Experienced mamas--is breastfeeding really hard for everyone?

hokiejenn

Everything I read and everything I hear makes me think that breastfeeding is very difficult for every baby and new mom to learn. I'm going to work hard at it and get help regardless, but I'm freaked out about it! It seems like it should be something so natural and come easily some of the time. Is it hard for everyone?

curleemama32

I'm nervous about this too! I feel this pressure to make it work, and I'm obviously open to doing what's best for baby, but everyone acts like it's the hardest thing ever. I'm hoping it comes naturally for me and baby, but there is so much that can go wrong. FTM problems, huh?

hokiejenn

Thank you for posting. I was a bit shy about throwing this out there because I don't want to seem like a wimp who's going to give up doing what I think is best for baby if it's hard. I guess I'm just looking for hope that I will in fact get the hang of it .

almostpriceless

This is something so incredibly subjective that it really can't be answered. Every mom has a different experience, even with each baby. If it's important to you then the best advice I can give is to troubleshoot in every possible way before giving up. If it still doesn't work out then that's ok. 

marriedtoadutchman

For me it never worked out. My first was tongue tied so I pumped for 6 weeks during the summer. I would carry around a cooler with breastmilk Bc it was so hot out. My 2nd had such a lazy latch even the midwives commented how lazy he was. I tried pumping but just decided to FF.  My third I decided just to pump, however I had very little milk supply:( so just switched to FF. However my SIL's and close friends have all had amazing experiences with bf. I'm envious of how nice they have had it.

but at the end of the day as long as baby and mom are healthy that's all that matters ! For this one I already have the bottles ready

NicknShan

BF was really easy to physically do for me with my DS.  It was the pumping and being a working mom that was difficult for me.  Luckily my supply was there, but even with that, as a working mom I had mental struggles because it is an effort to pump for lengthy periods of time.  I threw myself a party when we transitioned to cows milk at ~12 months during the day, and I just nursed morning and night.

NLewis1

The short answer is: of course not. Every mom and baby pair are different. Some babies have an awesome latch from the get go and mom has a good supply and it's easy (though likely still a little painful the first couple of weeks - you do have a tiny person suckling on your nipple after all). For some, like myself, it was a little bit of work but came relatively easy for me and DS, for others it's a huge struggle in the beginning but ends up fine, and then there are the pairs that never are able to get the hang of it.

completely subjective.

as PP said before, if you want to make it work, troubleshoot in every way possible if it does end up being a challenge. 

Huskerfanz

It was hard at first for me.  I kind of knew what to expect from the class and reading but actually doing it felt weird.  Plus, DS was in the NICU and got formula right away because he had blood sugar issues.  So I ended up needing a nipple shield at first.  Once we both got used to things, it wasn't too bad.  It was actually really nice and easy once we got rid of the shield.  His food supply was always ready and I never had problems with oversupply/undersupply/pain/etc.  He liked it so much that he didn't really eat solids until after a year even though we offered them.  We only weaned at 18 months because we had to for infertility treatments. 

HeartLikeMine3

Everyone has a very different experience but for me it came very easy. My DS latched on perfectly right away and nursed like a champ from the beginning. I never had supply issues but I think that some of the reason for that is I nursed on demand and he never took a bottle. So I will say that physically it was very easy and natural for me but emotionally draining at times. I felt like I could never be away from my son because he always refused the bottle. I had to be the one to feed him everytime and I had to make sure I was there to put him to bed every night so I felt like a prisoner at times. I don't think that was emotionally healthy for me so I will be introducing the bottle with pumped milk after a couple weeks so DH and my mom can help. Try not to worry about it you never know what kind of situation you will be in but I do remember that being my worst fear as a new mom. 

tjenkins528

I was lucky that DS had an amazing latch right away and we were successful. I feel like researching beforehand helped a lot as well. I'd read articles online about how people would make it work for them and talked to some friends that were going through it. I also took a breastfeeding class too. 

scotten

Like PPs, it's totally subjective. Breastfeeding didn't work out for me with DD1. I tried for a short time, but it just became apparent that BF wasn't for us. And you know what?

That's okay. 

However you end up feeding your baby, it will be fine. Use all of those resources - a lactation consultant can be a wonderful help! - but never feel guilty if things don't turn out exactly how you want. First lesson of motherhood: nothing ever goes as planned.  You'll do just fine!

CourtJack

Physically, both times, breast feeding was very easy for me. No problems with supply, no problems with latch, nothing. Emotionally it was different both times (first time hard, second time easy). I think it DOES go easily for a lot of women, but you tend to hear more about the difficult experiences b/c it's those mamas posting and sharing looking for support. Women DO struggle, absolutely, and there's no shame in admitting that and looking for support, OR deciding to stop. But not all women experience this.

