow baby. Its one of those days for me, im not always this gloomy but im so sad for us. I hope everyone of us has a great week. 

To those of us who dont have living children and even those who do, we are still a mother. This Mother's day, im going to remind myself that even though I cant hold my baby that day, I carried them every single minute of their life, and I am their mother.

CRJones1978

Thank you ladies! @Glitter that is an awesome sentiment. We need to celebrate the fact that if for only moments we are still mothers. 

I feel okay today just crampy. I'm talkative and interacting with people because I want to hide the pain. Plus, as stated earlier, I'm off Thursday and Friday. I intend on doing some fun stuff. Might take in a movie, do a little shopping for my mom. She's been the best through all of this. 

fiorip

@CRJones1978 I feel your pain. I've also lost 3 babies and it breaks my heart when I see women dumping babies in the trash, doing drugs, etc.

I don't get jealous, I get angry, mostly at myself and my body for failing me. I know it's not my fault but it still hurts. 

@glitter you are absolutely right, we are mothers, thank you for that reminder, I needed to hear that.