Sex after baby

karichards88

I am almost 7 weeks pp. During delivery, the ER dr delivered LO due to the on-call dr. not responding to the phone call (3am). That's a whole 'nother story on it's own. So this ER dr decided I needed to be cut (against my birth plan, 'nother story again). I was cut pretty much all the way. Well, my SO and I attempted to get intimate the other night and I was so uncomfortable, we had to stop before we got started. Any advice for this FTM? I miss my BF and want to feel comfortable being with him again. I was crying due to the discomfort and feeling of utter failure to him. My OB gave me the go ahead. He said he was surprised at my recovery from the ER dr's incision.

mrscammack

No real advice here but just wanted to let you know I empathize with you - I'm almost 10 weeks pp and got the go ahead at my 6 week post natal appointment and the few times we've started anything I end up feeling so uncomfortable before we even really get into it. I wasn't cut but I did have a 2nd degree tear so I'm hoping that it's just sensitive from healing and will be back to normal soon. As much as I miss being with DH we're both just trying to be patient and take our time, this phase will pass I'm sure. Good luck  

meg+on+the+DL

I too can empathize! I'm 8 wks PP and I have yet to start anything. I had a pretty great delivery. Just a 1st degree tear. But when my OB went to suture (he said I only needed 2 stitches) he knicked a vessel. 20 stitches later... I was cleared for sex and he warned that it would be painful. He said I had a sore spot still and that BF would cause my estrogen to go funky and dry out my vagina. I'm so scared that it's going to hurt so bad I'll cry. That will completely traumatize DH. And I love him too much to do that!!

=caenis=

I'm not sure I'll be cleared next week, as I had severe tearing, but if I am...lots of lube. Also, the actual sex will definitely kept to a minimum so as not to cause too much extra soreness. 

If it's really painful, he'll just have to give me more time. There are luckily other ways to enjoy each other. 

sarame500

I'm 8 wks PP...I had a 2nd degree tear and several stitches.  I was given the go ahead at 6 wks, so DH and I attempted.  It was successful but sort of painful.  We tried again last evening, and it hurt even worse  Blah...it will get better, though...it's just a matter of time and patience!

mwmiller4

We haven't tried yet, but my midwife said to have a glass or two of wine, plenty of lube and take it slow. She said if it hurt to the point of wanting to cry and I had done all of the above to call the office to get a referral for physical therapy. I didn't know that was a thing and I cannot stop wondering about what you do in that kind of physical therapy...

srecupido

Omg... I don't want to know how pt
could ever be used 

Achae

I'm 10 weeks pp and we have tried a couple of times but it's still very painful. It took months before it was okay after my daughter and I had less tearing, I blame all the hormones from ebf! It at least kept my period away for a year... 

ashton2190

If it makes you feel better, I read that the average couple doesn't successfully have sex until 11 weeks pp. that means plenty of people actually don't have it until after then. Don't stress yourself out about it because it'll just make it harder 

MississippiCatfish

mwmiller4 said:

We haven't tried yet, but my midwife said to have a glass or two of wine, plenty of lube and take it slow. 

This.  And get on top (or another position where you are more in control of what's happening down there).   Take a couple ibuprofen beforehand. And it might really help to give it a couple more weeks, even though I know that's tough.  With my first two kids, we had sex at 6 weeks postpartum, and it was pretty uncomfortable the first 2 or so times, and then I was really surprised by how quickly it improved.  This time, I'll be 7 weeks PP and am still bleeding, so we'll have to wait till 7 or 8 weeks. Not ideal, but not much I can do about it!

MississippiCatfish

Achae said:

I'm 10 weeks pp and we have tried a couple of times but it's still very painful. It took months before it was okay after my daughter and I had less tearing, I blame all the hormones from ebf! It at least kept my period away for a year... 

It stayed away for a full year for you!? You're one of the lucky ones! I agree, though, I definitely notice the BF hormone effects - some are even stronger than pregnancy for me. 

MississippiCatfish

I just saw this pop up on my FB feed and thought I'd share. I'd never heard of this, and hopefully it's just a matter of time for you and NOT this, but it's good to know that you're not alone and it's okay to bring up to your doctor!

https://oklahomacity.citymomsblog.com/my-baby-broke-my-vagina/

middy411

I used to have such a high sex drive that it was a hot topic of argument in our marriage. Now, 6 weeks PP, I can't imagine having that desire again or having sex anytime soon. And I had a c section!!! I'm going to blame hormones. I was cleared at my PP appointment yesterday... Since I'm usually the initiator I'm just going to lay low til DH brings it up 

karichards88

Thank you ladies! I'm happy to know I'm not the only one. SO is very understanding and patient. I hope I can find a way to get to our new normal life with LO and our new intimate life.

g0lightly8706

This thread has helped me so much too. I thought it was just me but knowing we're all in the same situation when it comes to pain makes me feel so much better. I'm 8 weeks pp and we've done it twice and both times it was painful and I cried afterwards.. I feel so bad for DH because he just doesn't get it and I know it means so much to them (cause you know men) but at least its not just me being a wuss! I'm totally telling him all this and hopefully he'll back off till I feel ready again

BabyHope2013

I'm 9 weeks PP and were yet to have sex. Between the lack of a sleep and my hormones I haven't really been interested much. There's other things you can do with your BF to ease back into things. We DS1 we planned a date night with some wine and then took our time. Hoping to do that again soon. It took several attempts before I felt it was enjoyable again. Just remember that it does get better otherwise women would only ever have one baby.  