My advice would be to just prepare as best you can (be educated) and then see how it goes for you. There are some standard things to expect - figuring out the latch, sore nipples, supply, and adjusting to an entirely new experience (if you're a FTM). But I wouldn't say you have to go into it thinking it's a difficult thing to do.

It very well might be a struggle and that's ok - but to say that most women struggle - I'm not sure that's accurate and feeling that way might impact how you experience it.

Mr0616

So I'm curious about the "breast crawl" after delivery.  How many of your babies were successful on finding the nipple on their own? 

Goocran17

I had a very hard time with DD1, and after a few weeks of feeling defeated, I gave up and switched to formula. Now I know much more about BF and I regret giving up so easily. At the time my insurance didn't cover lactation consultants or hospital pump rentals, and now they do, so if I find myself having trouble this time, I plan to make use of those resources. I felt like my milk never fully came in last time because I would pump and get maybe 1/2 ounce a day and I never felt full and rarely leaked (tiny amounts), but now I find out sometime there is enough milk for the baby, and not for the pump. This time I plan to try harder and longer, and not rely on what I'm pumping, only rely on the fact that the baby is growing and producing enough wet diapers. We'll deal with pumping closer to time to return to work, and rent a hospital grade if necessary. Plus I plan on making a crap ton of lactation cookies to help get things going!

I would suggest not giving up easily since there are so many resources around now that weren't just a few years ago. But if it doesn't work out, don't feel guilty about formula. As long as you and baby are happy and healthy, that's all that matters!

xc1148

Not at all! Don't worry! I was really lucky and it went almost perfectly; same for a bunch of my friends. A few tips:

1- see a lactation consultant! Soon after you have the baby. There should be one at the hospital, and if you can, go to one when you get home (my pediatrician has a dual one week baby check up/lactation meeting...highly recommend if you can get that). Aetna will even send one to your house!
2- It's kinda hard at first. Maybe the first 10 days or so? It may hurt, you may leak, crack, bleed...all normal but easy to fix if you get help.
3- Set up support ahead of time; if you feed, your husband should be bringing you the baby, cooking, getting you water etc
4- It's okay to ask for help/if it doesn't work perfectly. I know lots of people that did formula/BF at first, then transitioned to just BF or just formula.

I would just keep in mind that it's new for you and it's new for baby. It's COMPLETELY normal to be scared, worry, and have minor setbacks. Your instincts will kick in and you'll know your baby well enough to know he/she is okay. I remember being panicked once I stopped leaking, I was in tears thinking I had run out of milk! Nope, just my body adjusting to make the perfect amount of milk I miss a lot of the early baby stage (i'm in the minority there) but I do not miss the constant panicking hehe. You'll do great!

Goocran17

@kor121 I've researched the crawl a lot with this child, and want to try it. My cousin tried it and the baby was successful in getting there and trying to latch, unfortunately she had inverted nipples and the shield never worked for her, and he had an awful latch. I'm interested to hear success stories and any tips you guys used to make it happen! 

adiaz132003

KOR121 said:

So I'm curious about the "breast crawl" after delivery.  How many of your babies were successful on finding the nipple on their own? 

At my birth center they allow like an hour or so for the baby to do the crawl and they say that when they revisit they hear more positive news about how breastfeeding is going.  I guess the theory is that it allows your baby to rely on instincts to feed and that helps with latching later on.  I know a lot of moms worry, "omg my baby isn't eating" but keep in mind that they don't get real "milk" until a few days later and are born with extra fat to keep them going. That's why doctors expect some weight loss after birth.  But don't let then lose more than 10%.

btorgers

Every mom and baby are different.  I know several moms who have had an easy time with breastfeeding, me not so much!   It really depends on the baby's willingness, latch and supply.  The best advice I can give you is utilize your lactation specialist in the hospital and beyond if this is an option.  I have a bad supply, a baby who was four weeks early with latching issues and lack of willingness and still made it to 13 months breastfeeding. I did have to supplement a bit.   Once we got into a routine though it went smoothly!  The first few weeks are harder but as you get a routine it gets earlier.  Just remember if for some reason you can not bf your baby will still be healthy and happy!

SoEnamored

 Just take it as it comes, hope it comes easy and know that there are resources out there to help you when times get tough.  I think the intention of all of the "it's really difficult" messaging is just to let you know that if it doesn't come easily and when you run into issues, you don't have to give up, you are not alone, you can troubleshoot many issues. 

I've nursed 2 babes for 15 months each.   Each time, I had different issues with pain. The first time, it took a while for me to understand the right angle to have baby latched so I wasn't in pain.  The second time, my let down was so fast that the pain took my breath away the first few minutes of nursing.  This eventually went away.

Educate yourself and your spouse in advance, so you know the basics of a proper latch, signs of an improper latch, know when to feed (on demand) and are aware of the things you need to take care of yourself (healing ointments, engorgement, mastitis, drinking lots of fluids, good fatty diet).

