Pregnant after a Loss

Have you told family/friends you're expecting again (after loss)?

indy_chicindy_chic member
edited April 2016 in Pregnant after a Loss
We are now 20 weeks (suffered 40 week stillbirth in Oct). I am having a hard time between feeling excited/happy to scared/nervous. I want to tell everybody we are expecting but also want to tell no one. I wish I could do away with the sadness and anxiety and let it roll freely out of my mouth. But as we know, there are no promises. About 90% of our closest friends and family do not know. I don't expect any of them to understand if or when we tell them, why we waited so long. Are any of you holding out on sharing the news?



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Re: Have you told family/friends you're expecting again (after loss)?

  • We told my family immediately.  I have a super small family and they were all so amazing when we lost our son at 37 weeks I felt like they deserved to enjoy the happy news. 

    Originally our plan was to wait to tell the Inlaws since they weren't helpful or understanding.  But my husband was so excited he called them immediately to tell them.  

    As as far as friends we've only told 2.  It's different this time it doesn't feel super happy and exciting it feels terrifying.  Sometimes I even wish I hadn't told my friends because they often seem to say the wrong thing even though they mean well.

    I too wish it felt like any other pregnancy.  Sometimes I think my husband is happy enough for the both of us.

    sorry I have no great advice except to tell you you aren't alone.  This is not an easy journey.

  • I had a stillbirth in September at 31 weeks, I'm almost 13 weeks pregnant now. We told parents and siblings at 5 weeks because I needed their support. We told our 4 year old daughter last Friday and the rest of the family over the weekend. We announced on FB yesterday. Everyone is very excited for us. Even though I am scared, I need the support of family and friends. Everyone was so supportive after our loss, sending meals, cards, and gifts. Plus I'm already showing so I can't really hide it anymore. But you have to do what you feel comfortable with.

     

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  • We told the closest family and my 2 bffs at 8 weeks (after 2 excellent ultrasounds), told (or let my mom tell  ;)  ) the other family just this last week at 15w, and will tell the world at the beginning of 3rd tri.  It's terrifying.
     
     
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  • I only told my sister, but now my whole family knows. At first I was like "whatever" about it, but since I'm only 10 weeks Friday, I'm totally regretting ever even telling her. I don't want to go through the same thing again with having to explain to them that we lost our baby. 
    I wish my sister could be more understanding in what I'm going through, or what I'll have to go through if I have to tell my mom again that we miscarried...she tends to treat me like I'm a freak, or as if I did something wrong. 
    Me:23 DH:32
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  • My folks knew about the loss (happened at 8-9 weeks), my in-laws still don't. We told my in-laws at 14 weeks, my folks at 16 weeks. Told friends from around 18 weeks. 
    You can let people find out by noticing your rising belly. Do whatever works for you and your partner. We felt comfortable sharing the news once we got the genetic testing results around week 12-13.
  • @lgem4 - I can't believe someone isn't talking to you because you didn't announce your pregnancy to them early enough.  How selfish of them.  That is awful.

    We will probably share our news when we stop being terrified and start being excited.  I don't know when that will be.
    [Deleted User]
  • We haven't come out yet publicly. Only a few of my friends and my mom know. Just not ready to share the news. 
    kimey1
  • I told my BF when I found out, told my parents at 8 weeks, I let my mom start telling people at 16 weeks. My DH posted an US pic at 24 weeks, but i never "announced" my pregnancy until my LO was born. 
    We had some family who didnt know i was pregnant until well intobthe third tri.

    Do what is best for you, no body said anything to me about the delayed announcement.
  • I'm so glad to be reading all of these ladies--makes me feel not alone. We lost a baby at almost 16 weeks in December and recently found out we're expecting again, due in December. I haven't told anyone, we're going to try not to tell anyone until at least 2nd trimester if all goes well this pregnancy. I really want to tell my mother but she was so excited the first pregnancy that she told so many people before I wanted people to know...so I know I can't tell her this time around. I never got to announce my first baby--I told a few close friends and a few family members and the news just spread like wildfire :neutral: so badly that a girl from my high school announced it to everyone she talked to at our 10 year reunion so that people were coming up to me saying congratulations...we found out the week later that the baby had turner syndrome and she was gone a few weeks after that. IT SUCKS.

    So hopefully this pregnancy goes smoothly and we have a healthy baby in there and I get to tell people on my terms this time. Hopefully.
    kimey1
  • I had a cerclage placed last week and our follow-up from that will be next week, when I am 17 weeks.  I am starting to show, so can't wait much longer.  After the follow-up we will announce.  We lost our daughter two years ago at 21 weeks.  We are scared beyond belief, but, want to have the support and the positive vibes.  I start progesterone shots this week, so that should help.  I hope it helps calm my worries as well as my mind.  We have had all of our genetic testing, and that came back great!  Here is hoping I get my full-term baby.  Praying for the best for all of you.  
    kimey1
  • I am now pregnant again after having a miscarriage back in December right before Christmas. I told my boyfriend & I's immediate family but don't want to announce it to the world because I'm scared of the unknown. I was 8 weeks pregnant back in December when I had my first miscarriage after having 3 full term healthy babies and I was devastated. I shed tears for a few weeks and even till this day I felt like I wasn't able to protect my baby like I should (even though it is unknown why miscarriages happen). I am now around 9 weeks and am so terrified that it could happen again. I'm praying for the best and am grateful that I was able to get pregnant again. Just praying & hoping this time for a healthy full term baby.
    BTW, I have 3 boys, I'm hoping this time for a baby girl but either way I'll still be grateful & blessed! Thanks for reading...
  • I had an early MC in 2015 and now I am 10 weeks with my second pregnancy. DH and I told our parents, close church family, and my grandmother, almost immediately (mostly for support. They were all amazing during my loss last year), but we decided to wait until I'm at least 13 weeks before we left our extended family and friends in know. I am telling my BFF tomorrow though. I wanted to wait until I could be face to face with her before I told. And it helps my nerves a bit that I'm further along this time. 
    I have had a bit of anxiety in telling the people we've already told, but I know the support they give us invaluable to me and DH, no matter what happens. 
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