Kimbarbour08

Bringing this thread back to life. Almost 13 weeks pp and just had sex. Not the first time pp, that was a few weeks ago and we did it one other time in between, making this #3. But it still hurt so bad! And I had a c-section! I am ebf so I'm sure it's that, but it's so weird! I've always had a high drive and these times the first time I haven't enjoyed it. I hope it changes, but since I plan to ebf at least the first six months, I'm skeptical. I'm spotting after too, even though we went slow and did plenty beforehand.  

VitaLuna

@Kimbarbour08 did you try some lube? The hormones can really dry things out. With my first, my sex drive didn't come back until about a year PP, around the same time my period returned. 

middy411

I haven't had many issues but I did have a c section. We tried right at 6 weeks and went slow/very limited. About two times later I was feeling much better and didn't need the lube anymore. It still feels different and less comfortable than before birth, but I'd say things are probably back to a new normal. However, my high sex drive is GONE. DH and I used to argue bc I wanted it all the time. Now I hardly think about it and he usually initiates. 

mrscammack

I'm glad you revitalized this thread! DH and I tried for the first time at 12 weeks pp, even though I got the all clear at 6 weeks. I couldn't even do it, it was way too painful right in the area where I tore and had stitches, I'm thinking scar tissue maybe? Luckily he's a very patient man and has been really understanding but no sex life has been really wearing on us both  

Kimbarbour08

@VitaLuna the first two times yes but this last time no. I was hoping since we had twice already and it's been almost three months we might not need it, but apparently I was wrong! Although even with it those first two times felt about the same as this time. Maybe because there has been a few weeks in between that didn't help the situation.

ldemeris

13 weeks pp here & still no sexy time. We tried at 9 weeks pp (with lube) but was still uncomfortable so stopped. Hubby is doing his best to remain patient & understanding but i know he's frustrated as well. 
I'm honestly not in any rush.. Once my head hits that pillow, I want to sleep! 

shupertj09

I had a c-section and am 11 weeks pp tomorrow. We've had sex three times and it hurts so bad (literally feels like it did when I lost my virginity). I googled it though and apparently it is common. I'm hoping my body will lossen up soon, because I miss connecting with DH in that way. 

kinnonam

I'm 11weeks pp c section also we tried at 4 weeks pp hurt like a B. Invested in some lube tried again it's like loosing your virginity all over again. We took it slow, lubed up and it gets better with time and effort.

satuttle1014

Tomorrow I will be 11 weeks pp. I had a 2nd degree tear and at 6 weeks I was cleared. Dh and I tried right at 6 weeks and it definitely hurt. The first time we kind of half had sex lol it just hurt so much but each time it hurts less and less. I still go slow usually I end up on top because I can control how fast or slow we go and what makes me comfortable. Definitely not the only one going through the pain of sex after delivery.

DrillSergeantCat

We got it on the night I was cleared. It was uncomfortable, but not painful. It's back to normal now.

Kimbarbour08

Gotta bump this thread back up. Anyone else still having issues with post-pregnancy sex? We just did it again a couple days ago, now 21 weeks pp and it still hurt, even with a ton of prep work, and after I had some blood. I swear my vagina is broken! And my baby didn't even come out of it! I know it can take a while, but seriously! We've done it probably only 4 or 5 times since baby came but it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I feel bad for the hubbs because I used to initiate all the time and now I rarely do. I've told him how it is still feeling so I hope he understands.

smn14

When I went for my 4 month gynaecology check after my third degree tear, the doctor said that most people look at her like she's mental when she asks if they've had sex! So apparently it's normal not to feel wonderful! 

=caenis=

I feel you. Sex and pooping are both not what they were. Turns out one of my stitches didn't dissolve properly, and it looks like that's causing pain for both things. At least it's a reason...

haylyr

We can't even try yet (20 weeks PP) because of my broken pelvis... sighhhh. Someone tell me that, even if it's awful the first few times, things get back to normal?! I personally can't wait to even attempt The Deed - the grass is always greener... ! 

A&Lmommy

With my first, it was a pretty difficult recovery. I had an epidural and had stitches but the doctor never told me the extent of those stitches. It took us months and I was only able to endure if we laid on one side, anything else rubbed in a raw spot and brought tears to my eyes. Stupid scar tissue!! I think it took like 9 months, probably longer, for us to be able to have sex as long as he wanted to. The mini pill also messed with my moods alot so it might have helped when i stopped taking that too. Once it became pleasurable and great again, I got pregnant, at 18 months pp.