Emztron500

I had an easier time than most, I think, but there were still hard moments. Everything about being a new parent is hard to be honest and there will be tough days and bad moments, and breastfeeding is just part of the whole thing. I had an oversupply and my baby had/has GERD so there was pain and vomiting with feeding. I remember on a bad day I was crying and she was screaming and I was just holding her feeling helpless and thinking "my milk is poison, I'm hurting my baby with my milk" and it was such an awful feeling. But cow's milk makes her reflux so much worse so it's not like formula would've been a magic fix, it just would have made things worse (I did try it and it did make things worse). My best advice is to go into it knowing it will be somewhat difficult and you will both need to learn how to do it and you will need people to support you, and once you figure it out (if you do - and you probably will! most women can successfully breastfeed or the human race wouldn't have made it this far) it will actually be pretty convenient and pleasant. Be realistic but don't be scared. 

Bear14+

We had a very difficult time. From the beginning DS had a shallow latch & I worked with LC's for a few months. I finally just settled with the fact that I would always be in pain. Even at 6 months when we finally threw in the towel after mastitis, there was one side that was always in pain when he latched. I'm hoping this baby is different.

On the other hand, my best friend has had nothing but unicorns and rainbows with breastfeeding her daughter who is almost 4 months old now. 

snowhite12

Breastfeeding was extremely easy for me, so much that I feel really bad saying it since the majority of my friends and sister had a bit of a hard time.
First off, I was extremely inexperienced and thought just as you that I would not be able to do it. I had my first when I was 23, knew barely anything about babies, and I am small chested (32B). 
Within minutes of my DD being born, the nurse put her on my chest and she latched instantly. 
Feeding only hurt on my left boob, I did get stretch marks on that side, but once I got the hang of it (about a week) it was easy and comfortable.
Your nipples are going to hurt like hell but nipple cream (I used lanolin) was an absolute life saver.
I never read any BFing books, just did  bit of research on the best diet to have if BFing.
I literally turned into a milk machine and still managed to lose a tremendous amount of weight (I gained about 50, and lost about 35 before even exercising).
A few things I have noticed that were different for me than others:
My milk didn't actually come in til day 4 and my DD lost almost a pound so the ped. had me wake her every 2-3 hours for feeding.
I didnt use a breast pump for about a month, the first month of DD's life I exclusively breastfed from the breast (no bottles), it was actually very easy this was since no bottles or pump to clean.
However, when I did eventually give DD a bottle, she took to it easily and there was absolutely no nipple confusion. (I used Dr. Browns small nipple and Avent large nipple bottles).

This could have def. been beginners luck but I wouldn't be afraid, there are plenty of lactation specialists, books and literature to read online.

fishwife799

Shirt answer would be no. It's not hard for everyone. We had a few positioning issues with my first and my second was a breeze because I already had those positions in my mind if they were necessary. I think the reason you read that though is because for some people it is extremely difficult so people talk about their struggles so that other women know it's not always easy. 

WinniethePoohsPants

Nope, not hard to everyone.
For me personally, I had a tough time in the beginning getting W to latch, then two days after I got home from the hospital I met with a lactation consultant and got everything smoothed out. Nursed for almost 2 years. If you are determined to nurse you baby, get help. Schedule a meeting with a lactation consultant soon after you give birth, or find a la leche league support group.

lyoash31

It is different for each nursing pair. I didn't have an easy time of it at the beginning, which was hard emotionally because I thought it would come naturally, but we ended up nursing until my son weaned the night before his third birthday. The only reason I was able to stick with it was because I found an amazing mom to mom bfing support group that meet weekly, and we started going to Le Leche League meetings. Having the opportunity to continue to ask questions when problems arose as we went along our nursing journey was invaluable, even if it was just checking with other moms if what I was experiencing was "normal." This group of women had been through and dealt with every issue possible. If I had trouble in the middle of the night out we were just struggling, I had a support network to reach out to because someone else was also awake nursing. These women are still some of my closest mommy friends and are there for me this time around too. So my best piece of advice for those who really hope to make breastfeeding work is to find your support group now. Start going to LLL meetings or find women friends/family that have successfully breastfed. And if it doesn't work out after trying your hardest or your breastfeeding journey doesn't turn out the way you pictured, be easy on yourself. Being a mom is hard. Love and feed your babies.

BlueJuice

Not always really difficult, no. I had a pretty easy time with my daughter in terms of regulating supply and getting a decent latch, and though there are parts of the whole 'new parent' experience that are going to be hard no matter what, because you're rearranging your lifestyle a lot and feeding (breast or bottle) factors into that, it's not this universally awful experience.