This time around, I researched more and learned that if you go through labor and birth without pain meds, you most likely have a shorter recovery time. Selfishlessly, I was hoping for a faster transition to normal sex again, for mine and my husbands sake. And it worked! It was a scary labor and I had plenty of moments where I thought, oh s**t, why didn't I get drugs! but I had no stitches, much easier recovery and sex was great again as early as 7 weeks pp. My hubby and I decided that we're done having kids so he got an vasectomy. I think the fact that I'm not taking hormonal birth control may help too.

Miss Lilac

It takes a while to stretch out any scar tissue that formed. I'd say at 4 months it finally felt back to normal for me! That said, I also chose a med free birth and had very little tearing.

=caenis=

I had a med-free birth. Unfortunately not a tear-free birth, lol. 3rd degree, hence all the stitches. Baby boy has a big ol' head. I suppose in my case the pain during sex/pooping could indeed be coming from scar tissue. The stitch that hasn't dissolved properly is also keeping the skin from stretching comfortably.

smn14

I was having issues with scar tissue too (joys of 3rd degree tear!) and had to get extra scar tissue removed last week at my 4 month check up. Unpleasant, but i feel so much better generally! Might be worth talking to a doc 

Miss Lilac

=caenis= said:

I had a med-free birth. Unfortunately not a tear-free birth, lol. 3rd degree, hence all the stitches. Baby boy has a big ol' head. I suppose in my case the pain during sex/pooping could indeed be coming from scar tissue. The stitch that hasn't dissolved properly is also keeping the skin from stretching comfortably.

Big brains!

Was it a quick labor? I think I'd have been worse if it wasn't 16 hours and just over one hour of pushing. 

=caenis=

Miss Lilac said:

=caenis= said:

I had a med-free birth. Unfortunately not a tear-free birth, lol. 3rd degree, hence all the stitches. Baby boy has a big ol' head. I suppose in my case the pain during sex/pooping could indeed be coming from scar tissue. The stitch that hasn't dissolved properly is also keeping the skin from stretching comfortably.

Big brains!

Was it a quick labor? I think I'd have been worse if it wasn't 16 hours and just over one hour of pushing. 

Yes, big brains, hopefully!

I don't regret the med-free birth experience. Despite the tearing at the end, which I didn't really feel, it showed me how strong I can be and what a great partner I have. I look back on the whole thing with pride and love.

By med-free I guess I do mean no pain killers. I did have to be induced because the little man was 2 weeks overdue, so I had a pitocin drip. Got the first bit of pitocin at 10:00 AM. Baby was born by 7:15 PM. That's 9ish hours of labor, including about an hour of pushing.

The pushing was going verrrry slowly, but finally baby was starting to crown. The midwife said she'd warn when I should pant instead of push, and that the time for that would come soon, but "give another big push, as hard as you can." Much to everyone's surprise, baby boy popped right out, resulting in the damage. Oops.

I actually went to see the doctor about the pain 2 weeks ago. She discovered the not-yet-dissolved stitch! She thinks it will dissolve on its own in a few months, but if the pain persists, I'll probably have to get (minor) surgery done.

Miss Lilac

=caenis= said:

Miss Lilac said:

=caenis= said:

I had a med-free birth. Unfortunately not a tear-free birth, lol. 3rd degree, hence all the stitches. Baby boy has a big ol' head. I suppose in my case the pain during sex/pooping could indeed be coming from scar tissue. The stitch that hasn't dissolved properly is also keeping the skin from stretching comfortably.

Big brains!

Was it a quick labor? I think I'd have been worse if it wasn't 16 hours and just over one hour of pushing. 

Yes, big brains, hopefully!

I don't regret the med-free birth experience. Despite the tearing at the end, which I didn't really feel, it showed me how strong I can be and what a great partner I have. I look back on the whole thing with pride and love.

By med-free I guess I do mean no pain killers. I did have to be induced because the little man was 2 weeks overdue, so I had a pitocin drip. Got the first bit of pitocin at 10:00 AM. Baby was born by 7:15 PM. That's 9ish hours of labor, including about an hour of pushing.

The pushing was going verrrry slowly, but finally baby was starting to crown. The midwife said she'd warn when I should pant instead of push, and that the time for that would come soon, but "give another big push, as hard as you can." Much to everyone's surprise, baby boy popped right out, resulting in the damage. Oops.

I actually went to see the doctor about the pain 2 weeks ago. She discovered the not-yet-dissolved stitch! She thinks it will dissolve on its own in a few months, but if the pain persists, I'll probably have to get (minor) surgery done.

Big time. Totally agree. I felt so proud of myself afterwards. Almost giddy. Lol. Hope it starts feeling better for you mama!

smn14

Hope that stitch goes! Big head was the cause with mine too (and a ridiculously quick labour!) - we must have big brained babies :-)