That said, even though it's a natural process, it's also a learned behavior - I think of it kind of like learning to walk. A 5-year-old walks effortlessly, just runs around without thinking about it, but a 10-month-old is still learning, is precarious, hangs onto things, and falls down numerous times before eventually getting the hang of it. With breastfeeding, both you and your newborn are unpracticed at it, so even if there are no specific complications, it's normal to need a few months before you feel like you hit your stride. And of course there are complications that can come up, so if you need extra help, reach out for it. No shame.

Boonhilde

It is hard. When I had my son I had read everything about birth but NOTHING about what to do after. I strongly recommend reading and taking classes on not just nursing but on sleeping as well.

Rosehip15

There's a learning curve.  For some baby-mother dyads, it's short & sweet & they nail it promptly (with my second), for some it takes some fits & starts and perhaps getting professional help (with my first), for some it's near impossible.

That being said, now that I'm a pediatric nurse I realize that feeding a baby can be problematic even with formula.  I see loads of kids who have (or had) failure to thrive, jaundice, reflux, intolerances/allergies, etc - with formula.  However, when there are feeding issues with a formula-fed babies, moms don't take it personally, or feel like a failure.  It's been very interesting to see.  They will, appropriately, get help from professionals and try different things until they nail it.  And of course, no one ever tells them to throw in the towel on formula (obviously at that point BFing is not a terribly practical option).

My point is, feeding a baby can be a piece of cake, a nightmare, or somewhere in between, whether it's breast or bottle.  If you do need help with BFing, you're not a failure and it's not personal.

chesterdoodle

I dont think its easy for anyone but what makes it hard for each mom is different. My DD had a great latch and my milk supply was great. However, it hurt like hell for the first few weeks so it was an emotional and mental battle to continue through those weeks. Also pumping at work was hard - its a lot of coordination, time and effort. My friends all had different issues and did what worked best for them. recommendations: research now, join online support, and get your husband involved. My husband was really there for me when i felt like giving up at 3 weeks. Because of that support i made it over 10 months which was the right amount of time for us. Expecting twins now and am going in with no expectations, im going to do what i can. 

hokiejenn

Thanks to all of you who took the time to respond. I think I'm definitely going to try and educate myself between now and June, and also line up some good help for once baby boy gets here. It is always nice to be reminded that other women were nervous too, and that whether it works out or not, baby will be healthy and loved!

SMLmom

@hokiejennI was fine after a few days.  I wouldn't say it was really "hard" but it REALLY hurt for 3-4 days.  Then my doctor prescribed me an awesome nipple ointment (a mix of things in a little blue jar- honestly don't even know what exactly was in it) and everything was fine after the nipples healed.  We kept at it for almost 2 years after and found it really nice for bonding, convenience etc.  

Disneygeek77

I breastfed my three kids and it was always a little hard at first trying to find the right position or to get them to latch or the cramping and pain, but after the first few weeks it got better. 

I know some will disagree with me, but I also supplemented with formula.  Not much, maybe one or two bottles a day but I think it really helped me.  For me, the mental part of the most difficult.  There were times I just needed a break from nursing and being touched, so my husband gave them a bottle.  Even if it was just once a day, I got to sit and watch TV or whatever, while he gave them a bottle and put them to bed.  I would then continue to nurse during the night when they woke up.  I honestly believe that supplementing is what helped me nurse for so long and enjoy the experience overall.  DD1 nursed for 21 months, DS nursed for ten and DD2 is 15 months and still going strong.  I hope I can keep nursing her until she is 2.  

TunieBee

I had absolutely no problem breastfeeding whatsoever. I am a super special snowflake in that regard. Even pumping and milk supply after going back to work was not an issue. We BF for an entire year and never had to supplement with formula even with me going out of town a couple times. Yes, I know I'm bragging. I also had a super shitty labor and delivery and a c-section. I always joke that you can't have both. I think you just have to wait and see how it goes. There is use in worrying about it beforehand. Even without any issues, there were times when I had anxieties about my milk supply dipping, baby refusing the boob, etc. There are great support websites and groups. Utilize them! 

ufsandra85

It hurt the first week but it was super easy for me and i had a great supply.  

newbabymakes4

I was lucky in that, despite a week long stay in the NICU where he was receiving formula bottles (and breastmilk bottles once I could pump), he had a pretty good latch.  Also, the NICU staff helped me a lot with working on his latch and how to keep him awake/interested during feedings.  However, possibly as a result of losing that first week with him when he should have been cluster feeding, I had a very low supply, and once I started going back to work and pumping, it just tanked.  I made it 6.5 months EBF but it was really tough emotionally for me, and I ended up deciding the stress wasn't worth it and switched to formula. 

noslen0519

Everyone has a different experience. For me, it took a few weeks to get into a groove and make sure she was gaining. I did have  hard time at first (and was very emotional) but it worked out. I found that when I embraced it as a lifestyle it helped. Give it at least 6 weeks to see if it's for you! Good luck! Don't let others discourage or sway you. It's your decision.